josephmayes Reviews

Our Drawings (2023)

Cringe, there's no other word for it. This makes me cringe, it's embarrassing.

[1/10 · 3 May 2024]

Never had I thought that something as incoherent as Tentaclino could ever exist. Until today. "Our Drawings" not only rivals the infamous movie, it challenges it. The story's pacing feels like an entire tv series worth was compressed into a hour long special. It's simultaneously borderline impossible to follow, but also shockingly brain dead simple. There is no plot. Characters just dip in and out of reality with different personalties. There is no exploration or even a "helpful explanation" of how this drawing magic works and all the worlds that these characters explore are insipid and lifeless. The characters are just like the animation: stiff, ugly, flat, and boring. There are moments where the animation does become more interesting and dynamic, but even then, they are seconds-long and it's still steeped in mediocrity. But the worst aspect of this movie is the dialogue. Oh lord the dialogue. At its best, the dialogue is "the Room" levels of ironic comedy. But at its worst (and it's often in this hourlong "movie") what the characters say is mind numbingly bizarre nonsense. Calling it schizophrenic, would be an affront to people with schizophrenia as this is even more incoherent. Characters just shout words without any rhyme or reason. And it's also a musical...

In the end, the ultimate irony of this supposed exercise in creativity is that "Our Drawings" is creatively bankrupt. "Our Drawings" has no clue what it wants to be. It looks like one of those cheap kids' shows but characters are drinking and cursing and the themes are very adult-oriented. So it's not for kids. But it's also very shallow and Incoherent, so it's not for adults either. Animation enthusiasts won't touch this due to how hideous the animation looks. So ultimately, "Our Drawings" are for no one.

Bluey: Featherwand (2020) Season 2, Episode 3

The time Bingo gained a Stand power.

[9/10 · 16 August 2023]

(If you don't get that reference, then I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you)

Anyways, this episode is a riot. As usual the family dynamic is really fun, and I love how all of them interact with Bingo's newfound power without making it obvious to her or to the audience that it's a game. In fact, for whatever absurd reason, they take it really seriously, which makes this episode really fun. This really does add weight (pun intended) to the idea that Bingo does indeed have magical powers. And I love all the creative solutions that the family tries to get around dealing with Bingo's newfound power.

All in all, I'm glad Bingo decided to stop her rampage otherwise she'd have to face a weird hand fetishist (again, if you don't get it, I don't know what to tell you).

The Blind Side (2009)

Just... Yikes

[3/10 · 15 August 2023]

Back in 2009, when I first saw this movie (probably on some sorta field trip), I didn't really think much of it. Anything that is associated around sports I am not interested in. This apathy extends to movies as well, so when I first watched the Blind Side, I thought it was just... fine. The acting of course really was well done, Sandra Bullock and Quiton Aaron hit out it of the park, but even then this movie is pretty forgettable and largely schmaltzy oscarbait. So back then I would've given it a 6/10. Emphasis on *back then.*

Nowadays...yikes. Recent revelations regarding Michael Oher and the relationship with his surrogate family have re-contextualized the Blind Side and for the worst. Making the Blind Side one of the most stunning depictions of aging poorly. As it turns out, the Tuohy family, the ones who looked after Michael, did not adopt Michael Oher. Rather he was tricked into a conservatorship agreement, which allocated all money to his guardians, and not to him. Money made through the NFL? To the Tuohys. Advertising? The Tuohys. Even the box office numbers of a movie all about Michael Oher, not a single cent to the actual eponymous football player. A stark contrast to the film's version of an earnest family of the "Selfless Southerners" cliche.

Which finally leads to the film's second most poorly aged aspect: the depictions. This movie simplifies and scrubs a lot of nuisances and filled this world with cardboard cutouts. It is uncomfortable in how the Tuohys are portrayed as white saviors whilst Michael Oher is portrayed as a cliched, 2-dimensional gentle giant who portrayed as "dumb." When that isn't the case. A potentially interesting story about Michael beating the odds of a troubled early life of poverty, foster care and poor grades to become a NFL legend has been usurped by a middle-class white savior saving a downtrodden minor. Sadly ironic how that reflects reality.

