The-Shadow Reviews

Flight of the Red Balloon (2007)

One of the Greatest Failures in the History of Cinema

[3/10 · 6 March 2009]

There are two types of movie goers: those who can enjoy lyrical, poetic and/or artistic films and those who cannot. If you're part of the first group, more power to you; you'll love this movie. However, if you're like me, this movie represents everything that is wrong with so-called "art films." My hatred for this movie comes from the belief that movies are, or ought to be, entertainment. They should be visual novels, not moving paintings. That is why I cannot stand most art films. They try to be art, while entirely missing the point of cinema. Don't get me wrong; films can be art, but not in the same way a painting or a sculpture is art. Movies are art the way novels are art.

Time to move on to this movie in particular.

Plot: There is none. I also understand that there was not even a script for this film. I don't know if it's true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Le Voyage du Balloon Rouge is more of a premise, that premise being everyone has a story to tell. While this is probably true, the makers could have easily come up with an even mildly interesting story to give the characters.

In it's own way, this film is as every bit as shallow as the average summer popcorn flick. Summer popcorn flicks fill the screen with explosions and action scenes in the hope that no one will notice there's no story. This film uses the same tactic, replacing explosions for bright, colorful settings.

Characters: Good movie characters are interesting and relatable. They don't even have to be likable. In fact, some of the best characters aren't truly likable.

The characters of Voyage are not interesting, but oddly relatable, in an a way I'm sure the actors never intended. We've all gone through times in our life where we we feel nothing is happening in our lives. I'm sure none of us would care to watch movies about those experiences, either.

Cinematography: I try to give credit where credit's due. This is a beautiful film to look at and listen to. It is truly a lovely moving painting with a build in musical score.

Overall: My initial reaction to this movie was a one star-rating. However, now I've taken a step back, I give this film three stars.

The Black Hole (1979)

No Wonder It's Called The Black Hole- IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

[1/10 · 25 June 2007]

I recently developed a theory. We believe there to be only three basic types of movies: "Good" movies (movies that are really well done), "Bad" movies (movies that will never appear on a list of greatest movies ever made, but fun to watch) and "Ugly" movies (movies which are so bad, so can only watch them if you're with a friend and you're mocking it). In test of this theory, some a friend of mine and I watched three movies, one Good, one Bad and one Ugly. Titan A.E. was the Good movie and City Heat was the Bad. Black Hole was, of course, the Ugly movie.

Few films could fail so completely.

The first thing that annoys you when watching the film is he music. Music is supposed to support the scene, not contradict it.

Then there's the revelation about the woman's father. It wouldn't have saved the film, but that revelation should have come later into the film.

Then there is the telepathic robot. How a machine can be telepathic is beyond me. This robot, Vincent, becomes more annoying through out the film by quoting people. Sadly he is the character with the most character in the film.

Once on board, the villains ship, you meet robots who can shoot fast moving balls of light. Yet later on, they are unable to hit stationary objects...

After that, the films descends into a series of physically impossible feats. "Physics? We ain't got no physics. We don't need no physics. I don't have to show you any stinking physics." Memorably, in the final scenes the wall of the space ship is breached and yet the fleeing heroes are not sucked into space. I know it was made in '79, but everyone knew that was impossible.

The final scene is meant to be interpreted by the audience. Normally, that would be really cool, but with Black Hole, you wonder what was the point of watching the film.

I try to be fair when judging movies, so while it may seem like I'm ranting for the sake of it, I think I was fair to this movie. Sadly my friend died of internal hemorrhaging from watching this movie, and I was only able to survive but gnawing my left leg off.

So, take my advice, if you're thinking of watching this film, DON'T. I you want to watch something with essentially the same plot watch "Doctor Who": The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit. Sure there is some blatant disregard for physics there to, but at least it doesn't insult you're intelligence.