gargantuaboy Reviews

Square Pegs (1982–1983)

Every bad high school cliche imaginable with endless laugh track

[1/10 · 29 January 2024]

As far as high school shows go, this has to be one of the absolute worst. First of all the show seem to be proud of having characters that are nothing but cliches. The "Hip black girl with dreadlocks" the "Dumb Italian kid named Vinnie" The Valley girl, the Rich snobby girl named "MUFFY", good god I am surprised they didn't have an Asian kid that is the school genius.

This show is truly awful. The two lead girls played by Sarah Jessica Parker and Amy Linker actually give the best performances simply because they are not quite the obvious cliches everybody else seems to be. Oh and Tracy Nelson's Valley girl voice is horrible. She might be one of the worst characters ever on a sitcom.

This show is just dreadful.

Happy Days: The Evil Eye (1978) Season 6, Episode 9

No sitcom ever dropped in quality like Happy Days did

[1/10 · 15 January 2024]

The first two seasons of Happy Days are absolutely wonderful. The writing has so much charm and humor and the actors, from Anson Williams to Henry Winkler to Erin Moran play their parts perfectly. The entire cast is just wonderful. The Christmas episode of the second season where Fonzie is all alone on Christmas and then comes to Christmas eve dinner at the Cunningham house is probably my favorite Christmas episode of ANY sitcom.

The problem is the show went on for about EIGHT more seasons and simply lost all the charm of those first few years. By the end the show was barely recognizable. Robin Williams as "Mork from Ork" certainly did not help matters and this particular episode "The Evil Eye" is so bad it has to be seen to be believed. A witch puts a curse on Al and Fonzie and by then I just turn it off. I really cannot even remember what happens and I am glad. If you are interested in revisiting Happy Days or if it is your fist time, take some good advice and just stick to the first four seasons, especially those first TWO which were truly wonderful.

Leave It to Beaver: Family Scrapbook (1963) Season 6, Episode 39

This "Scrapbook" episode is just OK but makes little sense.

[3/10 · 31 December 2023]

I am a huge fan of Leave it to Beaver but this episode makes no sense considering they are using the "Scrapbook" way to sort of recap things. The problem is the photos in the scrapbook are taken from actual episodes but in those specific episodes NOBODY was there snapping photos! There is one photo we see of Beaver and Wally in the bathroom , are we supposed to think there was some hidden camera just snapping away?

I understand you just sort of have to "go with it" but this is just a little odd. Also there is some dialogue that just does not work. One of the photos makes Beaver ask his parents why they started to call him "Beaver". It is very hard to believe Beaver would not know this already and it's a little silly to think on the very LAST episode this is just now being addressed.

I still think Leave it to Beaver is the best show EVER about kids and Mathers and Dow are absolutely wonderful along with the entire cast but I am just not crazy about this ending episode.

Too bad the last episode wasn't moving, like Beaver visits Gus one last time or something like that.

Christmas at the Holly Hotel (2022)

Wants to be a Hallmark type Christmas movie but falls far from target.

[1/10 · 5 December 2023]

It is obvious the filmmakers involved wanted to make a Hallmark type Christmas movie but even considering the level of quality of most Hallmark movies. "Christmas at the Holly Hotel" falls far from that target.

The movie revolves around Kathy played by Jesi Jensen who is a food critic and she is coming back to her home town to stay with her parents who run an old hotel that is also the town's big tourist attraction where Kathy used to give tours. There is a very big restaurant inside and of course a few ghosts still reside in the place.

On Kathy's drive into town she is pulled over by a friendly cop and given a ticket. Of course they start dating. Turns out Kathy's parents want her to get married and so does the cop's very talkative Grandmother played by Shirley Moon Koebbe. This part calls for somebody with the timing of Estelle Getty or Ruth Gordon but Shirley Moon Koebbe has NONE of their wit or comedic talent so EVERY line of dialogue spoken by the Grandmother falls so flat it just becomes awkward and dull. The acting all around is truly at amateur level. There are a few ghosts that pop up and interact with Kathy's father and the part of the ghost calls for somebody like Cecil Kellaway or Henry Travers (You can look them up) but what we get is just another very ordinary performance from another bland actor.

