szweda-18555 Reviews

The Essex Serpent (2022)

19th Century? Really?

[3/10 · 13 April 2024]

The cast made us watch this but it turns out to be a spongy mess... maybe I will try reading the book to find out what the author really meant because there does seem to be something of substance here.

Anachronisms anyone? Hay bales for a start... Another thing, there are pub scenes and absolutely no one is smoking... oh come on!

The weather seems way too fine for Spring in eastern UK.

And where are the local Essex accents?

Oh I give up this could have been something special but it plodded along for way too long but I hate leaving things unfinished even when they are as annoying as this effort.

The Cursed (2021)

Confused and confusing

[3/10 · 4 April 2024]

Here we go again I thought when I saw this "horror" film pop up on Netflix... maybe this time we might actually have a British movie with some validity for its existence but no.... it is confused but hints at something original that might have been had they not adopted this annoying approach to what I assume is a werewolf theme.... It baffles me how this sort of film ever gets funding when it is obvious that there is no real plot, no tale worth telling or if there was it confused me too much... There were times when I thought we were in France, other times in the wild west (USA) or maybe UK... horsemen with guns, flaming torches, no one spoke French yet the setting could be Provence or somewhere... but it is all so arty farty smoky/foggy/misty... There was one bit when they made the scarecrow that I liked... but even that did not make any sense thereafter... and what was that moment of gratuitous semi-nakedness of the main actress all about? Nonsensical melodrama best to avoid... So my quest for that good British horror movie continues...

Road House (2024)

More punching than Soutpaw

[8/10 · 29 March 2024]

We watched this on Prime last night all the way through in one go... it held my attention even though I don't recall seeing the original so I won't go on about comparisons. I think this one stands on its own merits and is worth a watch.

Now for the peculiarities... not least that on our version it seemed to be in a foreign language (some Spanish variant?) so we had to read the subtitles... no adjustment of the subs was available so we stuck it out. Most odd to have Mr G chatting in non-English style... Another thing I noticed about this film and others of late is that modesty on show... no nudity let alone dirty dancing... oh hang on, there was a glimpse or two of one of the protagonist's rear... Nor was anyone smoking even though we could tell who the baddies were because they were inked males... And all the ladies were "goodies" you might say... is it just me or was there some clumsy agenda afoot here?

The time will come when we will be able to date these movies by factors such as these... maybe I should go back and watch the Swayze version and count the number of times the cast light up?

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

633 Squadron Remake Anyone?

[1/10 · 24 March 2024]

I am so glad that I neither paid at the cinema to sit through this tedious cliched mess nor had popcorn to spill during some of these atrocious sequences.

Yes, I watched this c/o Channel 4 with my finger close by and often actually on the fast forward button (and not just for the adverts)... it was such a disappointment. It reminded me of the worst of the copycat movies that followed the original TG, like Iron something or other etc. But it was so bad and so wrong; at times I was yelling "No!" at the screen too often than I should have had to.

No doubt some cleverer people than me can offer up why this film was such an appalling depiction of US Navy personnel, equipment, training and operations... it would take me hours I am unwilling to spend... isn't the real Top Gun school about "dogfight" training and not bombing runs?

We played the drinking game... every time he did a zoom climb... NOOOOOO!

Getting back to my review title I was wondering about an old fave movie 633 Squadron where RAF Mossies do a pinpoint bombing raid down a fjord. I suggest you watch that instead of this mess of a movie. It was utterly, utterly irredeemable!

The Last Thing He Told Me (2023– )

First ATV disappointment

[4/10 · 17 March 2024]

We ploughed our way to the finale so it is time for a review. This was a passable tale told moderately well but it aint no Harlan Coben mystery.

Ans of The Kingslayer from Games of Thrones, like me, will get excited to see Nicolaj again... but sadly his character is fleeting leaving the sort of adequate support cast to carry it.

