kwally-13962 Reviews

Possessions (2024)

This needed a more definitive ending....

[4/10 · 2 June 2024]

I'm giving this film four stars, because Clive Standen is one of the hottest men on the planet, it's nice to see Yeardley Smith instead of just hearing her, and the little boy is such a winsome little cutie. That said.... I am VERY confused.

A widower with a secret and his son move into a storage facility where there have been a couple of recent deaths, which took place in one of the units. The kid starts having issues, dad takes him to a shrink who tells him kid is possessed, which he naturally does not believe....and you know the rest. There really isn't anything new here-this is another variation on a very well-worn theme, and frankly the best part of it was 90 minutes of watching Clive Standen.

Confusion set in at the end, which was so abrupt and unfinished that I thought my TV cut off for a second before the end credits came on. There was no explanation or resolution-just an oddly hanging ending, as though it were an episode in a miniseries instead of a film. Maybe they're leaving it open for a sequel, who knows? But it didn't feel finished to me. Four stars-I didn't hate it, but it didn't quite say anything that hasn't been said already. **Animal lovers-a dog dies right at the beginning. Just skip that part-you won't miss anything important.**

Sea Wolf (2009– )

Jack London's The Sea Wolf....

[7/10 · 10 April 2024]

....is a bit different from this series, but I actually didn't mind. This is still a very enjoyable film, in spite of the deviations from the source material, Much of this enjoyment comes from the sparring between brothers Wolf and Death Larsen, played by the the incredible Sebastian Koch and Tim Roth. Mr. Koch is probably the best Wolf Larsen I've ever seen, projecting the cruelty of a cat toying with a mouse into his interactions with his crew and an unexpected passenger; though the character is considerably toned down from London's sociopathic sea captain, he is still dangerously unpredictable and not someone you'd want to turn your back on! It's also a treat to see Julian Richings in the role of the cringing, cowardly cook, and Andrew Jackson as Johnson. The only cuckoo in the nest is Neve Campbell as Maude, and she is just so darn likeable it's hard to say anything negative about her performance. That isn't the problem, anyway-it's a matter of miscasting. Ms. Campbell really isn't the right type for a period drama; she has a very modern look, even in a corset, and looks as though she wandered into the wrong movie. But this doesn't take away from the fact that this is a ripping good yarn, and well worth a viewing.

Exists (2014)

Not too bad!

[6/10 · 19 February 2024]

Sasquatch movies seem to follow the same pattern-deserted cabin way out in the woods, a generic group of kids who didn't bother telling anyone where they were going, weak phone signals, one person sees the Sasquatch but no one believes them until it's too late, etc. This one ticks all the boxes, except....it's actually fairly creepy, and a cut above the usual SyFy-channel-type fare.

The filmmakers had the sense to keep the monster sightings to a minimum for most of the film-we see it in bits and pieces, and only one running shot was clearly a guy in a fur suit-a simian-type creature ahouldn't run upright like a person. It's not until the end that we actually get a close look at the monster. Then....well, the face and hands were a little rubber-masky, and I'd rather they'd kept it a little more ambiguous, but I liked the teeth on the one monster-square, blunt omnivore teeth that show that this creature wouldn't normally be dangerous if it wasn't given a reason. What that reason is, we learn shortly before the end.

I'm not nuts about found-footage type movies, but this one keeps the usual herky-jerky camera work at a bearable level, and the only real complaint I have is that I didn't care for the ending-it's sort of left open as to the survival of the main guy, and I wish it had been more definite as to whether he got out or not. All in all, what with a few jumpscares and the eerie surroundings and camerawork, this film is definitely worth a watch, especially if you're a fan of creature horror! 6/10.

Judy Justice: Cat Fight (2023) Season 2, Episode 86

More common-acting people....

[10/10 · 12 October 2023]

OK-not sure how I ended up watching this in the first place, because the mouth-breathers that appear on these types of shows are not entertainnent where I'm concerned, but I took a wrong turn channel surfing, and here I am. Animal scenarios always make me salty, especially when they involve an animal who is injured through the stupidity of the person who should be taking care of them. At least the guy's cat is still alive, no thanks to the idiot in charge of its welfare-another genius who lets his cat walk around loose outdoors and then is surprised when it gets hurt. Then, doesn't have the common sense to call his vet first and alert them that he's bringing in an injured animal-not that the vet techs who were present were terribly concerned about anything but starting a physical fight with this guy, simply because he swore at them. I spent most of this episode cracking up at the fake crying from the brunette defendant chick-look close when the camera zooms in on her face when she's caterwauling about how traumatized she is-no tears, no red eyes. It's an Emmy caliber performance which probably gets her whatever she wants most of the time. Of course, when that doesn't work, her coworker who is roughly the size of a sperm whale comes out to body check the belligerent client-and the party begins. Black eyes and torn out hair abound, kitty gets taken to a vet who actually wants to help him, and Genius, Miss Crocodile Tears, and Miss Sperm Whale all get a tongue lashing extrordinaire from Her Honor, and find their cases dismissed. Too bad we had to listen to them talk so much first.

