vogonford Reviews

The Expendables (2010)

Just skip it.

[2/10 · 1 September 2010]

Please, do not get me wrong. I love action films. I have a soft spot for those 80's violence fests like Delta Force because they're fun. I also liked the new Rambo movie and Grindhouse.

This, however, was just crap. The only reason why this isn't rated 1 is because of the best performance of the movie, by the AA-12 shotgun.

Basically, the fight scenes are boring, the story beyond stupid to the point that even the 80's would have been disappointed, the characters uncompelling and the movie overall is just a waste of time. I was hoping for this to be a good shoot-em-up, but it just ended up failing.

If you haven't seen this movie, don't. Watch something like Delta Force, as that's actually entertaining.

Inspector Gadget (1999)

Inspector Gadget gets thrown out the window and Disney takes over

[1/10 · 29 May 2006]

I grew up watching Inspector Gadget. It was, and still is, one of my favorite cartoons, if not my absolute favorite. I learned a lot of geography and history from the spin-off Inspector Gadget's Field Trip. I wanted to slip on a banana peel and become the greatest detective ever.

But the film has ruined the reputation of the wonderful cartoon.

Matthew Broderick, an actor with potential, was definitely NOT the role for Inspector Gadget. First thing- in the film, Inspector Gadget is smart. Not so in the cartoon. In the film, Gadget solves the mystery mostly by himself. In the cartoon, it was almost always Penny, Brain, and the awesome book (I still want her book!). If Gadget solved the mystery, it was by accident. Gadget in the film seems to be a competent detective, but in the cartoon was pretty dumb, which was where the humor came from.

Another thing is that it's too much "Good Guy v. Bad Guy" in the film. It's not just meant to be a silly Saturday morning cartoon. Also, Gadget never should have a love story, but Disney Corporation is filled with idiots.

Also I miss the true gadgets that Gadget had, and especially the Gadget car. In the movie it was a chic convertible. In the cartoon it was a sedan police car and could turn into a van. It also barely had any gadgets and was mainly there to get him from place to place.

But if anything, the one thing that was terrible about the movie was that it was a feature movie. Inspector Gadget was a silly Saturday morning cartoon. The movie was too serious, too overdone, had too much of a plot and wasn't even remotely as funny.

Tip for those who haven't seen it: NEVER see it. EVER. Watch the cartoon, it's a true classic.

Patton (1970)

Great man, great actor, great idea - wrong time period

[7/10 · 29 May 2006]

I am a humongous nerd when it comes to World War II. I could babble on for days on just D-Day or the Great Patriotic War or many other things. I also have great respect for General George S. Patton. He is, by far, my favorite American general of all time. He wasn't the best, I'm sure there were better than him. But his personality and his style are so larger-than-life that Patton deserves a lot of attention.

I also like George C. Scott. He was the perfect man for the part, and was very true to it. Patton himself would have loved to see not only himself glorified but also Scott's portrayal of him, especially Scott's voice- a low, gruff manly voice, which was actually unlikes Patton's, a rather high-pitched voice which he detested, but Scott's voice is much more like Patton's character.

But my problem with the film is when the film was made- 1970. Had it been made ten years before or 20 years later it would have been far greater. But the fact that it was made in 1970 destroyed how great the movie could have been.

The reason? The fact that the message is anti-war. Some stories, such as Homer's "The Illiad" or Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" are meant to be anti-war. But with Patton it doesn't work. Patton LOVED war. He lived for war. War was his life. He feared dropping out of West Point because he wanted to be in the heat of battle. He was sad when both the World Wars ended because he was no longer in war. The 1920's and 30's were a terrible time for him because it was in peace. But since the movie Patton was made in 1970, the only way it was ever going to be a success was to have it have an anti-war message throughout the movie. Patton would have hated this.

If all the actors were alive today (especially George C. Scott), and they made it today, the film could be possibly one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, film ever made.

The Producers (2005)

PRD strikes again!

[2/10 · 29 May 2006]

Yes, here the terrible PRD makes another stab. PRD, Pointless Remake Disease, is striking Hollywood with a vengeance these days. Why does it never hit the bad movies in an attempt to make them better? Why does it only strike at wonderful classics and fail to even remotely get up to par with them, instead getting at least a double bogey on each hole? Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder were perfect roles for the part- Zero, the sick, mean con man and Gene, the nice accountant, were so good at their roles it made me cringe to see this version. Nathan Lane is nothing in comparison to Zero. He has an obvious nice underside, a good side, which we never saw in Zero. Matthew Broderick, an actor with good talent, has been again brutally exploited by Hollywood- he's too cute in the part. Poor Matthew can't seem to escape PRD- he's been cast in this, The Music Man, Inspector Gadget (which was my favorite childhood cartoon show, and I hated the movie with a passion) and probably many others. Gene Wilder just did the part so well that Matthew could never have matched up.

I also hated that Mel Brooks got rid of LSD. LSD was such an incredible character and made the "Springtime for Hitler" part classic; the use of Roger DeBris as the actor for Hitler was terrible. I didn't like the idea of making Hitler gay. The use of Adolf "Elizabeth" Hitler was also terrible.

However, the part I did like better was Will Ferrell. He, in my opinion, was better than Kenneth Mars as Franz Liebkind. He was perfect for the role and was the only character who was true to the part. His only things done wrong were done by Mel Brooks, who used to be a great director and writer but screwed up on this one.

So my tip for those who haven't seen this: Don't. See the original, it's far better.

Team America: World Police (2004)

Team America ROCKS!

[10/10 · 23 March 2006]

(Terrorist technical is charging head on at Team America truck) Chris: Surprise, c**kf*gs! (Hood flies down to the ground and the terrorists go flying over them and blows up into the Sphinx) Anyone who doesn't like this movie is stupid. I've never laughed harder to a movie EVER.Now that says something. I like watching Paris and Cairo getting blown to pieces, the destruction of Michael Moore (Dear LORD I hate that guy), the constantly cussing, shooting and plain out naughty puppets just crack me up. Even better the entire movie, except for I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. and on-screen texts such as credits, is done completely without CGIs. I so amazingly love watching Team America, I've seen it at least 10 times. It doesn't get old! Simply put Team America fully deserves 10 out of 10 stars and anyone who doesn't agree should end up like Susan Sarandon =D Watch it people you won't regret it!