I was not as bothered by "Bails" as some other reviewers other than what an odd name for a young lady... her step mom was ok as were the other girls that drive this hapless plot. Nice to see the hostess of Whose Line but she too is fleeting and merely a device... I think that with some effective editing this could have made one of those straight to video movies. Is this a new sign of a trend to provide more series rather than movies? I have always been bothered by this when they demand of you up to half a day to binge watch as opposed to a couple of hours long movie. Finally, the novel it is based on has quite a few reviews expressing disappointment so I think I will not be getting a sample of that for my Kindle. Oh well, back to Constellation and Liaison, just two excellent series we are watching.

Battle for Finland (2007)

Excellent account

[8/10 · 19 February 2024]

If you like WW2 tanks in action you should watch this and some of the other Finnish war movies on Prime Video. Here you will see the kind of action rarely covered elsewhere as the brave men battle it out in Finland often with German equipment but sometimes captured Russian. So you can enjoy some Stugs taking out T34s as well as some other tanks I think are replicas for this alone this film is worth your time.

Some might ask where is the plot like some other treatments but this is more of a documentary albeit without any annoying narrator getting in the way and waving his arms about!

Naturally, it is violent and sometimes bloody but it should serve as a good education to help restore balance in accounts and understanding of WW2.

Stigma (1977 TV Short)

Confusing British horror short

[4/10 · 24 December 2023]

I too watched this on Talking Pictures who are emulating the BBC Ghost Stories for Xmas this December and good for them.

Doubt I saw this one back then but I'd remembered the moodier MR James ones which for the most part stuck in my mind except for The Ash Tree which I found repellent.

This one is, as others have said a "no ghost" story, there is terror evident but most of the cast remain confused and puzzled throughout as did I.

It is of course quite dated in appearance, not least the flared jeans! So it is of its time but I too doubt it should have been included in this supposed "Ghost Story" series... it should be reiterated that there is gratuitous nudity again (as per Ash Tree) but no smoking, profanity or violence really... it is more subtle but doesn't really work for me.

One last thing, the title: "Stigma" - did someone want to call it "Stigmata" which is sort of more appropriate because otherwise the word did not convey anything contextually useful to me.

Europa Report (2013)

Quality Science and Sci-Fi

[9/10 · 11 November 2023]

Found footage? Hmm not seen that in many SF movies but it worked very well here. Little to fault in any department other than you hurt for the characters.

I was never that keen on The Martian which I thought was unconvincing. And not to say that ER is much like it, if anything it re-invents the survival trope reminding me more of the movie/tv-series Das Boot when they get stuck... and I love that program.

It was also one of those movies that straddles several genres not least extrapolating science into the fictional "what might happen" a bit like Black Mirror. Some horror here too, maybe "Lovecraftian" but I won't say what. Another reminder was the novels of Greig Beck who also inhabits the SF-fantasy-horror arena.

So yes, watch this and be mesmerised, human skill, teamwork and resolve all well portrayed by the excellent cast... a tad creepy to see The Bay Harbor Butcher helping out there... ha ha.

The Mad Magician (1954)

Mono Magician Madness

[7/10 · 10 November 2023]

Watched this again on Talking Pictures last night and still enjoy it so I encourage fans of mild "horror" to investigate this curiosity.

I won't reveal the plot but suffice to say I found myself rooting for VP beset by the munchkins of this sometimes surreal scenario. Unlike Witchfinder General and others Vincent portrays and frustrated man downtrodden by the businessmen who dictate his life. That's why you can almost go along with his actions as they become more and more extreme... as befits a horror movie.

Like my review of The Sleeping Room with my noticing an homage to another movie, The Shining, there's kind of one here too. This time it is Saw III I think... I won't say specifically what as it is key to the plot but I found myself wondering if the Saw people also liked this movie.

The Sleeping Room (2014)

British spookiness in offseason Brighton

[7/10 · 7 November 2023]

For some unaccountable reason I like films about Brighton. This is in part why I gave this one another point or two. The story is sufficiently intriguing to keep your interest but like other reviews point out the end result is confusing and a bit unsatisfying. That said, it is better than too many other horror movies I have watched. At least I saw this one through to the bitter end... or was it?

Everyone involved on camera does a good job if not exceptional but they did their best with what they had... The photography is lovely to create the mood though most of the action is on a stage set I think. The score fits well and the film is for a change not too long.

