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liz-berry
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Reviews
Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
Funny... if you're a 7 year old
I think it's interesting that several people have mentioned remembering this movie from childhood because that's where my recollection came as well. I'm glad I'm not the only one whose childhood included this movie since I was watching it thinking Geena Davis' costume alone makes it not for childish consumption, but it's sort of cartoonish in its sensibilities so maybe kids "got it" better.
I hadn't thought about the movie in over 20 years, but something just made me put it in my Netflix queue -- I remember it being a movie I loved!! I have to say I'm disappointed... you would think a move so packed with famous names would be somehow better. I laughed 1-2x tops. My husband was browsing a joke website while I was watching this and I found myself paying attention to it instead of this.
Meadowoods (2010)
People WROTE this???
I can't believe I sat through this entire movie. I like to think I'm rather forgiving in my viewing habits - the movie didn't grab me so I kept waiting... and waiting... and then I was already so far in to the movie I was really just watching it to make sure it ended... somehow.
Even worse than that: the whole thing was so stumbling and awkward, I thought for sure it was improvised - like they were trying to do a poor imitation of the 'Blair Witch.' No. I final endure the equally awkward ending, pull up the film's details and see it had writers... it had a SCREENPLAY. Wow. That's all I can say. Horrible, stilted, mumbling dialog performed by cardboard cutouts of bored kids.
Avoid. at. all. costs.
Martyrs (2008)
I promise: not what you are expecting at all -
I was all prepared to try and delicately write a comment about this movie and then I read the "Synopsis for Martyrs" and saw that someone else has already practically written out the plot scene by scene... so there's no use in trying to be delicate, I guess.
I was drawn to this movie because of the quote on the cover "one of the most ferocious horror films ever made." That's good - I'm always up for a good blood-n-guts flick - I usually rent a stack every weekend because my husband is never home to be offended by my rental choices (he is ehhh much more squeamish than I.) So I get about half way through and I'm thinking along the lines of other "torture and escape" movies - shouldn't it be wrapping up about now? What could the second half of the movie possibly be about? The bad guys got what was coming to them, almost everyone of note is dead... what's next? What's next is quite possibly a transition into a religiously-tinged side of the plot I don't think I've ever seen before...
All I can really say is: this film is not and will not be what you are expecting.
Watch it and see what it ends up meaning to *you*.
Green River (2008)
Quite possibly one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen...
... and that's saying a lot because I pride myself on my ability to sit through horrible movies.
Its bizarre, holey plot, strange & unsympathetic characters with baffling movies and sudden, anti-climatic climax make this painfully amateurish flick a burden to watch.
Granted, I was easily distracted so when I look up and suddenly this movie that has failed to grab me suddenly includes one of the main characters going bat sh*t and torturing some old dude who was barely introduced into the story... yea... I was puzzled, but instead of suddenly being drawn into the story and wondering where all this out-of-the-blue tension & murderous rage came from... I'm bored.
I only watched this movie to the end because I *PAID* for it... if it was on TV, I wouldn't have kept it on for five minutes... the only absolute LIE that drew me in was the back cover compared it to "Silent Hill"... this movie is not fit to scrape gum off Silent Hill's SHOE.
Avoid if at all possible.
Beneath the Surface (2007)
Surprising!
For something that looks like the film maker snuck into my local movie store and put it on the shelf just to see if anyone would try to rent it, it actually comes off really well done.
Yes, the actors are just kids (a couple of the adults aren't bad - Shane's father and Angelica) and the film is painfully homemade, but the soundtrack works, the plot - though holey and slow in places - isn't horrible... the writing is painful at times... but there are several gems that come through - funny one liners ("can't a guy jack off in peace?" "every day is like Ozzy Osbourne fantasy camp"), touching moments (when the almost fun feeling you get from watching the guys try to redress the dead girl to make her more inconspicuous dissolves to the horrible realization on Ethan's face as he sees the staples from her autopsy incision) and a well used soundtrack - the concert scene was particularly awesome... whoever that band was, they can really tear it up.
In the end, I was totally surprised by it...but not unpleasantly.
Twilight (2008)
Enjoyed it probably more than a married woman almost 30 should have...
I didn't care to see this movie in the theatre. I've heard of the books, but not read them. There just seemed to be too much "hype" surrounding the entire thing: the books, the author, the movie, the characters, the actors - everything.
(I actually just caught Kristen Stewart in "Adventureland" and realized she has some chops... I'll give her that.) ... but as I strolled through my local movie store today, I picked it up... practically looking around to make sure no one watched me do it. It felt like a guilty pleasure... like a carton of ice cream or something (even at 27 I'm far too mature for such nonsense, right?) BOY, WAS I WRONG.
And just like a guilty pleasure, I enjoyed every second of it.
