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Reviews
Shin Gojira (2016)
The Smartest Giant Monster Movie I've seen
The movie was a great satire on the Japanese Government during the time of the earthquake and subsequent tsunami. The reactions by the Prime Minister, defense minister, etc etc during Godzilla's initial appearance perfectly recreate the indecision that lead to more people being killed in that country than necessary during the real life disaster. In short, this movie uses Godzilla to satirize the Japanese government. A new, more decisive body of government forms in the aftermath and one end of it wants to evacuate Tokyo to Nuke him and the other wants to make a more experimental approach by analyzing Godzilla's body chemistry (the science is actually pretty good and leads to a surprisingly tense climax that involves construction cranes pumping hoses down Godzillas throat). The scenes with the humans are also shot in a very dynamic and fast paced way. Characterization suffers (Japanese films do this thing where they just add an odd quirk to a characters personality and call it a day) but its all for the purpose on finding out how to take care of the giant monster rampaging through the city while minimizing human casualties. Believably too, like how the government would actually react would it have happened.
As for the big guy himself, Toho definitely plays around with him a lot. He's still a big green iconic monster, but they change his design more than I've ever seen before. When he first appears in the movie, he's more like a tadpole and over the film evolves into the monster we know. But even then he does things like opens his lower jaw when breathing fire like the predator, shooting beams from his dorsal fin and tail, and there's even a VERY chilling shot at the end involving Godzillas tail with some imagery with broader implications on what Godzilla is able to do. But for all these new things that happen, there's a bunch of stylistic choices that keep it rooted in its history. There's music being used from the original 50's score than ever before (they use more than just that classic brass theme), Godzilla still has his trademark roar, and when he breathes fire in a way we've never seen before (it starts as gas, lights up into a jetstream of flame, and then concentrates into a beam) there's a classic sound effect played that we haven't heard in ages. In short, there's a bunch of new and classic stylistic choices in equal measure. Plus the scene where he destroys Tokyo is, in a weird way, gorgeous to look at.
In short, this is the smartest giant monster movie I've ever seen. It's not for everybody but it's certainly for people who understand what that means.
The Last: Naruto the Movie (2014)
This film is TERRIBLE for fans but GREAT for shippers
20:06 - *Hinata hangs by a scarf off a building so she won't slide down the side and plummet to her doom*
YOU'RE A NINJA!!! USE YOUR CHAKRA TO ATTACH TO THE WALL!!!! THAT'S SOME 1ST ARC LEVEL STUFF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!
41:15 - *Naruto falls down some stairs, hurts his back, and asks Hinata to apply some salve to a spot he can't reach*
YOU'RE A NINJA!!!! USE A SHADOW CLONE JUTSU LIKE YOU DID IN EVERY EPISODE EVER OF THE SHOW EVER AND APPLY THE LOTION YOUR DAMN SELF!!!!!
57:30 - *Throwaway movie villain narrates he's grand plan on how / why he plans to destroy the world and how it somehow ties into the main plot
I'm sorry. We're halfway through this feature film and I'm hearing the villains monologue and the only thing I can think is, "Why didn't they use Orochimaru for this?!? SASUKE LITERALLY BROUGHT THE MEGATRON-LEVEL-ARCHNEMISIS OF THE SERIES BACK TO LIFE AND LEFT HIM JUST WALKING AROUND AT THE END OF THE MANGA. LIKE DID WE FORGET THAT HE'S BASICALLY A NINJA NAZI SCIENTIST WHO DOES EXPERIMENTS ON PEOPLE?!?!?! THEY HAD TO USE THIS NO NAME YUTZ FOR THE VILLAIN OF THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THE SERIES AND NOT THE CLASSIC VILLAIN WHO WAS LITERALLY ALIVE AGAIN ALREADY?!?!?! I MEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD AT LEAST DIGIMON KNEW TO BRING OUT MIYOTISMON AS A CROWD PLEASER!!!"
1:50 *Naruto and Hinata finally kiss after 8 years of reading this damn comic*
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW.... this is the greatest movie of all time ;u;"
So yeah, I can understand why this material wasn't in the comic. Naruto's primary focus in terms of theme was one of getting stronger, rivalry, fighting evil, and rising to your dreams (ya know, like every other shonen ever). Maybe a story in the time skip detailing how Naruto and Hinata actually did end up together could have been done well, but this movie certainly isn't it. The writing in this thing is Fanfiction level in quality. Not bad fanfiction... more like the fanfiction level of a high schooler who could write at a good level if they kept at it for 10 years and maybe switched over to public domain characters. But fanfiction. The romance is so sappy my DVD player was leaking maple syrup. The action is gigantic in scale and beautifully animated, but boring and predictable in everything that happens. It even forgets its own universes established rules and consistencies in the battle system (i.e. not using chakra to stick to those DAMN WALLS HINATA C'MON). But...
I have been shipping these two guys since the Chunin exam arc and seeing this film and those two get married and have little ninja babies warmed by bitter old heart. 10/10 best film ever should have won the Oscar for best feature film. Screw you Pixar.
Action Jackson (1988)
38 minutes until the Hero gets an action scene
I love cheesy action movies. Not just the modern stuff like Expendables but some of the old ones modern audiences don't quite know much about. Stuff like Eraser, Cobra, Death Wish, and so on. The parts of the genre that were fantastic in the thrill of their heydey but haven't quite had a lasting impact with those youngins' like me today.
Action Jackson is a terrible action movie.
It's a real shame because it had a lot going for it. Good actors who can turn in solid performances, some star power on the heels of Rocky, and what seems to be a pretty decent budget. I've thought quite a bit about the points I can make on how they use a lot of telling not showing on building up the hero, the ungodly amount of exposition, and so on. But really... it can be summed up with one statement.
In the movie Action Jackson... Action Jackson doesn't have a single action scene until 38 minutes until the movie.
That's like an entire episode of "Sons of Anarchy." And the action scene isn't even good or built up to. It sort of comes out of nowhere and ends unceremoniously.
I was hoping this movie would be a good old fashion action cheese fest. But it soooooo sloooooow. Maybe the movie got better after that. I couldn't tell ya, I fell asleep.