Significant Other (2022)

Another variation on a well-played theme.

[2/10 · 16 July 2023]

I really wish they'd remove the minimium character requirement, because I'm not sure I can think of that much to say about this film. It's a concept that has been done and redone-two unlikeable people go into the woods for a camping trip, and they find....well, it's usually a bear, aliens, or hillbillies; this time it's aliens and before this was halfway over I was wishing for some of the other two to show up. Anything to liven up the slow, slow pace....rhe movie was well into its second half before anything interesting started happening, and then, it was too little, too late. Oh, and be sure to look for the blade effect appearing later on-someone obviously watched Terminator 2 a few times too many. Watched all the way through, but just barely-once was enough.

Black Mirror: The National Anthem (2011) Season 1, Episode 1

Please tell me the rest of this series is better?

[1/10 · 25 June 2023]

To say that this episode wasn't my cup of tea would be putting it mildly. If the writers' intent was to shock and disgust the viewer, well, they achieved that in spades. Unfortunately, it was under such a silly premise that all I'm left with is the disgust. Bizarre and disturbing, I can deal with, if it's a believable, well-done story, but this just isn't. A Prime Minister giving in to a demand that he....er, assault a pig on television to save the life of a kidnapped princess, sounds like something a dirty-minded fifteen-year-old boy would come up with, and that's just how it plays out. The only good thing about this episode is that we only have to see the actor from the shoulders up during the act. I really, truly wanted to like this series, but I must say that this first episode doesn't bode well for the rest of it. People leaving rave reviews for this episode need their heads examined.

Superman III (1983)

Well.

[1/10 · 8 June 2023]

I don't usually leave reviews for movies I didn't finish, but I got three quarters of the way through this before turning it off, so I decided to go ahead. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen, but it's definitely on the list, beginning with the opening sequence, an overly twee ten-minute pratfall. The previous movies were endearingly corny; this is just stupid and cringingly unfunny. I mean, when even Richard Pryor isn't funny, there's obviously a problem, and even he couldn't save this mess. I'm no masochist, and I gave up right after the arrival of Mean Superman. The only thing worse than this movie was finding out that there was a fourth one with even lower ratings!

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Something of a letdown....

[4/10 · 14 May 2023]

I don't want to say too much and spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but.....for every "Signs" or "Sixth Sense," the phenomenally gifted Shamyalan seems to put out a "Village." This was another "Village." Very, very slow paced, with a drastic change to the end from the original story, which unfortunately creates a huge, nonsensical plot hole. One wonders if the change was made in answer to current social trends....whatever the reason, it skewed the ending to where it simply made no sense. Beautiful score, a cute little girl, seeing Rupert Grint in something that doesn't involve magic wands, and a surprisingly restrained performance from one Dave Bautista are all positives-not a repeat watch, though. Four stars.

Dangerous Game: The Legacy Murders (2022)

Animal lovers, skip this one!

[30 April 2023]

I certainly wish that I had. About five minutes in, a cute little kitten gets creamed in a garbage disposal-very graphic, very horrifying, and completely egregious. They never should have done that, because frankly the cat was the best actor in the cast. I think that Jonathan Rhys Meyers must have lost a bet or something-he has done much better work than this dreck, and I have no idea what drove him to sign on to this-even he couldn't carry this cast of has-beens and amateurs. This is another variation on a theme we've all heard, very slow paced, with no new twists. A good one to skip.

Zero out of ten.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: The Throwback (1961) Season 6, Episode 20

Five stars....

[5/10 · 12 January 2023]

....for the fight scene. Typically, it's two men fighting over a woman. Atypically, one of them is old enough to be her father; the other one about her age. (At least, back then people in their late fifties were supposed to be old, I guess. The actor looked about seventy five, but I guess they thought that would be pushing the envelope). Anyway, the fight-I've never laughed so hard in my life. Obvious air punches, the guy on the losing end staggering about dramatically and turning a back somersault at one point, overly dramatic music-I was cracking up. The rest...well, let's say that the lead guy isn't too bright, because if he'd had any sense, he would have seen what happened coming a mile away. Young and strong trumped by old and crafty-a variation on a theme we've seen played out here over and over again. A little well-worn to me, though not one of the worst ones.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Hooked (1960) Season 5, Episode 38

One of the weaker ones, IMO.