I wished I were Bella... even if that meant going back to school - just to have a freaking awesome hot, romantic, protective boyfriend... one with a delicious secret that only I was privy to.
It had that very "us and our love against the world" feel without being overly dramatic or cheesy.
This is definitely the kind of book I would have picked up about fifteen years ago and gotten a wicked crush on Edward just like everyone is now.
I might even go back and pick up the books before they make any more movies.
Guy or gal, any age -- I would recommend this movie w/o a second thought. It was a lot of fun.
Stay Alive (2006)
Not up to expectations~
I really expected more from this flick. If you bother to subject me to something in a theatre where I've paid money, taken time, and am surrounded by creepy strangers/teens, etc., I demand amusement -- so it's lucky I just rented it, I s'pose.
It was very attractive to look (the game/CGI bits) at and to some that's enough, but I don't know... it just didn't 'grab' me. The 'mythology' elements w/ the Elizabeth Bathory character also made things interesting, but I guess, in the end, it just doesn't come together enough to satisfy -- call me simple, but I like to be beaten over the head with the facts by the time the movie winds down. I guess for willing suspension of disbelief, it's probably a good thing that no one ever really explains exactly HOW all the junk in the movie came to be.
Props to Frankie Muniz in this semi-grown up role. Hopefully, he can make the transition from kiddie star to grown up one as painlessly and with as little burn out as is necessary.
Sorry, kids, all in all, decent, but ultimately flat: pretty pictures don't hold the attention as long as one would hope.
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)
I actually DIDN'T hate this movie~
My last foray into mindless zombie entertainment was unfortunately 'House of the Dead II' so my expectations for this movie were low... it was a cool surprise.
I hate writing too much in these comments because I never like being told what to see because my opinions usually differ greatly from those of normal movie-goers, but I'll just say that, for once, the movie didn't exchange plot for the sake of cool effects. Effort was actually made to keep the story somewhat coherent: the original barrels of toxic junk show back up and start working their zombie magic. Yes, the lead actors are a bunch of semi-attractive youths, but unlike certain zombie movies I could mention *cough*houseofthedead2*cough* there are no boobs shown in the first five minutes (or at all for that matter, though there's one vaguely skanky chick used as a distraction at one point that says something suggestive about 'getting your freak on with a triple jointed gymnast' or something, but that's about as much as you get.) 'Course the 'return' movies have also had slightly different zombie rules than the 'night/dawn/day' movies (some articulation *more braaaains8 vs. inarticulate grunting, etc), but in this one you actually see the rules bend a little (at least in my opinion) and we watch our hero exchange quips with his former-friend-turned-zombie-Zeke as they whip up on each other --> actually makes for an amusing scene.
I actually would suggest this movie to someone bored with very little reservations on my part. Go crazy, kids.
Final Destination 3 (2006)
OK, so I didn't hate it...
This movie was actually a pleasant surprise. I picked it up with very little in the way of expectations. As a rule, things usually get worse w/ the more sequels that get released. Not so here.
After FD2, I thought this franchise was destined to either fizzle out or end up as an endless stream of straight-to-video crap releases like 'Son of Final Destination', 'Final Destination: the Revenge' and such (ala 'Children of the Corn').
The deaths were creative AND the plot was actually worth paying attention to (unlike, FD2 where it just seemed almost like horror porn: a bunch of crappy dialogue scenes thrown in between the death 'money shots'.) The 'Choose Their Fate' option on the DVD didn't seem to really add that much to the whole experience -- maybe if I watched it a few more times, it would, but that's not time I'm willing to put in.
Final Destination 3: Better than being kicked in the head or watching paint dry.
House of the Dead 2 (2005)
Terrible~
This is one of the most awful movies I've had the misfortune of picking up. Don't get me wrong, I love a good zombie flick, but this wasn't one of them.
...Might as well (from the opening scenes, at least) been called 'Titty Zombies from Outer Space'. It had absolutely nothing to do with the other movie or the video game (as far as I could tell.)
The best aspect of the film is how the two main characters can get covered with so much blood and remain so nonplussed. I would certainly suggest giving this one and miss and staying with a safer zombie pleaser like '28 Days Later' or 'Dawn of the Living Dead' (the remake, of course, unless you're into some serious campy action.)
Haute tension (2003)
Stupid... but creative ~
The only thing you have to know about this movie is it's 'Hide and Seek' with an angry French lesbian.
You seen this particular plot device once, you seen it a thousand times.
Did this movie do badly because it was French or did it's Frenchness require it to do badly? (I have nothing against French things, it just seems like this movie went straight to video with a couple of big screen previews and little or no fanfare.)
Things to mull over.
I am being told this comment is not long enough. I am striving to make it longer. I did not feel tense at all while watching this film. Sorry.