Bluey: Sleepytime (2020) Season 2, Episode 26

Bluey's Magnium Opus

[10/10 · 5 July 2023]

This episode is beyond description. No joke, not just the best episode of Bluey, but also one of the best episodes in television. "Sleepytime" is very simple: Bingo wants to sleep in her bed without ending up in her parents' bed. But as is a standard of Bluey, it's how it's told is what makes this episode special.

"Sleepytime" stands out from the rest of the series by being quiet and reserved. Not to say it's devoid of humor, it does have the usual brand of Bluey wit, but the more humorous aspects take a secondary role. Relying more so on visual storytelling and less on dialogue. Aesthetically this episode is drop-dead gorgeous, with the colors and editing immaculate. It's not just a dream, nor an episode of an excellent animated series, but it's a wonderful and surprisingly mature coming-of-age story about what it means for a four year old to be a "big girl."

Pokémon: Pikachu's Vacation (1998)

"This is the most Obnoxious thing I've ever experienced in my entire life."

[2/10 · 1 April 2023]

Before I talk about the short, I want briefly talk about the First Movie and the Pikachu shorts. Pokémon The First Movie is just fine. I grew up on this movie, it's one of the earliest cinematic experiences I've had (much to the detriment of my parents). While The First Movie hasn't aged well growing up, seeing it's writing as hacky and cheesey, it's still a nostalgic guilty pleasure with a surprisingly complex antagonist (it's a 6/10, if you're curious).

But then there is the Pokémon shorts preceding each movie. Similarly to the first movies, I grew up on the Pikachu shorts, I actually love them (probably more so than the movies themselves), I think they're charming, they have unique locations, and I love how adorable and slice of life it all is.

With all that said: Pikachu's Vacation, despite being the very first entry, is not just the worst of the Pikachu shorts nor the Pokémon cinematic universe, it is quite possibly the worst short movie I've ever seen. I hated this short when I was a kid, and I still vehemently hate it. It is so boring, brainless, and it makes the runtime feel like an eternity. Pikachu's Vacation is literally a short about nothing: Ash Ketchum's Pokémon go to a playground, Togepi gets upset for like most of the short, the Ketchum monsters deal with a rival gang, Ash's Charizard gets stuck in a pipe, and everyone has to tag in to help him get out. That's it. I don't expect something grand like Lord of the Rings, but if Wallace and Gromit can tell a charming and entertaining short in 30 minutes, there's no excuse. Pikachu's Vacation is not fun. It is so pandering and obnoxious. Everything is handled in the most juvenile and anodyne ways possible. Togepi is really annoying, all of the Pokémon voices are grating in this short, and the transitions, oh god the transitions. So for whatever reason Pikachu's Vacation has these really bizarre transitions that are of these Pokémon... doing something. These transitions really break the flow of the short, they eat up the run time, and don't really have a reason to exist outside of filler. They are terrible, elongated and it feels like a pair of keys are being jangled in my face. And key-jangling is the one word to perfectly sum up Pikachu's Vacation. What my parents felt watching the movie, I feel the same way about the short. I know that Pokémon is aimed mostly for kids, but Pikachu's Vacation is too obnoxious for adults, too boring for kids, and really, is made for no one.

2/10 (The Pikachu shorts do go up from here.)

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Just Right.

[10/10 · 13 February 2023]

With the blunt parody of Shrek; the emotional and witty maturity of Shrek 2; Shrek the Third's...; and the darkness and finality of Shrek Forever After. All of the best elements of these movies (except Shrek the Third) are all combined into a spin-off that has no right being *this* fantastic; But is. And that movie is Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, one of the best movies I've ever experienced in a long time.

When I was a kid, Puss in Boots was my favorite character in the Shrek series. I loved his design, his Spanish accent, and of course, his voice actor, Antonio Banderas. And while I grew older, Puss kinda got thrown into the background and got overshadowed by more complex characters. But the Last Wish rekindled that child-like wonder and revived my love for the character. Not only that, the Last Wish weaves a surprisingly mature and emotional arc around confronting mortality and self-embetterment.