We keep hearing that Kathy is a fantastic cook and people try and convince her to break free of the food critic position and concentrate on her cooking. Towards the very end of the movie there is a huge Christmas dinner being held at the hotel, so big the President of the United States arrives. None of the cooks at the hotel can make anything other than a grilled cheese sandwich which is played for laughs but makes little sense and Kathy surprises everybody and arrives in the kitchen to make dinner. The problem is we never even see her take charge and start preparing the dinner! We have no idea what she is even making, the scene literally just dissolves to AFTER the dinner where everybody including the President says it was the best dinner of all time. The movie is so shallow it cannot even give us ONE scene where Kathy is doing ANYTHING in the kitchen and the whole thing about her cooking was the entire subplot of the film!

The film is amateur like on ever level. During one scene Kathy is having a conversation with her parents in the hotel and the shadow of the boom mic can clearly be seen going across Kathy's face.

I will leave it at that. Jesi Jensen is very attractive and she could fit into some kind of TV show perhaps and the movie is usually in focus. Those are my positive comments.

Haunting of the Queen Mary (2023)

Exceptionally eerie moments in this horror movie at sea

[8/10 · 20 August 2023]

Think of it kind of as The Shining at sea! The Haunting of the Queen Mary shines best when capturing the look and feel of the eerie events that took place on the ship back in 1938. The film effectively goes between the current times on the ship and back to 1938 when some particularly disturbing murders took place, and the film does not hold back on the horrific moments.

Surprisingly good production values for a horror film, the set designs and costumes do a good job bringing us back to another era and I was NOT expecting it but yes there's a good supply of BLOOD AND GORE which should satisfy most horror fans.

Addicted to Fresno (2015)

Painfully unfunny. Not even a little bit funny.

[1/10 · 16 January 2022]

"Addicted to Fresno" is one of those films that tries so hard to be this hip edgy dark comedy but the results are dreadfully unfunny. Natasha Lyonne plays the lead girl and she is a hotel maid and the film opens with Lyonne training her sex offender sister played by Judy Greer how to become a maid in the same hotel. Since sex offenders are so funny I am just amazed this didn't work here.

The writer of this film must be obsessed with blow jobs because I have never seen a film with so many blow job jokes in the first 20 minutes. I say 20 minutes because I could not get passed the 20 minute mark because this movie was so bad. I have nothing against blow job jokes if they are at least somewhat FUNNY, not ONE of the jokes in this film was even remotely funny. I would settle for mildly amusing but no.

I could not get through any more of this film and that is that. I skipped through a lot of it and saw Aubry Plaza doing another bad character. Oooh she's weird!! No, I can't tell you anymore about this one. Painfully bad and not even remotely amusing. The only laughs this movie probably got were the screenings loaded with family and friends all fake laughing.

Night Gallery: She'll Be Company for You (1972) Season 3, Episode 10

No wonder Rod Serling wanted out of this show

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

There are some good episodes of The Night Gallery but many that are simply just awful. "She'll Be Company for You" is one of the awful ones. Leonard Nimoy gets a cat from his wife's friend to keep him company but he clearly does not want the cat and he comes off like a real jerk throughout the entire episode.

All I could figure out is the cat turns into a leopard and growls in a very threatening manner and scares Nimoy silly. I don't know or remember what else happens, I mean that seems to be it. The cat gets scary and scares Leonard Nimoy. God this show was bad.

Mork & Mindy (1978–1982)

Mork & Mindy never was funny. Almost unwatchable

[1/10 · 12 October 2021]

Mork & Mindy was about as funny as Mister Ed or some other bad sitcom. There was nothing funny about Robin Williams prancing around in his striped shirt and suspenders. The character was introduced on truly one of the dumbest Happy Days episodes of all time. I really am not one to review this show because I am not able to get through an entire episode.

