6/10
Walk like a woman and he wears a bra!
29 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Fnaar, fnaar.

Oh, come on - someone was bound to use it as their title soon or later

Actually Ted Neeley, who plays Jesus in this film version of the Rice-Lloyd-Webber stage play, walks more like a slightly grumpy docker from Liverpool, but other than that he certainly looks the part. Someone here has complained that he looks a little too lightweight to play Jesus, which seems a strange thing to say. Throughout history, Jesus has never been portrayed as a heavyweight, and I honestly can't imagine a truer image than that of Neeley in his simple white robe and flowing locks. I have to admit, though, that I never quite imagined Jesus' singing voice careening off into tortured falsetto quite so often.

This is a film that was very much of its time. Flared trousers, hippy chicks, tank tops, etc., they're all here. There's nothing wrong with that - in fact, the film probably looks less dated now than it would have done ten years ago, if it weren't for that horrible overacting so typical of filmed stage musicals of that era. No doubt it was all extremely radical back in the early 70s, but today you're just left with a vague sense of embarrassment about what your parents used to rave over. The songs are better than the dance numbers - too often Jesus' disciples look like a mixed-sex version of Flick Colby's Pan's People - and that's where the makers have really been quite clever. We're not actually seeing an anachronistic depiction of Christ's last days - we're watching a bunch of contemporaneous kids staging a show in Jerusalem, complete with tanks and aeroplanes and armalite rifles. This aspect of the film works quite well - it's the stunning locations that paradoxically weaken the power of the story. You can't help feeling how much more powerful it would be up close on a stage in some theatre than it is in the vast spaces of the Israeli desert. It's a strangely inconsistent decision on the part of the filmmakers when you think about it - they deliberately adopt contemporary fashions and technology at odds with the era of the story they are telling, yet choose to tell the story in what are presumed to be the authentic locations.

The performances are OK, but they're nothing special. The two male leads have spent much of the rest of their careers playing the same roles in revivals and roadshows, which speaks volumes. Carl Anderson as Judas Iscariot, while perhaps a bold casting decision, overacts mercilessly and gives the impression that he is actively trying to steal the show even though he's given all the best lines anyway. Only Yvonne Elliman, in the poorly drawn role of Mary Magdalene, really impresses. She's a talented singer, and makes the most of 'I Don't Know How to Love Him,' the show's second most famous number.

This is one of those films: if you're a fan you're a fan, and you probably hit the 'No' button at the bottom of this review before you even got to this part. If, like me, Jesus Christ Superstar is a movie that you've heard of but that's it, then you probably won't find much to interest you, especially if you're under thirty-five. There are some beautiful images, and some real show-stopping numbers but, at the end of the day, it's just a bunch of kids in the desert, singing songs and pretending to be religious.
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