The Last Wish goes even further by creating the perfect cast of characters. Perrito, I thought, was going to be an unbearable comedic companion; yet in the end, he became an adorable bastion of emotional support and empathy. Kitty Softpaws, a character carried over from the previous movie, is just as an excellent foil and love interest to Puss, being just as, if not more, a cynical isolationist like Puss. But what steals the show are the factional antagonists. From the sympathetic and surprisingly wholesome Goldilocks and the Three Bears to the hilarious, morbidly immoral Jack Horner who revels in his evil, to the mysterious, dark, and genuinely scary wolf known as "Lobo," all of them are excellent and well-balanced in the story (especially with Lobo, who has a brilliant reveal that I won't spoil).

Speaking of which, the story is great. It feels perfectly balanced and well-paced. But I'm honestly shocked by how dark this movie can be, thematically and humor-wise. This film explores the fear of death, insecurity, anxiety, companionship, and it does not hold back against any of these themes. Which for an animated film with a talking cat and supposedly aimed at younger audiences, that is bold.

Finally there's the animation. The animation takes a page out of Spiderverse and runs with it to make its own style. The result is a gorgeous, almost painterly experience that feels like it was ripped out of a watercolor fairy tale illustration mixed in with stylized transitions that are pleasing to the eyes and create interesting visual juxtapositions. All the settings have unique color palettes, and areas like the Dark forest is so creative in its presentation.

All in all, when it comes to being a cinematic experience The last Wish is a genius experience. If there's anything that I would call this movie: is that it's just right. Not too dark, not too light, just. Right.

Léon: The Professional (1994)

There will never be another film like Leon the Professional.

[10/10 · 13 February 2023]

Leon the Professional is an unorthodox tale about a masterful hitman, a vengeful orphan, a corrupt DEA agent, and a desire for companionship, albeit temporary. What makes this action movie stand out from the rest of its contemporaries is that Leon doesn't focus on the action or the hits the man takes. But the hitman himself, his struggles with loneliness and introversion, and how one simple action saves a girl from a pointless massacre, but also seals him to an eventual terrible fate.

Leon the Professional is not just my favorite action movie, but my second favorite movie of all time (behind Prince of Egypt of course). Jean Reno and Natalie Portman provide excellent performances as these two lonely souls that find a light-hearted, almost familial bond. Gary Oldman gives the performance of his life as the creepy and psychotic DEA agent, Stansfield who he himself is a drug-fueled maniac (honestly a brilliant irony). Leon is a masterful blend of different tones that could seem contradictory and jagged on surface, but in actuality goes on to make the emotional moments even more potent. It's like an exotic cookie, full of different flavors, and ends in a beautiful bitter taste.

Because of its heart and soul, that is why there will never be another film like Leon the Professional.

The Mask of Zorro (1998)

The Last of the Classic Swashbucklers

[9/10 · 10 February 2023]

The Mask of Zorro is a film that feels like the perfect crescendo for the long aged and comatose genre of the classic swashbucklers. A final farewell before the genre was permanently transformed and briefly revitalized by the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

The story is simple: a tale of good and evil, of revenge and revolution, and a torch being passed to another. The villains are largely one-note and serviceable; some of the style choices like the incorporation of jaguar noises are both dated and awesome; and the second act does slow down the story's pacing. But in a situation like this, the simplicity works in favor for the Mask of Zorro. Because the best part of the Mask of Zorro is... Zorro himself (or themselves, to be more specific).

Anthony Hopkins and Antonio Banderas are the best parts of this movie. The transformation of Antonio Banderas' Zorro from a brutish bandit to a disciplined vigilante is insanely satisfying to watch. Hopkins' world weary and darkly cynical journey to find his grownup daughter is just as satisfying, albeit more melancholic. And even Catherine Zeta Jones is incredibly noteworthy here, her performance as Elena Montero was definitely ahead of its time, portraying a three-dimensional character that can go toe-on-toe with Zorro, but also has that great arc of her discovering her father. I love the dynamic between the teacher and student, how both versions have their own interpretation of Zorro (The Old Zorro is more refined and graceful whereas the New is more improvisational and tricky). The setting of Spanish/Mexican California is also a spark of genius, this gritty place of extreme ends of poverty and wealth, of the movie's present and the past.

The Mask of Zorro is a great, fun, and daring finale for the decades old swashbuckler era. Sure it is simple, but simplicity has its merits.

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

I get it (but no?)

