This is the first time I have ever written a review on IMDb. The utter shambles that was Dard Divorce compelled me to do it. OK, firstly, the main 'actress' was perhaps the worst i've ever seen - can barely speak English, every word delivered in monotone and with absolutely no breadth of expression. They'd have done a better job with a sex-doll. In fact, pretty much every 'actor' and 'actress' were beyond bad, as though they'd all been drugged, or just picked up off the street. I can't really remember a single piece of dialogue that didn't sound stilted or contrived. As for the storyline, there really wasn't much of one - some drunk/lawyer girl (supposedly the director's wife) is going through a messy divorce. Her husband takes the kids away for a weekend, then stumbles in later and supposedly dies in front of her - cue numerous unnecessary gangster/bad guy characters who were completely unbelievable and torture scenes (which really weren't even that shocking)that were poorly filmed and dragged on way too long. I like gore but this was just bad, like something me and my friends might make. Even the unnecessarily long scene with the naked guy chopping up a body in the bath just didn't sit right. I'll not bother explaining what Dard means as it's just a complete non- event - it might as well have been called cabbage divorce or chair divorce for all it mattered. Worst of all was the sound. Not only were the songs the cheesiest shite I've ever heard, but the sound editor must've been on PCP. I've honestly never witnessed such bad sound mixing, particularly in the last scene, where the husband is explaining the plot for the whole film, and all we can see are his lips move whilst listening to some shoddy low-grade European electronica. The one redeeming feature of this movie was that the shots of the golden gate bridge made me think of Tommy Wiseau's The Room. In short - this was atrocious, avoid at all costs. It'll be 87 minutes of your life you'll never get back.
Review of Dard Divorce
