artgutierrez Reviews

The Batman (2022)

Goth emo Bruce Wayne was a swing and a miss

[3/10 · 23 December 2023]

I can definitely appreciate the dark detective story that this film was striving to be. And it really does succeed in being that. Another positive was the great fighting scenes. Well done.

However, in order to enjoy the dark detective story and the excellent fighting sequences, you really have to ignore A LOT of this film's miscues.

First and foremost, Bruce Wayne loses all credibility in being some billionaire brooding goth emo instead of a billionaire world-renowned playboy. I was almost expecting Bruce Wayne to slit his own wrists and beg for attention.

Second, another huge mistake in this film was reducing the Penguin to nothing more than being a mafia stooge to crime boss Carmine Falcone. To me, that was unforgiveable. The Penguin should be so much more than just a mafia underling. Why is he even "The Penguin"? He doesn't resemble one, doesn't sound like one, doesn't hang around with actual penguins. He's basically named the Penguin just so that the film makers can say that the Penguin is in this film. But there really is no "Penguin" super villain in it. Just some random mafia guy nicknamed The Penguin.

Third, the lazy writing that conveniently makes Selena Kyle the child of Carmine Falcone. No, just no. That's lazy.

Fourth, the Riddler is basically just the real-life Zodiak Killer copy-&-pasted into a Batman movie. Be more original with the film's main super villain.

Fifth, trim down the film length. It is way too long. This makes the viewer lose interest in many scenes that could have been left out without affecting the overall story.

That's a lot to ignore for a film that I really wanted to enjoy. All that drops this film well below the standard of all the great Batman movies that preceded it. Not too bad, but not great. I expected better.

Expend4bles (2023)

Yeah, it's really bad but it's still not the worst

[2/10 · 20 October 2023]

Let's start with the good news. EX4 brought back the gory violence that we loved and was sorely missed in the previous turd of a movie, EX3. So that at least earns 2 stars.

Now, let's get to the inevitable bad news. Megan Fox and the terrible CGI. Those two unforgivable travesties were by far the worst thing that went wrong with EX4. I can maybe forgive a terrible plot, Stallone's lack of screen time, and bad dialogue. But wow, Megan Fox's involvement in the film and the laughably bad CGI are the breaking point. Ironically enough, if the movie utilized bad CGI on Megan Fox's plastic face it probably would've been an improvement.

Bottom line is that it's safe to say that EX3 crippled the franchise. But EX4 killed it once and for all.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

This story never needed to be told

[1/10 · 14 July 2023]

LACKLUSTER. If Indiana Jones 5 ever wanted to be described in one word, that would be it. I say that and I write this review as a big Indy fan (well, the first 3 Indy movies).

One thing you really need to understand when watching ANY Indiana Jones movie is not to take things too seriously. There have been MANY "suspension of belief" moments throughout the entire franchise. And that's perfectly fine. After all, this is a MOVIE, not a true to life documentary of some guy named Indiana Jones. Those wacky unbelievable moments are part of what has made the franchise so popular.

But I really have to question why there was a need for any more wacky unbelievable moments in a new film. Especially since Crystal Skull was such a mind-blowing dud of a film. I supposed this was Harrison Ford's "Rocky Balboa" movie, attempting to atone for the sins of the previous disappointing film in the franchise. Only difference is that Stallone DID manage to atone for Rocky 5's dreadful story when he made Rocky 6 (Rocky Balboa). It is safe to say that Harrison Ford did NOT atone for Crystal Skull with this one.

I gave this movie a 1-star rating simply for the fact that the story expects us to believe that an 80 year old man can take a bullet to the chest (near his heart) and continue on with the rest of the movie almost as if nothing happened to him. That overstepped the bounds of suspension of belief, and crossed over into "how dumb do they think we are?"

The Flash (I) (2023)

Exactly as I expected

[5/10 · 21 June 2023]

This Flash movie didn't surprise me. That is neither good nor bad. I knew it would be awesome just because Keaton's Batman is in it. But I also knew that aside from Keaton, the film fails to stand on its own.

