The_Wagon Reviews

The Invincible Iron Man (2007 Video)

It was a decent effort.

[6/10 · 10 June 2007]

Iron Man, let's face it, was awesome. His classic suit from the 70's is beautiful, and he's one of the most well-known superheroes ever. Kids will know him, and he hasn't even had a movie yet. So yeah, people like Iron Man, I like Iron Man, and so on. The thing is, Iron Man's animated movie, is not that great. The movie is action-packed, but it still feels as if there isn't much action at all. Iron Man looked very accurate, and there were many parts of accuracy with the comic book. The animation was not in CGI, to many peoples' dismay. I actually liked the animation. It was just like that of a normal cartoon. But the thing is, there were too many boring parts. It's a superhero CARTOON! They may be trying to make it a serious "Animated Film", but deep down inside, this is a cartoon. I mean, what made you like the 90's Spider-Man show? It was cheesy and fun to watch. The Invincible Iron Man tries too hard to be a REAL film. Ultimate Avengers is better, and it will leave you satisfied. Iron Man? Borrow it, or rent it.

VH1 Rock Honors (2007 TV Special)

Meh.

[6/10 · 9 June 2007]

Heart, ZZ Top, Genesis, and Ozzy Osbourne. Quite a line-up. Not as good as the first Rock Honors, but I still had a good reason to be anxious to watch this. Turns out that this was not at all what I had hoped to be. The show began with Bam Margera saying something that a douchebag would say, and then comes Nickelback covering ZZ Top. It was alright actually. Better than anything else Nickelback has done in their own career. And then, ZZ Top takes the stage, and it was quite enjoyable. Heart plays next, after a tribute by Alice In Chains(without Layne of course. RIP), being fronted by Gretchen Wilson.

Sounds good? It is- until Genesis takes the stage. Genesis is a progrock band. As you all know, the genre of progrock is known for being boring every once and a while. Genesis, or at least the songs they play, are boring. It was truly a real show-stopper. Nothing impressive at all. The camera shows the crowd. One girl happens to be dancing a little. Everyone else? Frowning in dismay. They came for rock! Not "I get so lonely without her there, blah blah blah". Thankfully, we get Queens Of The Stone Age covering Black Sabbath's Paranoid, and we get Ozzy Osbourne. The Ozzman's performance is, of course, the best of the whole show. And this ends the second annual VH1 Rock Honors.

Overall, a decent show, but my expectations were too high I guess. 6/10.

Deep Blue (2003)

Surprise!

[8/10 · 23 May 2007]

We watched this film in school the other day. I thought that it would have just been some half-hour National Geographic special on the ocean, but it was actually a real movie. They showed us creatures at the bottom of the ocean, and more. The cinematography was excellent, and the music score was also well-done. It always fit with what was going on. It wasn't just some footage from Jaws 4 and an Australian-voiced cartoon character making shark jokes. It was a very well done film, and it was narrated by Pierce Brosnan of James Bond fame. I suggest renting it or something. Hope this review was helpful and all. I give Deep Blue an 8/10.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Gasp!

[5/10 · 5 May 2007]

I did not care for Spider-Man 3. Don't get me wrong, Spider-Man is one of my favorite super-heroes ever. He's a great hero. Along with the Silver Surfer, he's probably my favorite hero. Spider-Man was a very good movie, and it was extremely well-done, as well as Spider-Man 2, which I think surpassed the first. However, both of these films surpass the third.

I had very, very, VERY high expectations for this movie. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but honestly, this IS a very boring movie. It's about two and half hours long, but about fifty minutes are taken up with boring romantic scenes. Yes, most, if not all, super-heroes have a girl-friend, lately in super-hero films they have been adding that in just to extend the length of the movie, like in Superman Returns, which, for the record, was way better than this.

The comedy in it was not funny at all, but pretty much everyone in the theater was roaring with laughter. I will admit that the scene with the great Bruce Cambell were pretty much awesome, being one of the highlights of the film.

The acting? It was good for the most part, but a lot of times it was cheesy, and some of the dialog was cheesy, but that stuff wasn't a big flaw of the film.

The fighting? The action scenes were the best parts of the film. Many of the scenes were very good scenes, such as the final battle with Spidey, Harry, Sandman, and Venom. This was the best part of the whole movie. The fights with the Sandman were very good as well, in my opinion anyway. The scene at the bell was pretty good too.

But another thing I didn't like was the amount of story lines in it. A Spider-Man movie shouldn't have one million plot lines and a thousand villains. The three villain thing was okay, but I prefer the classic one villain storyline. And the fact that they made it to where Flint Marko, the Sandman, was actually the killer of Uncle Ben, was just unneeded. Now all of the people who never read the comic book will be stuck with this knowledge, when it really isn't knowledge at all. It's just bull crap.