[5/10 · 22 January 2023]

The Banshees of Inisherin is a puzzle to me. I get what the movie is about: an allegorical tragedy about the flailing friendship between two men as a parallel to the Irish Civil War. The cinematography is top notch, the performances from Collin Farrell and Brenden Gleeson are spot on, the atmosphere and setting is authentic, and this movie succeeds in making you feel like you're staring into an Irish island village.

I get what this movie is doing. But what I don't get is the high revery for a pretty, but middling movie. What kills it for me is the B.o.I.'s glacial pacing. It is so slow, so much nothing happens and it's so repetitive. When the movie attempted to go weird, it doesn't feel earned cause the level of insanity is never really established. The accents feel way too over the top and heavy, and for a dark comedy, very few of the comedy lands. By the end, I was more bored than I was invested. Not a terrible movie, but not a phenomenal one either.

Death on the Nile (2022)

Exciting? No it's not! It's dull! Dull, dull, dull! My god it's dull! It's so desperately dull and tedious and boring and so des-per-ately DULL!!!

[1/10 · 5 January 2023]

Death on the Nile is what people who have never seen Knives Out thinks what Knives Out is about. Strip out the intrigue, the subversions, the atmosphere, and even the colorful characters. Just strip everything that makes a fun and interesting mystery and you get "Death on the Nile." A dull, stiff, predictable, and archaic adaptation of the eponymous novella by Agatha Christie, that even though I haven't read the original and heard through the grapevine is one of her weaker stories, I imagine that this mockery couldn't even reach that.

This movie is dated. Very dated. It feels dated, the way it approaches the story is dated, the romances feel pulled out of a 1920's novel, even the cgi feels dated and this movie just came out last year. Some shots are okay, but the movie relies so heavily on cgi to recapture a far gone era of Egypt that it makes the movie feel fake and aesthetically unappealing. All the characters feel lifeless, homogeneous, and surface level, they all meld into the same stereotype of shady, mysterious rich fops with very little to stand out. The acting on a whole is pretty bad, especially with Gal Gadot giving a lackluster performance. And of course this movie does nothing to change up the formula. The twists fall flat like month old champagne due to the absent investment in the characters. Rendering an already boring movie into a tedious, predictable chore.

In the end you get a nothing movie that does nothing grand and nothing upstanding. Easily the worst movie of 2022 because unlike a lot of bad movies, Death of the Nile is so boring, that it made me feel nothing.

The Prince of Egypt (1998)

The movie that made me fall in love with movies.

[10/10 · 5 January 2023]

When I was much younger, five years I believe, when I was going to church more consistently, the youth would be dismissed downstairs and once and a while we would watch a movie. Most of the time, it was your standard Christian cartoons, like Veggietales and what not. But one day, our Sunday school teacher decided to showcase something unique: this movie, The Prince of Egypt. And this movie blew my mind. That afternoon viewing birthed my love for animation and spawned the seed for my taste in movies.

And so two decades later, long after my family left that church, and long after I declared myself agnostic, discouraged by the general direction of the faith I was born in. But despite these changes, Prince of Egypt has still resonated with me. And after a recent viewing, last new year's eve, I can safely say that this movie has cemented its place as my favorite movie in general.

Literally everything in this movie is perfect. The musical aspect works beautifully as a way to portray emotion and be diegetic. Songs like "Deliver Us," "Look Through Heaven's Eyes," "Playing with the Big Boys," "The Plagues," and "When you Believe" all genuinely crafted, well-orchestrated, and all gorgeous. I love the brotherly dynamic between Moses and Rameses and how it decays throughout the film. Everyone, despite being a star-studded cast, melds into their roles perfectly. The animation is gorgeous, with a balance of expression and humanity; I love how the movie is willing to spice up its style and color palette to make scenes like Moses' nightmare and the Priests' song even more dynamic. Even the cgi, for a film from 1997, isn't distracting at all. The entire third act is perfect, with the Exodus and the Red Sea crossing being my favorite scenes in a movie. There is not one thing that I dislike about this movie.

The Prince of Egypt is Homeric, but also down-to-earth; religious, but not assertive; it doesn't hold back the darkness, but that makes those messages of light and hope even more powerful. This movie is one of the rare occasions where it stirs the child-like embers within me. The Prince of Egypt is my favorite movie ever.

