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angrymidget19
My name's not as obvious as you may think . . .
When I was learning how to make GIF animations, I made two people punching eachother, and decided one would get punched in the nuts. That made the blue guy (the puncher) have to be a midget, so that's what I did. Next, I decided to make him angry, because, well, he's a midget, and I felt like it. Next, I realized I had made the best GIF ever to exist in the universe, so I named an entire site after him, one year five months later, I started paying for it. It is now the best website in the universe.
For those wondering, I am not a real midget. I was about a foot shorter than everyone until I was 13 or so, now I'm still quite short for my age, and have quite a temper, hence the name Angry Midget, so don't go thinking I'm 2 feet tall.
Reviews
August Underground's Penance (2007)
This is it . . . this is the best of the AU series
Holy ****, this movie is a hell of a ride. It demonstrates the volatile relationship between Fred and Crusty, their eventual hatred of each other, Fred's utter remorselessness and Crusty's self loathing and hatred for hers and Fred's deeds. It starts off with a nice bit of violence, always a great way to kick off an underground film. From there, it goes to a bit of beauty, which is not without its methods of getting under the viewer's skin in ways not thought possible by the simple video.
In one scene, Fred assaults a homeless man, played by the Toe Tag Forum's very own Fuctup34 (whose piercings must weigh more than his head by now). To the average person, this is a simple act of dramatized assault. To the more in-depth watcher, it's much more. That happens every day, and that's the marvel of these films. It shows what happens every day, but what society turns a blind eye to. The rapes. The murders. Assault and robbery. Toe Tag Pictures has done it again by showing us what the public doesn't want to know.
Please, if you liked Mordum, and expect this to have the same all out guts and gore approach, then avoid it. This one, though it has its gory moments, including a very graphic and gut wrenching (pun definitely intended) gutting scene, is not about that. It's disturbing, not in a "Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal Lecter" way, not in a "Saw" way (if one can call Saw disturbing) and not in a "The Eye/The Changeling" way. It's something unlike anything you've ever experienced, especially the soon-to-be-infamous "Christmas" scene (trust me, if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about, and you agree).
Once more, everything in this film has a purpose, nothing is just to make it longer. Everything from Crusty and Fred's drives through the city, to them firing guns at targets (not live targets, to those wondering). It all has a purpose, and it all serves its purpose very well.
The reason this film is so great is because you don't just see the horrible, perversion that you saw in Mordum, you see Fred and Crusty having fun, you see them as normal people, then get slapped in the face with another kill. Like a deer in the headlights, you want to look away, you know you have to look away, but you just can't, and that's why though the violence is much less intense than Mordum, it hits so much harder emotionally.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The end is one of the most powerful scenes. In it, Crusty has a mental breakdown (one that had been building since the very beginning, not just shitty out of the blue), places the camera on top of the toilet, and strangles herself (again, not just random bull****, it's done very well, and very horrific, harder hitting than any amount of gore at this point could be). She fails the first time, and almost collapses, panting. So, she tries again shortly afterward, and collapses. We hear a sharp thud, and see a bit of movement (as well as a hand in the bathtub, which, in the slideshow on the DVD, we see belongs to a woman's corpse, we don't know who) and that's it. It leaves the viewer wondering what happened to the bound woman in the basement? is Fred still alive (while he was sleeping, Crusty stood over him, anyone who's seen it would agree, you'd expect her to kill him)? Is Crusty actually dead? We will never know, and personally, I'm not sure if Fred knows. Perhaps he designed it that way because he may think any ending he could give it would be a cliché, or perhaps it's just one of those things the public isn't meant to know.
One theory, nothing has been confirmed by Fred Vogel (though it has been hinted that this may be correct), but one theory on Crusty's breakdown is that in the bathtub was her miscarriage (which would explain her complaints throughout the movie). This would also explain why Crusty began sobbing upon seeing the forced abortion of the woman, and the fetus on the table.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!END OF SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For more information on this film, and other Toe Tag Films (such as August Underground, or August Underground's Mordum, as well as The Redsin Tower) or to purchase it, go to www.toetagpictures.com Rating: Acting: 10/10 Story: 8/10 Gore: 10/10 Character Development (one of the most amazing aspects of this film): 10/10 Disturbing Factor: 12/10 Overall: 10/10 The best horror movie to come out in the past 20 years. I challenge anyone to name a better one. If you think you know better than me, email what you think is the best horror in the past 20 years to Matt@angrymidget.net
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Mind blowing, a must see for any horror fan!
First off, this film is not for the faint of heart. It is absolutely brutal! It's not violent throughout though, it's definitely a horror/drama. The director, Ruggero Deodato really makes you get to know each character. None of that bullsh!t where you can't remember a character's name, and couldn't care less about what happened to them. This film really pushes it to the limit, and does a good job of it.
