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cyntax2000
Reviews
Gojira tai Megagirasu: Jî shômetsu sakusen (2000)
What Godzilla is this?
First of all I loved GODZILLA 2000. I was so excited when this came out because I thought it would pick up where G2000 left off. New younger good guy Godzilla, about time too. BUT NO! What we get is this b.s. bogus back story about times in history when Godzilla attacked that is in complete contradiction to the entire history of the series. And to make matters worse we have this stupid unsympathetic woman as the lead, who I just wanna slap so bad. The film had no point. It makes me so mad that every Godzilla movie up till 2000 was very obviously part of an ongoing series that at least adhered to a little bit of continuity. Now we have somebody saying let's just throw it all out the window. And the movie was stupid as well full of stupid unsympathetic characters and that stupid witch who we don't even have the satisfaction of seeing her get roasted by Godzilla in the end.
The rest of the Godzilla series have there problems with continuity but at least they are cool.
Skip this one.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
What was the point of it all?
My first response is why? Why would you make a movie called G.I. Joe if it isn't G.I. Joe. Being a student of film, I really do understand the necessity of translating a cartoon to motion picture i not easy. A motion picture needs to have a bit more realism, yes, especially when you're dealing with the military. What was done here is atrocious, and a travesty of such a terrible caliber that it has completely turned me against Stephen Sommers. And yes I loved Van Helsing. Man where do I start, maybe the terrible miscasting of Duke and Cobra Comander especially. Captain Hauser? Last I heard Duke was a sergeant, and always has been. How about the stupid convoluted and pointless script, or the terrible cringe worthy special effects, and performances from everyone. I am a Chris Eccelston fan, I love Doctor Who. All I can say is what happened? Like I said I love cheesy over the top movies so very much, Street Fighter is my favorite movie of all time and it came closer to an accurate G.I Joe motion picture then this train wreck. It really would have been so easy to write this film if they had gotten someone who new the actual story. I don't buy for one minute Larry Hama had anything to do with this film. So what I am saying if you are any kind of G.I. Joe fan, stay as far away from this movie as you possibly can. Don't even acknowledge its existence.
The Offspring (1987)
Absolute junk with a great cast.
Where in the world do I begin with this. This had to be one of the sickest films I have ever seen in my life. And what is worse was the awesome cast they assembled for this piece of trash. 4 of the greatest of all time, VINCENT PRICE, CLU GULAGER, TERRY KISER, CAMERONE MITCHELL. I was thinking' to myself, before I watched it of course, How could this be anything less then awesome. Even directed by Jeff Burr. How wrong I was. I have never been a fan of anthology movies mostly because each story always has to have some kind of bs shocker end that is almost always very unsatisfying and leaves you empty inside. This was no exception, I assure you. And by the way, why was the girl executed in the first place, we never found out. This could have been an effective film, but it was handled very irresponsibly. It seemed to play simply for sick shock value, and had absolutely no point to the stories at all. There could have been some great moral lessons here if it was handled correctly.
story 1 - obviously murder, incest, and necrophilia is wrong. What we are presented on screen could have taught us a very valuable lesson, but it ended up just being a ridiculous sickening shock fest.
story 2 - the only redeemable story we have here. and maybe if the others were handled this way the movie would have worked better.
story 3 - so terrible, depressing, disturbing and distressing, I can't hardly even remember it. I am a big believer in freedom, and no fate only the power of will, when I see some bs that goes against this I have a tendency to freak out and break things. There is always a way to fight back.
story 4 - takes the cake. my god in heaven above. As I said before if this wasn't just played for total sickening shock effect, and trust me the last segment is as sick as it gets, it might have been effective.
One last note. Don't let this be how you remember these three great masters of horror that have since passed away. PRICE, MITCHELL, GULAGER, you guys are so much better then this junk.
The Three Stooges (2000)
So many Inconsistencies. And STOP THE JOE HATE PARADE!
There really were a lot things positive about this biopic and I do understand that dramatization is a crucial selling point of any film based on fact. But I really think that these guys should have either done just a little more research or if they did know stick a little more with the facts. I am not a Ted Heally fan, in fact I think he is one of the most unfunny comedians of his day, and I do realize he was very very shrewd and sometimes tough to work for, but I really found it a bit unnecessary to make him that big of a bully and totally abusive. The biggest complaint I have for this film though is the very unfair and unjust treatment they gave to Joe Besser. His characterization was completely untrue. Just watch Pies And Guys, and you will see Joe take a pie in the face. Moe hand picked Joe for the Three Stooges by the way. And all the contract slapstick stuff was worked out way in advance before they shot the first Moe, Larry, and Joe short. That was not an issue during filming. I am a big fan of Joe Besser and I know my Besstery. But anyway other than those two big things kudos to the filmmakers for a very interesting pseudo history lesson on the greatest comedy team of all time. I did cry at the end when they got on stage as Larry, Moe, and Curly-Joe.
Daydream Believers: The Monkees' Story (2000)
Not For The True Monkey Fan!
Man, WTH! Seriously WTH!I assume this film was made for FANS! of The Monkees. Anyway Spoilers ahead, I guess, This is supposed to be a biopic. What is the matter with the people that made this movie. There are so many continuity goofs in this thing to put The A Team to shame. First of all Why is Micky's hair curly right off the bat. And by the way they wore those stupid yellow shirt suits in one episode, The Pilot, that's it. we never get to see the signature red or blue eight button shirts which i loved as a child. That really ticked me off. I suppose all the other goofs were forgivable but those 2 mess ups alone rendered the whole thing redundant. So true fans beware. no care was taken to make this film anywhere near accurate. It was slapped together for drama sake.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
My Second favorite movie of all time
Once again. you guys need to learn how to have fun with cool cheesy movies. Ans once again to all you video game junkies, my sympathies (i guess) this movie rocked and ruled beyond any words could possibly say. first the casting. sooooooo much better than the original. Sandra Hess did a much more warm and believable Sonia Blade. and common James Remar, deadpan and srait performance make him the ultimate Rayden. The only fault is the untimely death of Johnny Cage, masterfully played by Chris Conrad this go around. Brian Thompson is also very impressive as Shao Khan. I loved the Biblical references in this one as well. Also the nonstop balls to the walls in your face action sequences. This movie just never let up. All I can say is Awesome beyond awesome, baby. I highly recommend this one, especially to Doctor who fans.
Street Fighter (1994)
the greatest cinematic achievement of all time.
This is my favorite movie of all time. unfortunately for you video game fanatics it might be a different story. but for all us G.I. Joe fans foaming at the mouth for an awesome cheesy G.I.Joe motion picture, this movie was a dream come true. Jean Claude Van Damme at his absolute best. and Raul Julia (God rest his soul) was in top form in his final bow. just the way i .like to remember him. in fact everyone was cast so well, barring Ming Na When as Chun Li, its hard to put my finger on who was the best. plus being written and directed by Eteven E Desousa, my favorite screen writer, wow. if there is a fault to this film, i have not found it yet. and in the immortal word of Van Damme. who wants to go home and who wants to go with me.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
forget D and D think Doctor Who
this is what I'm talking about baby. it was awesome. screw the D and D game anyway it sucked. And the props in the film were not that bad. I'm talking about the legend himself Tom Baker making an appearance as well as Jeremy Irons best role next to Die Hard With a Vengeance. I am so sick an tired of you guys not knowing how to have fun with a cool cheesy movie at the theaters. not everything has to be Shakespeare you know. what we have here is simply a fun action fantasy film. i loved every second of this film, and would highly recommend it to Doctor Who fans. as for you Dungeons and Dragons game fans all i can say is better luck next time.