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KingJawa
Reviews
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Terrible....just......terrible
I laughed throughout this film, the three others i saw this film with laughed too.
We all agreed we hadnt had such a good laugh in a cinema in ages. This isn't a horror movie, its a comedy - a paraody. Everything about this film is so stupid you just have to laugh: the NATO force that amounts to about 20 Americans...
The fact this force is totally unprepared for an outbreak when its obvious it could happen at any time Where the troops there to help the survivors or kill them all - and why would they vaporise London...and then use a zombie deadly chemical agent? Clichés abound - the whole 'i'll be right back'' Amazingly zombies in this film can use swipe cards, can break wood but not a car window..and volvo's are both helicopter and gas proof Utterly stupid film, hilariously bad - i recommend you see it though, its the best laugh you'll get this summer
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Without any redeeming qualities
Honestly, the Bond franchise has had more than a few bad entries - in fact its had far too many
This is the worst of the lot A Bond that looks 20 years older than he actually is - a villain that borders on the absurd.
The continuity is a disgrace - didn't' Blofeld kill Bond's wife? Didn't he have hair? Isn't the actor playing him one of Bond's allies just 1 film previously?
The special ''effects' are what effectively destroys what wasn't a good film to begin with - they are the worst i've ever seen in a major film, and bad even for the time
Avoid this film, it really lacks anything of substance. Connery is shadow of his former glory.
Sadly the next few entries would hardly improve on this....
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
Dear gawd
Really - one does wonder The stereotypical brain dead blockbuster.
There are so many stupid sequences, so many plot holes that after a while u just switch off your mind and the fact they have key cards and magic powers no longer bothers you This film is just a joke, the type of film you watch in a bemused silence - this film must be a joke, because there is no way the director sat watching that believing he'd just created a masterpiece And what does it have to do with the game??? And how the hell did they make that wall around the city? So full of just absurd bits your left in a state of despair This film is just stupid
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Here we go again
Horror by numbers, as if the idea of trying something new terrifies the director more than flesh eating mutants
As ever we begin with 'context' - family in desert, for some reason. Then we have the obligatory 'getting to know the victims' - unremarkable stereotypes mostly - and a red neck republican father, ho-rah! Then we have ages of nothing - slowly mounting tension....er, no. Then plenty of gore to disguise the fact we just don't care about the film as we are becoming aware of its clichéd nature Then we have the ''shocking'' ending
Horror by numbers, that ol' tried and true formulae
The gore is fairly tame really - as with all modern horror gore is used because the director cant scare us
Gore is not scary its unpleasant, fake blood is no substitute for real tension
The film is ultimately rather pointless....
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
Wonderful
Just magical - this really does make u feel like a kid again I read all the books a decade ago and that same sense of wonderment i felt then returns with this film Its exactly as I would have made it, well directed, excellent effects, and - i'm serious - so fine acting from all involved, no one lets this film down A great family film and a great film in general, I hope it gets the recognition and makes the box office takings it deserves People love to obsess about the religious element to it, so what if its there? Its not in any ways offensive to any sane person.
Its a fine tale of good vs evil made into a fine film, you will leave the cinema feeling like you've been to another land, and isn't that what a great film should do?
Crusade (1999)
Cancelled...and deservedly so
I adore B5, just love its complex characters, amazing effects and engaging storyline And I hated Crusade for the failure to do any of the above Crusade was cancelled for the wrong reasons - TNT were fools, but lets face it, what was actually made was awful The characters were boring and Galen was incredibly annoying. The sets were poor, the effects sub standard, the music was dire and the story's were confused - Earth is dying but seems to function pretty well anyway - and why do they keep coming back home when they have a limited amount of time to explore the galaxy's fringe? Where do all these abandoned planets (which can support life) keep coming from - why haven't they been invaded? The show is just boring, good riddance to a bad show. Only a new cast, new sets, new music and a budget 5 times the same could make this worthwhile
Land of the Dead (2005)
Land of the brain dead
Laughable This is just laughable I loved the sheer nonsense this film thru up like:
Why the hell did a petrol driven truck have so many buttons?
Why was the river around this city only a meter deep? And why did people think that would protect them?
Why did the zombies breathe?
Why do zombies have a leader?
Why did they send so few out at a time to get supplies?
Why did an electrical cable spark when it came into contact with something that wasn't earthed?
The whole film is absurd,and the absurdities are all the more obvious because the script, acting and story are so poor. U can't help but notice the flaws.
What kind of armoured compound has just one electric fence for defence? What did they do in a power cut - and what the hell provided electricity anyway!
What machinery did they use to make that tank - and are stinger missiles really readily available to rich old men in a decimated society? Really - what the hell is the point of installing long range rockets when he enemy is a slowly walking monster?
The final sequence is the worst of all - the zombies are portrayed as decent people trying to find a home - what the hell?!? Avoid!
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
Shatner to blame as film lands on its face
First off - the basic idea is sound, a maniac thinks his found God and steals a ship But even that basic idea is ruined by daft directing - why the hell do 450 people aboard the Enterprise (none of which we see....) suddenly follow a madman and allow their captain to be imprisoned?
Almost as an aside its explained that Sybok has allowed them to release their 'pain' - but how the hell did he do that? The special effects are very weak, and at times it would have been better to cut them rather than leave them in (the green torpedo fired at God just looks stupid)
The film is just badly put together, and crawls along at a snails pace - the rock climbing sequence and the camp fire bit are just tedious.
The real shame is that this film boasts perhaps the two best sequences in the entire franchise - the shuttle landing in which they have to dock before a Klingon ships blows them to pieces is superb, and the sequence is which the enterprise just misses the torpedo is excellent The sets are very weak - the bridge is so bland. I did love the side story of the Enterprise not working right, i thought that was a novel addition. Ultimately good ideas are squandered time and again, a shame