As an aside you feel that the creators could not resist a couple of homages... look out for a variant from The Shining... and maybe Elephant Man... Also be aware as if it needs saying there are some violent scenes and especially against women but overall it is lower on the gore count which I think counts in its favour. The nudity is mild and swearing flows in an unaffected manner as befitting the context...

The Mercy (2018)

Nautical nightmares

[6/10 · 15 October 2023]

We watched this on NF and for about two-thirds of it the interest level was fairly high... bear in mind we knew nothing of the facts - then it began to disappoint.

No faulting the excellent cast but maybe the casting was a tad off. I seriously doubt my wife would be there to greet me were I to clear off afloat for this long... nor would I blame her. Stoic? I am not sure. Put on more likely. Besides, if your wife was the adorable Ms Weisz would you clear off even for a week? Let alone worry her so much... and those wonderful kids... hmm. His adventure was an exercise in selfishness in my book.

We basically have a reiteration of British pluck in spite of common sense and does the film carry this off? More or less, yes. At times its lower end budget showed through but there's enough to amuse and entertain. Don't forget, it's not a documentary so we likely don't get the facts ma'am.

So would I recommend it? With a conditional yes! There are some good Brit actors here who always hit the mark... nice to see Mr Gatiss again too. Just don't expect too much because it disappointed me along the way...

Operation Mincemeat (2021)

Plodding expo

[5/10 · 8 August 2023]

We had to buy the disc of this owing to the lack of any streaming where we live in the UK other than 15 quid or more via Sky just to rent. Some films are worth it, some are worth waiting for but as it turned out this was neither... maybe should reassert my patience but then you have no clue if let alone when either PV or NF will bring it to us (and we pay for them as well... costly hobby this movie watching and now we have yet another disc on the shelf to gather dust).

It was good in places with a star Brit cast but it is soo ponderous and plodding replete with inappropriate wokiness. There's very little other than "people talking to each other in rooms" but there is a lot of smoking and a bit of swearing but no sexy bits...

The Blood Lands (2014)

Tense highland romp

[6/10 · 31 July 2023]

Not too long for a creepy, tense evening's entertainment. Well executed and has a nice twist ending that caught me out... Always amuses me how there is this big blue light which I suppose is meant to be the moon to ensure they see around them and we can watch... not very realistic but needs must. And the music got a bit manipulative and intrusive but since all this was done for a fraction of what worse films have a commendable effort by everyone... good plot point to make if it is true the meaning of the movie's title... At last then, a British "horror" or rather "terror" film I enjoyed, if that's the right word!

Guy Ritchie's the Covenant (I) (2023)

Disappointing effort from two former stalwarts

[4/10 · 16 June 2023]

When you see that there is a new movie to stream for "free" on your Prime channel you make time for it... Jake G in it too... what a disappointment.

Was this really a Ritchie movie? Is JG doing it for the cash?

Opening scene had me confused: Bagram AB? What were those Airbus A400 transport planes doing there then? This is a US operation but the USAF has Globemasters and so on... was it the Airbus facility in Spain with CGI mountains?

Can someone please explain why JG's "Sarge" has the prominent JTAC flash? Sniper fodder methinks... a JTAC coordinates airstrikes not hunting for IEDs... these used to be called "mines" but instead the action switches to a real mine... like some quarry... really? No IEDs along the way? No one seems to have noticed this Tali army roaring into view like some cartel shootout in Narcos... Everyone gets conveniently wiped out so that Jake can mate with his erstwhile "interpreter" WTH was that about?

I was so expecting something better than this... another missed/wasted opportunity... and I have made my points and am now bored with writing.... like it seemed those doing this film were.

Nobody (I) (2021)

Nobody wrote this script?

[4/10 · 14 April 2023]

Watched this for "free" thanks to Netflix and glad too saving me the cash for cinema tickets. Fine as a wet afternoon flash bang wallop and always good to see BO but it just does not measure up to his performance in BCS/BB. That said, it is not meant to be... this is cartoon action for those that like such things... imagine Jason Statham in this role... many times... gorgeous wife and kids, splendid home... oh like a bolt from the blue something upsets his urban idylll.... stage set for... you know what's coming! And it does, crash.... bang.... wallop... repeat and repeat... Be warned though folks there's blood spilled, smoking, f-bombs galore and yet not the tiniest hint of naughtiness... how odd how Hollywood seems to think it's ok to fake up all this violence and misbehaviour and yet is so coy....