Ilana Glazer: The Planet Is Burning (2020 TV Special)

Unfunny hipster likes to get stoned

[1/10 · 13 July 2021]

Is the joke supposed to be that Ilana Glazer isn't funny? And she likes to get stoned a lot? Is that it really? And does the audience have to applaud like idiots EVERY time she mentions getting stoned? I barely made it through fifteen minutes. Truly terrible and the worst thing is how boring it is.

Who's That Girl (1987)

Maybe one of the top 5 worst movies of the 80s

[1/10 · 16 January 2021]

Madonna gives maybe the single most annoying performances in motion picture history. I walked out after about 45 minutes so I cannot comment on the film itself. All I can say is don't see this movie, do something else with your life. Throw a ball to a kid, play some checkers, make a nice pasta salad, ANYTHING other than seeing this movie.

Lazy Susan (2020)

Another terrible comedy trying way too hard to become a cult film

[1/10 · 11 January 2021]

This will not be a particularly deep review considering I could not get through a solid 30 minutes of this mess. Sean Hayes for one reason or another is playing a woman named Susan. From what I saw this was not even addressed but maybe it comes up as some sort of plot device later on maybe...

Sean Hayes playing another unfunny character that it looks like he came up with in some improv class in the 80s perhaps. He plays Susan a bored and depressed woman who seems to do nothing all day but sleep and cut out pictures in magazines she steels from other people's mail and makes collages out of them. Her entire family is getting tired of her laziness and demands she get a job.

I turned it off at this point because I just could not take it. Dreadfully unfunny and just boring. It's as if the film was made to be strange and weird and develop some kind of cult following.

Pass on Lazy Susan.

The Lie (2018)

There is one big flaw that kind of ruins the whole thing

[3/10 · 7 November 2020]

By the time this movie ends you would have to believe that one teenage girl said to the other: "I want to visit my boyfriend so let's just pretend you murdered me and of course nothing will happen to you and I will just pop up a week later and everything will be fine!!" That is just too stupid to buy so the movie just completely falls apart at the end. I'm not saying it wasn't entertaining getting there, but that ending just ruins it.

Pieces of April (2003)

Sometimes feels like a PARODY of an Indie film, but still works.

[7/10 · 29 October 2020]

April is kind of a screw up in life and she is trying to put together a thanksgiving dinner in her dreadfully sad little apartment for her family she has not seen for quite some time. Her mother has cancer and is not doing well and is played nicely by Patricia Clarkson who got an Oscar nomination for supporting actress for the part. You get the idea pretty quick that April has never had much of a relationship with her mother. Her entire family along with perky sister and awkward brother pile into the family car and take a long road trip for Thanksgiving at April's apartment. Families in quirky indie films are always piling into cars and taking road trips. This is right out of the "How to make a quirky indie film" instructional book.

April is played by Katie Holmes and she does a nice job here. Watching Holmes play this screw up of a girl trying her best to roast a turkey is a fine premise. As the family makes their way on the road to come to dinner, April's oven stops working and most of the story is then watching April go from neighbor to neighbor begging to use their oven. I like that idea, and while Holmes character does feel real most of the time, are we really supposed to believe she is such a buffoon in the kitchen she has no idea how to make mashed potatoes? We literally get shots of her trying to smash the hard uncooked potatoes in a bowl.

The movie frequently cuts to the family on the road, and one particular scene shows the family accidentally hitting a squirrel or something and they actually get out of the car and have a funeral for the little thing and the son awkwardly makes a speech as the entire family, along with Granny, stand around the newly dug grave. The whole scene feels like it came out of another chapter in the "How to make a quirky Indie film" instructional book. Not a second of it is believable. You half expect them to pull out signs that say "WE ARE A QUIRKY INDIE FILM FAMILY AND THIS SCENE SHOULD GET US AN INDEPENDENT SPIRIT AWARD!!"

