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Reviews
Professione: reporter (1975)
Disappointing
I found this movie to be slow, boring, and ultimately very disappointing. I found very little appeal in the uneventful plot and 2 hours is way too long to tell this unremarkable story. On the plus side there were some nice cinematic devices used that were probably very original back in 1975, and some of the European scenery is beautiful. However this does not make up for the fact that basically nothing of any great interest occurs throughout the entirety of the film, and personally I regret having wasted those 2 hours of my life. Having said that, this film was made 2 years before I was born so perhaps it was good for its time, but unfortunately now it is entirely boring. The dialogue is so sparse that most scenes involve only the sounds of the protagonist wandering around in a catatonic state, while the viewer is left to guess at what might be the point of his actions, when usually there is no point, and so you're left with an inane 15 minute short story extended to 8 times its required length. Totally devoid of value, and extremely unsatisfying.
Casino Royale (2006)
A great Bond BUT a terrible film
Initially I was very impressed with this movie as it contains certainly one of the best Bond characters that I've ever seen. However, at one point during the film, Bond descends into a coma and begins dreaming the typical pearly white heaven one has come to witness on soaps such as Days of Our Lives, yet there is no clear moment where he awakens. Actually, quite confusingly, the coma appears to last for the entire remaining length of the film! Very disappointing to see a story that begins so engagingly, and forms the Bond character so well, to become so abstract and inanely formulaic. Personally I lost interest in Bond films many years ago when I first saw a semi-trailer launch onto it's rear four wheels while it's 2 front wheels were in the air. Since then, I have approached Bond films with an obvious apprehension (particularly when Pierce Brosnan played 007). Until, while watching this latest Bond instalment my faith was renewed, UNTIL the coma began. The viewer is constantly left in suspense and expectation while waiting for James to awaken and make things right. Unfortunately (both for the viewer and the producers alike) this never seems to happen, and the coma persists until the finale, leaving the truth purely elusive as a product of the viewer's imagination. Entirely disappointing, ridiculously intoxicating, yet gutless. Stick to the Bond films where everything is real, the coma cop-out just doesn't cut where the 007 I know comes from.
TV: The Movie (2006)
Horrible, Annoying, Unfunny, Boring, Disgraceful
This movie tries to be funny but fails completely. There are a few moments worth chuckling at, but the rest of the movie is so dull and pathetic that you simply won't be in the mood. The preview is actually a lot better. Don't bother with this movie, you'll just sit there wishing it will hurry up and finish. Borderline racist and blatantly sexist. I feel sorry for the reputable actors who agreed to be in this film as it will surely damage their careers.
Absolutely nothing like Jackass, or cky, so don't be deceived by the fact that some of the Jackass crew feature in it. There are barely any stunts, and the sketches are disjointed and inappropriate. The humour is consistently so lame it actually makes you feel embarrassed. Anybody that says it was a good film, or that the people giving it a bad review "just didn't get it" are absolute morons; the jokes are so obvious, and so old, that it's impossible not to get them, they just aren't funny.
Unquestionably one of the worst movie experiences of my life.
Jindabyne (2006)
A great movie but unfortunately also a commentary on human inadequacy
As a movie Jindabyne is excellent. It has terrific scenery, magnificently developed characters, a scene set so realistically that you can almost smell the water that appears in so many scenes. Unfortunately the entire story focuses on two main facets of humanity: ignorance and intolerance. Most of the primary characters display these traits throughout the entire story, from the initial crime of the murder, to the secondary crime of failing to report the body, onward through all of the characters' decisions, until the end. The only moment of hope that I found in this film was when Gabriel Byrne's character attempted to apologise to the family of the deceased, who subsequently (and in keeping with the 2 premises of the film) rejected him in a cruel and dishonorable fashion. It is a brilliant thing, and exceedingly prevalent in Australian films, to present a palette of realistic and believable characters in a raw and exposing manner, and although this film attempts to do just that, in actuality it narrowly forces most of the characters into a depressingly dark void of selfish ignorance. There were very few moments of happiness or hope, only a theme of persistent personal weakness that none of the protagonists seem to have the strength to overcome. A very bleak perspective on any level. The one character that did attempt to fight for some meaningful resolution was over-reactive and irrational. An excellent film in all, but very frustrating and depressing to witness, as to believe that people could ever be as hopelessly pathetic as the characters portrayed.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
A Waste of Time
I just watched The Passion of the Christ. If you haven't seen it yet then don't bother. It's so boring!! There is only one plot line and it's so dull I almost slept. I was lead to believe by so many reviews that the movie was gory and I thought that at the very least that I would get some shock value entertainment! Wrong. There is no gore in this movie worth mentioning and no storyline. A complete waste of time. It was kinda cool to see people dressed up as Romans and Jews in the past but if you want something really entertaining and profound then watch Monty Python's Life of Brian. Please don't wast your money on the Passion of the Christ.. buy Passiona instead... it'll be more rewarding and you won't regret it as much.
