Ever since seeing the greatly hyped sequel to Speed, Speed 2 - Cruise Control I thought Hollywood would ever create a summer that terrible again. I was wrong. Yes, despite that summer movies are made for their popcorn, eye-catching appeal and do you rarely see an academy award nomination other than best sound or visual effects, Tomb Raider has to be the worst summer movie since Speed 2. Where one feature of the movie was lacking (such as the storyline), I looked to another feature of the movie (the action scenes) just to be as disappointed.
To begin with lets begin with the terrible storyline and characters. The storyline lacks in any intensity or danger. Not once did I ever feel that Laura Croft was ever in any danger or even got really that beat up. Other than that scratch on her arm that the Monk's tea healed and a bloody lip. Also the characters where terrible accept for Jolie's. And even then the fake English accent and the bad azz attitude about where ever she just decided to parade through was ridiculous. Indi at least had to sneak around for fear of being caught or killed. Then there is her little buddy who designed all her gizmo's and lived in a trailer thats right out of Charlie's Angels. Oh and that is gizmo, the only cool thing about her "gear" was the backpack that she reloads her guns with. I was hoping for at least a wide range of gizmos and gadgets or something. Who know hand held lanterns with no off switch (remember she had to hide it behind a rock) were so new aged technology. Furthermore who was Powell and who was West? You never know if there was any romantic past or not between West and Croft. All you know is that West is the ever redundant, "In it for the money" character. Also why is Powell so bad, other than being a "lawyer" (Baa Baa Ching....groan, lame overdone joke). But seriously if Powell was to obtain the triangle what was he going to do with it? He never said, other than let Laura see her father. Heck Powell was kind of a nice guy in that aspect. Other than that it just seemed that Powell wanted a little triangle to add to his collection, nothing more. So I never really felt like the rest of the world was ever in any danger. I could have been eating my Frosted Flakes and never of known the difference.
Now for the worst part of the movie the action sequences! COMPLETELY UNORIGINAL!!!!!!! To begin with the action scene in the beginning is straight out of the opening action scenes of Indiana Jones. Next we move to the bungee scene. Here we have a rip off of the pulley scene in the computer room from the first Mission: Impossible. Then we go to the car garage of Crofts's abode. And here we find more James Bond 007 cars than I've ever seen. Not to mention the McGuyver like "drill gun". Then the motorcycle up on one wheel n' all again Mission Impossible but this time the Part 2. Where to next ahh yes the actually original fight scenes that were lame. I never knew fighting a 5000-year-old armed statue could be so easy. Just one good whack to the gut and down they go. What else..... ah yes, the Back to the Future references. I believe I remember Doc Brown telling Marty McFly "Destroy the time machine it brings nothing but trouble, and can bring nothing but evil if to fall into the wrong hands." Now Biff did some damage if I remember correctly. Anyway here we are with Lord Croft telling Laura "Destroy the Triangle it brings nothing but trouble, and can bring nothing but evil if in the wrong hands." You know the whole time I'm thinking why didn't she destroy the one part of the triangle in the first place. The Aluminate would just be running around looking for the other piece of a triangle. Not knowing that Laura had already destroyed the other half. Bada bing, movie over. BUT NO, being led out of the ice cavern by the team of dogs. Hmmmm again I think of Indi being dragged behind the Nazi truck by his whip.
I'm sorry if you have found my rantings offensive if you really liked the movie that much. I am aware that this is a summer movie, but as far as summer movies go this ranks down there with Speed 2. This movie is just plain terrible! I didn't find anything really that interesting or exciting about it. It's a movie that I left feeling like I've seen hundreds of times before. At least this wasn't as bad as Speed 2, but it's the worst one I've seen since it. I'm dreading the sequel, I don't know why Paramount is going to want to make another installment, but hey sometimes you get lucky. That is if you have better writers, director, and actors. Video game movies should stay where they belong in my opinion, on our televisions and PC's. I was hoping that perhaps this time they could make something out of it, I've been let down again. Although that Final Fantasy might be good..... lets hope for Video game movie's sake.
Tomb Raider - (1.5/10)
To begin with lets begin with the terrible storyline and characters. The storyline lacks in any intensity or danger. Not once did I ever feel that Laura Croft was ever in any danger or even got really that beat up. Other than that scratch on her arm that the Monk's tea healed and a bloody lip. Also the characters where terrible accept for Jolie's. And even then the fake English accent and the bad azz attitude about where ever she just decided to parade through was ridiculous. Indi at least had to sneak around for fear of being caught or killed. Then there is her little buddy who designed all her gizmo's and lived in a trailer thats right out of Charlie's Angels. Oh and that is gizmo, the only cool thing about her "gear" was the backpack that she reloads her guns with. I was hoping for at least a wide range of gizmos and gadgets or something. Who know hand held lanterns with no off switch (remember she had to hide it behind a rock) were so new aged technology. Furthermore who was Powell and who was West? You never know if there was any romantic past or not between West and Croft. All you know is that West is the ever redundant, "In it for the money" character. Also why is Powell so bad, other than being a "lawyer" (Baa Baa Ching....groan, lame overdone joke). But seriously if Powell was to obtain the triangle what was he going to do with it? He never said, other than let Laura see her father. Heck Powell was kind of a nice guy in that aspect. Other than that it just seemed that Powell wanted a little triangle to add to his collection, nothing more. So I never really felt like the rest of the world was ever in any danger. I could have been eating my Frosted Flakes and never of known the difference.
Now for the worst part of the movie the action sequences! COMPLETELY UNORIGINAL!!!!!!! To begin with the action scene in the beginning is straight out of the opening action scenes of Indiana Jones. Next we move to the bungee scene. Here we have a rip off of the pulley scene in the computer room from the first Mission: Impossible. Then we go to the car garage of Crofts's abode. And here we find more James Bond 007 cars than I've ever seen. Not to mention the McGuyver like "drill gun". Then the motorcycle up on one wheel n' all again Mission Impossible but this time the Part 2. Where to next ahh yes the actually original fight scenes that were lame. I never knew fighting a 5000-year-old armed statue could be so easy. Just one good whack to the gut and down they go. What else..... ah yes, the Back to the Future references. I believe I remember Doc Brown telling Marty McFly "Destroy the time machine it brings nothing but trouble, and can bring nothing but evil if to fall into the wrong hands." Now Biff did some damage if I remember correctly. Anyway here we are with Lord Croft telling Laura "Destroy the Triangle it brings nothing but trouble, and can bring nothing but evil if in the wrong hands." You know the whole time I'm thinking why didn't she destroy the one part of the triangle in the first place. The Aluminate would just be running around looking for the other piece of a triangle. Not knowing that Laura had already destroyed the other half. Bada bing, movie over. BUT NO, being led out of the ice cavern by the team of dogs. Hmmmm again I think of Indi being dragged behind the Nazi truck by his whip.
I'm sorry if you have found my rantings offensive if you really liked the movie that much. I am aware that this is a summer movie, but as far as summer movies go this ranks down there with Speed 2. This movie is just plain terrible! I didn't find anything really that interesting or exciting about it. It's a movie that I left feeling like I've seen hundreds of times before. At least this wasn't as bad as Speed 2, but it's the worst one I've seen since it. I'm dreading the sequel, I don't know why Paramount is going to want to make another installment, but hey sometimes you get lucky. That is if you have better writers, director, and actors. Video game movies should stay where they belong in my opinion, on our televisions and PC's. I was hoping that perhaps this time they could make something out of it, I've been let down again. Although that Final Fantasy might be good..... lets hope for Video game movie's sake.
Tomb Raider - (1.5/10)