The movie then cuts back to April running around her apartment building with her raw turkey trying to find an oven. She is helped by several neighbors including an African American family who want April to set her set her goals higher by NOT using canned cranberry sauce. A nice Chinese family also help her out, one neighbor that does not come off so well is Wayne, who she is told just got a new state of the art oven and Wayne is played by Sean Hayes doing a really bad job at playing a rich snobby character as he shows off the futuristic features of his brand new oven. First you are thinking why would this rather snobby fellow live in this decaying old building? and second you are wondering why he is pushing this forced character with this put on voice, so much?

Finally we see the family get to the building and they are so shocked from seeing how rundown it looks they drive off to a restaurant and while they are sitting there ordering, the mother starts to feel a touch guilty for snubbing her daughter on Thanksgiving so she walks off to speak to some biker who is sitting at the bar, the very next shot is the mother on the back of the motorcycle putting on a helmet which felt like it was pulled right out of yet another chapter in the "How to make a quirky Indie film" instructional book. The biker drives the mother to April's apartment and soon the rest of the family join her and some of the quirky characters from the building come in for Thanksgiving dinner as well, thank god Sean Hayes does not make an appearance doing that badly forced character he probably learned in some improv class sometime in the 80s.

Another annoying thing is through out the entire movie Katie Holmes wears a tank top that looks like she just ran into a kid who just walked out of 31 Flavors with a dozen ice cream cones. If you see the movie you will get the idea.

The movie is entertaining enough and makes for a pleasant viewing.

Chapter 27 (2007)

Dreary and pointless film about dimwitted killer Mark David Chapman.

[1/10 · 27 May 2020]

Well if you really want to hear about it, "Chapter 27" is a pointless and dreadfully dull movie. For some reason somebody thought it would make a good movie to show how Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon, but why?

The film mostly deals with how this out of touch loner is obsessed with the the J.D Salinger book "The Catcher in the Rye" and for one reason or another that means he must kill John Lennon. We hear passages of the book read in badly done voice over by Jared Leto. I suppose Leto is trying to sound like Chapman and maybe he is, but the fact that Chapman himself is such a one dimensional bore just makes it tough to pull off anything even closely resembling an interesting performance.

What is truly just bizarre is the fact that Salinger's Holden Caulfield is a sharp, foul mouthed kid with a terrific sense of humor and an exceptional conversationalist, who is extremely well read for his age, and cares about people and does not like bullies or violence, how the slow dimwitted Chapman thinks he is in any way like Holden, just remains a mystery and only makes it even more obvious how out of touch he was. The movie cannot be faulted here because the filmmakers simply do not have a whole lot to work with considering the source material.

The movie is rather slow and just leads to the murder of Lennon without uncovering anything even remotely new about the subject. Lindsay Lohan is also in it and she plays a fellow Beatles fan.

Another thing that really bothers me is this chubby dimwitted loser probably loves that there is a movie about him. It's exactly why he did what he did. He thinks he is some kind of celebrity icon and he is probably so honored a movie would be made about his life. He will never be anything other than a dull, homely, oaf. Why would anybody need to make a movie about him?

Don't bother with this one.

Permanent Midnight (1998)

Truly one of the most boring movies of the last 30 years.

[1/10 · 26 May 2020]

Ben Stiller plays Jerry Stahl, writer of a sitcom, he is also a drug addict and it interferes with his work and relationships. I wish I could say more but I had to turn the movie off at the half way point because of how unbelievably BORING it was. In fact this could be one of the top ten most boring movies I have ever sat through in my entire life. Stiller plays the character in such an unlikable way the audience has nowhere to go with it. I just sat there waiting for it to end.

It was supposed to be one of these hip edgy movies because it's about a drug addict in showbiz but the movie just falls flat from the get go. It's NEVER even remotely entertaining.

Small Apartments (2012)

Dreadful movie wants to be a cult movie so bad.