Hellhole (2022)

Ominous and yet enthralling

[8/10 · 7 April 2023]

Now here's a turnup, a horror film I could recommend! I was getting tired of the Brit creature features with no substance or those from across the pond with teens and demons... this one is altogether alternative and atmospheric. Not least because I've never watched a Polish-made horror film, I found myself drawn in by the style and the steadily growing air of menace... maybe it is not for everyone but I'd say let this one onto your screen and be prepared for a new experience of creepiness... thanks Netflix!

Though the actors were unknown to me the three protagonists would be ones to look out for in other dramas.

Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)

Kerosene? You mean paraffin surely?

[6/10 · 18 March 2023]

We watched this movie last week in two sittings and our overall impression was that this was not 2 h totally wasted. However, it is not - as other reviewers have said - the same context for the title character as the excellent 9 out of 10 TV series. But then we did not expect as much from it as others may have done... too often movie versions of TV series do not quite succeed in sustaining the atmos and other qualities of episodes but I am hard pressed to know why this one does not... Maybe it is something to do with the agenda, the need to "internationalise" it hence my allusion to kerosene i/o paraffin... Bits of it we liked while other bits either made no sense or fell flat but why was it called Fallen Sun? Must have missed that somewhere... my mind wandering which it never did when watching Idris in action on TV (most definitely not for his role in The Wire)... Mr Sirkis reminded me of a weird mix of some Dickensian villain, a Batman baddie and car salesman. The other actors were I'm afraid a bit too cardboard for my taste... Maybe I am tired of middle-aged, female senior cops failing to cope with a career and kids... we were watching a similar trope in Unforgotten the same week... this is quite good too if you don't mind yet more Hobbit coppers with accents from all over the place... So give it a chance on the streaming service, you can always pick something else if you find yourself losing your attention span... it's fun but be warned some parts are seriously nasty...

Fury (2014)

It could have been so much better

[2/10 · 11 February 2023]

I try to find and enjoy WW2 films, the god ones are rare, this one isn't by a long stretch. Others have expounded on its deficiencies so I'll not repeat them.

Just a couple of points I don't think I picked up with reviews: What was Brad doing with a Sturmgewehr? This leads me to the second point, Cross of Iron. Now there is one of the good, great even, WW2 movies. Steiner affects a machine gun that was not Wehrmacht standard issue so I suppose that explains the MP44.... Also on the Eastern Front you may have encountered another tank movie, The White Tiger I think it was called... Fury is at times even worse that that mess.... but at least it had something laugh about.

Sherwood (II) (2022– )

Not worth the licence fee

[2/10 · 11 July 2022]

Was not going to waste any more of my time on this 6 hour dubiously plotted wander around the woods of Notts... Suffice to say I found it confusing, irritating, plodding and basically worthless... dead-ends, red herrings, jobbing acting, token trope players drifting around some place or other at the end of the line... and now they say there is a second series! Err, how? Maybe that explains the inexplicably dull shudder to a halt... another broken train... maybe time to shunt this heap of rusted nonsense off down some siding and actually commission something worth our licence fee please BBC. And to think I used to watch the station every day... now it is just a couple of times a month if that. Do yourself a favour get outside and make some good memories instead of 6 hours lost to this dross.

Lockout (2012)

Scotsmen in space!

[4/10 · 27 April 2022]

Enjoyed this twaddle but so glad it was on the TV and not the cinema... as others have explained this is not a movie to have any hope for... polished it might be but you can see where they got their inspiration from... imagine Escape From NY in space, not a bad premise but seems the only baddies are from this side of the pond... Nevertheless, I watched it all and never took it seriously as clearly was intended. That said, it still beat Independence Day for me... Acting was OTT but it is all worth it just to see Eli Dingle as a psycho inmate... with a Scottish accent, ey oop, no more Emmerdale for me, nor This is England, this tattooed love boy steals all his scenes... hope he was paid well... and the boss inmate is also from Scotland! Hmm, Scots people are wonderful folks... hope this is not a portent of their future... only joking.