The downside to this film is that the animal killings are 100% real, and graphic. A coatimundi (sort of like a muskrat) is killed and eaten. A turtle is pulled from the water, dismembered, disemboweled and eaten. A pig is shot in the head, and eaten. A monkey has the top of its head cut off, and a native eats the brain (Rugger Deodato wanted to use a fake monkey, but the native insisted it be real, because monkey brains are a delicacy to them). Also, a tarantula is cut in half, and a snake has its head cut off. But nobody cares about them, because they're dumb. The animal killings, however brutal they are to watch, aren't THAT bad, considering that the cast cooked and ate them afterward. It's merely food preparation in graphic detail.
Overall, if you're looking for a pointless film with tons of gore and depravity, this is not for you, you'll be bored out of your skull. Go with something like Murder-Set-Pieces or August Underground/Mordum. If you want a great drama that isn't too graphic, go with something like Green Mile or The Godfather, or City of God, because this will shock the sh!t out of you. But, if you want an amazing drama that makes you feel for the characters, but also has mind blowing gore and depravity, then look no further, because this is the film for you. #8 on my top 10 of all time. #3 best horror of all time. Incredible movie.
Izo (2004)
Wow
The film starts out with diagrams of the human penis. Then it moves on to war pictures and film clips, explosions, bombs dropping, and random acts of violence. About 30 seconds into this, is a film clip of some teacup ride at some crappy amusement park, then EXPLOSION! Back to the war clips. After a while, it goes to a samurai (IZO) getting speared to death while being crucified. IZO then comes back to life (though years later in the movie) and starts killing everyone.
This is a totally fantastic movie! It's got a really deep plot (if you want that sort of thing), but it's easy to ignore, so if you just want random violence then sit back, ignore the dialog and focus on the 100+ murders that occur in this movie.
IZO has everything, including a part where IZO is sucked into a lake, and somehow appears at a wedding, so what does he do? He STABS the groom, then slaughters the bride! He then jumps through a wall, but travels through some kind of portal into a classroom. He awkwardly walks out, and is confronted by dozens of ****heads in the halls. Needless to say, they are promptly murdered.
Also, IZO kills some monks, vampires, businessmen, vampire businessmen (I'm not making this up) gangsters, goons, and random people in the middle of a highway (he somehow traveled through time, or to a parallel world or some damn thing.) Long story short, IZO rules. It owns your soul.
Koroshiya 1 (2001)
Incredible
This has got to be one of the best action (with some horror) movies ever. It has everything, brilliant acting, the incredible direction of Takashi Miike, and style. Plus, it has violence, sex, violent sex, sexual violence, and violent scenes of excess violence. Yes, lots of violence. With all the violence, it still manages to set itself apart from the mainstream slasher movies like Friday the 13th and Halloween (the crappiest serieses ever). If you haven't seen this movie yet, get it. It's available on eBay for about $12-$20 Buy it Now including shipping. To reiterate: this movie has excellent style. It's got extreme violence, but delivered in somewhat of a humorous fashion (not comedy, but still some comedic relief). For example, when someone is plunging to their death, rather than scream like a wuss, they yell "WOW! This is great!" Watch this movie now.
Saw (2004)
Very good
Two men (Whannell and Ewles) wake up in a disgusting bathroom, chained to pipes, and separated by a corpse holding a gun and a tape player. They soon find out they are victims of the serial torturer "Jigsaw". Jigsaw finds horrible ways to make his victims kill themselves or each other. Soon, they find two saws in a toilet, courtesy of Jigsaw's advice via the tapes they found in their pockets. The only obvious means of escape is to cut their feet off. (Yes, they try cutting the chains, but it doesn't work.) Larry (Ewles) has five hours to kill Adam (Whannell) or his wife and daughter will be killed. They both try helping each other while secretly trying to win the game. This movie will keep you guessing until the end.
Excellent movie, great acting and a fantastic plot. Some of the flashback torture scenes are excruciatingly gory and may be hard to watch for the feint of heart - perfect for fans of the genre. Plenty of sub-plot action, interwoven just right to form one of the best horror movies I've seen in a very long time. The plot twists will keep you on the edge of your seat until the very end of the movie.
Final Destination 2 (2003)
Actually better than the first - but not by much
Like the first, this movie is based on someone, namely Kimberly Corman (Cook) having a premonition of a major pileup on the road. She parks her SUV, blocking both lanes, saving the lives of many people. But then Death starts to kill them off in a gruesome fashion once more. This movie features Ali Larter as Clear Rivers again, who voluntarily had herself locked in an insane asylum where Death "couldn't get her". The director also managed to sneak in a creepy reference between the characters in this movie and the characters in the first.