[1/10 · 23 May 2020]

You cannot set out to make a "cult film", that is something that just sort of happens. "Small Apartments" directed by Jonus Akerlund tells the story of Franklin Franklin who lives in a seedy apartment and for some reason just goes around in his underwear. His name is "Franklin Franklin" because that kind of sounds quirky like something that would make a good cult movie. Everything in this film is designed to make it live on as a cult movie. He is also bald which sort of gives him the look of an overgrown baby. For one reason or another the film starts out with Franklin in his apartment surrounded by a myriad of empty soda bottles. On the floor is the landlord and he is dead. That is another thing that filmmakers do when they want to make a quirky cult movie, just have somebody dead and the characters don't know what to do with the body. Usually it's a dead stripper and this time it is a dead landlord.

I have never seen a movie that tries so hard to be a dark comedy / Cult film. It tries way too hard to be weird and its just too obvious. It just fails miserably, and it is not particularly funny either. For some reason Billy Crystal is in the film as a detective trying to find out just what happened to the landlord.

Aside from Crystal the film also has James Caan in the cast. Caan plays another tenant of the seedy apartment and all his character does is yell at Franklin in two or three scenes, he literally does NOTHING else. I suppose there is a story behind the fact that Crystal and Caan are in this mess. Maybe they were doing somebody a favor I suppose.

Padding out the cast is Johnny Knoxville as another tenant dressed in 80s punk rock fashion. Rosy Perez is also in it. The movie deals with these wacky characters in this apartment as the detective tries to get to the bottom of what happened. The problem with the characters is that they are not real people, they are "cult film characters".

This is the kind of movie people might say they like hoping it might make them sound edgy or something. I have personally never even heard of this thing until I just happened to see it advertised on Amazon as I was shopping for groceries during the quarantine.

Pass on this one.

The Last Rites of Joe May (2011)

An aging two bit loser gets one last shot to do right.

[8/10 · 21 May 2020]

The first time we see Joe May he is being released from the hospital, we can see from the start this is not a healthy man. A bout of pneumonia kept him in the hospital for a seven week stay. Joe is played by Dennis Farina in what turned out to be one of his last roles and he completely nails the character. Joe May is a two bit hustler with not much going on.

When he is released from the hospital he goes back to his apartment and apparently it has been quite some time since he has been there because somebody else lives there now, A woman named Jenny played nicely by Jamie Anne Alman. Jenny is a nurse and has a young ten year old daughter. While Joe was in the hospital the landlord assumed he was dead so he simply got rid of Joe's belongings and rented the apartment to Jenny. Jenny feels bad for poor old Joe and actually lets him move in telling him she could use the help paying rent. Jenny also has an abusive boyfriend who is also a cop and from the get go, this cop does not like Joe.

We see Joe try and get things going to make a few bucks here and there and he goes back to see Lenny, a man he knew as a kid and made money with from time to time over the years selling stolen merchandise on the streets. Joe confronts him at a diner while Lenny is having breakfast with two other men, Joe tells him he would like to get back to work hopefully selling what he considers his specialty, radios and electronics. Lenny, played by Gary Cole, downplays the role which really makes the performance believable. Lenny is more interested in his pancakes and coffee than anything Joe is saying. When Joe asks him for work, the man can barely even make eye contact with Joe. He decides to give Joe a connection and he tells him to see a guy named Seymour.

Joe goes to see Seymour who runs a meatpacking company and hands Joe an enormous side of frozen lamb. How exactly Joe is supposed to sell this is never really explained however a very disgruntled Joe walks out and tries to sell the meat around town and getting zero takers. The sight of Joe lugging this huge side of meat around the streets is truly heartbreaking but funny at the same time. It's a great visual. It made me think of Ray Milland in "Lost Weekend" as he carries his typewriter all over town trying desperately to hawk it.

Joe also goes to see his son around Christmas time to reconnect with him but this goes nowhere and we really get the idea that Joe has no options left. The one thing Joe seems to enjoy is raising pigeons on the roof of the building he lives in with Jenny. Something about tough guys raising pigeons on rooftops has always worked in films. I thought of Brando in On the Waterfront or Stallone in The Lords of Flatbush. It works in this film too.