The Great British Baking Show: Pastry Week (2022) Season 13, Episode 8

The Paul Hollywood Problem

[4/10 · 5 November 2022]

The end of the season is near, as is my patience with Paul Hollywood and his recent behavior. I legit think that this is the worst episode of the season, yes worse than Mexican Week. Because at least with that, it was a single episode that was ignorantly insensitive and generally awkward. But this episode really made me rethink and doubt Paul Hollywood as a judge and potentially hurt my enjoyment of the overall show.

I don't think that Paul Hollywood is now unpleasant because he is strict, it's that he's so mean about it. This episode reveals that he wants perfection, not striving towards perfection, but perfection itself. Those who don't meet this impossible standard, even marginally get critiques so harsh, so devoid of praise, the bakers might as well get lashes. Even Prue feels way too harsh in this episode and at times feel like a female copy of her male counterpart. And that dispiriting, demoralizing tone gets to the bakers. All five unfortunately flounder in this episode in some way, but considering how impossible it is please the judges and the ridiculous time restraints, I can't blame 'em.

I think this mean-spirited, almost toxic personality really goes into contention of the show's wholesome and feel-good atmosphere where anyone can be a star baker, but also bake to the best of your abilities to earn that honor. But it feels like the show has forgotten that balanced approach. I don't even want anyone replaced, but I just think the show would improve significantly if the judges handled their criticisms with more constraint. But at this point, if the Paul Hollywood Problem isn't fixed any time soon, it might greatly hinder the Great British Baking Show in the future.

The Great British Baking Show: Mexican Week (2022) Season 13, Episode 4

😮😬 This Episode...

[6/10 · 28 October 2022]

Look, I'm going to be honest with you, this episode isn't as terribly offensive as many would want to make you think. It's still *kinda* culturally insensitive, but it's more so out of a lack of awareness and naivety towards Mexican culture than it is out of maliciousness and racism. So it's more awkward and cheeky.

With that being said, this episode is just fine. Most of the showstoppers were well-made (though Sandro's mustache cake was... something), the jokes around Mexico mostly fall flat, and the technical was just a really bizarre choice. The double departure was one of the more emotional moments of this season and Maxy had a well-earned victory. So yeah, a standard episode with a controversy that's slightly overblown.

Gods and Generals (2003)

An Abhorrently Lost Cause

[1/10 · 27 February 2022]

Before I rip into this meritless garbage, I want to preface this that Gods and Generals is Neo-Confederate Propaganda. It spins a terrible lie, that the Confederate States fought for a justified cause. In reality It never was, it was always always for the cause of slavery, as led by wealthy oligarchs.

But even as a movie, Gods and Generals is an epic disaster. Because it disgustingly venerates the Confederate generals as these untouchable saints and the Yankees as incompetent fools, all of the characters are flat and boring. The action is bloodless and incomprehensible, portraying these large scale battles as feckless and repetitive clusters of blues and grays. There is no story, no struggles to portray.

Gods and Generals is a bellicose glory porn on the Lost Cause and, ironically, a Lost Cause itself.

Peacemaker (2022– )

Peacemaker, what a phenomenal show

[10/10 · 18 February 2022]

Continuing away from the pretentious self-indulgence of the Snyder films, Peacemaker embraces the raw, crude, and gory tone of James Gunn's irreverent masterpiece, The Suicide Squad. The story follows the eponymous delusional jingoist, Christopher Smith, as he is brought out of jail and into a ragtag government agency as a shot for freedom. Little did he know that he is thrusted into war, not just with a strange enemy, not just with the world, but with himself.

Beneath the fantastic, colorful and hysterical surface lies a surprisingly layered dramady full of fun and three-dimensional characters. From the adorably derpy and innocent Eagly to the kind, but conflicted Leota Adebayo; from lovable psychopath Vigilante to the bitterly spiteful and irredeemably abusive Auggie.

Peacemaker is a fabulous show full of metal-fueled energy, gory fights, and made with love.

