stratusk1 Reviews

Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011)

How did this piece of mammoth excrement ever get made?

[1/10 · 25 September 2011]

See that $20 bill in your wallet? Wipe your ass with it instead of paying to see this movie. You will receive more amusement watching a feces-stained Jackson swirl around the bowl than watching this gross-out piece of water buffalo diarrhea.

Not even an immature 13 year old will find this film amusing. It uses the same three jokes the entire movie: Bucky has buck teeth, he shoots semen at the mere sight of a naked girl, and he has a tiny penis covered with a bush of hair. Boom, that's it. That's the movie.

Game over man, game over.

If I could give this film zero stars, I would. Not even Stephen Dorff can save this penguin excrement.

District 9 (2009)

It's a sci-fi movie people!

[9/10 · 10 September 2009]

Some minor spoilers...

To all these people complaining about how "this part would never happen"...that the extremely malnourished and leaderless alien drones wouldn't start blowing the humans apart with their advanced weaponry...that the aliens and humans wouldn't understand on another after 20 years...why these aliens wouldn't start an uprising when there are enclosed in a slum and have missiles pointed at them and helicopters always flying over...why these aliens are violent, greedy, mischievous, and deviant when then live in overcrowded slums with hardly enough food...

Honestly people, this is a sci-fi movie about aliens stranded on earth! I'm not saying this gives the filmmakers leeway to do whatever the hell they want because of that, but come on, if you can suspend belief for malnourished aliens who look like prawns and come to earth in a huge mother ship but can't for the other things, maybe you shouldn't be watching sci-fi films.

And apparently if you write something in capital letters it means you are "shouting." loll

Santa's Slay (2005)

Sufficiently Awful! I recommend it!

[8/10 · 30 January 2006]

I had my doubts when my friend and I first rented this film. However, it definitely pulled through. The fact that they actually came up with a plot to justify Santa killing everyone in the town for no reason is just icing on the cake. Goldberg's performance suffices as the role of Santa the homicidal maniac. Then again, I think anybody could have played any role in this movie and it wouldn't have made a difference. With the nonstop action this movie will definitely keep you interested. You probably won't be sure why you are interested, but you will be. Also, most of the killings are pretty inventive. I would have just preferred some more one liners from Goldberg after he slays his victims. As with any movie starring Bill Goldberg, this one is a keeper. Do yourself a favor and invite a bunch of friends over and prepared to be amazed.

Final Examination (2003 Video)

Great movie! That is, if you like terrible movies!

[8/10 · 30 January 2006]

I gave this movie an eight because when I rented it I expected it to be terrible. It did not let me down. It was hilarious. I particularly remember one scene where a woman is showering for around two minutes. There was no point of this scene in the film as it did not advance it in any way. But that is the genius that makes "Final Examination" what it is. It is more than just pointless nudity, bad acting, and a dull plot. OK, OK, maybe it isn't. Plenty of shots of naked women saved this movie from just being another terrible B (maybe C) movie. If you are looking for a great movie to make fun of, this is it. Especially if you rent it and tell your friends it is supposed to be very good.