Joe also has a hand in taking care of Jenny's young daughter and the two of them build a nice relationship. When Jenny goes out of town with her abusive boyfriend she asks Joe to watch her daughter. The scenes with Joe and the daughter lead to some of the most moving moments in the film. Jenny comes back with bruises on her face and she knows she will never be able to get away from this man. Of course as in all movies with women in abusive relationships we wonder why this nice and attractive woman would even be with this jerk.

When Jenny is beaten again and has to be hospitalized she finally decides to move but knows that eventually this violent man will track her down. Joe decides to take matters into his own hands, I don't want to spoil the ending but let me just stay Joe accomplishes what he wanted to do. Feeling that he is nothing but an ailing two bit loser he has one last shot to leave the world a better place and do good and his actions get him more respect than anything he has ever done before. This is a little gem of a picture.

The Fanatic (2019)

So bad it must be seen to be believed>

[1/10 · 10 May 2020]

About 25 years ago Quentin Tarantino literally resurrected John Travolta's career by casting him in "Pulp Fiction" after that Travolta was a big star again, but now he seems to be making movies worse than before he was saved in 1994. How Travolta would want to make "The Fanatic" is just beyond comprehension. He is also listed as one of the producers so he really believed in the project. Travolta plays Moose, a man in his 50s that seems to live for nothing but movie memorabilia. He is also has some kind of mental problem and Travolta really goes all out to let us know this. Something is definitely wrong him and he seems to have the mental capacity of a nine year old. He lives in a dark cluttered apartment and how he pays his rent is never really explained. He has a part time job dressing as an English cop and stands in front of the Wax Museum on Hollywood blvd trying to entice tourists into the museum. His best friend is Leah played by Ana Golja. She seems to make her living taking candid photos of celebrities and she for reasons that are never really explained is Moose's best friend, or "BFF" as Moose likes to say. Ana is quite attractive and it almost seems like she is Moose's roommate. It is hard to imagine how this girl would every want to spend time five minutes with this oddball. Towards the beginning of the movie she has some information about some Hollywood party and wants Moose to go in and get an autograph of his favorite movie star , Hunter Dunbar played by Devon Sawa. They go to the back of the building and Moose climbs the fence and just plops down down on the other side dressed in a colorful and busy shirt with movie characters on it, shorts and a back back and NOBODY stops him from entering the kitchen area and right into the party. Moose cannot find his idol at the party and goes to some book signing of his and when Hunter Dunbar leaves early Moose confronts him outside in an ally and Hunter really lets Moose have it, telling him to leave him alone. Moose does not get the hint and with the aide of Leah, he tracks down Hunter's address and brings him a letter, he is spotted by the maid and a few days later as Moose is walking around the Hunter's house again but this time outside on the street he is confronted by a very angry Hunter and he is warned to NOT come anywhere near the place again.

As the days go on, Moose actually being so dimwitted goes back and sneaks on the property only to be confronted by the maid who starts hitting him with a mop or something, Moose goes insane and hits the maid in the face and she falls and hits her head and dies. Moose then finds this the perfect time to sneak back inside. The audience has completely lost interest with the movie and Travolta's horrible annoying portrayal of the nutcase by this time and the film just goes on and on with Moose tying up Hunter and a fight breaks out. I will not even bother to tell you what happens. For one reason or another there is actually occasional narration done by an actress, it sheds no light on anything, one can only imagine this terrible production was screened and somebody thought narration would somehow save it.

This movie is so dreadful it must be seen to be believed. Just Horrible in every way and Travolta's character could not be any less sympathetic, you end up cheering for Hunter to just beat the snot out of him. The only reason you might want to sit through this is just to experience for your own interest how absolutely horrible a movie and a performance can actually be.

