Am I correct when I finish watching this BORING movie I've just viewed a poorly-rendered version of T.P.M? With a bit of Return of the Jedi and other star wars stuff thrown in?
Whoever did the editing for this movie must've either been asleep or stoned off their face, because the plot was ripped to utter shreds! So many things happen and are not explained or explained poorly. Now a movie of this genre should be easy to understand. So why did this flick blow chunks?
WARNING! WINGED SPOILERS! WARNING!
1) The boring political confrontation between the Princess (who was a carbon copy of Queen Amidala), and the bad-guy Darth Sidious-look-alike Jeremy Irons (whose acting was dire). Took me half the movie to figure they were fighting over plastic-looking dragon-controlling stage props so they could go to war with some enemy I missed the name of.
2) The thief-hero Ridley and mage Marina disappear into a map portraying some place I also missed the name of, and then reappear. Two hours later: still hadn't figured out what they'd done in the map that conjured up all the answers so conveniently. My 'I'm Bored' meter started rising sharply by this point...
3) Our hero and heroine kiss. He tells her magic-users are superior and he won't have anything to do with them, then contradicts himself and kisses her. Pardon? Nothing more is tacked on to this boring cliche romance. Did I miss yet something else here? Hmm... Maybe not...Yawn.
4) SNAILS?? Excuse me? JAR JAR SNAILS? I thought we'd already endured the awful side kick syndrome, learned from it, and done away with it after the emergence of that floppy-eared, idiotic pigeon-English-speaking fool BUT NO! (or should I say NOOOOOOOOOO!!) Now Jar jar Snails squeals and screams like a girl, but at least he ain't C.G.I!
5) Profion's cheesy hench man. You take Darth Maul's make up off, and what do you get? Darth Maul's blue lips! A villain has not been more fake than listening to the drawn-out hissing of his ridiculously funny, cliche lines. My acting is MUCH better... and I CAN'T ACT!
6) What the heck were those blue, pulsating eye things wondering around with the guards? Why did this movie's creators include these creatures when they do nothing, not even bothering to appear during a 'climatic' battle scene. (must've run out of money to C.G.I them doing stuff other than float briefly by!)
THE ENDING. It is by far the WORST ending I've ever had to endure, right up there with the NEXT worst ending in movie history: Hollow Man. I rate this movie 1/10, the 1 because the end act is so lame and cliche ridden, it's a laugh!
Whoever did the editing for this movie must've either been asleep or stoned off their face, because the plot was ripped to utter shreds! So many things happen and are not explained or explained poorly. Now a movie of this genre should be easy to understand. So why did this flick blow chunks?
WARNING! WINGED SPOILERS! WARNING!
1) The boring political confrontation between the Princess (who was a carbon copy of Queen Amidala), and the bad-guy Darth Sidious-look-alike Jeremy Irons (whose acting was dire). Took me half the movie to figure they were fighting over plastic-looking dragon-controlling stage props so they could go to war with some enemy I missed the name of.
2) The thief-hero Ridley and mage Marina disappear into a map portraying some place I also missed the name of, and then reappear. Two hours later: still hadn't figured out what they'd done in the map that conjured up all the answers so conveniently. My 'I'm Bored' meter started rising sharply by this point...
3) Our hero and heroine kiss. He tells her magic-users are superior and he won't have anything to do with them, then contradicts himself and kisses her. Pardon? Nothing more is tacked on to this boring cliche romance. Did I miss yet something else here? Hmm... Maybe not...Yawn.
4) SNAILS?? Excuse me? JAR JAR SNAILS? I thought we'd already endured the awful side kick syndrome, learned from it, and done away with it after the emergence of that floppy-eared, idiotic pigeon-English-speaking fool BUT NO! (or should I say NOOOOOOOOOO!!) Now Jar jar Snails squeals and screams like a girl, but at least he ain't C.G.I!
5) Profion's cheesy hench man. You take Darth Maul's make up off, and what do you get? Darth Maul's blue lips! A villain has not been more fake than listening to the drawn-out hissing of his ridiculously funny, cliche lines. My acting is MUCH better... and I CAN'T ACT!
6) What the heck were those blue, pulsating eye things wondering around with the guards? Why did this movie's creators include these creatures when they do nothing, not even bothering to appear during a 'climatic' battle scene. (must've run out of money to C.G.I them doing stuff other than float briefly by!)
THE ENDING. It is by far the WORST ending I've ever had to endure, right up there with the NEXT worst ending in movie history: Hollow Man. I rate this movie 1/10, the 1 because the end act is so lame and cliche ridden, it's a laugh!