carlospresents Reviews

The Sleeping Room (2014)

Some Terrible Acting.

[5/10 · 2 September 2023]

I've never acted, it can't be easy. Watch out for the mechanic in this. Perhaps the worst actor I've ever seen. How do people get jobs like that? It's inspiring really. He must've been paid for that. There's some other klonkers in here too. Her boss could do with a bit of work. The chap she's after seems like he should be a much better actor, he's got the looks but is just a plank. The main character, she's good, she holds it together.

The film has a good, depressing, repressed feel. Story doesn't really get going. Some of it just didn't make sense to me, like the initial parlour trick? Eh? Anyhow, you get to see a bit of Brighton. It's good there.

The Dark (I) (2018)

My word this is boring.

[3/10 · 15 March 2021]

It's just really boring. Really very boring. So slow. Depressing. Story is lacking. Mindless violence. It's boring. It's very boring.

Haunter (2013)

Nice one!

[8/10 · 6 February 2021]

Had a feel of Nightmare on Elm Street. Bit confusing for a dullard like me. Worth a watch though. Some good hammy acting, some creepy moments. I like it!

A Street Cat Named Bob (2016)

Schmaltz

[5/10 · 18 November 2020]

The reviews sucked me in. It's not half as good as they say. Some really awful acting here, the manic pixie vegan actor in particular. A trite story. Mediocre writing. Starts off strong but around halfway it goes into unicorns and rainbows territory. It's very predictable. It goes like this - good thing, bad thing, good thing, bad thing blah blah. The guy sings well I suppose. Watch it if you like basic films like 'Love Actually'.

Countdown (III) (2019)

Awful

[3/10 · 18 November 2020]

The script is so terrible. Really bad. Who wrote this? Did they get paid?

Ali G Indahouse (2002)

Mediocre

[3/10 · 16 November 2020]

Perhaps it hasn't dated well. I remember him being funny at the time but never got around to watching it. 18 years later, here I am, disappointed. Puerile.

Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Pretty Good

[8/10 · 7 November 2020]

Good fun. Nice and tense. Nothing like the first one but still fun. Have it.

Hide the Monster (2016)

Really Very Boring.

[2/10 · 30 October 2020]

Just that. It's very boring. Sorry, my review is too short.

The Whispering Man (2019)

The Acting!

[2/10 · 25 September 2020]

Good luck with this one. They had an idea, it's an idea which has been done but still they tried. The painting of the whispering man isn't bad. There's a nice song. That's about it.

The acting is woefully bad. You'll think it's bad then they introduce another character and it gets worse. There's a smugness about the two main guys, like they're 15 year olds who have just smoked their first doobie.

It's pretty dull. Terrible acting. Don't bother.

Bethany (2017)

Skip it.

[3/10 · 24 September 2020]

Really drawn out and dull. Some little scares. It's definitely horrific at times but overall it's very poor.

Get Duked! (2019)

Loses it's way but still worth it.

[8/10 · 23 September 2020]

Some fun skits, great first half. Fun idea but totally goes off the boil. Eddie Izzard is mediocre as always. How does he get work! Alice Lowe is always excellent. Give it a try, have a laugh at the strong parts but apart from that it's a full 'meh'.

Estranged (I) (2015)

It's really boring.

[3/10 · 23 September 2020]

Some very good actors, an alright idea. Lovely scenery, good script. Just doesn't add up to anything worth watching.

The Smudging (2016)

Been Done.

[2/10 · 21 September 2020]

Nothing new here. Certainly nothing exciting. Pacing is slow and dull. Acting is below par. Script is poor. BANG! A thing might happen, or did it! LOOK! Was that a thing in the background or was it? Just watch Nukes Top 5 instead.

The Neighbor (II) (2017)

William Fichtner is Excellent.

[7/10 · 16 September 2020]

He's so creepy and scary. The film is a bit dull but this guy is good!

The Remains (I) (2016)

Bit Boring.

[3/10 · 16 September 2020]

There's a jump scare every so often but other than that best avoided. It's very dull!

An English Haunting (2020)

How do actors of this calibre get work?

[5/10 · 9 September 2020]

There must be money involved, surely they've gone to some sort of acting school at some point in their life. Does a director just say to them, 'READ YOUR LINES LIKE YOU'RE READING AN IKEA BOOKLET'? and then all their acting skills just get flushed away?

Some good music in this film, the photography is good too. Mediocre actors.

The Room (2019)

A Bizarre Remake

[8/10 · 29 August 2020]

At first I couldn't get it at all. Where is Mark? Which one is Tommy? The scenes don't match up at all, they are totally remade places. The story kind of matches up in places. There's the tension between the two characters, some bad acting. Apart from that, I really couldn't see the connection apart from, 'If everyone love each other, the world would be a better place to live in.'.

I'd say stick to the original.

Host (II) (2020)

Worth a watch

[8/10 · 24 August 2020]

It is good. It is scary. You could easily pick it apart if you wanted to. I wouldn't. It's fun and a good achievement. Boo!

CTRL Z (2017)

Superb

[10/10 · 13 August 2020]

Excellent everything. Great acting, dry and witty. Superb photography. Just brilliant!

Tiny Creatures (2020)

Awesome Cinematography; Terrible Everything Else

[3/10 · 12 August 2020]

Imagine this. You're enjoying a thing and then someone puts a speaker to your right ear and plays OVERLY DRAMATIC MUSIC. Then in the other ear, A REALLY NICE BUT VERY LOUD VOICE. The you're looking at awesome images. BUT BOTH EARS ARE BEING ATTACKED.

The Lodge (2019)

Awesome art/direction

[7/10 · 1 August 2020]

Watch it just for that. You can ignore most of the middle 3rd. It's good if you're into slow films which don't really explain themselves. Some good acting. Some poor characters. Many beautiful scenes. Great camerawork. It's very dull. I like films like this.

Session 9 (2001)

It's...really...very...dull

[3/10 · 27 July 2020]

I'm struggling to write this as I'm now half asleep, despite it being midday. This film lacks suspense, a good plot, anything interesting at all.

It's just dull. Really very dull.

Deep Dark (2015)

Give it a watch.

[7/10 · 17 June 2020]

My 7 star review is really a neutral review, because you won't see this film the same as I do. It has good art, hammy acting, a silly story but is compelling. It's unique. You may hate it. I didn't,

The Black Room (2017)

A country side walk

[1/10 · 7 March 2020]

Origami, dishes. Exercise, learn an instrument, paint a wall! Make some nice food. Speak to someone in real life. Clean your house, have a bath.

Just trying to think of things you can do rather than watch this awful film. Oh! Do something nice for a pensioner. I dunno, walk a dog?

October Faction (2020)

Stick with it.

[7/10 · 27 February 2020]

The first episode is soooooooo, sooooo dull until the last few minutes. Then it picks up. It gets ok. There's no bad acting, it's filmed well, the story is ok. It'll never be Buffy the Vanpire Slayer or the remake of Sabrina. Yeah, give it a go.