I actually liked this movie, despite how the plot sounds dumb when you first hear it. This movie accomplished what the first tried so hard at, and came so close to. The death scenes are chains of events, not just a half second of someone getting their **** ruined by a bus. It has a lot of action, good special effects, a great tie in between the two movies, and more interesting deaths (like sliced by a barbed wire fence). The actors have an okay range of emotions, and deliver good performances. This movie's got some good gore too, but nothing someone who's seen a few slashers can't take.
Final Destination (2000)
Not bad at all
Basically, a guy has a premonition that the plane he's about to board with his class will blow up. He panics, and gets himself and a few others thrown off the plane. Then, it explodes. This is where it picks up speed. Death starts stalking them, killing them off in what I have to admit are some pretty unique ways.
This is not a bad horror flick. It at least has a plot, and isn't just a spectacle showing off new gore effects. The acting is pretty good, but some scenes could be improved. It has plenty of action and plot twists that will keep you on the edge of your seat. The only thing that could be improved really (aside that it's not the world's best idea for a movie, and is sort of corny), would be some of the death scenes could be extended. Really, some of them just happen so fast you have to watch it again in slow motion just to see what happened. Other than that, this is a pretty darn good movie.
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Not bad
I have to say this isn't as big a disappointment as people are saying it is. It may just be because I was tired, and wasn't paying extremely close attention to everything, but I have to say this is a fun family-ish action/comedy. It has some good acting (nothing fantastic, but that doesn't really matter), and it has a good plot. It doesn't try to over-complicate everything, it just tries to get the job done. It actually has some funny parts, example: someone gets hit in the crotch by a billiard ball. It even has some good one-liners like "That's a phat suit, you some kinda, pimp or something?" Said by a guy in prison directed at Boss Hogg, and "Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?" The second quote can't be explained easily, if you want to know about it, watch the movie.
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Wow . . . . .
This is an excellent movie. It has horrific special effects (especially for a film with as low a budget as this). It has great acting, and realistic characters. After redefining the horror genre with Night of the Living Dead" George A. Romero released this in 1978, and he shocked audiences around the country with his no-nonsense approach to the cannibalistic monstrosities. As for the 2004 remake of this film, in my opinion, this one is much better. It has more story, more action, and more gore (so much in fact, that the distributors wanted to give it an X rating, but settled with it as "unrated"). Keep in mind, though, when you see this movie remember that it was filmed on only $500,000, so don't expect it to have as good of special effects as the remake.
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Scary as Hell!
I recently bought this movie off eBay, and was shocked at how good it was. Expecting a moderately good low budget horror, I was knocked on my butt by Romero's no-nonsense approach to the flesh eaters. This movie has fantastic acting, a great plot and great gore effects (what else could the viewers expect from Romero?) The movie starts with a woman and her brother in a cemetery, visiting their dead mother, when they are attacked by a zombie right off the bat. No (explicit)ing around with useless plot points, just BOOM, zombies! So she runs off and is attacked by more zombies. She hides in a farmhouse, and kills a zombie, then a guy comes, and drives a crowbar through the skull of a zombie. This goes on for just about the whole movie, just more people coming, arguing what to do, trying to make the best of the situation, all while brutally slaughtering flesh eating zombies. The sub-plots are what make the movie a masterpiece, while the action is what keeps it going.
10/10
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Ow
This movie is so funny, it hurts . . lots. I first watched this several years ago, and have watched it countless times since. I watch it at every sleepover (about once every couple weeks) and laugh myself silly every time. WARNING: Do not watch this when everyone else is asleep! You will laugh like crazy, waking people up, and invoking the wrath of older siblings. Trust me, I learned the hard way.
This is a brilliant movie with great acting, and lots of nonsensical jokes that will have you rolling on the floor the whole time. I watched this at school once, and almost my whole class started saying "Ni" at random points in time.
Storm of the Century (1999)
What . . The . . (explicit)!!??
