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Reviews
Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge (2010)
Coogan's Genius at Work
For our transatlantic cousins, who only know Steve Coogan from small(ish) roles in Hollywood movies such as 'The Other Guys', 'Tropic Thunder' etc., the character he plays here is a British cult hero. Coogan's performance as Alan Partridge, a cringeworthy ex-TV presenter, now an equally cringeworthy radio DJ, is quite inspired. Mid Morning Matters is his latest venture, and though only short in length are incredibly high in quality.
It is rare that I would use the term 'comic genius', but Steve Coogan is one. The incredible observational skill of Coogan when it comes down to the finest detail that most of us would miss, is astonishing. Ricky Gervais is exceptional and has made a large impact on Hollywood for a number of reasons. But Gervais is more of an extrovert, and Coogan the man, is a lot more enigmatic.
I don't know if that is part of the reason as to why he is not a leading man in Hollywood to be honest. Maybe being more outspoken like Will Ferrell or Gervais off-camera gets more attention. Or maybe Coogan's comedy has too many nuances for mainstream audiences in the US. Maybe they need Sacha Boran Cohen's sledgehammer 'Borat' style comedy. But for me, as good as the previous three are, I think Coogan is better. I'd pick Steve Coogan for my screenplay's 'comic relief' any day of the week.
The Innkeepers (2011)
The Most Boring Horror Movie in Years
It's quite difficult to form any real opinion on this movie, as it is so bland. Two bored employees working at a hotel just before it closes after the tourist season, find ghostly goings on. And erm, that's about it. It is a full forty minutes, yes FORTY, before anything out of the ordinary happens, and even that is a piano key moving on it's own.
Prior to that nerve-shredder, we are treated to a chunk of the hum-drum working lives of the two employees, who share a common interest in the paranormal, mostly conveyed via a laptop they have at the front desk. There are a small number of guests at the hotel - a woman and her son, a woman who used to be an actress, now a self-proclaimed 'psychic', and later on, an elderly man.
There is some waffle about the ghost of a woman who is supposed to haunt the hotel and the lacklustre staff wander around sporadically (some bespectacled net-surfer and the girl from Last House on the Left, Sarah Paxton). The supernatural elements escalate further into the movie, but by then you will probably have fallen asleep, started staring at the carpet or at best, trying to amuse yourself with guessing the ending. The latter proves a fruitless task, by the way, as whoever wrote this story either has the imagination of a dead gerbil or simply couldn't be bothered.
And before anyone thinks 'ooh, he probably doesn't get the subtle nuances of psychological horror,' trust me, I do. 'The Blair witch Project' and 'Session 9', to name but two, showed thought and enthusiasm, but, like the employees of this hotel in the first half of this movie's running time, the makers of 'The Innkeepers' have somehow fused boredom and horror together. The result is shockingly tedious.
Avatar (2009)
Take off the 3D glasses, and it's a glorified Ferngully!
I was sceptical about how good this movie would actually be after hearing such relentlessly gushing praise as 'the best movie experience ever' and so forth. But all reservations forced to one side, I grudgingly payed nearly £18 to go and watch it with my daughter. Presumably the price was so high for patrons so as to enable them to procure the National Health-style plastic 3D glasses. Glasses indeed, which provoked the placing of a sign above a large cardboard box outside the auditorium stating 'please place 3D Glasses in here'. No chance of that, matey - I payed for 'em, I'm keepin' 'em. They don't work on my TV though, I'll just wear them for sunbathing.
Anyhow, on to reviewing this absurdly profitable movie. I do have to say straight off the bat - the 3D is fantastic and unlike anything you will see on TV with those old red and cyan or blue cardboard glasses. The effects really do jump at you and the 3D layers (parallax or whatnot) seem to stretch to infinity. Very impressive stuff! However, prior to Avatar commencing there were some appetite-whetting 3D advertisements on screen with equally eye-popping visuals. One advert in particular, which I had seen on TV previously in 2D (rather drab and average to be honest) came to life in glorious 3D in the cinema. Sadly, this is the same feeling I had upon watching Avatar. For starters, the novelty of the stunning 3D wore off about a third of the way through the film. Secondly, the characters are certainly not 3 dimensional. In fact, they are pretty dull, including dear old Sigourney Weaver, who at least tried to make the most of a pretty run-of-the-mill script. Also, aside from the 3D technology, I'm afraid it's all been done before.
If you have seen an old cartoon movie called 'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest', (arguably a deeper movie in emotional content) you've already pretty much seen the plot. Put it this way, whoever came up with the idea for Avatar has most definitely seen if not been inspired by, Ferngully. But here we have humans destroying the forests of a gigantic alien species rather than your common or garden diminutive fairy-types. Throw in an afterthought of an alien-human love story, (oh, yawn) some recycled components of Cameron's-own 'Aliens' weaponry (check out the people-manned walker robots) and you have Avatar. I have noticed that some reviewers on here complain about people pointing out that there is not much plot or character development, but I would like to say something about that. As a 3D experience, it works brilliantly. It's like a theme park ride where you don't need a plot or characters, just sit back and enjoy the thrill. But unlike a thrill ride, which is what it is, once you take off your 3D glasses, you are left with an average, recycled story, flat characters and moderately impressive special effects.
