wolfenstein-1 Reviews

The Russian Specialist (2005)

I feel sorry for Dolph

[1/10 · 14 December 2011]

This move should never have been made. The plot is nothing original, just recycled justified revenge violence. And the shoots just scream amateur, at completely random the films is in slow motion. You don't add slow motion of a person walking (unless big bouncy boobies are involved). Slow motion is something you use on critical action sequences so the audience don't miss any of the details of why the things that happened turned out the way they did. If you add it in random places it gets boring the second time you do it. You may also use slow motion do imply happiness but that falls completely flat in this case due to bad timing.

The stunts glow with their absence. I don't know if he did it intentionally or by accident from low budget, but the lack of anything extraordinary made the extended people-shooting-at-everyone scene at the end seem almost realistic because there was nothing special about it. It was just people shooting at each other and hiding behind brick walls in intervals.

Cthulhu (2007)

They took Cthulhu and made it into a gay love story

[1/10 · 17 August 2011]

I did not even know this movie existed until four years after it was made. As a Lovecraft fan I got it without hesitation. The Cthulhu concept is so cool it is hard to mess up but they still managed to do it. How you ask? By, among other things, having a flashback of two teenage boys jacking off together under a pier.

On the other hand the movie is creepy from time to time when the entire town except him seems to be part of the cult but it is ruined by changing the focus to homosexual exploration as soon as it started to catch my interest.

Avoid at all cost. Lovecraft must be turning in his grave. I am not being homophobic, it is just that when you watch something called Cthulhu you don't want to see Brokeback Mountain.

Thinner (1996)

Loved the movie and I loved the book

[10/10 · 3 July 2011]

This is a classical Stephen King story where an unsuspecting every-day-man encounters something supernatural and scary. Through an accident that was arguably not entirely his fault, mostly not his fault, a gypsy dies and he gets cursed by the victims family. When he realizes he is cursed he tries to apologize and repent but they basically tell him to go suck it.

And this is the part I find most awesome. He fights back the way I would fight back if I were put in that situation. He says he puts a curse of them. The curse of the white man from town. The curse of the white man from town involves, among other things, a mobster assassin . And highly corrosive acid of course.

Bob's Burgers (2011– )

A summary of all that is bad with low budget TV

[1/10 · 20 March 2011]

I have never bothered to write a review before. Voting have been enough but this show was so abysmally bad I have to speak out. The characters are a cut and paste TV cartoon family. It tries to be deadpan, but deadpan need intelligent humour so it fails. It is vulgar but not shocking delivered with family friendly tone which makes it dull.

The animation is all computer generated. They got a few set movements and poses that gets recycled through the show. It makes the characters look stiff. As a computer guy I would find that in itself completely unwatchable. I know they do that sort of thing all the time in cartoons but here it is painfully obvious.

One more thing that annoys me is that the dad sounds exactly like the movie obsessed gas station clerk in Family guy. There is no effort from the voice actor to make the dad sound unique.