littlesatanhooves Reviews

Love Boat XXX: A Parody (2013 Video)

More like The Love Boat: Behind Closed Doors

[5/10 · 12 June 2023]

It wouldn't be inaccurate to add Behind Closed Doors to the title of the movie, because that's what this movie really is. You already see a lot of 'foreplay' (or flirting) going on in the actual TV series. The action which unfolds in this version just continues what would obviously be taking place in the privacy of the guests' rooms, which of course cannot be shown on commercial TV channels. As a matter of fact, some of the guest stars on the TV series behaved almost like your typical porn starlets. I won't say who but try watching S5 E18. Wink wink. Speaking of which, the acting is typical of the genre although a little more play acting, before the characters started shedding their clothes, would have helped improve the overall quality.

The Pope's Exorcist (2023)

Anything after 'The Exorcist' (1973) will only leave you disappointed

[5/10 · 5 May 2023]

Let it be said once and for all that there will never be another movie on the rituals of Christian exorcism after The Exorcist (1973). After you have seen the original, you have seen them all, no matter how hard they try to make one different from another. I must say that I had a lot of expectations riding on 'The Pope's Exorcist', but after a few minutes into the movie, I lost all hope for something new, something different, something more exciting. It wasn't a bad movie actually. It's just that it tried to be more than another movie about demonic possession but like I said, you cannot stretch the premise any much further than what The Exorcist (1973) already achieved. Having said that, I wonder how the Blumhouse take on the forthcoming Exorcist, to feature Ellen Burstyn, will fare. I wait with bated breath,

Invasion (2021–2024)

Invasion?

[3/10 · 22 October 2021]

I've seen more extraterrestrial action and substance in one episode of The Invaders (1967) than in three episodes of this series. Do we really need 3 whole episodes out of a total of 10 just for character development?

Dune World (2021)

Dune World makes Ed Wood look like George Lucas

[1/10 · 9 September 2021]

There are 'bad movies' and then there are 'awful movies'. Even if it hadn't cost much to make this 'movie', the question on everybody's mind, after spending 15 minutes watching it, would probably be "But why even make it at all?" !! With acting 'skills' that fall somewhere in between porno and home movies, jumpsuits passing off as spacesuits, toy guns for weapons and a humanoid with a pot belly, you'd think that things couldn't get any worse. Wrong! Compared to this, Ed Wood's 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' looks like high art.

Flatbush Misdemeanors (2021–2022)

It took a while but...

[10/10 · 6 September 2021]

This is the best thing that happened since 'Baskets' and 'Chad'. The first episode didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, but it had an indiscernible kind of charm which made me look forward to the upcoming episodes. I wasn't wrong. The episodes just kept getting better and better, right until the end of season 1. Is the humour in Flatbush an acquired taste? Yes I think it is. The almost deadpan deliveries of the two main leads, which reminded me of Martha in 'Baskets' and Nasim Pedrad in 'Chad' will either leave you with a chuckle in your heart, if not right out loud, or it will leave you bewildered and at worse, irritated.

Ciao (2008)

Not a review but a question

[9/10 · 31 July 2021]

Who was Jeff talking to on the phone when he said "I dropped some stuff off at your parents", a few hours after he delivered some documents to an elderly couple who are supposed to be the parents of the recently deceased Mark? I assume that the person he is talking to is an unseen sibling of Mark. Who else could it be right? This segment occurs about 16 minutes into the movie.

Chad (2021–2024)

It took a while, but make sure you put on your madcap first before watching.

[7/10 · 13 April 2021]

When I saw the 1st episode of this comedy series I was irritated, and wanted nothing more than to watch something else. I guess the irritation was generated chiefly by the lead character who either doesn't look like a boy(in more ways than one), or looks like a non-binary, but that is because 'he' is played by a 30+ y/o woman. But after a while, the lunacy got to me and I even kept rewatching a particular scene. I think you either like this or you don't. No fence sitting on this one.

The Equalizer (2021– )

How I miss Ed Woodward

[3/10 · 22 February 2021]

I watched the 1st episode hoping to rekindle some of that magic from the 1985 TV series starring Edward Woodward. Everything about that series was stellar, including the electrifying theme music composed by ex-Police Stewart Copeland. Everything about this remake is the opposite. The plot's simplistic beyond credibility, the protagonist hardly finds herself in any life threatening situation, and because everything from point A to Z appears as contrived as a 10-piece jigsaw puzzle, there's no suspense to speak of. Sad. I had expected much more from this and from 'Clarice'. Thank goodness for WandaVision. My opinion is based on the first two episodes.

Clarice (2021)

A pale shadow of the original movie and Hannibal

[4/10 · 22 February 2021]

If you were expecting to be spooked by what you saw in the original Silence of the Lambs or the Hannibal series, you'll have to lower your expectation bar several notches down. So far there has been only 2 episodes and both failed to spook, chill or to excite. Yes the corpses in episode 1 looked pretty gruesome, as what you would expect to see after watching Lambs and Hannibal, but that's it. The 2 cases in both episodes are so 'ordinary' they seem to be written for some CSI episode. Maybe the series will improve, but for now, this is it.

