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Reviews
The Secret: Dare to Dream (2020)
Nice Message, Poor Execution
While this movie has a nice message about self-actualization and not being hard on yourself, I feel the way this movie was treated through its writing and acting was lacking.
I have never read the book this movie is based on, I'm sure it's of reasonable quality but basing a 105 minute movie off of a self-help book was a questionable decision at best and it shows clearly in the script with pretty on the nose dialogue, cliché after cliché and characters with bare minimum development.
The acting was lacking it's talent from the two main co-stars, which I primarily blame on the writing and direction they were most likely given. Katie Holmes is definitely giving it her best and Josh Lucas approaches the role with his signature reserved charm, which is definitely the best you can ask of them considering what they have to work with.
Overall this movie felt very Hallmark or Lifetime to me. While the cinematography was decent and the actors are trying, it doesn't make up for the lack of development and originality.
Van Helsing (2004)
Mostly screaming, laughing and melodrama
While this movie is good fun for people looking for JUST fun, I personally can't get past the insane amount of screaming and melodrama.
This movie reminds me of an amateur Shakespeare play; it's got the heart but they need time to tone down the theatrics. While watching I had a feeling that everyone was told to be as exaggerated as possible; from the accents to the words spoken and the actions of the characters, everything felt like someone parodying live plays.
Dracula, The Brides and Frankenstein's Monster in particular are hard to watch in my opinion. They mostly scream and laugh and Frankenstein's actor gives off such an overly theatrical performance with his constant opera-style screaming and exaggerated movements. Dracula talks and looks like an edge lord, he often speaks in partial whispers and nasally and strange phonetics which makes his performance quite grating. The Brides are just bad, all around. Nothing against the actresses since I'm sure they are just doing what the director and writer gave them, but they are so damn cartoonishly dramatic that it's hard to take anything they do seriously.
Kate Beckinsale is surprisingly bad, oh my god is she bad. Her accent makes my ears hurt and my stomach turn with how cringey it is. I get that Transylvanians are supposed to be somewhat dramatic but lord almighty. Hugh Jackman is charismatic as always but even his performance isn't much to write home about, even though he's clearly trying. David Wenham is also very enjoyable. He's funny, quirky and all around fun to watch, no real critiques.
The effects, while probably good for the time, have not aged well. For a movie with a $160 million the effects should have been much better. On top of that, the overall aesthetic is far to dark and grimy, and not in a Tim Burton way, but a "turn up the brightness and wipe off the monitor way"
If fun is what you want, you could do far worse than this movie. It's silly, campy fun but most certainly has its many faults for film buffs and enthusiasts such as myself.
Manchester by the Sea (2016)
Real Men Cry
This movie is a true display of the power of emotion and trouble that men go through to keep them down.
Slow, intense and beautifully shot, "Manchester by the Sea" shows the turmoil of a troubled man having to take over as a parental figure for a young man and the tribulations that entails while carrying an immensely dark past.
Casey Affleck annihilates every seen playing the depressed uncle, coming off as a truly heartbroken man lost to anger and torture who can barely find it in himself to be vulnerable with others. Lucas Hedges showcases early talent playing an emotionally out of touch teen struggling to engage with his uncle and unable to cope with the loss of his father.
Kenneth Lonergan's direction and writing is the cherry on top for me, capturing the smallest of dialectical details and emotional cues. The camerawork is simple, but it suits the tone of the movie; it's not about the visuals, but the characters.
8.5/10.
The Watcher (2022)
Not Perfect, but a fun little Thriller
Watched this recently and personally, from a snobs point of view, it's a fun little thriller that keeps you guessing.
The acting is decent enough, a little dry at times which is surprising given the talent of the two leads. They sell me on their fear and heartache most of the time, but sometimes I can't help but feel like their reading a teleprompter.
The writing is pretty meh to me, mostly because of their use of hyper specific language like which makes the experience slightly robotic. They did well with tension building and sustaining it, something that's very difficult to do.
The camera work was your run of the mill thriller stuff. Some handheld, creepy close ups, lingering shots etc.
