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Reviews
Annihilation (2018)
Ambiguity masquerading as profundity
Annihilation starts with an interesting premise and does a solid job building up tension, but the movie ultimately fizzles out when it becomes clear there's no depth beneath the impressive visuals and synth-heavy atmospheric score.
The film sure is gorgeous to look at: Natalie Portman's biologist and her team of scientists spend the majority of their time exploring the Shimmer, a mysterious bubble that initially covered only a small area, but continues to expand without any signs of slowing down. Most of the area the Shimmer's claimed is swampland and thick jungle, a verdant wonderland where time seems to flow differently and everything's shaded by the shifting, brightly-colored edges of the Shimmer itself.
It's established early on that the Shimmer has existed for some time, and the government's efforts to poke at it with drones and instruments hasn't yielded results. They've also sent people, and no one has returned. With the Shimmer steadily growing larger, the authorities worry it will eventually swallow entire towns and cities if it can't be stopped.
Portman and her companions each have their own personal reasons for volunteering on what looks like a suicide mission, but they're hopeful - while the teams that went in before them and vanished had been comprised of military spec ops, they're a team of scientists who hope to succeed with brains where braun failed.
Sadly, Annihilation seems straight out of JJ Abrams' much-derided "mystery box" school of filmmaking. Whetting the audience's appetite and building tension are all worthy goals, but once the mystery is revealed, the narrative deflates. Strong performances from Portman, Gina Rodriguez, Oscar Isaac, Benedict Wong and the rest of the cast can't save Annihilation from the disappointment that sets in once that mystery box is opened.
Andròn: The Black Labyrinth (2015)
One of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life
The world is now run by Really Evil Corporations, who for evil reasons nuked the earth and enslaved all 2 billion remaining people. Every year, to keep the slaves from revolting, the Really Evil Corporations hold a Hunger Games, er, Andron tournament.
Ten slaves are chosen to compete in an Evil Maze for the ultimate prize - their freedom. Also, time travel exists, so the slaves are from different eras and the game itself happens in a different time period each year. But the other 2 billion slaves can still watch the Evil proceedings in real time because the players have nanocameras embedded in their eyes, and they have really good WiFi.
The maze is haunted by an evil ghost lady who can shoot lightning out of her fingertips, and evil ninjas with red pants and glowing LED eyes. Also, the maze drops random weapons for the contestants, because video games. Oh, and the contestants have selective amnesia.
The entire thing is orchestrated by Evil Alec Baldwin, whose presence in this movie tells us he spent all that Capital One money. Evil Alec sits behind a desk in a well-appointed palace and manipulates the game while yelling at his hot Secretary. But Evil Danny Glover, who also needs money, is Evil Alec's boss and the two have creative differences about how they should gruesomely kill people in this maze.
Maybe they're worried about ratings. But how can they be when the only audience is 2 billion slaves who don't get any other channels? They're the only game in town, like baseball in mid-July.
Anyway, this is hands-down one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. The plot is nonsensical. The dialogue veers from cringe to cringe. The movie even robs the characters of names, so we get conversations like this:
"Hey, where's that guy with the glasses?"
"I don't know, wasn't he with that other girl?"
"What other girl?"
There is one mind-blowing thing about Andron: That this script wasn't immediately tossed in the reject bin, nevermind given the greenlight. It's one of those movies that makes you marvel at how ANYONE could have thought it was a good idea.
Fair warning, this movie is not the kind of bad that's fun to watch because it's unintentionally hilarious. It's just bad. Proceed at your own risk.
The Rezort (2015)
Tense zombie flick
The Rezort is much better than some people here are giving it credit for, and I think at least some of the backlash is just a manifestation of zombie oversaturation.
Putting that aside, what we have is a tense British horror film with some great cinematography, very solid production values, and a premise that hasn't been done before in the genre -- imagine Jurassic Park with zombies instead of dinosaurs.
The Rezort exists on a tropical island -- after humanity finally eradicated the undead, at the cost of 2 billion lives, people discovered the island had also been overrun and was crawling with zombies. Instead of bombing the island, they put up fences, created trails, and built a first-class resort for people who want to go on "safari" hunting the undead.
That sounds like the story can go only two ways -- either awesome or cheesy. But the script goes a good job of showing us why each of the characters went to the resort, and what they hope to accomplish there. For Mel, the main character, it's a way of dealing with the PTSD from the earlier zombie outbreak and the horrors she endured, like watching her own father turn. She's accompanied by her supportive boyfriend, Lewis.
The group also includes a pair of teenage gamers, Jack and Alfie, who think the island is going to be one big FPS game; Sadie, an attractive Welsh woman who's visiting on her own; Archer, a sharpshooter who seems to enjoy it when things go wrong; and Nevins, the park-employed guide who takes the visitors out onto the island in a Jeep.
The movie establishes early on that this is an expensive, luxurious place. Upon arriving at the island's dock, guests are offered champagne as they're driven to the palatial main resort. Once there, they're given shooting lessons, offered their choice of firearms, and feted in a first-night party by the resort's pool, with the park's creator wishing them good luck on the hunt.
Needless to say, things don't go as planned and the park's billion-dollar security system is compromised, disabling active defenses and allowing the undead to breach the island's fences and the resort itself.
I'll leave the synopsis there to avoid spoilers, but it's worth pointing out that The Rezort is tight from start to finish, with solid performances and attention to detail. Guns run out of ammo, people act the way they'd act in a crisis. The story unfolds realistically, which isn't often true of other zombie films and TV shows.
Overall this is a good addition to the horror and zombie genres.