The one thing that "Piranha 3-D" did wrong was actually cast Jerry O'Connell in his role -- if he would have understood the character was a parody of the kinds of characters he usually does rather than playing it straight, he would have been much more entertaining instead of grating. Also, since characterization isn't really a big concern of the filmmakers, Ving Rhames is too underused, even though he has a good time with a boat propeller. And, the younger children should really stay away -- not because of the gore, but the ample T&A on display. Elisabeth Shue works well as the face of the law trying to keep order during chaos, as well as fun cameos by Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. Too bad Joe Dante and James Cameron couldn't have joined in the fun. Go and enjoy!!
Reviews
7 Reviews
Rocky IV
(1985)
Unpatriotic? Nope.
1 April 2006
They say that all screenplays have three acts. 'Rocky IV' is no different - however, the movie came out like this: one part music video; one part flashback; and one part, the same old story. It is unknown to me why 'Rocky IV' is so popular with everyone. It's a terrible, terrible movie - one of the worst sequels ever made. It's lazy. It repeats the 'death in the family' idea from 'III'. It doesn't even have James Brown around. That would have been fun - seeing the Godfather of Soul in the ring singing just before the fight. Just because Ivan Drago is a Russian, I'm supposed to give this film a break? Not me. I do call a spade a spade, and 'Rocky IV' is 91 minutes of my life I'm not going to get back.
Friday the 13th Part 2
(1981)
War With MPAA
1 April 2006
When the original 'Friday' came out into theaters, some people (read, the MPAA) were outraged at the level of the gore effects that were in the film. So, with Gene Siskel at the helm, the MPAA began a crusade to tone down the effects in horror movies. 'Friday II' was an easy target. At least one death (with a beer bottle) was cut out completely. The double impalement is seen in the film only from underneath the bed (when the arrow comes through) - however, the VHS box always tantalizes you with a shot of the spear from the top of the impalement - never made it in thanks to the MPAA. Not to mention the poor guy hanging from the tree. Although many slasher films were released the same year as 'Friday II', 'Friday II' got most of the MPAA backlash on the effects. Too bad these effects have never been put back into the film.
No Michael - Whew!
1 April 2006
For those of you who turn to 'Halloween' movies to get your Michael Myers on, you probably already know to avoid this movie like the plague. But, here is the truth. John Carpenter never wanted Michael Myers to become a series - he hated writing the second 'Halloween' - thought it was a totally useless concept that Michael turns out to be Laurie's uncle. That's why he blew him up at the end - so he didn't have to do the storyline anymore. Instead, he wanted to use the 'Halloween' title to come out with Halloween-themed movies - a new movie with a new them every year. I guess enough people didn't read that or understand what he wanted to do with it. Too bad. You're missing a decent show.
Finally - John Carpenter is Smiling
1 April 2006
20 years is a heck of a long time to wait for a worthy sequel. But, former 'Friday the 13th' alum Steve Miner finally gets it right. I know a lot of people hate 'Halloween III' because it has nothing to do whatsoever with Michael Myers. However, were any of the Myers sequels before 'H20' worth the film it was transferred to? 'II' was just bloody and, even according to Carpenter, useless. 'IV' was a travesty; 'V' was a step up, albeit a small one; 'VI' was confusing and pointless. 'H20' does continue the original Carpenter storyline and throws away the plot line of 'IV', 'V' and 'VI' - thank God! With the emphasis on suspense rather than effects (although there are some well-done effects), 'H20' finds the right kind of balance the original 'Halloween' had. No, it is not as scary or shocking as the original, but it is definitely a worthy sequel. And, without Michael even going into space. Whew!
Amityville 3-D
(1983)
Not Scary, but Fun
1 April 2006
Okay - Amityville 3-D will not go down as one of the scariest films of all time. Not even one of the best. However, if you use your imagination and complete the 3-D effects in the film, it is a very fun time. Imagine the pipe shattering the car window coming through your TV screen. The spit of the old woman flying out at you. The boom mike ready to take your next words and amplify them through the house. Watch it again, and pay special attention to when the 3-D effects appear - and have fun with them. Also, a special acting nod goes to the branch at the beginning - scratching the camera screen, even when there's not a tree around. Now, that's acting!
Final Destination 3
(2006)
Formula Begins to Feel Deadly Familiar
14 February 2006
While Glen Morgan and James Wong may best be known for their work on 'X-Files', their script and direction for 'Final Destination 3' had me wondering what exactly they were thinking. 'Final Destination 2' had the kind of dark humor that kept the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' series afloat throughout the late '80s. However, 'Final Destination 3' eschews the dark humor for some deadly seriousness instead, making it the link to Morgan and Wong's first 'Final Destination'. I just couldn't take it too seriously, especially when death (the big presence, this time only voiced by Tony Todd in the line to the roller-coaster scene) seems to think that the best thing to do to cross these should-have-already-been-dead folk off his list is to take them out in the most incredible ways possible. While the opening credits with the carnival pinball game are quite fun, the fun doesn't translate into the rest of the movie. Too bad - this could have made a really good horror comedic series.
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