While I thoroughly enjoyed Smokin' Aces No. 1, this movie gave me brain cramps. I don't even no where to begin, since all parts of it were equally wrong.
I'm no quitter, I watched the movie in it's entirety, the whole uninspired story, the sickeningly corny dialogs, the cheapest-possible special effects, the mind-boggling "twist" ending and everything. I could literally feel my brain strangling itself with the spinal cord so the pain would end. I just now signed up at IMDb to warn you, for that taking one for the team wasn't completely in vain.
Let's review it in a more structured fashion:
First: The Plot. It has nothing to do with the events from Smoking Aces 1 and it's only very loosely related. We have several insane assassins competing for the kill, several FBI agents and a mark. There, the similarities end and the convolutions begin.
More than the entire first half of the movie is introduction of the assassins. And you get to sit through very long scenes of unreflected, extreme gore. In a flashback scene, one of the killers is driving several ice picks into the brains of a restrained but conscious man describing the process in every intricate detail. While the camera watches it without blinking. I enjoyed Rambo 4, but this made my stomach turn. It's unneeded and doesn't manage to transport any emotion, not even shock or hatred towards the killer. The rest of the idiocy is stereotypical White Trash Nazis that fornicate their siblings and The Black Widow, a Femme so incredibly Fatale, they had her kill a child molesting, Black Widow-seducing priest right before the altar. Then the FBI assembles to escort the mark to a not-so undisclosed, not-so safe location, but need to hand in their FBI badges and their brains first. Any climactic moment is either ignored (see: Brain Ice Picks) or ruined by one-liners coined by the directors three-year old nephew (see: Black Widow poison-kissing the priest)
Second half of the movie is watching brain-deprived FBI agents trying to secure the bunker below. They could've appointed Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons and he'd made less screamingly dumb things. FBI Special Agents AND professional assassins are shooters worse than Imperial Stormtroopers. They're shooting live midget clowns strapped with bombs into the bar above the bunker. Explosion CGI are worse than the special effects on Windows Minesweeper. Dumb FBI agents again, then corny one-liner, then another endless firefight among Imperial Stromtropper marksmen and then the forcefully contorted ending that will leave you feeling mentally molested for at least several hours.
The last seconds are the best of it: the main villain is simply shot like a dog. Two bullets put him and his shame of a movie down. No one-liner, no looking back.
By adding Jar Jar Binks and Wesley Crusher, this movie would have GAINED character likability.
Remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen. Friends don't let friends watch this.
I'm no quitter, I watched the movie in it's entirety, the whole uninspired story, the sickeningly corny dialogs, the cheapest-possible special effects, the mind-boggling "twist" ending and everything. I could literally feel my brain strangling itself with the spinal cord so the pain would end. I just now signed up at IMDb to warn you, for that taking one for the team wasn't completely in vain.
Let's review it in a more structured fashion:
First: The Plot. It has nothing to do with the events from Smoking Aces 1 and it's only very loosely related. We have several insane assassins competing for the kill, several FBI agents and a mark. There, the similarities end and the convolutions begin.
More than the entire first half of the movie is introduction of the assassins. And you get to sit through very long scenes of unreflected, extreme gore. In a flashback scene, one of the killers is driving several ice picks into the brains of a restrained but conscious man describing the process in every intricate detail. While the camera watches it without blinking. I enjoyed Rambo 4, but this made my stomach turn. It's unneeded and doesn't manage to transport any emotion, not even shock or hatred towards the killer. The rest of the idiocy is stereotypical White Trash Nazis that fornicate their siblings and The Black Widow, a Femme so incredibly Fatale, they had her kill a child molesting, Black Widow-seducing priest right before the altar. Then the FBI assembles to escort the mark to a not-so undisclosed, not-so safe location, but need to hand in their FBI badges and their brains first. Any climactic moment is either ignored (see: Brain Ice Picks) or ruined by one-liners coined by the directors three-year old nephew (see: Black Widow poison-kissing the priest)
Second half of the movie is watching brain-deprived FBI agents trying to secure the bunker below. They could've appointed Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons and he'd made less screamingly dumb things. FBI Special Agents AND professional assassins are shooters worse than Imperial Stormtroopers. They're shooting live midget clowns strapped with bombs into the bar above the bunker. Explosion CGI are worse than the special effects on Windows Minesweeper. Dumb FBI agents again, then corny one-liner, then another endless firefight among Imperial Stromtropper marksmen and then the forcefully contorted ending that will leave you feeling mentally molested for at least several hours.
The last seconds are the best of it: the main villain is simply shot like a dog. Two bullets put him and his shame of a movie down. No one-liner, no looking back.
By adding Jar Jar Binks and Wesley Crusher, this movie would have GAINED character likability.
Remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen. Friends don't let friends watch this.