`Jurassic Park III' is bad. Very bad. So bad, in fact, that there's little, if anything, that can be salvaged out of this rancid film that could remotely be considered good. Sure, it'll make its money . . . in fact, it'll probably make enough to ensure a `JP4' (shudder) . . . but if you're considering going to see this movie, I'd strongly advise you not to go. In fact, I'll beg you not to go. Please. This is easily one of the worst films released in 2001.
The ill-advised plot of `JP3' is as follows: Doctor Alan Grant (Sam Neill), desperate for funding on a dinosaur dig, accepts a strange offer from a wealthy couple, Paul and Amanda Kirby (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni) - take them on an aerial tour of the original Jurassic Park island, and receive unlimited funding for his research efforts. Since he only expects to have to fly over the island, he's abruptly surprised when his plane actually lands on the island. It turns out that the couple's fourteen-year old son Eric (Trevor Morgan) is lost somewhere on the island, and they need to find and rescue their precious child. Of course, the plane gets wasted by dinosaurs shortly after touchdown, so now Dr. Grant, the Kirbys, and the rest of the plane's crew must fight for survival as they find themselves being hunted by the ravenous dinosaurs, who, according to Dr. Grant, may be smarter than most scientists ever thought possible . ..
On paper, this might have seemed like a good idea, but on screen, it's utterly preposterous and stupid. The story is so thin, it's almost embarrassing. Every line uttered in this film is essential to moving along the main plot. It sounds like the actors were given Cliff's Notes instead of a script. While there's something to be said for economy in dialogue, `JP3' pushed it to the point of being ridiculous. (The line `Did you hear something?' - which must have been uttered at least five times during this film - is apparently code for `A dinosaur will be jumping out of the shadows in the next ten seconds.') There's no real reason given to care about anyone in this film; the fact that they're trapped with vicious dinosaurs is apparently supposed to be reason enough. Since the characters are stupid enough to bring most of their miseries upon themselves, though, it's difficult to feel sorry for them.
The behavior of the characters is ludicrous. `Jurassic Park Island' is apparently infamous for being filled with vicious, man-eating dinosaurs - so, what does Amanda (Tea Leoni) do the instant the plane lands on the island? She goes stomping into the wilderness - away from the rest of the group - armed with ONLY A BULLHORN, SCREAMING HER SON'S NAME AND SIGNALLING EVERY DINOSAUR ON THE ISLAND THAT A HUMAN SNACK HAS ARRIVED!!! There's at least two dozen other examples of this scattered throughout the film, examples of pure, abject stupidity on the part of the characters. Dr. Grant keeps muttering at various points during the movie (just in case the audience missed it the first six thousand times it gets mentioned) that the dinosaurs must be smart . . . well, yes and no, Dr Grant. The dinosaurs in this film are indeed relatively smart in comparison to the humans in this film, but only because the humans are such thick-skulled dimwits. Brain-damaged field mice would be considered smart in comparison to the humans in this film.
Even in terms of just being a fun, dumb movie, `JP3' fails appallingly . . . all thanks to director Joe Johnston. It's hard to imagine that somebody with a big budget and ILM-created dinosaurs could possibly make a boring movie . . . but Joe Johnston does just that. Flat, dull, and unimaginative describe the action scenes involving the dinosaurs in `JP3'. (And the scenes without the dinosaurs are pure Sominex.) Dinosaurs pretty much just waltz into the appropriate scenes and start attacking people - there's virtually no attempt to build tension or to try to deliver maximum tension or impact with the creatures. It's as though the audience is supposed to just sit back and marvel at how impressive-looking the dinosaurs are, and that should be exciting enough . . . here's a newsflash, Mr. Johnston. It's not. For a big budget, special effects-laden film, this is possibly one of the least visually impressive movies ever made.
I genuinely feel sorry for Sam Neill and William H. Macy - on screen, they almost look apologetic for the terrible lines they have to deliver. They try to put in some good performances, and they must be given credit for trying . . . but considering the garbage they're working with, it's no surprise that they can't pull it off. As for Tea Leoni . . . good gravy, who told her she could act? Every line she utters is pure crap - hammy, unbelievable, and delivered with such uncertainty, I became convinced she was reading off of a badly shaking TelePrompter. I've seen worse performances . . . but they're usually in `direct to video' releases. Did nobody else audition for this part? Horrendous.
