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the_noizylobster
Reviews
No One Will Save You (2023)
A spiritual successor to "Signs"
"Across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us." -War of the Worlds (this quote came into my head as I watched this movie)
It's infuriating hearing people complain about movies being so stereotypical and copies of much better movies. Everyone complains that movies nowadays are unoriginal and yet when they watch a movie that's different, they hate it.
I get it. This movie might not be scary to some people or as impactful. But generally this movie is unique and well made. Yes there's hardly any dialogue but I don't think I would have noticed if I hadn't heard people complaining about it beforehand. A very common saying amongst filmmakers is "show, don't tell". This movie does that nearly perfectly. Some information is left for you to make your own conclusions and I like that. People really like everything spelled out for them in film these days. I appreciate when a movie makes me think and gives me a memorable experience.
Kaitlyn Dever does an amazing job as Brynn. Portraying a shy girl struggling with the guilt of a past traumatic event. She visualizes terror and fear from the onslaught of awful situations that befoul her home.
The scares and effects are top notch. I generally was scared and on the edge of my seat throughout the film. Without saying too much, the movies antagonists are quite disturbing and give a unique twist to the classic alien design.
I'm not sure if the filmmakers were inspired by M Night's "Signs" but I love that movie and this movie reminded me of it a lot.
Not sure if these aliens could really invade the whole United States because Brynn kicked these alien's asses and she didn't even have a gun.
Godzilla (2014)
Walter White vs Dinosaur
Hands down one of my favorite monster movies. It's hard to organize these reviews so I'll simply make bullet points of what I love.
-The soundtrack is AWESOME. Alexandre Desplat does a fantastic job at homaging the bombastic orchestras from old monster movies.
-The opening credits and intro music is *chefs kiss*
-The CGI is quite good. 2014 wasn't that long ago but it's far better than movies with bigger budgets today. The new design for American Godzilla is menacing and unique.
-The cinematography is fantastic along with the shot composition. The movie slowly builds up to what is, one of my favorite ending battles. Everything building up to that damn atomic breath!! So good.
-The sound design is also impeccable. The MUTOs have such a unique sound and it pops into my head every so often.
-KEN WATANABE
What is unfortunate is the human characters. I have a man crush on Aaron Taylor and he does a fine job but I agree with a lot of reviewers that say he's not a good fit. He's a bit too stiff for this role. Walter white is great as well. Not sure why no one is listening to his grand speeches. It's hard making a movie about a famous monster and try to also have important human characters.
I guess it's not for everyone but I'll defend this movie to my grave. Not the best Godzilla but definitely one of my favorite monster/disaster movies.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
MONKE STROMG
After rewatching the film, I honestly think it could be a 8-9 out of 10 movie but there are a few issues holding it back in my opinion.
James Franco is just not doing his best in this film. He's not overly convincing for somebody who's supposed to be a highly intelligent researcher for what I assume is a multi-million dollar company. Jame's acting in general is really... fake? It just seemed extremely cheesy and wooden. Maybe the creators thought that having James would boost the credibility or marketability of the movie and I guess that might be the case.
My other gripe is the character Steven Jacobs played by David Oyelowo. I like him as an actor and he does a good job for what we see of him but I don't think they built a good (or bad) enough connection between him and the apes. I understand that he's a money-hungry jerk who didnt care about them, BUT his death at the end was a bit undeserved in my opinion. Maybe if he had more interactions with the apes directly like Tom Felton's character in which he mistreated them in some way.
Other than those issues I find this movie to be excellent. The obviously most compelling part of these films is the "rise" of Caesar and the intelligent apes. Theyre the most compelling part of this series and it's unfortunate that it's bogged down a little by these other mistakes.
In the end I still recommend this movie and give it a mostly positive score.
BrainDead (2016)
Somehow more ridiculous than real politics
Id say this show is underrated but no one even knows this show exists so it's not even rated.
I really dig the style of this show. It's pretty clever and witty. I wasn't dying laughing but it definitely isn't a super dark or gritty show. Mary Elizabeth Winstead obviously carries the show. Her dialogue was excellent with mixtures of her cleverness and wit. The supporting cast did a great job too. I haven't seen them much elsewhere which is surprising.
