Review of Splice

Splice (2009)
1/10
I cannot believe I sat through the whole thing without walking out.
29 June 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I saw this movie just tonight at the "Second Run" Cheap theater for $1.75. I was ROBBED. This is by far the worst movie I'v seen in years. At some point, I'm sure I've seen another movie this bad, but I can't think of any at the moment.

OK, so let's get to the reasons this movie completely sucked.

Obviously, this is supposed to be a Sci-Fi thriller, and Character development isn't usually paramount, but The director gives us no reason whatsoever to care about the two main human characters. They're not really good people, they're not really bad, they're just there conducting the most ridiculous experiments which end up giving us the "Creature".

OK, so the two main characters don't give us anything to care about. No big deal, this is a Thriller right? So we can expect some good old fashioned, edge of your seat, scares right? Wrong. There's nothing remotely scary about this film, aside from the fact that the studio greenlighted it.

OK, so, We don't care about the characters... It's not scary.. Maybe it'll have some higher purpose, with great social commentary, and a message of ethics that makes us think. NOPE.

The whole premise of the movie is beyond stupid, but by the time Brodie has sex with the Creature, it's completely impossible to take this movie seriously.

I usually have no problem suspending disbelief at the movies... But c'mon, Throw us a bone here, you want me to believe that two young, successful, highly educated scientists working in a medical/genetics laboratory, splice one of their own DNA samples with that of.... some other DNA coctail to create a humanoid creature in the broom closet in the basement, of the Med Lab because... Why? who knows. Who Cares.

It grows up into a female freakshow, that not even the lonliest guy I know would have sex with, but Brodie decides to do it anyway. Then the Creature changes it's gender, and Rapes the female doctor, knocking her up, and Killing Brodie in the process.

Female doctor is pregnant with Freakshow's child, and the movie ends with GREAT possibilities for a FANTASTIC sequel. Somebody slap the Director.

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that in this day, and age a movie this bad didn't go straight to DVD.

I wasted 2 hours of my life, and $1.75 on this steaming heap of crap. Learn from my mistake, and don't let it happen to you. Stay home, and watch Seinfeld Reruns, Change the oil in your car, Paint the Garage... anything... just don't waste your time on this movie.
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