Review of Feeders

Feeders (1996)
This movie really is so bad it's bad
10 April 2005
Sometimes, I have to admit that I've fallen in love with a piece of crap. Fred Olen Ray's "Scalps" is a damn fine example. But, listen and listen well: "Feeders" really is every bit as bad as people say. What does one need to know? Aliens invade to eat people, and the budget is so low that they couldn't even afford to do fake-ass gore right. I hoped there would be some humor, at least. People making movies featuring obvious stuffed toys as threatening forces out to devour the Earth... these people should know that with a comical twist, it could have had a chance at being at least a grade-Z classick. But what is there to "Feeders"? There's no entertaining elements OTHER THAN those damn alien dolls with big plastic eyes. Even the gore is at such a bare minimum (as well as an ultimate pinnacle of ineptitude), that it loses all its effect and just becomes another boring, crappy part of this boring, crappy movie, with one of the worst scores EVER in a film. I know porn scores that would've worked better. In fact, I know of porn MOVIES that worked better, and, no, there is no nudity or sex, either. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason to see this, unless you just have to, like I did. Just make sure you rent it at a VERY reasonable price, because you will live to regret doing anything other than making yourself sit through it once for your cash. A real turd!
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