Marketing the Messiah (2020)

The God That Wasn't There part 2

[10/10 · 13 February 2021]

A great companion piece to The God That Wasn't There, first released in 2005. Some of the people who appeared in TGTWT are here too, older (obviously) but still as wise. I recommend that you watch both, which are as entertaining as they are educational and enlightening.

The Drowning (2021)

Not as bad as others think

[5/10 · 9 February 2021]

OK so it wasn't as captivating as the slogan that was used to sell the miniseries: "Her son disappeared nine years ago. Yesterday she saw him." It would have been bad if they had stretched this story over 10 episodes, but thankfully, they kept it short at 4 episodes. (The other 4-episode miniseries I saw not too long was 'Lambs of God' but that was an entirely different level of storytelling). The Drowning is an easy series to watch in one sitting, and the ending, though not classic Hitchcockian or even Christiesque, did contain a mild twist. The lead protagonist's acting was, thankfully, restrained. If she had played her role hysterically, the series would have been unwatchable. Give it a go if you have nothing else to do.

Class of 1999 (1990)

I was rooting for the cyborg teachers all the way

[4/10 · 24 November 2020]

Bunch of annoying and violent students in a (ahem) futuristic society get what they deserve (and more) from a trio of excellent cyborg teachers, who are, well, doing their darnedest to inculcate, into a bunch of unruly kids, the importance of education. When you look at how they behave, you wonder why they even bothered coming to school at all. So yes, the cyborg teachers did have a big role to play, and a heavy responsibility to shoulder in getting the job done to perfection. The best scenes feature Mr Hardin and Ms Connors giving three boys what they totally deserved - those scenes are not to be missed!

The Twilight Zone: Ovation (2020) Season 2, Episode 4

The Beatles did it

[7/10 · 26 June 2020]

Actually there is a practical solution to Jasmine's dilemma. Many artists have done that, including The Beatles and Steely Dan. Don't perform live or make TV and radio appearances. Just record all your stuff in the privacy of your studio. No need for fancy engineering and production because people will love your stuff no matter how you sound.

Hotel Coolgardie (2016)

Gruesome yet rivetting

[8/10 · 20 January 2020]

Oz band Men At Work once wrote a song about a land down under, "where women glow and men plunder". They obviously weren't singing about Coolgardie, where the women are every bit as vile and repugnant as the men. The last time I heard the phrase "bar girl' was back in the 70s in a town in a third-world country, and even back then the term was considered derogatory. But it is still gleefully used by a bar called The Swan in Coolgardie, in the new millennium! The reason why I watched this till the end (and might watch again) is because of my fascination with rural Australia, facets of which were well served by movies like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and the remake of Wake in Fright. So yes, I found this movie downright unpleasant, yet fascinating to watch, if only to tell myself how lucky I am not to be living there :) !!

Into the Dark: Pilgrim (2019) Season 2, Episode 2

The poor pilgrims

[3/10 · 2 November 2019]

The poor pilgrims were just trying to instill good manners and values into the sorry lives of some useless, self-centered, selfish and moral-less 'modern' ingrates. I didn't feel an ounce of empathy for the latter. I didn't think much of the pilgrims either, since they were hardly in a position to moralize about anything. But still, it was nice to watch a slug fest between a bunch of old and new American misfits.

The Siren (I) (2019)

A waste of my time (and maybe yours)

[1/10 · 18 September 2019]

This must have been what Dorothy, Sophia and Blanche felt like everytime Rose told them a long winded yarn about her hometown St Olaf during episodes of the much loved Golden Girls sitcom. The three women had two choices. They could either leave the room or be forced to stick around until the St Olaf tale was wrapped up, after which Dorothy would get up and sometimes smack Rose on the head with a book or newspaper. Well, The Siren is even more agonising to sit through, compared to Rose's tales of St. Olaf. The latter, despite being bizarre and surreal, sometimes had a twisted logic to them. No such luck with The Siren. The reason why I sat through The Siren was because it was only 80 minutes and even if I knew that nothing good was going to come out of it (after the movie reached it's halfway mark), I thought, what the heck, I might as well sit it out, since I had already come this far. Even before the credits finished rolling, I hit the delete button and sent the file to the trash can. And just as equally irritating as the movie is the silly pseudo Enya/Gaelic wailing, which pops up everytime the titular creature surfaces to wreak havoc.

Pet Sematary (2019)

1989's was much better

[3/10 · 12 May 2019]

Perhaps the makers of this 2019 remake were trying to avoid going over the same ground as the 1989 version, but in doing so, they have also inadvertently (?) remade King's story about resurrection into another walking dead movie. As with "It", the original was far better.