Let's face it, without Keaton, this film is a total flop. Point blank. The Flash cannot carry his own movie, so this required some "nostalgic" help. But being that Keaton is heavily involved in the plot, I suppose you can call it the saving grace of this film.

The scenes with Batman and Supergirl were excellent. Everything else was just...... Meh!

I have a big problem the fact that the Flash can simply undo all the bad things that happen simply by going back into the past any time he wants. It makes for extremely lazy writing. And you just know right off the bat that this film will end by fixing something in the past. Yes, his mother dies. But in future sequels, Barry can simply rethink about how to approach going into the past again to fix everything that happened in this film. That would make it extremely convenient for ANY character to always come back from the "dead" and appear in future sequels to milk the nostalgia cow.

And no, don't get me started on the terrible CGI that was impossible not to notice in some parts!

But otherwise, despite all of it's shortcomings, I actually did enjoy watching this film. Not sure that it would ever need any further sequels though.

¡Que viva México! (2023)

Comedic satire should not last 3+ hours

[3/10 · 25 May 2023]

I understood the point of this movie's satire perfectly. And if you come from a small remote town in Mexico, you REALLY understand it.

So I applaud this film's producers for attempting to bring light to Mexico's underlying social problems. However, this film is very flawed.

For starters, 3 hours and 11 minutes is WAY too long for a comedic satire. Even TWO hours might have been way too long. So that right there was the film's major undoing.

The plot itself strikes me as odd (and yes, I fully know it is satire). The entire extended family in the small mining town is basically dirt poor. But the deceased grandfather is secretly filthy rich with who knows how many millions in gold and property. And he decides to leave it all to the one person in the family who needs it the LEAST?? I get that this is satire and it is meant as a subtle jab as to how poorly the country of Mexico manages its riches in reality. I get that. It still doesn't make sense. But I get that.

The only way I can make sense of this movie is that the producers used this film as a subtle way to say F YOU!! To Mexico's ignorant and selfish ways. They are trying to tell you that Mexicans only look out for themselves and no one else. And that's why Mexico is the way it is now.

It is grossly exaggerated. But there is SOME truth to that. For far too long, Mexico has failed to properly invest in itself because so many of their nation's richest people know that everyone else is just itching to take their money away at every turn. So instead of investing in the future of their country, they hoard it all for themselves instead.

So if that's what this film's message is, then I think I understood that part. But I didn't need 3 hours and 11 minutes of bland comedy to understand it.

Rescue from Gilligan's Island (1978 TV Movie)

Silly but fun

[7/10 · 17 May 2023]

I just watched this movie complete for the first time in several years. I remember watching bits and pieces of it years ago when it was a re-run on tv. But I had never seen it complete until now.

I have always enjoyed the humor and silliness of the Gilligan's Island tv series. I never took it too seriously. And that was the key to its success. Just enjoy it without overthinking it.

So I really enjoyed Rescue from Gilligan's Island. Yes, it has its flaws (the lack of Tina Louise's involvement is the biggest!). But if you think about it entirely, it really is a great story to tell.

I really enjoyed the way the story incorporates the 7 deadly sins into how each member of the group still feels detached from civilization even after the rescue in their own personal settings. And because of that, it felt so appropriate to end the movie full circle... Right back to living on the same island they called home for 15 years.

Great story, just not executed flawlessly. However, the silliness, the gags, and humor is all still there.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Enjoyable but not the best Spider-man

[8/10 · 5 May 2023]

This film does a really good job of standing out from the Tobey Maguire Spider-man films that preceded it. A fresh take on Spidey. Great idea. And especially great idea to star a different villain as well. Sally Field and Martin Sheen were spectacular as Aunt May and Uncle Ben.

