I have honestly not read all that much about S.H.I.E.L.D.(though I wouldn't mind doing so), but I would wager that those in charge of this haven't, either. They certainly don't manage to raise the characters presented in this above base stereotypes by endowing them with a shred of actual personality, make this anything more than a forgettable, unintentionally campy and cheesy B-grade action-flick or treat the medium of comic books with greater respect than Schumacher did, or that Batman got on TV in the 60's. So, Nick comes out of retirement to combat bad deeds, in the form of hideously overdone German accents(so thick that one has to be in awe of the... sigh... actors' ability to actually deliver lines without choking), as spoken in by the villains, with pure evil particularly being incarnated in Andrea, who has a serious fixation on her pinkie, and Werner's eyes that were cast primarily because they come off as being up to no good. All four of them ham it up enough to cause the entire vegetarian population worldwide to stand up and protest. How will the continually grumbling Hasselhoff ever defeat such wrong-doers? Don't worry. He's got Lisa Rinna, Rex Buckland and I Can't Believe It's Not James Earl Jones backing him up. You don't need depth perception to realize the sheer enormous amount of clichés in this(they may very well succeed in fitting every single one of them in). The plot is standard. Casting varies, David wasn't the worst possible choice. Fights and the like are relatively dull. This is mostly predictable. The effects are unimpressive. You get to see the Albatross... in fact, they were so proud of the one or two passes they did on it, they kept showing us that whenever an image of said vessel might help. Don't forget, in a movie put together by blind people, the one-eyed man will be spared at least some of the horror. Fox... why? There is relatively moderate and infrequent language, and violence and sexuality are similarly mild. I recommend this to those who must watch every single one of these, as well as anyone who wishes to MST3K it. 1/10