The large blue, ultimately heroic aliens are pretty lame in 2D and even with glasses on, they still look very CGI. I would suggest that some people lauding the 3D Avatar should watch it in 2D, then review it as a movie rather than relying on their spec-assisted peepers to make their mind up for them, as the dazzling imagery appears to have dulled their other senses. To be honest, if the cinema was showing 2 hours or so of men fishing, or riding a roller-coaster or even eating spaghetti in 3D, rather than screening Avatar, I suspect those same people would be insisting that the fishing, roller-coaster, spaghetti film was 'the best movie experience ever.' Some people are easily pleased, and as shallow as a puddle.
Epic Movie (2007)
I would vote minus ten if I could!
You can see by the overall user comments what a steaming pile of manure this 'movie' is. From the moment of David Carradine's humiliation (his lowest ebb on screen for sure)in a skit on The Da Vinci Code trundles on to screen at the start, you know this will be a train wreck. In my long history of watching films, this is without doubt the worst thing I have witnessed on the big screen. I hear Disaster Movie was pretty awful but 'Fool me once...' and all that, I dodged the bullet of watching it.
The whole mindnumbing experience is simply a series of pathetic spoofs of blockbusters, with the merest thread holding the weak storyline together. Basically, there is no point going into what little plot there is as you would need a death wish to watch it after the sound advice on this site. Of course, some of you will watch it to see if it is indeed as bad as people are saying. Trust me - it is. And it's not funny in a 'so bad it's funny' kind of way. This is no Plan 9 From Outer Space! Oh deary me, no. This is a *ahem* 'comedy' which , unless you are stoned out of your mind, drunk to the eyeballs AND under 10 years old, will sit stony faced throughout. In fact, you will likely sit quietly seething, grinding your teeth and clenching your fists.
The idiots responsible for this detritus should be imprisoned for crimes against humanity. As for the actors, it will be a stain on their careers for as long as they live, and sadly even longer. If you want more high brow laughs and entertainment, go and poke a dog turd with a stick.
Air Force One (1997)
Pass The Sick Bag
Oh dear, oh deary me indeed. The fact that I did not stagger directly from the cinema in a suitably nauseated fashion, before the end credits of this jingoistic, back-slappy nonsense is in itself a testament to human willpower and endurance. Harrison Ford (in an unfortunate blemish on his career), plays the President of the good ol' US of A. His plane (the aforementioned Air Force One), is hijacked by a bunch of no-good villains, stereotyped to the hilt. Thus ensues a battle of wits and so on, between the 'goodies' and the 'baddies', until you-know-who wins through in the end. The sickening antics of Ford's servants, bodyguards, CIA members etc, as they dive heroically in front of bullets meant for the 'Pres', really are cringe-worthy, to say the least. The only noteworthy moment of genuine tension in the entire movie involves the hijackers ultimatum to kill an air hostess unless President Ford surrenders to them. Even then, Ford bravely cowers and skulks in the shadows until the poor girl is shot dead. All sympathy with the lead character is now as dead as the stewardess. The subsequent 'Brave' actions of Ford's servants are notably nauseating, as men hurl themselves in harms way, for 'freedoms sake' in melodramatic fashion. I like a 'Feelgood' movie, just like everyone else, but not one with such a banal, self-congratulatory tone as this. Yawn!
Creepshow (1982)
Ghoulish Mediocrity
Many years ago, a friend of mine recommended this movie to me, and to say the least, he thought it to be a fantastic cinematic experience. He loved it so much that he actually paid to watch it again, shortly after his first visit. If you were aware of what a frugal person my friend was you would think this to be an exalted event indeed. On his recommendation, I was quite excited to view Creepshow - 'The most fun you'll ever have being scared'. Imagine my disappointment upon watching it. A poorly executed anthology of tales, bar one, slightly above mediocre exception (a tale of betrayal and revenge, involving Ted Danson popping his head out of the ground), this was a rather damp squib.
The worst of this ghoulish cocktail is an atrocious episode with Stephen King himself, (the surely embarrassed writer) transforming into a plant, after a confrontation with a meteor. Well, I for one would prefer to eat mushy peas through a sweaty sock, rather than endure that dire drivel again. The other three tales, involving a decrepit old ghost chasing some cake, a slim tale about a creature in a crate, and one with EG Marshall (and his stunt dummy), being consumed by cockroaches, are hardly enough to lift the eyelids.
Romero does try to make a fist of it with a rather neat comic book visual style, splicing the tales together with a subplot involving a young boy and his Creepshow comic book. Alas, its not enough to save the mostly vacuous and tepid tales on offer. Not the directors finest hour. 'The most fun you'll ever have being bored'. Perhaps!