We Baby Bears (2022– )

Adorably Above-Average

[7/10 · 13 February 2022]

We Baby Bears reminds me of an underrated show from the mid-2000's called "All Grown Up!" To showcase how really old I really am, it's a spin-off of Rugrats that imagines the cast as pre-teen kids. While I had good memories of watching the show, All Grown Up wouldn't ever top it's predecessor. And that reflects perfectly on how I feel about We Baby Bears.

We Baby Bears is an inverse of that concept. Instead of following the Bears as adults, they are now orphaned babies who is looking for a home via a Star-touched cardboard box that can traverse time and space. High jinx to follow.

For some positives, the Baby Bears are probably the best part of this show. They're insanely cute, expressive, and their designs translate very well within the Western-Eastern hybrid art style. The child actors playing the trio are actually really good in their roles, which is a rare feat on its own. The backgrounds are gorgeous, some shots taking a page out of Steven Universe's color palette. The fantastical worlds they visit have unique concepts (like a world of vegetable people based loosely on Arthurian legend), and WbB have interesting ideas...with clumsy execution.

Despite the limitless potential of the ideas WbB introduces, the series itself feels constrained and formulaic. The worlds the Bears explore have cool concepts, but are hindered by the short runtime. As such, a lot of the episodes half-reach their potential, and feel predictable or badly rushed at points. And while I love the art style for the Bears, some of the designs of the characters they encounter can be jarring and out-of-place.

Yet despite these issues, I still slightly recommend this show. Just go with expectations that We Baby Bears is not going to overshadow it's seasoned predecessor.

City Lights (1931)

What else can I even say?

[10/10 · 2 February 2022]

City Lights is a legendary film in comedy. The cinematography, the physical acting, the slapstick, the way this movie saves and shows dialogue is masterful. Sometimes the joke is predictable, but that has more to do with the film's massive effect on the movie industry than the film itself. With that said, the humor is still genius (that boxing scene is still one of the best comedic sequences). The romance between the blind Flower girl and the Tramp is honestly one of the sweetest romantic relationships depicted on film. The lengths that the Tramp would go to to help her and her grandma out not out of love but because it's right is genuinely heartwarming. And that ending is so satisfying and sweet.

Honestly, what more can I say? City Lights is one of the best movies ever made; not subjectively, *objectively.*

Promare (2019)

An Explosion of Color, Bombast, and Dopamine

[8/10 · 31 January 2022]

Unlike a lot of its subtle, eye-candied competitors, Studio Trigger decides to bring in a phallic eye candy factory with a large air horn in its movie, Promare. Promare is loud, bombastic, completely unsubtle, and I love it. Everything is bright and tightly animated, masterfully weaving 2D and 3D animation in artful harmony. Combine that with the legendary talents of composer Hiroyuki Sawano, then you have a movie that pleases all the senses. But underneath its bright and loud exterior, lies a silent, dark, dying world of corruption, oppression, xenophobia and genocide.

The dichotomy between the loud, yet passionate oaf Galo and the noble, but no-nonsense rebel Lio is fantastic. They are wonderful enemies to each other from the beginning, before transitioning into frenemies when they find that their paths aren't parallel, but perpendicular. I'd argue that their relationship holds some hints of being more than just friends (with one exceptionally HUGE hint at the end), but that element is more queercoded than actual depiction of a queer romance.

But all-in-all, Promare is the smartest dumb movie I've ever seen. It has a burning passion in telling a story that the movie is kinda aware doesn't make too much sense. Promare's burning soul is inextinguishable.

Don't Look Up (2021)

A Comedy Crippled by Confusing Critique

[4/10 · 28 January 2022]

Don't Look Up is a competent film. The actors give it their all, Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence should be commended especially as the two leading roles, the cinematography is grand, the jokes mostly land and I thought that the ending (spoilers) was incredibly ballsy, being both a visual treat and tragic farewell to humanity.

Unfortunately Don't Look Up is also incredibly tedious as well. This movie is *waaaay* too long. It's over 2 hours long and you feel those two hours. In fact after the president recalls those missiles, the movie just slows down exponentially and the scenes just grow dull and dreary. To the point that you just want the meteor to land end this.