One of the few things I didn't like though was Tony Shalhoub's performance. I found him to be unbearable. All of the actors felt extremely sincere but Red Wheatus's character was ridiculous the whole time. I found myself wanting to skip the scenes with him in it. The other thing that bothered me was the fact that Red Wheatus shot a gun IN A GOVERNMENT BUILDING and no one noticed? Even for a silly show like this that's pretty insane...
Anyways, it's a lot of fun. And hey it's only one season so it's not a huge investment.
Ghost Ship (2002)
BOO Boat
So about a year ago I saw this movie somewhere and I was intrigued. With such an interesting title, a slightly below average score, and a cast of people I've never heard of, I was hooked.
This movie is worse and yet better than I could have imagined. The concept alone is great I think. A salvage team goes to recover an old ocean liner and discovers it to be a giant ship that went missing 50 years prior.
The acting is bearable for the most part. Nothing bad enough to ruin the movie for me. But there are a quite a few cheesy line deliveries that made me chuckle. If anything there's nobody really remarkable that stands out apart from the main actress and the little girl.
Id say the first half of the movie is solid. But beginning is a visceral shock that's not quite matched through the rest of the movie. Things start to get rough when things start to get weird on board. Their tug boat gets blown up and they magically get back onboard without the audience seeing any type of ladder on the side of the ship. Not to mention they were injured. The crew gets unceremoniously killed off without any of the other characters really knowing what happened. The captain even dies off screen and we just find him later. And another secondary character just disappears from the plot and we don't know what even happened to him. Presumably the evil entity killed him but we didn't find out.
My main issue is the main antagonist. It doesn't make much sense. I'm not going to try to explain it but his motivations aren't super clear and we don't really get to learn anything about him other than he has to bring souls back to fill a quota. If that's the case than it's an extremely convoluted plan for an otherworldly entity with an unknown level of power over our world.
Some random tidbits:
The girl was a standout I feel. She did well for her age and was pretty creepy and also endearing. But how did that little toy she had at the beginning of the movie morph into "welcome aboard" if they can't interact with physical objects?
Who tackled the little girl off the boat when the rug boat was destroyed?
Why was nudity necessary for this film? Just to get across to us that one guy was horny for the woman in the picture?
The ending was quite possibly the most 2002 THING I've ever seen. It was so ridiculous and cheesy. And the metal song was just not the right choice but it is oh so glorious.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
Not for me
The tributes to Chadwick Boseman were poignant and heartfelt. The MCU suffered at his lost. This movie especially. It doesn't feel like they knew what to do with the story and characters after losing Chadwick.
I'll start off by saying the acting for the most part was really good. The set design and costumes like always were excellent. I loved the Inclusion of Namor and the "Atlantean" people and I thought it was executed fairly well.
But if they really wanted to create a good story about loss and closure they could have made a simpler, more palatable movie. This was just kind of a mess. The plot was far too convoluted and it was not gripping to keep me from feeling bored.
The CGI battles sucked. They went to over-the-top and the choreography really was jumbled and messy and the CGI didn't help. I feel they should have gone with the Shang Chi approach and keep the action grounded for at the least for half of the movie. The CGI iron-woman suit sucked along with a lot of the physics and weight of most of the super-fights. Aquaman's underwater fights were far more entertaining than these.
Ross's inclusion was ok but Julia Louis-Dreyfus's character SUCKED. The acting was cheesy and the character has nothing to do but have weird interactions with Ross. I guess he's going to be a fugitive now? I feel like they could have found a better way to get him to join the wakandan side of things. Also the incessant need to call him a "colonizer" is just distasteful.
Riri also didn't really have much reason to be there other than be another sassy character who's "smart" because she's "smart". Her inclusion was unnecessary when the stories main focus should have been on Shuri, Nakia, M'Baku, and Okoye. 4 characters that are fairly well written and likable.