The biggest downside to this film was the casting choices for Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. Emma Stone was already 23 years old when this film came out. Even worse, Andrew Garfield was 27! These are supposed to be HIGH SCHOOL kids! But they don't act, look, or talk like high school kids. That was a huge distraction for me throughout the whole film. If they wanted to be taken seriously as high school kids, don't use actors who act, look, and talk like college graduates. It ruins the authenticity that the film is trying so hard to build.

Same goes for Tobey Maguire who was 26 in his first Spider-man film. But that's an entirely different review for a different movie.

Other than that glaring casting issue, this is a solid Spider-man movie.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Sweet vindication!

[10/10 · 16 April 2023]

This film is everything a Super Mario movie should be. It's good to know that after all these years, this film has finally come along and allowed us to forget that abomination known as the Hoskins/Leguizamo disaster (I refuse to even call it a Mario movie). I'm really glad that this film respected and honored its source material so much. Everything is well represented here... EVERYTHING! From all the original NES games, right down to all the latest modern Mario games. Even the Super Mario Bros. Super Show theme song is in it! That's attention to detail! Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells are smiling somewhere in heaven!

Watching this film, I felt like a kid again. I don't know who enjoyed the movie more, my kids or me! We all enjoyed it so much. And I'm glad they left the ending open to pursue more storylines in future sequels. Great job to everyone involved in the making of this movie!

Creed III (2023)

Too much rehashed material

[6/10 · 6 April 2023]

After watching Creed 3, it became clear to me that the makers of this film recycled WAY too much Rocky material without actually involving Rocky at all and simultaneously claiming to stand on its own.

The retired protagonist takes a new-comer under his wing and ends up having to fight him in the finale. Seems familiar, right? That's entirely Rocky 5.

At one point, Adonis says "it ain't about how hard you hit..."... Yup, Rocky 6 (Rocky Balboa)

Adonis training for the fight by running up the hill and yelling Damien's name as he reaches the top. Yup, Rocky did that in Russia in Rocky 4.

Adonis' former rival (Drago's son) is now helping to train him for his next fight. Yup, that's Rocky 3.

A loved one of the protagonist (Adonis' mom) has to die in order to build emotional weight to the character's journey... Yup, that's Rocky 3, 4, & Rocky Balboa.

I can forgive a minimal amount of rehashing to a certain extent because after all, Creed is a spin-off franchise of Rocky. But they weren't very original with this 3rd installment.

Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed (2021)

Fascinating

[9/10 · 7 March 2023]

I have been a big Bob Ross fan for many years, and I will always be. His style and technique is addictive to watch. To this day, I still watch old episodes of The Joy of Painting to help me relax after a long day.

So I was thrilled to sit down and watch this Netflix special. It tells a very disturbing story about what NOT to do when you are as talented and marketable as Bob Ross was. Here's what I came away with after watching it:

Bob was every bit as amazing at painting as his work shows. However, Bob was not a smart business man. He knowingly signed legal documents stating that both of the Kowalski's, Bob's wife, and himself owned B. R. I... At no point in that contract did Bob ever secure anything for his son Steve. So out of the 4 owners (the 2 Kowalski's, Bob's wife, & Bob), the "last man standing" gets the whole prize. Unfortunately, the 2 Ross's were the first to die. Legally leaving the Kowalski's with everything.

Bob Ross should have foreseen that scenario before signing any contracts. As much as I sympathize with Steve Ross now and would have liked for him to inherit all of B. R. I. And carry on his dad's amazing legacy, he has to come to terms with the fact that his dad's business decision is solely to blame for all of this.

This Netflix special doesn't diminish what Bob Ross means to me though. To me, his soothing voice and tremendous talent is what I will always remember about him, not his lack of business sense.

Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

Fantastic visuals but lazy writing

[5/10 · 24 February 2023]

If anything Avatar 2 is the movie equivalent of clickbait. It is advertised as a "race to protect their home". Nope. That is definitely not what this movie was about at all. This movie is nothing more than a personal vendetta about Quaritch trying to kill Sully. Towards the beginning of the film, it is stated that the humans want to control the "hostiles" in order for the humans to inhabit Pandora. But the rest of the movie has nothing to do with that at all. The protagonists even flee their home instead of protecting it. And the movie isn't even about protecting their new home either. It's simply about surviving Quaritch's attempt to kill Sully. It's a revenge movie, nothing more.