(Scoffs) Storm of the Century? Or should I say . . (Explicit) Burger of the Century!? I am a long time fan of Stephen King's work, but this was a huge disappointment, and I want that four hours of my life back. The main villain, Andre Linoge (Feore) comes to a small island town, and starts revealing secrets about people (gasp!) how horrible! He kills a few people leaving the message "give me what I want and I'll go away. He just keeps killing random people for no reason, giving no hints on what it is he wants. Foolishly, I thought that the movie was building up to something great, like a great confrontation against Linoge, but I was wrong. Finally they call a town meeting and he announces he wants one of their children as a progeny. Then he pulls some funky Peter Pan (explicit) and has all the children flying with him in what's supposed to be sort of a dream world. They are still physically with their parents, but he says he will drop them to their deaths if he doesn't get one of the kids. Each couple picks a stone from the bag, the ones with the black stone lose their kid. The main character is the only one who wants to rebel and kick the (explicit) out of Linoge, but he is out voted, and they play the game. Big surprise, the main character is supposed to lose his kid. Now all of a sudden, his wife, who was totally in favour of giving away a kid (becuase she thought she'd win) is all "Oh, do something! He can't have my Ralphie!" If that wasn't dumb enough, the main character's best (explicit)ing friend holds him back from attacking Linoge. Then, he loses his kid forever - sucker. On top of all that, the acting is sub-par. They all have the expression of a piece of poo, or even worse, Keanu Reeves. Except for Feore, whose performance was equal to that of a piece of wood with an angry face drawn on it. This was a really, really bland, and sorry excuse for a movie.
The Dark Half (1993)
Quite a unique film experience
I just bought and watched the DVD of this movie, and I have to say that it is excellent. For those of you who have read the book but are hesitant whether or not to get the movie, the movie makes so many things clear that were confusing before. It has great acting by Thad's wife, and Hutton delivers a great dual performance as both Beaumont and Stark. This is most likely one of Romero's least gory films (except for the ending.) In my opinion, this is one of King's best books, and, unlike with It, they didn't completely massacre the book into an abomination. Although It turned out great anyways, but that isn't the point. This turned out to be a much better movie than I expected, with great acting, and superb special effects.
The Green Mile (1999)
Incredible
This truly is one of the greatest movies ever made. It has a fantastic plot, with amazing performances from Tom Hanks as Edgecomb and Michael Clarke Duncan (I think) as John Coffey. Although some people may find it a little slow, if you enjoy drama, this will definitely be a moving experience for you. Don't forget though, it IS Stephen King, so it has to be violent somewhere. That somewhere is where Delacroix is brutally executed with a dry head sponge, causing him to catch fire, and start to melt. Also when Percy gets a brain tumor blown into him, and he shoots William "Wild Bill" Wharton. This eerily haunting movie is, in my opinion, the greatest movie ever made (tied with some others of course).
It (1990)
Excellent
Firstly, I am tired of people adding goofs like, "when Tom Rogan pops the cork out of the wine bottle, it is in his right hand, but when he is upstairs, it's in his left". There's something called HE CHANGED HANDS. And also, the "goofs" where Pennywise's blue triangles are missing, maybe he didn't put on all his makeup. The only goofs that should be added are things like something changing colour, or the shooting scene where the blue bottle is shot twice. No retarded goofs with a simple explanation like switching hands, or standing up then sitting down again. . . but back to the point. Excellent movie, with a dynamite performance by Tim Curry as Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Great performances by the other actors as well. It has a complex plot, but manages to keep the confusion at a minimum. This is more of a psychological horror than anything. The first half of this movie (when they're seeing what happened when they were children) is much better than the second half. I just think it has more action, and more depth. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes to be scared, but doesn't want much gore in a movie.
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
Hilarious
I have watched this movie countless times, and it never gets old. Although it is extremely cheesy, I find it hilarious. The premise of the movie, and how it was made, is brilliant, but the content is some of the dumbest jokes I've ever seen. Steve Oedekerk truly is one of the most brilliant men involved in film. I absolutely loved the Mushufasa scene, with the "great circle of . . . stuff". I found it hard not to burst out laughing at 3 AM when I watched this, but couldn't help myself with the "that's a lot of nuts!" scene. I also liked when Ling was putting lemon juice and salt on his wounds, asking him if it hurt yet. Then she broke a thermometer in his hands, poured gasoline on them, and set his hands on fire. I really hope that the sequel to this movie is as good (or hopefully better) than the original.
The Stand (1994)
Disgusting
First of all, I am a long-time Stephen King fan. I have read, and seen the movies of, many of his works, but this truly a disgrace to his name. It had a powerful beginning, what with the man-made plague and all, but went downhill from "The Betrayal". The devil was a pussy, and looked like and old guy with horns. His "great rage" when he got mad was just him tearing a picture off the wall, and throwing a lamp out a window. The acting was good, I'll give it that, but the rest sucked. The "climax", if it even can be called that was bland and confusing. The hand of God came out of the corpses of two devil-followers, and detonated an atomic bomb, killing everyone - including the devil. That's right, the all powerful Prince of Darkness was killed by a mortal weapon. Weak devil. I had high hopes for this movie. It was Stephen King, so I assumed it would be good, but I assumed wrong.