shanesteel27 Review of Turistas

Turistas (2006)

Poorista! 0 out of 10 would be better but thats not an option!

[1/10 · 3 December 2006]

After getting to the movie theatre my girlfriend and I checked the times and were left with a decision. See Saw 3 or see Turista. After speaking to the dude working on the ticket booth we weren't any the wiser if Turista was going to be a good movie or not. We still unfortunately picked it over Saw 3 though. Having seen Saw 1 and 2, which were OK movies and my logic, that Saw 3 would be out on DVD soon we thought we would go with something different. Big mistake! Don't waste your money on this movie if you are looking for a movie with scare factor. Never in my life have I been so bored! It goes like this. A group of tourists (6 to be precise) get stranded in middle of nowhere after their bus crashes. After getting drunk, drugged and robbed and still stranded with nowhere to go they are tricked into going off to a house they believe they will be safe to stay at that conveniently has no roads leading to it in the middle of the Jungle where it is obvious they are to be operated on by an evil doctor and their organs sold to the black market after the references made to tourists going missing and organs being sold in the beginning plus we see the doctor working in the hospital and you can see him in the reflection of the girls pupil in the preview that they conveniently played just before we watched the movie. The build up to the finale was painfully boring and long, pretty much like reading my review except you don't have to pay for this and it wont take you 90 minutes to read it yet feel like 4 hours. It should have been a small section of the film but it was in fact the majority of the film with what felt like 10minutes of rushed (supposed) survival horror at the end. The truth was though that there was no suspense or fear in any of the movie. My girlfriend and I stayed in the hope something would happen when the doctor (villain of the piece) arrived at the house but again we were very disappointed. I.e. As the doctor operates (the only scene in which he does anything like this) on one of the American girls (Amy) removing all her organs, it isn't scary. It's just gross. She is drugged and you don't get the feeling that she is in any pain. It to me was just a lame scene. On the preview and at the start of the movie the way in which it showed these scenes was scarier then the actual way they were shot in the movie itself. The preview is very misleading!! It has a girl talking as if she is begging for her life before being operated on. This does not happen! In fact I think they took scenes of dialect etc and mashed them together to make the preview. Don't let the preview fool you. This movie is terrible! It felt like we were in there for about 4 hours to get to this finale of events, which were poorly scripted and unbelievable. It isn't a movie in which you are waiting to see who is going to get operated on next or is going to disappear. It's a hash of a film. The next part im going to describe was badly scripted and unbelievable in my opinion. Liam wants to go back for his buddy Finn but Alex says no it's too dangerous. To me this wasn't believable. Alex's sister's friend is in there and as far as he knows she is still alive. They have travelled all that way to Brazil together. What man would leave a girl he knows there and run off into a jungle in the pitch black in which you wouldn't know where the hell you were going anyways. Its just the same old unbelievable rubbish but it doesn't have you feeling jumpy or fearful like even some of the poorer flicks do it. I just sat there thinking when will this rubbish end! They do go back but again they get into the situation where they chose to run instead of stand their ground again. Who would run into a jungle when you know you wouldn't have anywhere to run to and the people chasing you would know the land a hell of a lot better. You have a man with a spike screaming in pain above you so instead of take the handgun you have and putting two in his chest you run away and wait for him to recover take his rifle and shoot one of you in the head! A real story line (as people keep saying this movie felt more realistic the others which I think is quite a joke comment) would have meant they stayed and fought the doctor and his couple of dumb goons and used the helicopters radio to call for help. For me this movie was just another sh*** movie that didn't make any sense, wasn't scary, had flawed story, was way to long in the build up and had a shite ending The water cave scenes went on for to long, was to dark and there was only one man chasing three of them under water, yet they still ran! The very end was even dumber. They all behaved as if nothing had happened boarding the plane. It almost felt as if it was a happy ending. But to me it just felt like unrealistic behaviour. You wouldn't have thought Alex and Beau had lost their friend Amy as they got on the plane. I can't believe that anyone has given this movie a high rating! All I can say is you must be very easily scared if you found this movie even remotely scary! To any normal people out there give this movie a wide berth! It sucks.