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Reviews
Kung Fu and Titties (2013)
Bad
Well it's a bad movie, alot of shots have entire seasons change. Not alot of kung-fu, but alot of pissy fights.
We don't know who is kidnapped until the far future of act 2. The grinding belt girl sums it all up. It's stupid. And poorly acted.,.
The big baddy is an incontinent, who every line seems squeezed out of a Corpse.
His henchmen are as equally daft.
It's hard to find a film so bad you wish for JarJar, but they exist.
Gotta pad out the review, It's a horrible movie be glad you've never seen it. Horrible weather has always had to do it was the loaf of a neighboring and the other.
Bad, less worse than, well Stargames.
Stargames (1997)
The passion of the Clark.
Well, right about that time them Clark boys daddy said, "Time to be actors". Pappy Clark had just bought one of them Video Toasters and a Pentium with 8 Meg of Ram. So, it goes downhill from there.
Graydon plays the father to one of his sons. Earthboy, seen at the very end of Uninvited clutching a cat that looked nothing like the mutant cat. Bennett plays the father to his other son that honestly looks more handsome than the kid from Home Improvement, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Spaceboy.
Earthboy gets lost on a family vacation. Earthboy meets Spaceboy who is running from a evil space dictator, who looks like a colander had sex with a pile of isht. And Happy.... WTF. That is the only reason to watch this movie and watch a horrible actor, do Robin Williams impressions horribly, dressed in full clown makeup.
Watch if you like movie masochism/narcissism.
Die sieben Männer der Sumuru (1969)
Tiger changes her stripes.
Most people write reviews about the protagonists, Sunanda, Masius or Jeff. I'm gonna focus on Masius's accountant Irene. We first meet her bringing Masius a telephone in a white hat a floral two piece bikini while swimming. That's some cajones, because 12v can shock you badly, if not in a movie. Next, she's wearing a lacey two piece. Then, this is her character change. After Marius fails to capture Jeff and they kidnap Lesley, the manicurist. She witnessed the murder of a henchman and the attempted drowning of Lesley, which she shows expressed shock and horror. The stage is set for her character evolution. Purple top hat and white jacket. After, Jeff's escape from Femina, we see her on a card table beating Marius beating him for a total of 1.5 million. Marius finally calls her Irene for maybe the first time in the movie. So, a weird scene happens that's she goes back to mugging Marius on the couch in what looks like a size 15 shirt and black underwear before they try to lure Sunanda into a trap at Carnevale. After the trap fails and Ulla and Irene are captured, she wearing and red trimmed flamenco dress. Jeff and Marius attack Sunanda. Marius gets killed. Irene is wearing the orange jumpsuit dress, stripe shirt and fluorescent yellow hat. Very 60s in terms of fashion. Jeff saves all the girls and escapes.
I hope Elisa Ruiz Penella had fun. At the very least, I, had fun.