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jchampany
Reviews
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Worse than expected.
I went into the experience of watching this pathetic excuse for a film expecting nothing, and still found myself fighting the urge to hit "stop" constantly after having endured the first ten minutes. Vapid writing, bad acting, mediocre CGI, and third-rate attempts at humor seem to be the entirety of the movie. I'm glad i waited until I could stream the movie for free instead of giving the filmmakers any of my money. I'm completely perplexed by the positive reviews for this film... at best, it's a mind-numbing, intelligence-insulting debacle that will ultimately only be remembered as an utter failure in every regard. Avoid at all costs.
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
One of the worst...
By far, one of the worst films of the thousands I've seen. While an intelligent writer can write stupid characters or scenarios well, dumb writing will doom every other aspect of a film. And it doesn't get dumber than this. The attempts at humor seem like they were aimed at (and written by) six-year-olds. The movie will linger in your psyche for years, and you'll be eternally taunted by the fact that you once willingly subjected yourself to such an utterly idiotic spectacle. If you're thinking about watching this one, you'd be better off rubbing hydrochloric acid in your eyes and knowing it was still better than watching this steaming pile of cinematic excrement.
Lost Treasures of the Maya (2018)
Exciting and interesting.
Albert Lin is a charismatic explorer who does a great job at presenting the subject matter with enthusiasm and respect for the people and history he encounters. It's astounding to see the ways in which modern technology (particularly LiDAR) has revolutionized mesoamerican archaeology. It boggles the mind to realize just how much is still left to be discovered and how much we have to learn about the Maya. After watching this series, I've checked out every series Albert Lin has hosted, and would have to say he's one of the best presenters of this type of documentary in the field today. Highly recommended!
Andor (2022)
Thoroughly dull.
Disney has apparently given up completely on even trying to produce a decent Star Wars title. The writing is not particularly good, the characters and situations are uninteresting, and the plot is virtually nonexistent. Making it through the first two episodes was agonizing. It's mind-numbingly unimaginative drivel, neatly packaged with a Star Wars logo, so some people will love it regardless of its low quality. The production design is good, and with the exception of one annoying, stuttering Droid, the cast seems competent enough. While I appreciate the idea of a more mature Star Wars show, it would be much nicer to see one that had even a little thought or care put into it's writing.
Godzilla (1998)
Emmerich's dumpster fire still smolders decades later.
After revisiting this film for the first time in over two decades, I was genuinely impressed by the fact that it somehow seemed even worse to me now than it did upon its release. The plot, while unremarkable, is not helped by ridiculously bad dialogue and horrendous performances by the actors (particularly Matthew Broderick, who shows us once again that he is entirely incapable of acting beyond a grade-school play level). Do yourself a favor and skip this horrific debacle.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Watchable... barely.
Another halfway decent production ruined by terrible hand-held shaky camera shots. It's unbelievable that this type of garbage filming is becoming so prevalent. Somebody, buy Disney a steadicam and a tripod.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Cinematic drivel.
Bad acting and abysmal writing; I honestly can't believe this is the same film I've heard so many people rave about over the years. The actor playing Batman is genuinely horrible, and it's difficult to stifle laughter whenever he attempts to growl/whisper/croak out his dialogue. Ledger's turn as the Joker would have probably been forgotten if not for the boost given by said actor's untimely demise. The writing is typical Hollywood garbage, and the action is unimpressive at best, and boring at its worst. If you're one of those lucky film viewers who can essentially shut off their brain in order to endure this type of cinematic catastrophe, you may somehow enjoy it... but otherwise, avoid this festering crap-bomb at all costs.
Hydra (2019)
A waste of time.
I watched "Hydra" after a fellow fan of martial arts films recommended it to me based on the strength of the fight scenes. While the sparse action scenes are indeed much better than the garbage that passes for fight scenes in the John Wick series, they are pretty lackluster and amateurish compared to classic Hong Kong cinema or more contemporary film like The Raid.
Unfortunately, the weak action scenes are still more interesting than the hackneyed, generic plot.
Agenda: Grinding America Down (2010)
Pathetic, alarmist drivel.
Here we have yet another case of blatant misinformation and outright propaganda masquerading as fact. The filmmakers clearly come from the school of Joseph McCarthy. No rational human would ever believe the insane claims made in this film.
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
I was expecting better.
Within the first fifteen minutes, this film manages to cram in some second-rate CGI shots, a horrendous wire-fu/ballroom dance debacle, and the reinforcing of several stereotypes about Asians. No, thanks.
Mom (2013)
Nightmare sitcom
Horrendous writing coupled with atrocious acting. I was unfortunately subjected to two episodes of this abysmal trash while waiting in the auto dealership
for car repairs, and was reminded of why I haven't watched sitcoms in years. It's difficult to imagine how anyone could enjoy such drivel.
Invincible (2021)
Unwatchable
I tried to watch this show, but was quickly deterred by the shoddy visual style, awful voice acting, and horrendous dialogue. It really seems like nobody involved with this project was even trying.
The Shining (1997)
One actor knocks 2-3 stars off of this rating.
While the miniseries remains more true to the plot of the original King novel than the Kubrick film (right down to filming at the Stanley Hotel, the real-life inspiration for the Overlook), it lacks the brilliant aesthetics, atmosphere, acting, and pervasive sense of dread that made Kubrick's Shining a masterpiece. The miniseries falters in places, such as the early shot where Jack Torrance finds a hornet's nest (surrounded by flying hornets) in the roof of the hotel and immediately grabs it with his bare hand, recoiling after being stung. While such goofy moments are fairly easy to overlook (no pun intended), what can't be overlooked is the horrendous performance by the child actor in the role of Danny Torrance. His utter lack of acting abilities (even for a child actor) is unbearable, and his only facial expression is apparently a blank, open-mouthed look (his upper lip curls bizarrely upward, possibly making it difficult for him to fully close his mouth) that makes one wonder how someone ever decided to cast him. Poor acting aside, it's odd to see a child of 9 or 10 years old playing the part of a kindergartner who is just starting to read... it creates a sense that Danny is developmentally disabled. I could have given this series five or six stars if not for the miscasting and poor performance of one main character.