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Reviews
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Charades (2023)
When is Pike going to be a Captain?
This episode really bothered me because it seems to be a waste of time for me and offers nothing to the greater Star Trek universe. I could not get over the idea that Spock's mother would decide that she would have the in-laws meet aboard the Enterprise and Captain Pike is OK with that? I could take 1-2 character episodes, but this is getting really obnoxious.
Who were these extra dimensional beings? At least the Guardian of Forever put the entire Universe is peril. These dudes did what? Made Spock uncomfortable in front of his toxic mother in law? The Horror!
Please get back to big stories with larger than life heroes. I need a Pike who is someone I want to be, not the comic relief to an average sitcom.
Missing (2023)
An Apple ad in movie form
Let me say at the outset that I really enjoyed this film. I also don't want to give away any spoilers, but suffice it to say that almost every major plot point takes place because of or with the help of some Apple feature. Whether it be Live Photos, blue vs. Green texts, location tracking, they all play a part. If you are not familiar with these features, the much of the movie may go over your head. Even Siri gets to be the hero and save the day.
The movie is a missing person trope that relies on technology rather than violence and weaponry to move the plot along. Lies and misdirection keep you guessing, but it is technology that brings the truth to light.
Christmas on Mistletoe Farm (2022)
UK's Revenge for Mary Poppins
This movie was so ridiculous it lapped itself and became funny again. The bits mocking America and even the song YMCA (in Party City cowboy hats for some reason) convinced me that this is the UK's revenge for Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Why did the dad and the vet get together at the end? Is it just because they are the only single people in town? Why are the land developers at the final Christmas hoe down? Where did the kids get the tiny ATVs? I was horrified by every scene and it's level of ridiculousness to the point that I was rolling on the floor by the end. Well done, UK government film commission. Well done.
In from the Cold: Motherland (2022)
A triple cross?
So the whole "most dangerous animal is a mother protecting her child" thing was a ruse because all of this was some elaborate mission and everything worked according to plan? I feel betrayed. Too betrayed to be interested in a season 2.
Encanto (2021)
Probably better if you are Colombian
Spoiler: "Mirabel's mother can make muffins that can cure any disease or injury. So why does Mirabel wear glasses? Shouldn't her mother's cooking have healed them? Where did she even get the glasses?" These are the questions that formed in my mind early I the movie, but from then on I kept asking questions of the movie that had no answers.
"Who are the marauders? What do they want? What happened to Abuelo? Were the marauders after him? Why did his sacrifice cause the magic candle? Is he the magic in the candle?" People keep commenting about how accurate the movie is to Colombian culture, so maybe if you are Colombian, these questions are not relevant. There are always marauders and people disappear all the time without explanation; I don't know.
In the original Cinderella story, it is the ghost of her dead mother who appears to rescue Cinderella from the evil stepmother and ensure she gets married to a prince. The Disney version made her some random "Fairy Godmother" without explanation. It makes more sense as the dead mother but is too scary for kids. I suspect the same is true for this story; the dead Abuelo is the source of the magic, but a story committee turned a random candle into the source of the magic without explanation.
Music was fine albeit forced, but the open questions without explanation were too distracting for me.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
30 years to rewrite this movie
Rather than sending civilians into the future with no training, how about spending the next 30 years developing something more effective than bullets? Nothing about this movie makes sense.
The Dig (2021)
It always comes down to politics
I enjoyed this movie even if the actual find is a backdrop and barely mentioned. I felt it fit because the story was not about the ship or the people who made it, it was about the people who discovered it using it as a tool of their own ambitions.
Still, it is rather slow moving with lots of 21st century pandering.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
Beautifully shot
This movie would be great if you took out all the ponderous and pointless human parts and just kept the cinematic shots as a 4K demo reel at Best Buy
Soul (2020)
Missing a third act?
This movie is not what the 9-10 reviews say it is. I seriously felt like they forgot a reel of film at the end. They set it up so I expected Joe to learn that being a teacher was his true calling, given that he convinced 22 to be born after so many had failed. I thought there would be a "12 years later" scene with Joe in his classroom, posters of the drummer and trombone player as successful musicians on the wall, and a new student everyone calls "22" for some unknown reason. But nope; it just ends. No satisfying conclusion for Joe, no follow-up on 22, no reward for me for having spent my time watching to the end.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Self Control (2017)
LMD arc is just lazy writing
I really do not understand the love for this episode. The logic of the characters makes no sense.
Fitz and Simmons walk through an LMD detector that says one of them is an LMD. Simmons makes Fitz cut his wrist to determine if he is the LMD. Why not have him walk through the LMD detector which is FIVE FEET AWAY?
Minutes later Daisy says she will use her powers to detect Simmons' bones because "it is the only way"!?
Then Coulson walks into the tube with Mae where we clearly see that the LMD detector has detected him. So these things are clearly working all along, yet not one character thought to use them?
This episode just made no logical sense at all to me.
Captain Fantastic (2016)
Terrible movie
I hated this movie so much I joined IMDB just to document how much I hated it.
At one point, one of the characters makes a review of the book Lolita saying something to the effect of, "The main character is a terrible person, but it's told from his perspective so the books him out to be a hero." I think the review of that book describes the father character in this movie too well. He is a terrible person, but because it is written as though he is the hero many people mistakenly have written reviews believing that he is. He is not.
Glass (2019)
Part 3 of Act 1
This is an awesome movie. The critics view this as the third and last installment of a superhero trilogy just like those made by Disney and Marvel. They are wrong.
Following normal movie story-telling convention, every movie should have 3 acts: character introduction, conflict, resolution. Mr. Glass says that it is an origin story, so it follows that Glass is the completion of Act 1 in a 9-movie series. We may or may not ever see the end of the story, but Night has created the foundation for such a story. I hope we do not have to wait 16 years between episodes.