[2/10 · 10 January 2023]

An average episode with miscast actors playing characters who are very hard to like. Putting thirtysomething Anne Francis in a ponytail and jeans rolled up at the cuff doesn't make her look any more like a college student than Robert Horton's constant gum chewing motions and Potsie sweaters make him look younger than the actress playing his wife. Ms. Francis' line delivery and low-pitched voice doesn't come across as youthful, and some of the dialogue between her and Robert Horton was frankly laughable in both its schmaltz and its failed attempts to make both characters sound like kids. The plot has been done again and again, including the twist-you'll se this one coming from a mile away. Not one of my favorites.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: The Crocodile Case (1958) Season 3, Episode 34

Not one of my favorites....

[2/10 · 5 January 2023]

....mostly due to the stupidity of the protagonist. If he hadn't been dumb enough to tell his peabrained girlfriend that he'd killed her husband, he might have got away with it. To make it even worse, he does this right at the beginning, so this episode is really just a half hour of waiting for the inevitable to occur. I can't think of another thing to say about this very humdrum episode-it's not terrible, but it's not really worth watching, either-the performances are OK, not outstanding-we aren't told enough about these people to develop any empathy toward them. I wouldn't call it a stinker, but most definitely a skip-er.

Cold Skin (2017)

I liked this more than I expected to.

[8/10 · 8 December 2022]

A man whose name we never find out (he is referred to only as Friend) comes to a lonely island, tasked with monitoring wind and weather patterns. The fellow he was to replace seems to have disappeared, but he makes the acquaintance of the reclusive Gruner, who manages a lighthouse nearby. After Friend is sttacked one night by some strange, amphibious sea creatures and ends up losing his cabin, he moves into the lighthouse with Gruner, and his....er, roommate. Seems that Gruner is keeping one of the creatures as a sort of pet/punching bag/sex toy, and, as Friend begins to object to his treatment of her, tensions arise. Meanwhile, there are many other creatures, and they would like her back....

This was a much better film than I expected. Beautifully shot, with a brooding atmosphere that sort of tells you from the beginning that at least one of these guys ain't gonna be leaving, you can almost smell the salt in the air and feel this isolated, rocky little island closing in on you like a trap. The creatures are a little derivative of the cave crawlers in The Descent, but it's not too distracting.

And then-there is Ray Stevenson as Gruner. I've liked him in pretty much everything I've seen him in, and Cold Skin is no different-his Gruner is brutal, cruel, and harsh, but still somehow pitiable, and he strides around that island set like Captain Ahab chasing white whales. David Oakes as the young protagonist is also very good, as is Aura Garrido as Gruner's captive creature-it can't be easy trying to express emotion from behind a flat blue eyebrowless face. The cherry on top is the unexpectedly lush and gorgeous soundtrack, which I intend to buy. Eight stars out of ten-I quite enjoyed it.

Willow (2022–2023)

Well-it's Disney, all right.

[4/10 · 1 December 2022]

Sigh. Not much to say here, but I'll try.

The Good-Warwick Davis and Joanne Whalley are back as Willow and Sorsha. In fact, I wish there was more of them, and less of the supremely annoying new cast, with the exception of the young lady playing the adult (and inexplicably blonde) Elora Danaan. The trolls and creature effects were pretty good-WHAT was that thing with all the teeth that took on Sorsha?!

The Bad-everything else. Disney's checked all their usual boxes: lesbian romance, woman warriors, woman-against-forced-marriage, inept males-everything you've come to expect, making this a typical boring slog. The new characters are completely unnecessary-we want to see what the old characters have been up to all these years, not sit through being introduced to a whole lot of new ones, but we barely get a glimpse of Willow, and Sorsha is sidelined. And the cgi does no favors-the colors are garish and cheap-looking, and Ren fairs and cosplayers have better costumes-the more muted, authentic colors of the original movie would have served them better, indeed. And the dialogue is horrible-the actors sound like modern teenagers, with modern inflections and expressions, and inconsistent accents. Not good.

Lastly, a word for all those using their disappointment in this inept effort to dump on Americans in general-please remember that the original concept, and direction of the movie all of us loved so much, came from Americans. Perhaps if these same Americans had more to do with this, it would have been better.

And the reviewer referring to "proper British accents" needs to remember that not all the leads in the original movie spoke with one. Why should everyone in this cast?

Anyway-I'm giving this four stars. One for Warwick Davis, one for Joanne Whalley, and two for the creature effects. It'll have to do better for me to come back. I'm disappointed.