It's just lazy writing. I guess they won't get to the part about "protecting their home" until Avatar 3 or 4 or 5 or 6, etc... What a shame too. Because the visuals in this film are absolutely fantastic.

This film was basically 3 hours of clickbait.

Driven (2001)

Driven went nowhere... fast.

[2/10 · 18 February 2023]

I know that Driven was made back in 2001. I never watched it in all these years because I knew what a turd this movie was. I saw it for the first time last night... And it confirmed what I knew all these years. IT SUCKED!

I am a huge Stallone fan. I really enjoy a vast majority of all his films, as well as those outside the Rocky/Rambo/Expendables universe. But I have to admit that Driven has sunk to the levels of Stop or my Mom will shoot in terms of how bad of a film it is.

The terribly written plot and the laughably bad acting by everyone involved is made even worse by the fact that the movie's runtime is way too long.

I'm entirely convinced that the makers of Driven thought: "Hey, there are lots of race fans out there. So let's make a nonsensical movie with race cars in it. Plot doesn't matter. Race fans will buy a movie ticket no matter how bad the movie is"

Over the Top (1987)

Total vanity project

[1/10 · 22 January 2023]

I consider myself to be a huge Stallone fan. I love a vast majority of all his films (not only the Rocky's and the Rambo's). But watching this movie objectively, it really SUCKS! This was no where near any of Stallone's best work.

The terrible acting by everyone involved is only part of it. Especially the kid. Wow, all his lines were so cringe-worthy. But what irked me the most about this film is that it was clear from the get-go that this movie only exists to feed Stallone's ego. No opportunity was wasted to show off Stallone's shirtless physique or his baby-oiled arms. The rest of the movie was strictly secondary to showing off Stallone's arms.

I put this movie right down there along with Rhinestone and Stop or my Mom will Shoot as Stallone's worst movies of all time.

Gladiator (1992)

Fake but fun to watch

[8/10 · 9 January 2023]

I saw this movie back in the 90's and never cared much for it. I just thought it was mindless entertainment back then. I recently watched it again, and it is still mindless entertainment. But entertainment nonetheless. An old & fat Brian Dennehy as the final opponent of the movie?? LOL. Like I said, mindless entertainment.

It has its moments. As fake and silly as it may seem to have 25 year-olds in the lead roles as HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS finding a lucrative side hustle as life-or-death boxers, it still kept me entertained and interested to see how the movie ends.

This ain't Shakespeare nor an Oscar winner by any means. So don't expect that. Just turn off your brain and enjoy watching "high-schoolers" with receding hairlines and no real future knock each other out in the slums. Entertaining indeed.

Gabriel Iglesias: Stadium Fluffy (2022 TV Special)

Entertaining, but not Fluffy's best work

[6/10 · 22 October 2022]

I saw Stadium Fluffy last night, and I simply enjoyed it... And that's not necessarily a great compliment. When I watch a Fluffy show, I know it will be nothing but big laughs the entire show. You're going to bust out laughing the whole show. So, if you merely just enjoyed it, then it's somewhat of a disappointment compared to his previous work.

The venue itself (Dodger Stadium) was basically also a star of the show. So Gabiel needed great material that was worthy of the great venue. That material simply did not live up to it... at times. A lot of the show was hit or miss with the impact of the jokes.

I did notice that more of Gabriel's stories were just that... Stories, not jokes. I expected more rapid fire jokes in his stories. But at times they were few and far between in Stadium Fluffy. I don't mind Gabriel telling us stories about his life. After all, that's what his stand-up material is based off. That's his bread and butter and he should stick to that formula. But all I ask is to be more consistent about the funny delivery of those stories.

