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Reviews
Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002)
Creative and interesting.
This movie is amazing compared to Nickelodeon standards. Its fairly well paced with a great story and plot and carefully executed events. The art is fantastic and it gives you a sense of ghetto urban decay that the story takes place in. Compared to the TV show, it could pass as a long 3 part episode, it doesn't really belong on the big screen but it works well anyways. A worthy movie to satisfy the 90's nostalgia craze. It would be appropriate for 7-12 year old's but I still enjoyed it. Its better than most lazily put together Nickelodeon movies. Everything that happened in the plot had purpose and was executed logically based on the situation. 10/10
Frozen (2013)
Overrated trash THAT MUST BE ANHILIATED.
Frozen was without a doubt the most overrated movie over our millennium. The entire movie lacks tremendously. But why is it so overrated? Because general audiences and stupid kids don't need any kind of structure or bar for comedy and story. The formula for this movie was: Cliché princess story + pointless side characters + other pointless side character only made for unfunny quips and merchandise ÷ impressionable children and brainwashed parents = $$$$$$$$$. I cant stand Frozen, its everywhere to, after all these years I still see Frozen Socks, and Underwear. UNDERWEAR, why buy quality undergarments when you can buy a made in China piece of sackcloth with Olaf's face on it. The movie was bland and its only purpose was to make a quick paycheck to repay George Lucas for buying STAR WARS. Also, that wretched song "Let it Go" is the most overused ANNOYING song in cinema history, that's all I hear from kids these days, JUST SHUT THE HECK UP ALREADY. Its not even a good song. I especially hate Frozen because it has infiltrated every aspect of my life, I can go five seconds without seeing some brat carrying around an iPhone 7s with a Olaf phone case, or some little girl whining that she wants some stupid Elsa puzzle or a pair of socks with Anna's face plastered on. Disney saw big dollar signs and the demonic focus groups at Disney Animation Studios had no problem exploiting their primary demographic to the fullest extent possible and BEYOND. But the most disgusting abomination this movie has caused is the way it is being shoved into the general media. I was a Christmas Tree lighting in SanFransisco and I had no idea the horror that lay ahead. The entire ceremony was a Disney Propaganda commercial, complete with, YOU GUESSED IT, THAT DEMON SPAWN SNOW MAN.
Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)
Terrible and cheaply done.
One of the worst kids movies ever, crude, cheap, and terrible misguided messages. The director sucked at conveying anti bullying messages and used stereotypes to show the bully. Many editing mistakes could be seen. The music is out of sync for one half of the video. It was unbearably boring and pointless. Any kid who watches this will get the wrong idea about bullying entirely. However, they did convey some pretty good messages about gun safety. It falls short in almost every way imaginable and is comparable to trash pieces like Birdemic 1 and 2, Jurassic Shark, The Room, and the Incredible Bulk. Total garbage. However, there was a huge controversy with the director Derek Savage trying to take down reviews on YouTube who criticized him, it blew up into a legal scandal. Check out I Hate Everything for the full story on what happened.
Spy Kids (2001)
Complete trash on every level imaginable.
Special effects, terrible, a 10 year old could make better. Story, Cliché in every way possible, Kids find out parents are spies, stuff happens, explosions to catch the 9 second attention span of a 6 year old, one-liner quips to catch the attention of the bored to death parents, evil dude, they stop him, mutated thumb creatures, and that's about it. When I saw this movie IT SCARED ME FOR LIFE, I was like 7 or 8 at the time but little did I know the horrors that were ahead. I was used to top notch special effects like in Star Wars, even though they were old but still worked well, or high quality CG affects, but THIS, was something else entirely, it was so cheap I was actually disturbed. The bizarre Lazy Town, Willy Wonka hybrid cartoon looked like an acid trip and the flying scenes were so cheap it makes Ratatoing look professional. The villain seemed really cliché and about the same as anyone out there, the "kid spy" thing really wears off because only 4.01% of the movie is actually spying, and the lighting made Man of Steel look like My Little Pony.
The best part of the movie is the one reference of the Cold War. And the end of course.
Also I hate the whole "lets let minors handle extremely dangerous, unrealistic missions because we want exploit a popular demographic" thing because it is REALLY annoying and an overused story telling device. Examples: The Hunger Games, Insurgent, Maze Runner, etc.
Tentacolino (2004)
Worst excuse for a movie.
This movie made me feel like I had the flu at Red Lobster. This is an abomination, the animation is crude, the voice acting is terrible, the story line was illogical, and the talking spring fish with the Broad Way Techno Music was more than an abomination, I felt nauses at the sight of the musical number. The whole series was a failure, being a complete slap in the face to anyone who dies aboard The HMS Titanic. Somehow the director who I am assuming was either drunk or high came up with this crazy story that somehow everyone AND I MEAN Everyone survived the worst passenger ship disaster in history. The story begins with a research vessel lowering a byth-something into the water honestly I cant remember what the heck its called however I do know that this thing was invented in 1925 but this movie takes place in WWI which means this whole scenario is inaccurate. The point is, its a submarine of some sorts that is tethered to the surface via ropes and air tubes. It involves the characters from the last movie but all with different voice actors. For some reason a rapping shark hates the color yellow which is why he cuts the tethers to the sub thing, they all suffocate and pass out, which would have been the end of it, but some stupid massive dog octopus thing, the size of an oil platform cant get the sub from getting back to the surface because reasons, but it attracts the attention of some Atlatians who cant mind their own business, and unfortunately save the characters who aren't memorable enough to remember the names. They take them to Atlantis and give them elixirs so they can live forever, bla bla bla, whatever. And then the spring fish gives the a musical number in a ball room full of life size living toys with techno music and CLASSICAL MUSIC. It was so bad I think they just gave up. I also think this is what the Italians think we Americans are into, trashy techno. And for some reason there is a battle with the life sized living toys and some whaling dudes from the last movie or something. And then for some reason WHEN THEY ACTUALLY GET TO FINDING THE TITANIC it is not broken in half even though it did in the last movies. And another musical number, and the movie ends. There is probably some explanation for how bad this movie was, maybe it was a test for some subliminal torture being tested on us by a neo-fascist group trying to overthrow the government. OH YEAH the rapping shark scene.