Pitch Perfect (2012)

Even having a sense of humor can't save this mess...

[1/10 · 25 November 2022]

....because having a sense of humor means you laugh at funny things. The only funny thing in this movie is seeing Rebel Wilson get hit with a burrito-I only wish someone had shoved it in her mouth before she started singing, or whatever she calls that caterwauling sound she was making. Unless you think treating campus rape as a joke, watching people projectile vomit and them swim in it, and feeling as though you're stuck in a two-hour loop of Glee and American Idol is funny, do yourself a favor and just skip this. The characters are uniformly awful, the acting is abysmal, and this movie is completely devoid of anythung resembling a plot. There is more emotional depth in an episode of "Saved by the Bell." One star for the burrito, the true star of this vulgar, unfunny, cliched movie.

Smile (V) (2022)

Better than OK....

[7/10 · 17 November 2022]

This was good. It didn't scare me at all-I found it unsettling, creepy, and unnerving rather than horrifying, though there were some very good jump scares-I mean, if a movie is going to rely on such gimmicks, at least this one did it RIGHT. The soundtrack is weird and eerie-reminds me of 70s horror background music a little, and is strangely apropos to the gloomy setting (seriously, WHY do all these people live in impossibly neat, gray houses? Most real people leave things lying around, and live in rooms with colors. Just saying.) The best thing about this movie is definitely Sosie Bacon-I was so impressed with her, and honestly I think she acts rings around both her parents....she did a great job of somehow causing the audience to root for a frankly unlikeable character (Rose) even if it's one who is near impossible to sympathize with or to like. Rose is a whiny, entitled, jealous person who blames her misfortunes on everyone but herself, and has an unbelievable level of naivete about why no one believes her demon story (hello....you killed your cat, wrapped him up in a box, and gave him to your nephew for a present. But yeah, the demon made you do it-they just don't understand.) She is a shrink, yet she has a complete and total inability to stand in another person's shoes and comprehend that not everyone deals with trauma in the same way. I really, really disliked this chick on a personal level, yet Sosie Bacon showed a scrappy, tough side to Rose that makes you root for her anyway, even if you don't like her much. The ending felt like something of a copout-it's one of those that has you blinking at the end credits, asking, "Wait. That's IT?" but it does leave open the possibility of a sequel, so there's that.

**I recommend this to anyone who isn't triggered by suicide, traumatized children, or animal harm-the cat scene is difficult-RIP Mustache.**

Where the Scary Things Are (2022)

One star is a gift.

[1/10 · 16 October 2022]

I knew within ten minutes of this drivel that this movie isn't one of the good ones, the OK ones, or even the so-bad-it's-good ones. This is beyond cheesy, because cheesy has its own charm, and cheesy I could tolerate, but this flick is just bad, bad, bad all around. The most repugnant group of kid characters I've seen onscreen in a long time-and they are supposed to be the heroes (I guess?). And the acting....let's just say it's as awful, vulgar, and amateur as the screenplay. Good thing the main cast is all young enough to look into other occupations, because I don't think any of them should waste any more time trying to be actors. One star, and that's generous.

Halloween Ends (2022)

I don't know what I was expecting, but

[5/10 · 15 October 2022]

....I didn't expect it to be boring! Honestly, you can watch the prologue, skip almost the entire next hour, and tune in for the last 30 minutes or so, because that's all the Michael Myers you'll get. Red herrings abound-a kid who seems to be set up to be the next to don the mask as he becomes a sort of crazy apprentice to The Shape (who is probably getting a bit long in the tooth for all this), a bunch of random shots zeroing in on a ring he wears (for no reason, it appears), the victims are despicable people it's impossible to warm up to, because undeserving, nice people never get mudered anymore, I guess, and, in the end, Laurie (who keeps subjecting us to a book she's writing between standing up for the victimized and carving up killers) just stabs and bludgeons Michael to death, like she's done a million times before. Only thing is, this time, she has the sense to obliterate his body to make absolutely sure. That's really the only new thing here. Five stars, which is one big "meh" from me. At least it was better than the last one.

Swim (I) (2021)

I wish I could leave half a star.

[1/10 · 18 September 2022]

What an AWFUL movie-from the horrible CGI (one prime example of this is a guy steering a rubver motorboat on the ocean during a storm-the boat just skates on the surface, no wake, etc.), the terrible looking sharks which go from huge to small enough to fit through a basketball sized hole, to the terrble acting-especially the lady playing the mom who looks like a blow-up doll because her mouth is constantly open and whose voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard. The execrable script doesn't deserve better actors, though. Do yourself a favor and skip this one-I'd rather watch a Lifetime channel instead of going through this again!