Good entertainment, but not Fluffy's best.

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Good, but definitely NOT better than the original

[7/10 · 19 October 2022]

I commend the makers of Hocus Pocus 2 for attempting to capture the feel and the essence of the original 1993 film. In large part, it does exactly that. The essence is there. It just cannot stand on equal ground compared to the legendary original film. And that's understandable because the original was an absolute masterpiece.

As in the original film, the main stars were the Sanderson sisters, not Dani, Max, or Allison. So I can appreciate the decision to not include them in the sequel. I like that they didn't just make another lazy copy & paste sequel with Max & Allison's kids rehashing the exact same plot in a "new" film. That Hollywood formula got stale long ago. So a fresh new story with new characters was needed.

The one thing I did not like about this film is that it is waaaaay too much of a "coincidence" that the girl that lights the black flame candle is herself a witch who can undo EVERYTHING the Sanderson sisters did simply by casting her own spell. It kind of defeats the purpose of any future sequels. All you need to do to stop the Sanderson sisters in the future is simply cast the same spell on them, and be done with it. It was more believable in the original 1993 film how a random kid (Max) happened to be the person who lights the candle.

Still a great film. Just not on par with the legendary original.

El Rey, Vicente Fernández (2022– )

Falls waaay short of expectations

[2/10 · 22 September 2022]

Stating the obvious, Vicente Fernandez was one of Mexico's greatest musical icons. His tremendous voice, his charismatic personality, and his image was unquestionably LEGENDARY. So you would think that the makers of this series would pay close attention to cast actors that at least looked and sounded like him. Not so in this series. Such a travesty.

The only reason I give it 2-stars instead of 1 is because of the good selection of songs that play throughout the course of the series. However, the songs (which are by far inferior to the real Chente's voice) are not enough to overcome the terrible casting choices for the lead role.

Don't waste your time with this series. Just put together a playlist of songs of the real Chente to listen to and you'll be much better off.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

Silly little plot with some entertaining moments

[5/10 · 26 July 2022]

There have been better Jurassic movies... And there have been worse. I was hoping 'Dominion' would stop trying to take this whole "dinosaurs in modern society" schtick too seriously. I mean, seriously, this plotline is taken way too seriously. With this silly plotline, at least make it a comedic movie or something. I cringed every time I saw one of the characters in imminent danger of being attacked by a dinosaur simply raise their hand as if magically all dinosaurs will obey that gesture and not eat them.

Dinosaurs that hunt and eat people are everywhere, and the film's ending message is that we'll just have to learn to co-exist. Seriously??? That's never going to work when every facet of life is disrupted by dinosaurs that can hunt you down at kill you at any moment without warning. Their impact on the global food chain would not bode well for the planet's well-being either. And the constant threat of flying pterodactyl's on the aviation industry?? Need I go on??...

The only realistic ending to save the planet would be to exterminate each and every dinosaur. As Jeff Goldblum's character said in the first JP film, "dinosaurs had their shot already". But hey, killing all the dino's would make for a boring movie. So, insert old JP actors with the new ones for nostalgia, then turn off your brain and watch CGI dinosaurs happily co-exist with humans in the end.

Saved by the Bell (2020–2021)

This reboot was even worse than The College Years

[1/10 · 20 July 2022]

Where do I even begin?... This pathetic attempt at a reboot was simply terrible.

Everyone involved in this mess needed to realize that the spark of the original series cannot be recreated. The original characters aged with time and so did that spark. That connection can never again be the same.

The brutal truth: Nobody cared about any of the cringe-inducing woke new cast. The only reason to tune in was to see the original cast back in character. But the original cast is not the same now as it was back in the 90's.

SBTB 'The New Class' of 1993 can now say that it isn't the worst incarnation of the SBTB franchise anymore.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

As good... or BETTER... than the original

[10/10 · 2 June 2022]

Back in the 80's Top Gun was HUGE. Add to that 3 decades later, and Top Gun is a legendary movie. The chances of any sequel topping Top Gun were slim to none. Well, I am pleased to admit that Top Gun Maverick DID top Top Gun.

