I just watched this movie on cable. And, since I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing, I watched it again just to be sure. Here is my impression:
Plot: If you expect this movie to be at all gritty, dangerous, risqué, tawdry, or in any other way accurately reflect the L.A. music scene...well, you're watching the wrong movie. If you cherish your memory of the purity of 80s rock and would hate for that memory to be destroyed or tainted in any way, it would probably be best if you didn't ever see this movie.
That said, if you remember the 80s, but have since had kids or have otherwise toned down your lifestyle, and if you also secretly watch Glee and sing along to all the songs, you will probably enjoy this movie very much.
Bad: Julianne Hough and Inigo Montoya or whomever that was are the infinitely unmemorable leads in this totally predictable love story of two kids just trying to make it in L.A. Their looks, acting, chemistry, and singing are simultaneously perfectly tolerable and completely forgettable. They're supposed to be the stars, but their lack of impact makes them more like backup singers. Julianne's voice sounds about 2 RPM shy of Alvin and the Chipmunks, but is otherwise acceptable. His voice is fine, but also bland.
Catherine Zeta Jones seemed to be doing an SNL spoof of her own performance in Chicago. We know she can blow our hair back, so it was disappointing to see her mug it up so much in this part. Just in case she was required to do so by the director, I will blame him.
Inexplicable: Is Bryan Cranston contractually obligated to be in every movie that comes out this year? Because it certainly seems like it. He didn't even sing, he just appeared for a few minutes of screen time. See you in the next movie, Bryan Cranston! Alec Baldwin was meh. He didn't subtract from the movie, but he didn't add much, either.
Good: I admit I like Russell Brand. I think he has a good comedic touch, he can carry a tune, and he does both in this movie. Paul Giamatti reprises his role as Pig Vomit almost exactly. He provides the ideal dose of villain yet saves it from the abyss of being completely clichéd.
Great: Mary J. Blige had a relatively small part, but sang all of her songs with enough POW to remind the audience how real singers do it. As a result, every time she opened her mouth she inadvertently blew away the rest of the cast who'd obviously been killing themselves at voice lessons. I would now like to hear an album of "Mary J. Blige Sings 80s Power Ballads."
**spoiler**
Greatest: Let me preface this by saying that when I started reading all the sycophantic reviews about Tom Cruise's performance, I thought it was a PR conspiracy concocted by Scientology and the Hollywood machine to trick people into seeing the movie. I figured the actual performance would be cringe-inducing, laughable, pitiful. Nope. Tom Cruise went for it 125% and I daresay he just about nailed it, about 90% with the singing and the rest with his balls-out performance. It seems apparent that Tom Cruise no longer cares what we think about him, and it really works for him.
I don't know what remote self-storage unit he'd been storing his sex appeal in these last several years, but he definitely dug it out and had it professionally cleaned and tailored for this role. He's in fantastic shape and spends most of the movie half-naked. The result is very unsettlingly compelling, like you just realized your boyfriend's dad is really hot and now you just feel inappropriate every time you visit.
Also, his singing is quite decent. His rendition of "Dead or Alive" and "I want to know what love is" in the movie were legitimately listen-able.
Summary: All in all, I gave this movie 7 out of 10, but with the caveat that all 7 stars belong to Tom Cruise with an assist from Mary J. Blige. Without him, this movie has more cheese than Wisconsin and less balls than a Ken Doll. It's almost too bad that the movie's not better, because he probably won't get recognized for his performance.
Plot: If you expect this movie to be at all gritty, dangerous, risqué, tawdry, or in any other way accurately reflect the L.A. music scene...well, you're watching the wrong movie. If you cherish your memory of the purity of 80s rock and would hate for that memory to be destroyed or tainted in any way, it would probably be best if you didn't ever see this movie.
That said, if you remember the 80s, but have since had kids or have otherwise toned down your lifestyle, and if you also secretly watch Glee and sing along to all the songs, you will probably enjoy this movie very much.
Bad: Julianne Hough and Inigo Montoya or whomever that was are the infinitely unmemorable leads in this totally predictable love story of two kids just trying to make it in L.A. Their looks, acting, chemistry, and singing are simultaneously perfectly tolerable and completely forgettable. They're supposed to be the stars, but their lack of impact makes them more like backup singers. Julianne's voice sounds about 2 RPM shy of Alvin and the Chipmunks, but is otherwise acceptable. His voice is fine, but also bland.
Catherine Zeta Jones seemed to be doing an SNL spoof of her own performance in Chicago. We know she can blow our hair back, so it was disappointing to see her mug it up so much in this part. Just in case she was required to do so by the director, I will blame him.
Inexplicable: Is Bryan Cranston contractually obligated to be in every movie that comes out this year? Because it certainly seems like it. He didn't even sing, he just appeared for a few minutes of screen time. See you in the next movie, Bryan Cranston! Alec Baldwin was meh. He didn't subtract from the movie, but he didn't add much, either.
Good: I admit I like Russell Brand. I think he has a good comedic touch, he can carry a tune, and he does both in this movie. Paul Giamatti reprises his role as Pig Vomit almost exactly. He provides the ideal dose of villain yet saves it from the abyss of being completely clichéd.
Great: Mary J. Blige had a relatively small part, but sang all of her songs with enough POW to remind the audience how real singers do it. As a result, every time she opened her mouth she inadvertently blew away the rest of the cast who'd obviously been killing themselves at voice lessons. I would now like to hear an album of "Mary J. Blige Sings 80s Power Ballads."
**spoiler**
Greatest: Let me preface this by saying that when I started reading all the sycophantic reviews about Tom Cruise's performance, I thought it was a PR conspiracy concocted by Scientology and the Hollywood machine to trick people into seeing the movie. I figured the actual performance would be cringe-inducing, laughable, pitiful. Nope. Tom Cruise went for it 125% and I daresay he just about nailed it, about 90% with the singing and the rest with his balls-out performance. It seems apparent that Tom Cruise no longer cares what we think about him, and it really works for him.
I don't know what remote self-storage unit he'd been storing his sex appeal in these last several years, but he definitely dug it out and had it professionally cleaned and tailored for this role. He's in fantastic shape and spends most of the movie half-naked. The result is very unsettlingly compelling, like you just realized your boyfriend's dad is really hot and now you just feel inappropriate every time you visit.
Also, his singing is quite decent. His rendition of "Dead or Alive" and "I want to know what love is" in the movie were legitimately listen-able.
Summary: All in all, I gave this movie 7 out of 10, but with the caveat that all 7 stars belong to Tom Cruise with an assist from Mary J. Blige. Without him, this movie has more cheese than Wisconsin and less balls than a Ken Doll. It's almost too bad that the movie's not better, because he probably won't get recognized for his performance.