In the end this movie was just too overly self righteous and didn't leave me feeling satisfied. It wasn't really that fun to watch. Marvel movies
should at least be fun right?
Halloween Ends (2022)
Halloween (I wish it would) End
Oh my word...
The beginning scene was decent. It was an unexpected turn and I guess the only part of the film that was scary/disturbing.
This movie felt like they combined a tiny, unfinished Halloween script that was leftover from the other films with a random unused generic horror flick. The last film had a better finale idea. The town banding together to finally finish Micheal off.
This movie mixes a bunch of random themes and ideas but doesn't portray any of them well. You spend the movie just wondering when Micheal is going to show up. And when he does it's... ok.
This series has finally ended hopefully. Not with a bang but with an unsure pop.
Ambulance (2022)
SOMEBODY CALL THE AM-BALAM
So yeah we weren't expecting much since this is Micheal Bay. The shots were... interesting to say the least. I can see he found a stunt drone and really went to town with it. I liked Garret Dillahunt and Keir ODonnell. Some of the action was ok. BUT here's what I didn't like.
I'm not sure if it's Micheal Bay or he has help but occasionally there's good stuff in his movies. Like somewhere in this movie is a decent thriller but got overtaken by Bay-oas. Every scene has SOO many cuts. You get a headache if you actually try to concentrate on what's happening on screen. I'm assuming Bay has his hands at every point in the process so it seems like he made up his 4-5 big set pieces and he didn't care how the plot got there. Not to mention it felt like it was 3 hours long. And just like the movie I don't even know where I was going. My brain is melted.
Just go watch "the Heat" with Al Pacino. It's MUCH better if you like this kind of stuff.
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Breakpoint (2019)
A hard review to make
I completed this game about 6 months ago. And I am currently playing Wildlands which I hear from most is superior. So I'm going to compare both games since one has been far more successful than the other.
I'm gonna start with the good things I have to say. I really liked the opening moments of the game. Going into a mission with not much info and then proceeding to get blown out of the sky by some kind of new unknown drone tech. It was a really great opening and made you feel very outmatched and desperate.
The graphics and mechanics are perfect for a ghost recon game. It keeps the same movement system from Wildlands but adds more layers. Slipping and sliding down hillsides, rolling in the mud to camouflage, and more dynamic character movements in diverse environments makes for an immersive experience. The sound design and small environmental details also add so much to the overall atmosphere.
I also liked the dialogue and some emotional moments the game had between characters. A lot of it seemed real and well done with the actors.
Now the negatives. The island Aurora is so boring. The landscape is bland and doesn't have enough Variety. Buildings felt copied and pasted and the bad guys felt like the same basic dude every single time.
It's also way too easy. Unless you go into the settings beforehand and purposefully make the game more difficult, it'll be very easy and tedious. Wildlands has been far more difficult and this game basically copied most aspects but didn't make them as good. It just feels bland and doesn't feel like much love and care were put into it.
The story is lifeless. I love John Bernthal but sadly he's wasted in this. He could have been a good conflicted-villain and us players feel conflicted about killing him or what's he's trying to accomplish. But he just dies at the end and it's like eh? Do I really care?
Aurora has cool technology, but oh no bad guy took over, now you shoot and kill everybody until problem is solved. You spend the game wasting thousands of goons and not feeling as if you're REALLY the good guy. The game also gives you the option to knock enemies out but they just die anyways? Wouldn't have been interesting to let the player choose to kill or spare enemies? And maybe that would affect your experience? Wouldn't it be awesome if you took out an enemy base or checkpoint and when you come back to the location it's deserted or taken over by friendlies? And maybe if you capture more enemies you can find out more intel that can help you along the process.
Honestly it just felt kinda lazy. They improved enough to make it feel "fresh" and "new" but it just feels like a downgrade with fancy makeup on. I really hope the next one steps up and makes something really good.
Barbarian (2022)
It's the best "Resident Evil" movie I've seen
Uhhh yeah I could barley watch it. It really built tension at the beginning. I didn't know anything about this movie and I honestly was at the edge of my seat not knowing what was gonna happen.
