This sadly forgotten made-for-TV bomb takes embarrassingly bad to a whole new level... a hilarious one! From the wretched "comic" dialogue to the horrible porn-grade "plot" to the indescribably campy / wooden acting to the overlong 80s musical montage about credit card shopping sprees... it's a complete disaster from start to finish. I can't believe anyone would read this script and then decide to green-light such a project, but I'm sure glad they did!
As most of us know, Vanna White is famous for basically flipping over letters on the very popular game show "Wheel of Fortune." I guess somewhere along the line her agent figured her talents went beyond smiling and walking back and forth on a stage like a zombie. They were wrong! As Venus, the Goddess of Love, her "acting" is... whew... I can't even come up with the proper word to describe it. Abominable? Abysmal? Atrocious? Whatever the word is, it's just BAD. Very, very bad. Whenever she has a line it comes out about the opposite of how it should and is pretty much a constant running gag in the film.
On Mount Olympus (which looks suspiciously like the patio of some California country club), Venus refuses to marry slovenly blacksmith Hephaestus (Sid Haig) so her father (John Rhys-Davies) and mother (Betsy Palmer) order her to be turned into a stone statue until she understands the meaning of true love or some such nonsense. In modern day LA, hairdresser Ted (David Naughton), who's engaged to an annoying psychiatrist named Cathy (Amanda Bearse), decides for some stupid reason to slip an engagement ring on the finger of the statue of Venus. Wholla! Venus is returned to human form, refuses to give the ring back and demands Ted drop his current love and go back to Mount Olympus with her! It plays out like a mix between "Splash" (women from another time/place must learn to relate to the modern world) and "Fatal Attaction" (woman pesters/won't leave a disinterested guy the hell alone!). Throughout the movie, Venus basically just behaves like a bratty, clueless child and uses her special powers (shooting lightning bolts out of her fingertips!!) to bully people into getting her way.
This movie is full of hilariously bad one-liners:
If the terrible acting and dialogue isn't enough to entertain you, we also get a slew of supporting characters to complicate matters; a pair of bumbling idiot crooks, Ted's horn-dog best bud (David Leisure), a detective investigating the Venus statue theft (Philip Baker Hall) and an effete, screeching hairdresser played by Little Richard! During the climax, when Venus finally understands what real love is about, she is given some of the most awkward dialogue I've ever heard ("At least love has touched me once, before the Gods send me to the eternal doom of of my stony exile.")
If you are a fan of very bad movies you can't afford to miss this one!
As most of us know, Vanna White is famous for basically flipping over letters on the very popular game show "Wheel of Fortune." I guess somewhere along the line her agent figured her talents went beyond smiling and walking back and forth on a stage like a zombie. They were wrong! As Venus, the Goddess of Love, her "acting" is... whew... I can't even come up with the proper word to describe it. Abominable? Abysmal? Atrocious? Whatever the word is, it's just BAD. Very, very bad. Whenever she has a line it comes out about the opposite of how it should and is pretty much a constant running gag in the film.
On Mount Olympus (which looks suspiciously like the patio of some California country club), Venus refuses to marry slovenly blacksmith Hephaestus (Sid Haig) so her father (John Rhys-Davies) and mother (Betsy Palmer) order her to be turned into a stone statue until she understands the meaning of true love or some such nonsense. In modern day LA, hairdresser Ted (David Naughton), who's engaged to an annoying psychiatrist named Cathy (Amanda Bearse), decides for some stupid reason to slip an engagement ring on the finger of the statue of Venus. Wholla! Venus is returned to human form, refuses to give the ring back and demands Ted drop his current love and go back to Mount Olympus with her! It plays out like a mix between "Splash" (women from another time/place must learn to relate to the modern world) and "Fatal Attaction" (woman pesters/won't leave a disinterested guy the hell alone!). Throughout the movie, Venus basically just behaves like a bratty, clueless child and uses her special powers (shooting lightning bolts out of her fingertips!!) to bully people into getting her way.
This movie is full of hilariously bad one-liners:
- "You do love another... Then I must crush her!"
- "That woman was caressing you... She wants you to look under her hood!"
- "Sister, my toga!"
- "I am not here for your cold gross chicken, I am here for your love."
- "I was splishin' and splashin' in the hot tub when I heard the voices of two strange mortals in the house!"
- "I shall invoke a speedy and terrible destruction!"
If the terrible acting and dialogue isn't enough to entertain you, we also get a slew of supporting characters to complicate matters; a pair of bumbling idiot crooks, Ted's horn-dog best bud (David Leisure), a detective investigating the Venus statue theft (Philip Baker Hall) and an effete, screeching hairdresser played by Little Richard! During the climax, when Venus finally understands what real love is about, she is given some of the most awkward dialogue I've ever heard ("At least love has touched me once, before the Gods send me to the eternal doom of of my stony exile.")
If you are a fan of very bad movies you can't afford to miss this one!