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)

How this ever even got released is beyond me

[5 May 2020]

I am actually not sure if "Jay and Silent Bob Reboot" even got released. I cannot imagine how it could because that would mean that some studio executives somewhere would actually have to endure this "film" for two hours.

I doubt this review will help anybody because I could not even make it through half of the "movie". I watched it up to a "scene" where the blond fella who is Jay and Silent Bob go to some fast food restaurant, and the scene was so stupid it defies any kind of logic of how this thing would ever get released even on some obscure cable station. Kevin Smith doesn't speak when he plays this character so he just makes these dumb faces and moves his head around and somehow this is supposed to be really funny. Do even the most diehard fans actually laugh at this? Does Kevin Smith think he has great physical comedy skills or something? I really cannot think of many performances that come off more awkward, it just doesn't work at all. I don't want to ever think about this stupid thing ever again. Can you imagine how many good screenplays were never produced and this ridiculous crap gets made. Truly just painful in every way. It's not even fun to make fun of it because it's just too boring. Maybe Kevin Smith can take this act on stage and stand there and make those stupid faces to all his diehard fans.

I don't know what the story is even about or what happens to silent bob and his friend, just do yourself a favor and never look at this one. If your friend suggests watching this, just punch him in the stomach and go to bed.

I will not even rate this thing because I cannot seem to find a way to give it less than one star.

Frances Ferguson (2019)

A movie about a substitute teacher that comes off lifeless and dull.

[1/10 · 3 May 2020]

Kaley Wheless places Frances, a substitute teacher in a small town. She is in a rather dull marriage and her male students find her attractive. She starts to have an affair with one of her students and it gets out and she is arrested.

The film is sort of a bio film on Frances as she goes about her daily business, however nothing particularly interesting or even slightly entertaining happens throughout. We see her spending the day with her mother , going shopping with her husband, going to therapy and there is nothing memorable about any of it. The whole thing comes off as if the filmmakers did not want to make the laughs obvious and that is where the movie succeeds. The humor will not be obvious to ANYBODY. For some reason the movie has wall to wall narration by Nick Offerman and quite frankly, it doesn't help. Offerman's typically dry narration feels like a last inning attempt to drain some kind of laughs out of this dull material.

This is the kind of film people pretend to love as if their sense of humor is just so sophisticated that only simple people wouldn't find it funny, yeah well good. Do yourself a favor and pass on this one.

Pass on this one.

Midsommar (2019)

There is a point when a movie just gets too weird and silly.

[2/10 · 28 April 2020]

This movie does for Sweden what "Midnight Express" did for Turkey. Dani and her boyfriend decide to go spend the summer in Sweden for some special event. Their friend Pelle has friends there that are also taking place in this special tradition that only happens every nine years so everybody is excited to go. Dani has recently lost her parents and sister in a family tragedy so this will be a nice escape for her.

Everything seems wonderful when they get there, everybody lives in green grassy mountains and fields and do nothing but sing and bake little pies and make tea. Everybody that lives in this odd community looks like something is just a little off. All of the people they meet seem to have nothing going on aside from singing and participating in rituals. They make the Manson family look like The Waltons.

In one VERY graphic scene we see how these people do away with the elderly. Instead of sending them off to die slowly in nursing homes they are taken to a very high mountain where they just jump to their deaths. Believe me if blood turns you off this is not the movie for you. This is an extremely disturbing sequence and director Ari Aster really lets you see more than you might want to.

What is particularly odd is that really only two minor characters complain about that death scene and they want to leave. Dani is played by Florence Pugh and she does exactly what she do with this part. She is extremely believable. The problem with the movie is everybody is just way too creepy and when people start dying and things just get weirder I just kind of fast forwarded the last 20 minutes or so. There is just a point where the movie gets too weird and quite frankly RIDICULOUS. Check it out but beware, it's oddly disturbing and not in a fun Texas Chainsaw kind of way.

Family: Home Movie (1976) Season 2, Episode 3

Willie makes a short film for a very important festival.