Not only is it bloated in runtime, but also in themes. Don't Look Up tries to go for quantity over quality in the story it tells. At first the theme is about the battle between truth and ignorance (which is fine). But then the film wants to make commentary on social media, the Trump Era, news media, the missed potential of human society, jingoism, crony capitalism, what it means to be alive, human existentialism, nihilism, allegories to climate change and the unnecessary pushback. Any or a few of these themes would do. But not all of them at once in one movie. And the result is an unfocused, fatalistic, and bitter mess. Don't Look Up tries to have the impact of the meteor it's portraying, but in the end, just burns up in the atmosphere.

Okko's Inn (2018)

An adorable movie about death, grief, and post traumatic stress disorder

[8/10 · 25 January 2022]

This movie is about a lot of things: death, grief, acceptance, culture shock, and the clash (and harmony) between honoring modern and traditional values in Japanese society. Yet despite its numerous themes to juggle, Okki's Inn manages to stick together in a simple story about an orphaned girl's journey to move on from the traumatic death of her parents with the help of a semi-active inn, ran by her kind, but staunchly conservative grandmother, it's guests, two mischievous ghosts and a demon. Structurally, this film is unique as it takes a more episodic approach rather than something with three acts. This isn't really much of a problem for me since the structure of a film's story is more of a guideline than an actual rule book. But it does leave me perplexed; the nonexistence of a plot structure gives the intentional relaxed tone this movie masterfully makes and gives enough room for character development. But this comes at the cost of the transition of scenes feel jarring and/or feel abrupt. As such the pacing feels disjointed in places and it makes me wonder whether this is better off a series.

Animation-wise, it's good. The character designs are mostly well done with bit of a caveat: the kids and the supernatural are adorable, but the majority of the adult characters are more forgettable designwise (with the exception of the Fortune Teller). The background art really does capture the idyllic peace of small town Japan. One thing that hasn't aged so well though is the cgi, but thankfully it's sparingly used throughout the movie, but when you notice something like cgi cars, you can't really ignore them.

But honestly, I love more of this movie more than I hate. I love Okki, especially how in spite how she is dealing with trauma and anxiety, she still tries to find joy (I find this exceptionally compelling and refreshing, since it showcases her strength in resolve). I love the third half of this movie, especially when the final guest shows up and a certain moment drags her into the nadir of her grief.

Problems aside, I think Okki's Inn is worth a trip overall.

Castle in the Sky (1986)

An imaginative movie weighed down by one major problem

[9/10 · 23 January 2022]

Castle in the Sky is a great movie that falls short of being a phenomenal movie. It has the godlike animation of Hayo Miyazaki, and it's up there as one of his most imaginative movies like Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away. The sound design and the intrinsic details of the world just brings this post-war world to life. Story wise, it's fine. It's an adventure story with a good-versus evil narrative with the familiar themes of Anti-imperialism, environmentalism, and preservation; these themes were done better and less clumsily in Miyazaki's later works, but like the story, they're fine.

The best part of this movie has to go to the Dola Pirate Gang. They are very entertaining and incredibly dynamic. Their leader, the Pirate matriarch Dola might have to be one of the best characters Miyazaki has created, with her fiery determination and passionate layers. I even enjoy Muska and the Military and how they are more of a threatening, competent force than the Pirates. Muska, while he is a generic wannabe dictator, is enhanced by the performance of Mark Hamill, who had fun haming up the role.

So what's the problem then? But the one thing that weighs this movie down are the main characters, Sheeta and Pazu. They are both dull and reactionary. Pazu has some inkling of personality, being brave, but impulsive, Sheeta however literally has no personality, no dimension, no motivation and she comes across as incredibly annoying with no weight of her own (I get that she has something of an arc of her trying to trust people again, but it's more implied than anything). Sheeta is wholly boring and annoying.

But aside from that, Castle in the Sky is more of a world to experience than a world to experience with the characters. But the weak protagonists really does weigh this flying machine down from soaring with the greats of Miyazaki.

Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2023)

A Blessing from Britain

[10/10 · 21 January 2022]

What can I say that hasn't been said about this legendary, controversial Reality TV show? While I prefer the British version of the show for its more relaxed approach and little-to-no reliance on special effects and melodrama, I cannot deny that the American version is JUST as great in its own way. And all of that has to do with the S-tier legend himself, Gordon Ramsey.