`Jurassic Park' and `The Lost World' weren't exactly great films, but they were fun and entertaining, and possessed a certain sense of wonder and fear that made them worth watching. `JP3' possesses none of the above positive criteria. It does, however, possess the ability to inspire loathing and nausea from its abysmal direction and pitifully sparse, rotten screenplay. To put it mildly, `JP3' stinks like an overflowing port-o-john. The movie's a bad, bad joke. Grade: D-
The ill-advised plot of `JP3' is as follows: Doctor Alan Grant (Sam Neill), desperate for funding on a dinosaur dig, accepts a strange offer from a wealthy couple, Paul and Amanda Kirby (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni) - take them on an aerial tour of the original Jurassic Park island, and receive unlimited funding for his research efforts. Since he only expects to have to fly over the island, he's abruptly surprised when his plane actually lands on the island. It turns out that the couple's fourteen-year old son Eric (Trevor Morgan) is lost somewhere on the island, and they need to find and rescue their precious child. Of course, the plane gets wasted by dinosaurs shortly after touchdown, so now Dr. Grant, the Kirbys, and the rest of the plane's crew must fight for survival as they find themselves being hunted by the ravenous dinosaurs, who, according to Dr. Grant, may be smarter than most scientists ever thought possible . ..
On paper, this might have seemed like a good idea, but on screen, it's utterly preposterous and stupid. The story is so thin, it's almost embarrassing. Every line uttered in this film is essential to moving along the main plot. It sounds like the actors were given Cliff's Notes instead of a script. While there's something to be said for economy in dialogue, `JP3' pushed it to the point of being ridiculous. (The line `Did you hear something?' - which must have been uttered at least five times during this film - is apparently code for `A dinosaur will be jumping out of the shadows in the next ten seconds.') There's no real reason given to care about anyone in this film; the fact that they're trapped with vicious dinosaurs is apparently supposed to be reason enough. Since the characters are stupid enough to bring most of their miseries upon themselves, though, it's difficult to feel sorry for them.
The behavior of the characters is ludicrous. `Jurassic Park Island' is apparently infamous for being filled with vicious, man-eating dinosaurs - so, what does Amanda (Tea Leoni) do the instant the plane lands on the island? She goes stomping into the wilderness - away from the rest of the group - armed with ONLY A BULLHORN, SCREAMING HER SON'S NAME AND SIGNALLING EVERY DINOSAUR ON THE ISLAND THAT A HUMAN SNACK HAS ARRIVED!!! There's at least two dozen other examples of this scattered throughout the film, examples of pure, abject stupidity on the part of the characters. Dr. Grant keeps muttering at various points during the movie (just in case the audience missed it the first six thousand times it gets mentioned) that the dinosaurs must be smart . . . well, yes and no, Dr Grant. The dinosaurs in this film are indeed relatively smart in comparison to the humans in this film, but only because the humans are such thick-skulled dimwits. Brain-damaged field mice would be considered smart in comparison to the humans in this film.
Even in terms of just being a fun, dumb movie, `JP3' fails appallingly . . . all thanks to director Joe Johnston. It's hard to imagine that somebody with a big budget and ILM-created dinosaurs could possibly make a boring movie . . . but Joe Johnston does just that. Flat, dull, and unimaginative describe the action scenes involving the dinosaurs in `JP3'. (And the scenes without the dinosaurs are pure Sominex.) Dinosaurs pretty much just waltz into the appropriate scenes and start attacking people - there's virtually no attempt to build tension or to try to deliver maximum tension or impact with the creatures. It's as though the audience is supposed to just sit back and marvel at how impressive-looking the dinosaurs are, and that should be exciting enough . . . here's a newsflash, Mr. Johnston. It's not. For a big budget, special effects-laden film, this is possibly one of the least visually impressive movies ever made.
I genuinely feel sorry for Sam Neill and William H. Macy - on screen, they almost look apologetic for the terrible lines they have to deliver. They try to put in some good performances, and they must be given credit for trying . . . but considering the garbage they're working with, it's no surprise that they can't pull it off. As for Tea Leoni . . . good gravy, who told her she could act? Every line she utters is pure crap - hammy, unbelievable, and delivered with such uncertainty, I became convinced she was reading off of a badly shaking TelePrompter. I've seen worse performances . . . but they're usually in `direct to video' releases. Did nobody else audition for this part? Horrendous.
`Jurassic Park' and `The Lost World' weren't exactly great films, but they were fun and entertaining, and possessed a certain sense of wonder and fear that made them worth watching. `JP3' possesses none of the above positive criteria. It does, however, possess the ability to inspire loathing and nausea from its abysmal direction and pitifully sparse, rotten screenplay. To put it mildly, `JP3' stinks like an overflowing port-o-john. The movie's a bad, bad joke. Grade: D-