Change Your Image
Cabbagetown
Reviews
Millenium Day (1995)
Hopefully You'll Never Have To See This One
Get your pots out kiddies here's what we're cooking up today.
Throw some bad guy space aliens that want to destroy all life on Earth into the pot.
Slowly add in another ship full of aliens with various cheap Halloween masks on that wanna stop the bad aliens.
Now mix in just a pinch of Atlanteans that are all female and dress like intergalactic hookers.
Blend in a U.S. president who looks like he should be starring in a no budget Dracula film.
Add in about 45 minutes of stock footage from various wars, you know, planes crashing or getting shot down, tanks burning, planes being launched from aircraft carriers etc.
Now add a couple of cups of footage of car crashes, houses getting blown up, and other stuff that has been ripped off from other bad movies.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot the last ingredient, Red China and the United States are at war with each other.
Stir and boil this all together and what do you get? One giant, stinky cheese omelet.
So what's the movie about? Hell, I don't know I just sat there watching it with my chin hitting the floor. All I can say is this is the worst flick I have ever endured in my life. And hey baby, I've endured some really bad ones. Hopefully You Will Never Have To See This One.
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
Not bad, but not what I expected.
I had great expectations for this flick when I heard about it. Like how can you go wrong, John F. Kennedy and Elvis are alive and well and living in a nursing home. Not only that but they have to chase down and defeat a homicidal, soul-sucking mummy dressed up in a cowboy outfit. Sounds great and it is, except for the first half which consists of Elvis lying in bed and crying the blues about how old and infirm he is. This seems to go on forever. In the second half we actually get to see the mummy, and is he ever a creepy looking dude. Unfortunately we don't get to see much of him and when we do there is very little action. That's my problem with the film, there's just plain not enough action. When you've got Bruce Campbell (star of the Evil Dead series) starring in a movie you expect lots of action and plenty of comedy to go along with it. Perhaps that's my problem, I was expecting too much. So if you're expecting an Evil Dead clone you may be disappointed.
I'm not saying don't watch it, just buyer beware.
Evil's City (2005)
You're gonna have to watch this sucker twice
Some college kid reporters go off in search of a hidden ghost town called Acheron. Naturally they find a bit more than they bargained for. After a good start the movie gets pretty bogged down. During the first half it's kind of hard to figure out much about what's really going on, it just plain jumps around too much. There are flashbacks that don't really help since they just sort of pop up out of nowhere. The last half hour or so picks up nicely as people are getting knocked off left and right in very violent fashion. You're gonna have to watch this sucker twice to actually enjoy this flick. That way you'll have some idea where the plot is going. Watchable if you like blood and guts. I give it a four out of ten for gore.