Review of Taken

Taken (2002)
1/10
An alien abduction would have been more pleasant.
18 December 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Very mild spoilers follow:

I'm actually somewhat jealous of the abductees that are portrayed in the 'Taken' miniseries. They, as you will recall, were taken by aliens, physically probed and emotionally tortured, then returned to earth, knowing only that they couldn't remember several hours of their lives. Oh, how I wish this could have happened to me during the hours that 'Taken' was shown!

What the heck was Spielberg thinking? Maybe it was along these lines: "If I take about 4 hours worth of story that I won't bother to read, then spread it over 20 hours, end it with an ambiguous, unsatisfying ending, and put my valuable name on it, think of how much money could be made from advertising on this series and it's upcoming sequels!"

The acting was so bad it was on the Ed Wood end of the spectrum. I would say the pacing was like watching paint dry, but that would be unfair to paint. And the direction did nothing but distract the viewers. (Note to budding directors: the 'camera quickly rotating around the stationary actors' technique has been done before. It no longer makes the scene more exciting. It is now annoying.)

The story ending is so unfulfilling that an actor actually warns you that "If you are expecting answers from the aliens you are going to be disappointed." Hmmm, that should now describe about 99% of their audience. This series wants to be made into an ongoing series so bad you can almost see them filling out the application. And if the Sci-Fi channel can make a weekly series out of a one-note story like 'Tremors', I guess it's not out of the question!

And what's with the VERY thinly hidden correlation with the story of Christ? This story makes 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' look secular by comparison.

Finally, can we please lose the 'Government As a Completely Evil Conspiracy' storylines? The only evil conspiracy that I can see is Hollywood's plan to put out mindlessly amateurish science fiction stories and pass them off as something profound...
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