After reading many a statement online that From Justin To Kelly even surpasses the demonpsawn show that spawned it for being devoid of talent, I just had to see the horror for myself. Sadly, obtaining the DVD outside of America is quite a feat in itself. In point of fact, the film has never seen so much as the light of day outside of the States, which is a very bad sign in itself. Released at a time when the American Idol program had just gotten started with saturating us in its contestants' sameness, From Justin To Kelly is elegant proof that the smaller the budget, the bigger the fallout when your film fails to make it back. Produced on a mere twelve million dollars, FJTK presented us with an endless array of stupid dance sequences, stupid songs, and an incredibly stupid plot to string it all together. I guess they wanted to prove that William Hung was not the worst possible thing that could come out of the herd conformist display that is Idol. In order to spare you some agony, I will now try to recount the plot.
FJTK begins with Kelly performing a number in a Texan bar, to the delight of what appears to be the only audience member. When finished, she is approached by friends to go on a trip with them to Florida for Spring break. Characterisation is not exactly a strong suit for this film. Kelly's accomplices consist of Bland Black Girl and Anorexic White Girl Who Feels Compelled To Steal Any Guy Whom Kelly Develops An Interest In. With friends like those, who needs a personality? Anyway, things take a turn for the worst when Justin, accompanied by slightly less bland but even more daft friends, arrive at the same beach. The first of many mass song and dance numbers ensues, and thus we get the first of many strange face-pulling contests. At one point in this beach musical number, Kelly looks as if she is going to distend her jaw and devour Justin whole. Professional actors these ain't. Of course, even an eighty-minute film cannot keep going without some semblance of a plot, and what a doozy FJTK offers.
Much of the plot in FJTK concerns itself with the fact that Justin wants Kelly, Kelly wants Justin, and Kelly's anorexic friend wants to keep them apart for some reason. Well-scripted this ain't. Coming off as an extended episode of one of those family sitcoms that enjoyed a brief revival in the 1990s, FJTK barely has enough plot to sustain twenty-three minutes. So a lot of padding with musical numbers takes place. The thing with musical numbers in film is that there needs to be a logical progression from the dialogue into the music. When characters burst into song at the drop of a hat, it is jarring, and generally lessens the impact. And that is probably the biggest of the problems FJTK faces. Not only are the musical numbers insipid and bland, they also have no logical flow from the rest of the film. The plot literally comes to a standstill whilst the characters sing, dance, and pull the kind of faces people usually make in order to deliberately ruin shots. The words "cash in" spring to mind.
Fortunately, FJTK did accomplish one task. It sorted out the genuine talent from the hangers-on where American Idiot was concerned. With the film all but buried, Kelly Clarkson put it all behind her and concentrated on a recording career. Not that I would go out of my way to listen to her recordings, but she at least seems to be branching out and exploring a wider variety of material. Justin Guarini, on the other hand, seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth, which is probably just as well after the demon yawn face he pulls during one classic(ally bad) number during FJTK. About the only other individual to survive association with the project was Anika Noni Rose, and I think that was mainly because she hung around in the background, not really standing out in any fashion. Brian Dietzen, however, takes out the prize for the most insipid, irritating character of the piece. Every time this man opens his mouth, I feel like I want to punch him. Although that might inspire another pathetic song and dance number.
So FJTK occupies a place of pride in my DVD collection. I drag it out whenever someone tries to tell me they know what a bad film is. I have even sat through the extended version, and listened to the audio commentary. It is just too bad that we no longer have MST3K, as a riffing of FJTK would probably be worth front-row seating. Most people would not dare admit having seen this film to another human being, but I am different. I am proud of the fact that I have seen the lowest that Hollywood can possibly sink, and believe me, FJTK is exactly that. Other films might come out that are worse, or more entertaining in a bad way, but FJTK is literally the lowest point. It was conceived for no other purpose than to wring more money out of a lowest-common-denominator-rules "talent" quest, and its makers did not even deem it worthy of an effort commensurate with such an atrocious goal. If nothing else, it serves as a great lesson in the duality of art: for every renaissance, there is a time of stagnation.
Needless to say, I gave From Justin To Kelly a one out of ten. Easily the most insipid film you will see in your lifetime, it is even a disgrace to bad cinema.
FJTK begins with Kelly performing a number in a Texan bar, to the delight of what appears to be the only audience member. When finished, she is approached by friends to go on a trip with them to Florida for Spring break. Characterisation is not exactly a strong suit for this film. Kelly's accomplices consist of Bland Black Girl and Anorexic White Girl Who Feels Compelled To Steal Any Guy Whom Kelly Develops An Interest In. With friends like those, who needs a personality? Anyway, things take a turn for the worst when Justin, accompanied by slightly less bland but even more daft friends, arrive at the same beach. The first of many mass song and dance numbers ensues, and thus we get the first of many strange face-pulling contests. At one point in this beach musical number, Kelly looks as if she is going to distend her jaw and devour Justin whole. Professional actors these ain't. Of course, even an eighty-minute film cannot keep going without some semblance of a plot, and what a doozy FJTK offers.
Much of the plot in FJTK concerns itself with the fact that Justin wants Kelly, Kelly wants Justin, and Kelly's anorexic friend wants to keep them apart for some reason. Well-scripted this ain't. Coming off as an extended episode of one of those family sitcoms that enjoyed a brief revival in the 1990s, FJTK barely has enough plot to sustain twenty-three minutes. So a lot of padding with musical numbers takes place. The thing with musical numbers in film is that there needs to be a logical progression from the dialogue into the music. When characters burst into song at the drop of a hat, it is jarring, and generally lessens the impact. And that is probably the biggest of the problems FJTK faces. Not only are the musical numbers insipid and bland, they also have no logical flow from the rest of the film. The plot literally comes to a standstill whilst the characters sing, dance, and pull the kind of faces people usually make in order to deliberately ruin shots. The words "cash in" spring to mind.
Fortunately, FJTK did accomplish one task. It sorted out the genuine talent from the hangers-on where American Idiot was concerned. With the film all but buried, Kelly Clarkson put it all behind her and concentrated on a recording career. Not that I would go out of my way to listen to her recordings, but she at least seems to be branching out and exploring a wider variety of material. Justin Guarini, on the other hand, seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth, which is probably just as well after the demon yawn face he pulls during one classic(ally bad) number during FJTK. About the only other individual to survive association with the project was Anika Noni Rose, and I think that was mainly because she hung around in the background, not really standing out in any fashion. Brian Dietzen, however, takes out the prize for the most insipid, irritating character of the piece. Every time this man opens his mouth, I feel like I want to punch him. Although that might inspire another pathetic song and dance number.
So FJTK occupies a place of pride in my DVD collection. I drag it out whenever someone tries to tell me they know what a bad film is. I have even sat through the extended version, and listened to the audio commentary. It is just too bad that we no longer have MST3K, as a riffing of FJTK would probably be worth front-row seating. Most people would not dare admit having seen this film to another human being, but I am different. I am proud of the fact that I have seen the lowest that Hollywood can possibly sink, and believe me, FJTK is exactly that. Other films might come out that are worse, or more entertaining in a bad way, but FJTK is literally the lowest point. It was conceived for no other purpose than to wring more money out of a lowest-common-denominator-rules "talent" quest, and its makers did not even deem it worthy of an effort commensurate with such an atrocious goal. If nothing else, it serves as a great lesson in the duality of art: for every renaissance, there is a time of stagnation.
Needless to say, I gave From Justin To Kelly a one out of ten. Easily the most insipid film you will see in your lifetime, it is even a disgrace to bad cinema.