A fantastic film all around. The casting, dialogue, the story, and wow, the flight sequences are all extremely well done. Tom Cruise, i salute your awesomeness!

Godzilla (I) (1998)

Mindless entertainment

[3/10 · 19 May 2022]

I already know that disaster flicks never make sense. So I knew what I was getting myself into when I just watched this movie for the first time today. But wow, this Godzilla film blatantly goes out of its way to not make any sense. This movie defies all logic AND physics. Throughout the entire film, I kept asking myself "WHY?!?!". Bottom line is this... Just turn off your brain and watch a giant lizard destroy stuff. Nothing else matters.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Enjoyable but very flawed

[5/10 · 14 April 2022]

This Bayformers movie, much like the others has its entertaining moments that are overshadowed by its many flaws. The cars and the action scenes are great, no doubt about that. But in typical Michael Bay fashion, it could have been so much better than what we saw.

Biggest problem of all is that the Transformers themselves are basically second-billers in their own movie. Way too much emphasis, story, and screen time is centered around humans. I didn't sit down to watch the drama from the humans. I sat down to watch a bunch of cool transformers fighting and destroying stuff. Point blank.

Another huge issue with this movie is the obvious, Michael Bay's involvement. Everything he touches turns to crap. And do I even have to mention how extremely annoying it is that every single camera angle always has to have some form of over-exposed blinding flash in it?? That got annoying after the first few minutes of the film. And it continues throughout the entire movie.

At times, the writing even felt as disappointing as the film's other flaws. For example, Megatron died but is magically brought back to life. Same deal with Optimus. So why even bother killing any transformer if they are just going to be brought back to life anyways? Lazy writing. That's why.

I could go on and on about the movie's flaws. But I'd be here all day. Instead, I'll just say that this film definitely does entertain if you ignore all the other flaws. Basically, just turn off your brain and enjoy robots destroying stuff.

John Leguizamo's Latin History for Morons (2018)

Very entertaining

[8/10 · 7 April 2022]

John Leguizamo's Latin History for Morons was very enjoyable by all accounts. But if you're looking at this comedy special purely for educational purposes, then you are very naive. It is entertainment. No more, no less.

Leguizamo does indeed touch base with many historical Latin events. And I highly commend him for bringing attention to them. Best of all, he does it in a comical way without getting too preachy about it.

Some parts are funnier than others. But overall, I really enjoyed this comedy special. Bravo, John Leguizamo. Take a bow!

Knight Rider 2000 (1991 TV Movie)

Inferior to the series

[1/10 · 11 March 2022]

It's impossible to avoid comparing the series to this movie. What I came away with is that this low quality movie really takes a fat steamy dump on its source material. The series itself was pure cheesy awesomeness. The relationship between Michael and KITT's AI in the series is just not present at all in this film. In the series, KITT always had plenty of screen time. Not so in this movie. KITT in the series was a gorgeous black sports car. The red monstrosity in this film is absolutely hideous. Killing Devon Miles? Are you serious?? No FLAG Mobile Command Trailer?? And why wasn't Bonnie and Reginald in the movie? So many red flags in this film.

Bruised (2020)

Depressing

[5/10 · 9 March 2022]

The build up of this entire movie is just downright depressing. Good story to tell, but depressing. Living in the miserable ghetto and nobody has any hope for the future. That's basically the premise of the whole movie. Jackie is old and washed up as an MMA fighter. So there's no realistic hope that she can be successful and rich in the sport anymore. Jackie's mother shows no signs of changing her ghetto ways either. But little Manny is the most unfortunate character. As all the trauma he lived with has permanently stunted him in every way possible. And to top it all off, Jackie went through all of this for a total of just $10,000. That will barely provide for a couple months of rent and groceries. Then they are right back to where they started from. How depressing.