So yes, great fun, just don't tale it too seriously...

633 Squadron (1964)

Great memories, great novel, weak rewatch

[7/10 · 19 February 2022]

I was not that old when I went to the cinema to see the film I had been so eager to see thanks to all the hype. Back then I was not disappointed and this feeling continued when rewatching it on TV some years later. But nowadays it is less enjoyable... but I would say that about most other films of that era with no real criticism, it was of its time and if you have not seen it then I suggest you give it a try.

As others have said it is a contrivance from start to finish but I leave them to their opinions... certainly, it aint like the book! I recently revisited that and found it stood up much better (I spent some pocket money on it a couple of years later but now I can read it on my Kindle).

Also, I read somewhere that it provided inspiration to George Lucas for his Star Wars attack sequence. Yes, I can see that... great fun!

All in all it is not the worst war movie around nor the best... like horror films really... you have to wade through a lot of dross to get to anything worth your time let alone money!

The Wind (II) (2018)

Nice attempt but ultimately unsatisfying

[3/10 · 8 January 2022]

I wanted to watch this film since it was said to be all about the risks of isolation much in the frame of movies like The Shining. That one was confusing at times but "The Wind" is way more so and much less convincing.

Atmospherics are quite well done, the vistas gorgeous and the acting very passable considering the paucity of dialog - too much gazing into the distance in some deeply meaningful way (or not) dragging the pace to a crawl too often. But it seemed to me not to know what's to do or where it was going, round in circles some of the time... I really disliked the meddling with the timeline so as to give us some impression of her descent into madness... or was it the boogeymen on the plains? Or was it because they had wilfully built their Tardis shack (it looks tiny from the outside.... spacious inside scenes) on an "Indian Burial Ground"? Ooops that's been done before... and better... I dunno... Once again I am puzzled as to the title: The Wind. Yes, it was a bit blustery but were they alluding to some malevolence for the susceptible as per Jack Torrance... No, a silly title... how about "Beauties Go Bonkers in a Shack"?

Stay Close (2021)

Formulaic tripe

[2/10 · 6 January 2022]

Oh dear god I was so disappointed watching this, not much on TV right now and this has Coben's name on it... the first one with Dexter in it was not bad but there is no one in this effort to carry it methinks.

Nesbitt is well past his sell by date and the others you just don't want to like. It is another of those efforts where you can't help but yell schadenfreude trope... And here we are, up the NW coast of the UK with a Scottish cop and not a local accent in hearing range. What is that all about? And count all the other tropes before the first episode gets halfway... nope, not going to waste eight hours when there are other better uses of my leisure time.

Whistle and I'll Come to You (2010 TV Movie)

Best to find the original monochrome version

[3/10 · 3 January 2022]

Some mixed reviews here and I find myself going with the ones who prefer the original BBC production; there's something about mono and mysteries... Cannot fault the cast but as others have remarked why change the core item in the plot, the ring cannot be used to whistle and summon a haunter... nonsenical way he found it too... no glint nor metal detector (that might have made some sense)... maybe it would have been better had he not found it on the very first day? That way he could have associated the find with the spookiness?

At times I felt like I was watching one of those holiday shows where a noted actor (or more likely comedian) takes us for walks... the scenery is well photographed and makes me want to visit wherever this was filmed... especially since he had the beach to himself!

It did make me wonder whether Parkin was feeling guilt over his wife or maybe she was not the only one with mental troubles? Is this the producers point? The sort of ambiguity that persists in The Shining re Jack's alcoholism... Oh well, always good to see Mr Hurt...

Halloween (1978)

Dated and dire

[1/10 · 23 October 2021]

Watched this for the first time all the way through on a streaming service and all I can say for it is that box is ticked on my list of horrors I missed way back when.

One question because I cannot be bothered to waste any more time on this dire movie, is it the man responsible for this film the same one who brought us The Thing remake? Surely this cannot be the same man... I adore the Thing movies but the two Halloween movies I managed to endure are polar opposite, clunky, groanworthy disappointments...