Review of Troll 2

Troll 2 (1990)
1/10
Don't buy this movie if the green icing seal has been broken
23 March 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Troll 2 makes Troll 1 look like Citizen Kane. In other words it's bad. Really bad. This movie is so bad that after watching it you'll want to run out and rent Ghoulies to get the taste out of your mouth.

The opening scene has trolls chasing someone through a misty field to the tune of 80's techno music and it only gets better after that.

*********I'm ashamed to say this about such a stupid movie, but this review contains SPOILERS******************

The movie involves a family moving to a town named Nilbog (that's right it's goblin spelled backwards even though the movie is called Troll, not Goblin) and swapping houses with some hillbillies. When watching this movie it's best if you go into it prepared to not ask any questions. Why a family would move into another family's furnished, food-stocked house is better left unexplained. Also why a family would proceed to eat the other family's green icing covered dinner is also better just accepted as normal.

The green icing on the food is a repetitive theme throughout the uhhh...film. It's apparently some sort of troll dna juice that turns the digester into a troll. Although that is never really explained. Another tool the clever goblins..err trolls have come up with is Nilbog milk which also turns the person who drinks it into a troll. If it's that easy, it seems like they could turn the entire world into trolls by mass producing Nilbog milk, but maybe that's not their intention. What the trolls get from turning other people into trolls is never explained like in so many monster takeover movies. The monsters/zombies/trolls/aliens always want to turn humans into their likeness and that's universally accepted, but why? What benefit do they get from making people like them?

Anyways, I digress. The good news for the family is the young boy has an ally in the form of the ghost of his deceased grandfather. The old man has the ability to appear to the boy to provide convenient warnings regarding the trolls just because he hates them that much.

One of the strangest scenes in the movie (there are a lot of them) is when the kid receives a vision from grandpa that he must pee on the green icing covered dinner his family is about to eat to keep them from becoming trolls. Luckily he does this right before his sister unknowingly is about to eat some tainted GREEN ICING COVERED CORN ON THE COB. That's not out of the ordinary at all right?

Another wonderfully horrible scene is when two guys venture into the weird troll witch's lair and one of them is turned into a plant, which doesn't really seem to bother him too much.

This movie is so horrible that every adult should be required by law to see it at least once. Newer DVD players are actually being coded to reject this movie upon reading it. Maybe next time a family will move to a town named Llort and the adventures will start all over again. Oh yeah, and maybe next time they'll throw in some gratuitous nudity to transition the scenes. The R rating the nudity would have provided would have actually been a public service because it would have kept impressionable children from watching this mess.
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