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Reviews
District 9 (2009)
The Best Sci-Fi Film to Come Out in the Last 20 Years...
Hollywood is dead. This is a well-known fact. The past 15 years or so have seen the gradual decay and demolishment of the once-proud Hollywood to the point that its corpse is being flailed around and puppeteered by a throng of sick, deranged juveniles. However, despite these abysmal times where films like "G.I. Joe" and "G-Force" make the weekend lineup, a shining gem has come from a relatively little-known director named Neill Blomkamp. "District 9" is easily the best science fiction film to come out in the last 20 years. Not during a single moment does it come across that there are actors on the screen. Not during one moment does it strike you as ludicrous or potentially unbelievable -- the best and worst aspects of both human and non-human alike are portrayed excellently and executed perfectly. It is able to mesh everything necessary to make a fantastic film and a rollicking sci-fi tale. In short: this is a great film and a amazing surprise for these dark times. See this movie -- it is vital. Hopefully, Blomkamp can keep up this kind of reputation and not be poisoned by the disease that is collectively known as Hollywood.
The Dark Knight (2008)
A Movie for Superhero Fan Wannabes and Sheep
Bleh. I thought 'Batman Begins' was all right. Not particularly good, but a nice way to waste a few hours. This one just outright sucks. After being hyped to death (pun not intended) between everything such as Heath Ledger's death and whatnot, I begrudgingly went to see this film. What a mess.
Heath Ledger was a good actor. He did good with what he had. Unfortunately, he didn't have much here. The Joker looks absolutely horrible. The premise of creating a "realistic" superhero flick is outright idiotic. Superheroes were never made to be realistic. They were created for young comic book readers to escape the hardships of the real world and delve into a world of fantasy and mystique. Removing that fantasy and mystique turns it into a soap opera with masks. Basically, all we've got here are politically-fueled undertones. Yadda, yadda, yadda, Joker is represented as the terrorist threat to America, throw in some scenes of the destruction looking like 9/11 and have Batman confiscate the security of the people like President Bush and his Patriot Act. How juvenile and disgusting.
So, if you life watching Heath Ledger look like a hobo wearing clown make-up, seeing Christian Bale talk like he's faking a cold, hearing Gary Oldman scream with a British accent as an American lieutenant/commissioner, and seeing Aaron Eckhart with a half-CGI head then this is the film for you! Unfortunately, millions have already flocked to it and claimed it is the greatest piece of celluloid to be projected on a screen since the concept of the movie. Shame on them.
Also, Heath Ledger for a posthumous Academy Award for playing the Joker? Give me a break. You'd have better luck of Disaster Movie winning best comedy.
The House Bunny (2008)
One Word: Lame
Seriously, how many more of these shitty movies are going to be made? If its not some quartered and drawn remake, it's some shitfest starring Wannabes and Never-Was-Its.
The Legally Blonde movies were idiotic (pun not intended). The fact that they promote and moralize the "stupid blonde" facet is disgusting. In reality, the only thing these types of people receive is pity (whether they notice it or not). It doesn't help that they hired the chick from the Scary Movie series (seriously, Anna Faris as a Playboy bunny?).
Save yourself the trauma and just watch this pirated on the internet. There's no reason to waste your hard-earned cash (or your parents') for a typical, trite piece of cinematic trash.
Tropic Thunder (2008)
Another Ben Stiller Loser
Ben Stiller is at it again, making unfunny comedies for unfunny enthusiasts. Seriously, after stinkers like Dodgeball and A Night At The Museum, Ben Stiller would finally fall out of view. But, I was unfortunately wrong.
This time, he's got a new line-up of talentless hacks to back his pitiful performance. Losers like Jack Black (Kung Fu Panda, School of Rock) and Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man, and other films today's theater generation doesn't care about). He even got Tom Cruise out from leading his tyrannical cult and beating his wife to play some pointless role. As usual, it all falls flat in an instant.
Probably the most prominent aspect of this film is Downey Jr. in blackface. Groups and organizations have come up protesting the film for its derogatory usage of the word "retard", but so far, nothing about blackface. Whatever. Now the character can go down in the annals of internet meme-dom forever.
If you waste your time watching this movie, I pity you. If you demoralize yourself by quoting this film, I pity you. If you defend the integrity of this film over the internet via message forums, IRC or instant messages, I pity you. Please, if you have to watch this film, respect yourself and others enough to end your life promptly. Otherwise, drink 18 SlimFasts with some heavy duty ChocoLax, wait 30 minutes and then go to the bathroom -- you've now experienced Tropic Thunder.