Mid-Century (2022)

Stephen Lang must have lost a bet.

[2/10 · 17 July 2022]

Two minutes into this movie, and already I couldn't stand either of the leads. Stephen Lang is one of my favorite character actors, and I have no idea what he's doing in this Lifetime Channel-esque mishmash of bad acting and worse screenwriting. Cliches and stereotypes abound, all the bad guys are white, everybody in the fifties drove a Thunderbird and lived like the Cleavers, etc. Don't bother with this one. Two stars because at least Stephen Lang appears from time to time to remind one why they might have mistakenly thought this movie might be good.

Rendez-Vous (2015)

English dubbing is terrible!

[1/10 · 28 May 2022]

I usually watch a film in its entirety before leaving a review, but I can't take any more of the horrible voiceovers in this movie-the two kids have the most annoying voices ever-one of them sounds oike Elmer Fudd because he says Ws for Rs-I guess they thought that was cute. No one can pronounce the daughter's name correctly and for ten minutes I thought they were calling her "Zeus" instead of "Suze." Everyone else speaks in a monotone or puts emphasis in the wrong places so it sounds like a bad recording. Seriously, hire people who actually speak and understand English to do your English language dubbing. This is like listening to Google Translate in a movie. Unbearable, so I'm turning it off.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1999 TV Movie)

Not too bad....

[6/10 · 22 May 2022]

Fairly close adaptation of the Irving story, except for giving Katrina a personality, and Brom a sense of wanderlust, so if you liked the cartoon version or the Tim Burton movie, this one may not be for you. The cast is a bunch of people I've never heard of, but they're not bad, and the guy playing Crane is actually quite good-you're not SUPPOSED to like the character, so his annoying ways are true to the tale. I do wish that the actor playing Brom Bones was a bit more of a hellion-this guy is a bit too much the young, handsome, and high school jock type. The pacing is a bit slow, the costumes rather much like a high school drama club production (ladies of that time would not have worn pinner aprons everywhere, especially not to church-people then would have reacted to that the same way people now would react to you attending church in your bedroom slippers), and everything is a bit too anachronistic in its cleanliness and shinyness, but it's not terrible. One for the whole family, even the littles. A cut above ordinary due to the actors playing Crane and Mynheer Van Tassel, so six stars.

Firestarter (2022)

Don't watch if you're an animal lover....

[1/10 · 14 May 2022]

....especially if you like cats. Or if you enjoyed Stephen King's novel. Or if you watched the original with Drew Barrymore and thought it lacked something, because you are bound to be disappointed once again. The only good thing I can say about this slow-paced snoozefest with outdated cgi and unnecessary updates is that at least they didn't cast another white guy as Rainbird-Michael Greyeyes is a fine actor, and the standout here as far as cast and characters go. Zac Efron as Andy McGee looks more like Charlie's older brother than her father, and Charlie herself is an unpleasant little weirdo who incinerates a cat because it scratches her-frankly, there isn't really anyone characterwise to root for here. Sorry, but this was an almost total miss for me.

Skeleton Man (2004 TV Movie)

Michael Rooker must have lost a bet....

[1/10 · 19 October 2020]

....or maybe he's trying to be a nice guy and help a friend's kid out with their senior directing project? Seriously, how in the world did they get him to agree to this film, put drugs in his coffee? I don't usually review movies unless I've watched them in their entireties, but....I doubt that will be necessary here. Twenty minutes in, and I don't know how much more I can take of this mess of bad costumes, bad acting (except for Mr. Rooker and the horse), bad story, bad special effects, etc. Downvote me all you like, but try watching, and see how far YOU get!

Itsy Bitsy (II) (2019)

Animal lovers, skip this one....actually,everybody just go ahead and skip it.

[1/10 · 20 April 2020]

OK, I am not scared of spiders, but I think they and their scuttling, scritchy legs are disgusting. However, the spider in this movie looked like a windup toy-not gross, and certainly not scary. Just boring as all get-out. If I'd written this script, someone would have seen the spider, screamed, and smushed it with a book-problem solved. And the movie would have been infinitely more interesting. Really, all joking aside, this was BAD-special effects were abysmal, and the plot had more holes in it than a pair of Goodwill boxer shorts, and do we really need another movie with overly precocious kids that Were Right All Along? ( The graphic demise of a cat did not help matters in the least-I don't like the abuse or death of an animal used for cheap scares in a movie.) One to skip-I might give it a half a star because of Denise Crosby, but, then again, I can always catch her in "Stark Trek: TNG," which is far less of a waste of time.