5/10
Let's just pretend this didn't happen...
15 July 2009
This was one of the biggest disappointments for me in a long time.

If you've ever heard the name Dario Argento - it's probably because in 1977 he crafted one of the most stylish and genuinely creepy horror movies of all time, called "Suspiria". It's one of my personal favorite movies of all time, from one of my favorite directors. If you can appreciate horror, or even if you can't but you're an open minded person, I suggest you give SUSPIRIA an hour and a half of your life because it's unlike any other horror experience you will ever have.

SUSPIRIA was intended to be the first movie in a series of three, known as the "Three Mothers Trilogy". After Argento's crowning achievement, he did the 2nd in the series in 1980 which was called "Inferno". Although Inferno was just as stylish and just as mysterious, it was not quite as effective or fulfilling as Suspiria in the end. Yet, it is still a bizarre cult classic. The soundtrack from Keith Emerson is probably even better than the movie itself.

Anyways...Argento decided to hold off from finishing off the trilogy, and ended up holding off for 30 YEARS..., so finally in 2007 he decided it was time to create the finale, The Mother of Tears.

What can I say? There are maybe one or two gratuitous murders that are worthy of the Argento name, specifically the very first in the movie which comes out of nowhere and may have you clenching your mouth to make sure your teeth are still there. It is always lovely to see Argento bringing back actors and actresses from classic Italian horror films - in this case it's Coralina Cataldi from his awesome 1987 film, Opera, and the roller-coaster ride that is DEMONS 2.

Aside from a few memorable deaths, this movie really has almost NOTHING to offer. It is nice to see someone making movies about black magic, demons, and sorcery since no one else really does that anymore. The concepts are wonderful but unfortunately NOTHING is pulled off effectively here.

For one, the CGI totally abolishes the legitimacy of the movie. It's some of the cheesiest CGI i've had to bare with in some time. I figured Argento would be smarter than this - but then again, he is getting really, really old...

Asia Argento (the director's daughter and lead actress) can act but she isn't given much to work with here. The script, as usual with Argento's films, is the weakest part. The dialogue is far too basic to keep your emotions invested in the characters. No one else stands out as a particularly great performer either.

The saddest thing of all is that the movie completely lacks atmosphere. The setting and atmosphere was always the absolute BEST part of the director's classic films. And the fact that one of my favorite bands of all time, Goblin, provided the majority of soundtracks heavily added to that. But they've been out of the picture since his 2001 movie, Sleepless. The sets were completely plain and in no way stand out. I appreciated the shots of the creepy old mansion like building towards the very end, but even that building looked fake and CGI-induced...and it was clear that it was not actually filmed there - which took a lot away from the entire finale.

The finale was probably the most depressing part. It felt extremely rushed, and aside from that, the "lead villain" who is supposed to be "the most evil of the three mothers" was SO half assed. A good looking chick with nice tits and some black make up around her eyes?????? c'mon!!!!!!! what IS this?!?!?! I wanted to laugh at it but was way too saddened by the film overall to have a good time with it. And then all of a sudden, it's over...

I was so let down!

I guess I'll have to depend on Asia Argento to make good movies instead from now on. Her last one, The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, was a masterpiece of it's own kind!!! See it!
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