If you're looking to have fun, this is a good choice. It'll keep you guessing, creep you out and actually goes somewhere unlike some recent horror/thrillers. It's not revolutionary, but it's plenty enjoyable.
The Enchanted Cottage (2016)
Lord Almighty, this is bad!
The cinematography is decent enough I guess, but oh my God is the acting and writing something else. The pacing and editing is so off, it cut between scenes in such a strange way, and not like A Ghost Story or a Nolan film, there was no flow between scenes (except maybe a few) and it's really jarring.
The acting, I'm sure the actors aren't one hundred percent to blame for it, but Jesus it's so unnatural. Because the script is so bad that the no A List star could make it sound good.
I've mentioned the writing a few times, but there's more I have to say. How could someone make something sound so bizarre? The script is the foundation of the movie and if the script is bad, the acting and direction will follow. The writing has so clinical and boringly descriptive. The sex scene in particular is so drawn out and the absolutely RIDICULOUS conversation afterwards make me CRINGE!
Lastly, eight directors. With eight directors, this should've been much better. Better lighting, cameras and actors. Although I understand that the budget was only $250,000, I've seen movie that costed less and turned out much better (i.e A Ghost Story, the first Paranormal Activity, Super Size Me, Eraserhead, Primer etc.).
The only praise I can give is that the idea of them seeing each other as perfect while others see them as normal is a cool idea, but it sucks that the film is so overexposed in terms of lighting it gives it this extremely artificial and plastic feel, like a Lifetime or Hallmark movie.
Skip this one.
Shark Exorcist (2014)
I think I need an exorcism myself
Dear god this is the worst movie I've ever seen. I could make a better film in my bedroom with an iPhone 3. Run as far away as you can from this movie. It doesn't even pass as avant-garde art.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010)
One hell of a cringefest
I remember seeing this movie a lot as a kid as it was one of those movies that was frequently played on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. What I also remember is how much I loathed it. I though that many of the moments that were meant to show main character Greg's growth into a teenager and a "rebellious one" only succeeded at making me cringe. His constant bad mouthing of his best friend Rowley is just upsetting and in no way teaching him to grow up. I remember middle school and how much it sucks but this movie makes it seem like it's nothing but the central point of hell. The only good thing about this movie, the production doesn't suck.
The Pink Panther (2006)
It's not terrible
I just finished watching this movie after not seeing it for a couple of years. Now this movie isn't the greatest and is definitely no where close to as incredible as the originals with Peter Sellers, but it's not terrible either. Most of the jokes are good but do get a little old after being used over and over again. The physical comedy is decent. Honestly the worst thing about this movie is that it is a remake of a series that didn't need to be remade.
Swiped (2018)
Shoot me
This movie, about a guy making an app for sex only which is just creepy, makes men look like sex obsessed monsters. Not only is the movies premise awful, but the acting is atrocious! There's a scene where the main character coughs and it is supposed to be real but sounds like a cartoon cough! My lord can we just forget about this movie? Download it onto a flash drive and throw it into hell where it belongs! I wish I could give it a zero.
Grown Ups (2010)
Laughing, the movie.
Not your laughing, more the actors. This movie decently funny a good portion of the time, the rest time it is cringe inducing. 90% of the movie is the actors laughing. It's like the script said "Tell joke *laughs*, (next scene) say something that we can't understand cause everyone is talking *laugh*." The movie isn't bad, I've seen worse from Sandler & company but it is so unbelievably milquetoast that you barely feel satisfied when the credits start. The cast is clearly trying, but a movie based on adults busting each other's balls and making my balls feel like they are shrinking isn't one that I would consistently watch.
I see some problems in how the movie depicts an "American man". They treat Chris Rock's character with a lot of shame because he is a stay-at-home dad and emasculate because he gets emotional.
Now this isn't all to say that the movie doesn't have fun or wholesome moments. The rope swing gag was okay. The dehydrated food part was funny. The overall message of not forgetting your roots, acknowledging that not everyone is lucky enough to make it big and being considerate for others circumstances instead of focusing only on your success are all good messages.
In conclusion, this is a middle of the road, mostly tame comedy with serviceable performances and aesthetic. You could do worse but you could also do a hell of a lot better.
5/10.