He alone catapults Kitchen Nightmares from a potentially mediocre show to a phenomenal one. Endlessly hotheaded, yet empathetic and passionate, Ramsey enters each restaurant with his greatest weapon, himself. Even if the success rate is notoriously low, every episode is gold-standard as he deals with a wild gallery of restaurant owners, ranging from lost souls that deserves a second chance to the absurd, pretentious, and downright delusional or abusive. From the melancholic, yet wholesome redemption of Mama Maria's, to the disturbingly toxic hell of Amy's Baking Company, I can safely say that Kitchen Nightmares is one thing that is reality shows can rarely be: Midas-touched.

Chicory: A Colorful Tale (2021 Video Game)

This game broke into my house and hugged me tight

[10/10 · 20 January 2022]

Chicory: A Colorful Tale is probably my favorite game of all time right now. Like all magnificent games, Chicory just speaks to me as an artist who is struggling with mental issues and self-worth. I love how this game allows you the ability to paint the world with a 4-color palette and lets you go wild to paint ANYTHING. I love how gosh-darn adorable this game is, with Pizza (the main character) being one of the cutest characters in gaming. I love the connections Pizza creates with the world of Picnic (one of my favorites is the relationship between them and their family, it's so wholesome and refreshing to watch a healthy family dynamic in a video game). I love how all of the LGBT representations are just apart of this world without any announcement, but keeps the room open for interpretation (one relationship that I won't spoil has sapphic undertones). There is not one moment where the game gets bland, repetitive, or needlessly frustrating. Keep in mind, Chicory can be seen as an incredibly easy game, but it emphasizes more in storytelling, unilateral thinking, creativity, the world, the characters, and the music (my god... the music is phenomenal!). This game gives me hope that games can not only fun, but also whole, sweet, and phenomenal.

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

A spit in the face of Star Wars

[2/10 · 16 January 2022]

Hot take here, this is the worst Star Wars movie. Worse than the prequels combined. As flawed as they are, at least, introduced a whole new chunk of the universe, of new worlds and people. This is worse than that weird Clone Wars movie because that introduced the masterful Clone Wars series. It's even worse than the Last Jedi, a movie that I found to be okay at best, AND the Christmas Special. And for one, irredeemable reason only: it revived Palpatine.

I cannot tell you how much of an atrocious choice this is. This decision completely renders the Skywalker saga entirely redundant and instead, unintentionally recontextualizes Star Wars as the Palpatine Saga. No longer is it about the Skywalker lineage, about a fallen knight who finds redemption in his final hours, or about Luke Skywalker rising as a mature Jedi. It's now about Palpatine and his wacky schemes for universal domination until he gets fried by his redirected lightning by his apparent granddaughter.

This whole movie just comes across as extremely childish, not like it was made with child-like imagination, but a half hearted project made by a lazy teenager with no imagination. There is no character arcs, no risks, no tension, no growth, and the lack of consistency makes it all apparent that there is no passion nor plan for this film nor this trilogy.

Ted Bundy: American Boogeyman (2021)

It's Time to Stop! It's Time to Stop, Okay? No More!

[1/10 · 3 January 2022]

There's really isn't anything I can add about this mockery. This "movie" is exactly as the other entries in this disgusting director's insipid collection. Instead it's a critique on this Director, Daniel Farrands and why he's the worst director working in Hollywood. Yes, worse than Michael Bay, Joel Schumacher, Neil Breen, AND Uwe Boll.

It is amazing how in *2* years, he made 4 movies and all of them are equally appalling. What makes him worse than the aforementioned directors is the wonton awareness. Mr. Farrands is aware that his films are tasteless garbage, but he makes no effort to improve, no desire to change. He's aware that a psychological horror adaption of Sharon Tate's tragic final months was a terrible and tasteless idea, and he made it anyways. Same for Nicole Simpson AND Ted Bundy. He makes movies without passion, no interesting take(s) or perspective(s) on these tragic stories, no desire to respect the sanctity of these stories, and no desire to go beyond the bare minimum of just showcasing a moving picture. His films thrive on sensationalism and sensationalism alone, which I would qualify as the lowest standard of Low Art. Farrands deserves to be blacklisted by every studio in Hollywood and have his directorial career die in silence. It's time to stop.