The Society (2019)

A good idea subverted...

[2/10 · 12 May 2019]

...by too much teen drama. Intriguing start which quickly devolves into a typical, predictable and annoying teen angst soap. Watch only if you are a diehard fan of Riverdale (which is actually more interesting) , 90210 or 100. Too little mystery, and too much attention on the boring teen stuff. If you thought that the later seasons of "Under the Dome" were ridiculous, wait till you see this, and you don't even have to wait until season 2, if ever there is one.

Warrior (2019–2023)

Pidgin Chinese lives!

[1/10 · 15 April 2019]

Was drawn to the first episode after reading the synopsis. Sadly however, the disappointment was immediate when the Chinese characters couldn't even pretend to speak decent Chinese, be it Cantonese or Mandarin. Based on the writings of Bruce Lee? Oh please don't insult his memory. Honestly I thought such embarrassing fakery died out with Flower Drum Song. Thanks for resurrecting the unnecessary stupidity and ignorance.

One of Us (IV) (2017)

Poignant and mesmerising

[9/10 · 13 November 2017]

I'm not Jewish but I have always found the lifestyle of the Hasidic community in America fascinating. Does anyone know the name of the rabbi who delivered the sermon at a Queens stadium in 2012 and where I may find the complete speech? What was shown in the documentary was just a short clip.

4 Days (2016)

A waste of time and talent

[2/10 · 18 September 2017]

Next to Broken Hearts Club, this has to be the phoniest 'gay' movie I have ever seen. It's bad enough that a lot of screen time is taken up by unnecessarily long scenes, such as periods of brooding silence, aerial shots of trees and buildings, and one of the lead characters serenading his girlfriend with an entire song — from start to finish. Intimate scenes between the two lead characters, which I think is pertinent to the theme and plot of the movie, are totally absent. The only 'kiss' we see is at the end, but it is shot from such a distance that the two guys could be checking each other for zits or dental plaque for all we can see. I don't know about you, but if two male actors cannot bring themselves to be explicitly intimate with one another in a gay-themed romance movie, even for the camera, it smacks of 'insincerity' or maybe even homophobia. Whatever, the assumptions some gay viewers may form over this reluctance leaves an ugly taste in the mouth. Are they afraid the Filipino stars may damage their 'macho' image? The Philippines, FYI, still has hang-ups about gay male sexuality, preferring to lump the many forms of gay men, from cisgender to transwomen to 'effeminate' gays under one label — the disparaging 'baklak'. It's the same in Malaysia, where similar categories of male sexuality are collectively known as 'pondan' or 'bapok', the Malay equivalent of 'fag' or 'queen'. Which is a shame really, seeing as how the Philippines are also to produce cutting-edge and risqué stuff like Antonio's Secret. Apart from the eye candy, this one just fails to break any new ground.

The Exorcist (2016–2018)

Wrapping up

[10/10 · 26 November 2016]

Nothing much to add to what's already been said except that as a 'sequel' to The Exorcist, the main characters Angela Rance and Chris McNeil are pale shadows of their former selves, as originally played by Linda Blair and Ellen Burstyn respectively. The possessed Casey seemed almost polite and catatonic compared to the 12 year-old Regan/Pazuzu entity. I know 40 years had passed, but Sharon Gless's Chris McNeil displayed none of the raw emotion which Ellen Burstyn dished up in spades with quivering voice, trembling hands, battered face, blackened eyes and all. In The Exorcist, We saw Ellen's Chris transform from a vivacious character to an emotionally scarred and pathetic mother, whose sanity was hanging by a thread. What The Exorcist TV series has over the original movie are Captain Howdy, whom we are seeing for the first time, and here he is, a human personification of a slithering vicious serpent and diabolical as hell. I loved Father Marcus and Father Bennett and I look forward to seeing them in the next 2 episodes that will conclude Season 1. Mother Bernadette and her band of exorcist nuns, whose methods invoked the intercession of the Virgin Mary, were a nice touch. We know from the chapter on Revelations (from the New Testament) that Satan feared the Virgin, so obviously, the nuns know what they are doing. Hoping that there will also be a Season 2 :)

The Strain (2014–2017)

When will it all end?

[9/10 · 14 November 2016]

I loved The Strain, especially the first two seasons. At the end of Season 3 with no conclusion in sight, I feel that the series has overstayed its welcome. In fact, I watched the last episode of Season 3 with a great deal of irritation and wish that someone had dispatched of that little kid who had caused the needless death of so many. Why didn't they just turn him since he was already so obsessed with his strigoi mum and monkey companion. The producers could have made The Strain into a three-episode epic like Ascension or Childhood's End. Some things aren't made for the long haul, especially when a conclusion could easily have been written into the last episode of Season 3. Despite my admiration for the series and cast as a whole, I'm not looking forward to Season 4.