[2/10 · 10 March 2020]

Willie has been chosen to make a short film for a festival that can bring him national attention. For some odd reason Willie decides to film his own family! I mean he can do ANYTHING and all he can think of is interviewing his mom doing some gardening? and quite frankly Sada Thompson was not exactly thrilling to watch. He films his little sister Buddy up in her tree house as she tells the camera how much she loves her tree house. Why on Earth would this be his choice to win the contest? Finally he starts filming his family when they don't know he's there and he gets some juicy stuff, like his mom sitting at a table with his little sister and sharing a sandwich, like I said real juicy stuff. Let's face it, this kid is not going to be the next Scorsese. Towards the end of this episode Buddy has an important speech to make at school and completely flops, she runs to a diner and sits at the counter and has a heart to heart conversation with a waitress with a heart of gold played nicely by Dorris Roberts. As the hours go by Buddy continues to hang out at the diner, finally the talkative waitress goes to a back room and calls Buddy's family to come get her. How the waitress knew the phone number is not revealed. At the end of the episode Willie thankfully decides NOT to send in his masterpiece film for reasons that are not particularly fleshed out. The end scene is the family sitting around watching the finished film. Let's face it, Greg Brady made a more impressive film about the Pilgrims.

Happy Christmas (2014)

The kind of film where the camera shakes just to prove it's a hip little indie film.

[20 October 2019]

I found this little film while looking for things to watch on CBS All Access. , Melanie Lynsky plays Kelly, a bored novelist who hasn't written much lately, and she is married to Jeff played by Joe Swanberg. They live in a place that apparently used to be a tiki bar, dried star fish and bamboo all over the place. Anna Kendrick plays Jenny, Jeff's sister. She is coming to stay for a while because she just broke up with somebody and now she's bored too. There is about a four minute scene of Jenny just in absolute awe, that her brother and sister in law live in a place that used to be a tiki bar. She just goes on and on and we have to endure it. You can tell there is a lot of improv in this film because NOBODY could actually sit there and write scenes as dull as this. So the camera lingers on the actors as they sit there trying to make up dialogue. The couple have a little baby and I will admit he's a cute kid. In fact I cannot think of anything else in the film that was better than the baby. and I don't even like kids all that much. Oh and the camera shakes throughout the film just in case we forget it's a small little indie film. Not much going on here, pass on this one.

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–2024)

Canned laughter after EVERY line of dialogue.

[1/10 · 15 October 2019]

I am sorry, I just cannot watch a sitcom where there is literally thunderous fake laughing blasted after EVERY line of dialogue. I just can't , obviously nobody is really laughing that hard at a sitcom this average, the idea that the network has to put on the laugh track like this to make US laugh is so absurd. The terrible laughing is just distracting and quite frankly makes it all LESS FUNNY than it normally would be, if that is even possible.

Lost in Translation (2003)

One of the most awkwardly overrated movies of all time.

[2/10 · 22 September 2019]

The movie is about a middle aged actor in Japan doing a whisky commercial and while he is there he befriends a lonely young woman. The two are played by Scarlett Johanson and Bill Murry. The entire film comes off as if there was no script and the two actors are just given an idea, sort of like an improv group. The problem is Johanson has zero ability to do improv. Watch the scene where they are sitting at a bar and Murry notices her black toe. He goes on and on about taking her to a hospital while she just sits there and giggles. It's like watching a kid in an acting class, she is absolutely terrible in this movie. One boring improvised scene after another. Another scene has the two in robes talking about the pool at the hotel. It is as if the director said "OK just make up conversation about the pool, ACTION!" And then both actors just stand there talking about the pool, and once again Johanson just stands there trying to make up dialogue, it's not her fault the scenes are so dull, why should she be able to come up with great things to say, how about A SCRIPT??? This could go down as the single most overrated movie of all time. Copolla won the Academy Award for screenplay?? That made absolutely no sense.

Also many scenes are condescending to the Japanese people, they are sometimes used as props for Murry's improv and it really begins to get awkward. Pass on this one.