The only thing I knew about it was that Jeremy Jahns said it was the best resident evil movie he's seen. That's all I needed to know. No it's not connected to that IP at all but yes it's in that wheelhouse in my opinion.
There were some choices at the end that didn't sit right with me and I'm not exactly sure what the writer/director had in mind for the message behind certain themes but it was very well made. So for that, cheers movie you got a 8/10 from me.
Nope (2022)
Left feeling confused
I went into this movie feeling pretty hype. I really liked the first trailer and I like Jordan Peeles style.
But after the first half of the movie I kinda lost my excitement...
Once I discovered what the antagonist is and "understood" the "motives" I did not like it as much as I thought it would. There's a lot of stuff in the movie that I liked. Generally creepy/scary stuff that worked for me but ultimately didn't impact the whole plot like it should have.
For me there's whole segments of the plot that I just didn't understand. And no I'm not some numbskull who can't understand a deeper plot but seriously I didn't get the monkey part... And I don't think a movie did a good job if you have to read an essay explaining it for you.
There's a particular scene in the movie that majorly triggered my claustrophobia and it still disturbs me whenever I think about it a month later. Generally really grossed me out. So I might be biased but seriously I didn't leave the theater liking the experience as a whole.
The first trailer peaked my interest. I went into this thinking this was going to be another interesting horror/thriller film but using UFO's and retro sci fi themes. But instead got a strange film that wastes its time trying to teach us about spectacle and false expectations.
Rogue (2007)
INTERIOR CROCODILE ALLIGATOR
Honestly not bad! I really liked this film. Putting aside inaccurate crocodile tendencies it's a pretty tense and good creature feature. I'm just happy my favorite character made it through the film
Side note I listen to Australian podcasters ("The Weekly Planet" go listen) and they complain about bad Australian accents in movies. Considering most of the characters in this movie are native speakers I believe, it's nice that it's at least accurate haha.
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
Never watched anime and I liked this LOL
This show has a lot of potential. I loved how each episode was its own thing. You could know nothing about Star Wars or know everything and I think you can still find enjoyment.
I don't think the intentions of this show was to be a major entry of the Star Wars franchise. They made something small and fun that had the spirit of old Star Wars for (I think) a low cost. People have been complaining about the animation quality and yes I agree it was lackluster at times but you don't need superb animation at every frame to tell a good story.
Unfortunately not every story holds up. I think the creators probably didn't have a very long time to work on each episode, especially compared to how long movies are in production. They didn't spend 750 million dollars on this show and that's OK, honestly this feels like a screen test. Can we make Star Wars anime and have people watch it and enjoy it?
I think the answer is yes. At least some of us will... pretty much no matter what Disney does it'll piss off half the nerd audience. I applaud them for thinking outside the box on this one. I hope to see more. I've watched 6 episodes of attack on titan and that's it so from someone who is no anime expert I'm shocked that I liked this that much. I intend to make my gf watch this haha.
Star Wars: Visions: The Elder (2021)
Great but I wanted more
I really liked the premise of this episode. The creepy, ancient Sith Lord was a good idea and it was generally kinda spooky. But I was hoping it would lean into the spook but it didn't quite meet that expectation. Honestly less dialogue might have helped, it's one of those things where you don't need an explanation for. I could be wrong but hey that's my opinion. I think the creators needed a little more time to make this episode perfect.
Anyways, one of the most solid episodes. Left a slight bit to be desired.
News of the World (2020)
Like an old John Wayne movie but actually GOOD
This is a very Tom Hanks movie. Of all the TH movies I've seen this is like most, a long story with many parts that overall tells an emotional story about his character. This movie does a lot and probably could have been cut down to save on the time, it can be a little boring sometimes. Personally I was very immersed in the atmosphere. didn't cry but it was a poignant movie start to finish.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)
It's literally "the Descent" but with Sharks
Honestly ghost sharks woulda made a better movie. Took too long to get to the plot, over-indulgent tense scenes, lackluster characters made this to be a snore. There were a few moments that if directed and edited properly actually could have been good but overall kinda trash.