Chasing Holden (2003)
Highly under-rated movie!!
This film is a compelling and emotional journey. After reading some of the exceptionally bad reviews I almost didn't watch it but I'm glad I did. The characters are very real, the story is touching, and there was never a moment of boredom. This is a classic movie, and although not a movie I would deem to be sensational, it is very much still worth watching. I have never read Catcher In The Rye but this movie has inspired me to do so. The only problems that I could perceive with this film were that it occasionally has disjointed editing (continuity is slightly below par) and in a few instances the dialogue was underdeveloped but anybody that has given this movie negative criticism overall is probably extremely unintelligent. This movie is certainly worth watching, and anybody that disagrees probably has no heart.
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (2001)
A little bit funny but nobody should watch it.
I only watched the first 2 episodes (so I can't really comment on the series) because by then I had heard jokes made about a woman taking speed while pregnant, and a joke about domestic abuse. These things can be done with good humour such as in Family Guy where it is 'attacked' rather than 'accepted', but I tend to think there are people who watch this show and actually think those things are funny. The reality is that they are disgusting facets of human behaviour and should not be taken lightly. Some parts of the show were mildly funny, but most of the jokes are just about how disgusting and vile these people are. If you think the show is realistic, then you are probably as disgusting a person as the characters are, in which case you'll probably find it more funny than I did.
Skyways (1979)
Fly a Different Airline if Possible!
OK, I have to admit I enjoyed the classic Australian drama of the Sullivans... a portrait of a Melbourne family during the 30s and 40s... but this particular show (Skyways) is a disgraceful montage of clichés and poorly written characters. I have no doubt this program contributed largely to the downfall of the Australian television industry. Consisting of mystifying close-ups, seemingly random cutaways, and disjointed scenes, the production seems nothing more than a collaboration of pantomime artists. Yet to speak of the actors involved in this particular production as those of pantomime is an undeserved compliment. To put it nicely, this is a very early Australian effort at drama, that while perceived by a person of today could never be considered to be of any value, may have had some obscure value to the sheltered inhabitants of Australia many years ago (perhaps 30 years ago, maybe more). Steer clear of this if you don't want to be annoyed by weak and pathetic performances and plots.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Brings the magic back to horror films!!
I am not a huge fan of horror films, but my favourites have always been the crusty older stuff (like early Hellraiser, Nightmare on Elm St, etc). Modern horror films never seem to cut it - except for this one!! This film brings that schlocky magic back in such a fantastic way, that not only is this my favourite modern horror film, but it is also one of my favourite films of all time. Congratulations to Rob Zombie... this is one hell of an amazing film!
It suspends the horror element so well, leading in with a macabre, unusual, and mysterious first 30 minutes or so, when all of a sudden an announcement is made by one of the characters "It's show-time!" all of a sudden you feel like you are plummeting along a rapid and disturbing descent into what feels like some sort of corny hell... a brilliant piece of art.
Sahara (2005)
A Waste of Time
This movie is well produced and was obviously created with a large budget, but the characters are weak, the plot is simplistic and seems only to exist to feed the action sequences. Very disappointing. Admittedly I lost interest 50 minutes into the movie and didn't even bother watching the rest. I would recommend to anyone to watch Hotel Rwanda rather than this piece of trash, as Hotel Rwanda is also centered in Africa but is based on a true story and has a respectable plot, respectable characters, and overall is a brilliant and emotional film. Having said that, I'm sure this film would be entertaining for children because it contains no mature concepts whatsoever, and is largely built upon a juvenile perception of adventure similar to that of Indiana Jones films. Recommended for children aged 6 to 12.