What about Gwen Stacy? Didn't she play a huge part in the film? NO! She appeared in about four scenes. She didn't play a huge part at all. They messed up her character in the first movie though. In the comic book, Gwen is killed by the original(Norman Osbourne) Green Goblin. What about in this? She dangles from a building, and is saved by Spider-Man afterwards. I still liked that she actually made an appearance though.

After naming so much bad and so little good, I guess I should say some good so I won't anger people too badly. Sandman looked perfect in this film. No joke, he looked excellent. This is exactly how he looks in the comic. Green shirt, and a muscular body, with sand. A+! Venom? This was perfect as well. He is most peoples' favorite Spider-Man villain, and his appearances in this movie were great. In my opinion anyway.

Green Goblin II? I can take it or leave it, but it was a large part of the movie.

So overall, Spider-Man 3 did not suck. No, it did not suck at all. It has some great stuff in it. The battle scenes save it, as well as the excellent costumes for the villains, excluding Green Goblin II for obvious reasons. C'mon, a robotic suit? Oh well. That was a flaw in the first movie. Anyway, the movie is ruined by the fact that it's just too boring. A super-hero movie lots of action is more liked by me than a super-hero film that's one third action and two thirds romance and pointless scenes.

5/10

Super Mario World (1990 Video Game)

One of the best games ever.

[10/10 · 21 April 2007]

Super Mario World for the Super NES is one of the greatest games of all-time. The graphics, for its time, are very good, and the game is extremely fun. This is the first appearance of Yoshi, the green dinosaur that Mario rides on throughout the game. There are many hidden secrets in this game, and the replay value is great just because there are so many secrets and the game is so fun. This game is pretty easy at first, but then gets pretty hard later in the game because there are like, 99 freaking' levels in it. This is one of the greatest platform games of all-time, and if you don't own a Super Nintendo, you can get the remake of it on GBA or you can download it to your Wii. 10/10.

Death Wish: The Face of Death (1994)

Horrible way to end the series

[1/10 · 31 March 2007]

By 1994, Bronson was pretty much dead already. 1974 began the Golden Age of his career. Death Wish was released, and to this day, it remains a classic. Eight years passed, and Death Wish II was released. That was a lame movie though. But in 1985, Death Wish III came out, and it is a cult classic, being my favorite of the series. In 1987, the fourth was made, and it was the end of Bronson's golden age. By 94, Charlie Bronson was over 70 years old, and he wasn't that cool anymore. This movie sucks. There isn't enough death. There isn't enough shooting. Plus, the movie is just too new looking for my taste. 1/10. RIP BRONSON. What a horrible way to end it...

The Quick and the Undead (2006)

Yeah. Spoilers. Beware.

[4/10 · 11 February 2007]

Down at the Movie Gallery, I saw a flick I just had to see. It looked like a fun low-budget horror/action/western that I could get into. Yeah, I knew it would suck, but I rented it anyway hoping for laughs. Only a few laughs were to be found. This was an extremely stupid movie. It begins with a bounty hunter, our protagonist, who is possibly the weakest main character in the history of film. He looks/acts like he could take on Chuck Norris, but he can't. His dialogue sucks too. Anyway, he goes into a village, shoots some zombies. You could tell they tried to make this longer by putting in these boring scenes where he takes 3-5 minutes to reload or watch some zombies. At least the zombies look cool. So anyway, some people get shot, some zombies die, and in the end, everyone is dead except our main character, who should have died at the beginning when he was shot down by four people.

The Wicker Man (2006)

lol

[6/10 · 11 February 2007]

Now, I thought this movie would be okay. I had never seen the original. I was ready for a decent movie experience. What did I get? A hilarious film! It's got all of the qualities that a good comedy needs. Explosions! Nic Cage killing bees. Nic Cage punching a fat chick. Nic Cage swimming, and this made me laugh because of his facial expressions. Anyway, this movie starts off with Cage being a cop, then picking up a doll for some brat, and then he has to go to some island where everything is all Amished-out, but with less men and more appeal. Cage has to look for a girl, blah blah blah. You know, for an island with about 90 percent women, you would think that some would be good looking. Like, two of 'em are. Oh well, that doesn't matter. I'm about to give you a spoiler. A HUGE ONE. So don't read on unless you want to know how the movie ends. I'm kidding, but I will say that the ending sucks.

AC/DC: Family Jewels (2005 Video)

Superb

[10/10 · 2 February 2007]

AC/DC isn't shown on television much. The only thing you ever see on TV is on Metal Mania on VH1 Classic. Even then, they only play a live Back In Black video or the video for Thunderstruck. Never will you see Riff Raff. Never will you see Who Made Who or anything like that.

But in this, you can just sit back and watch pretty much every AC/DC video. There's 20 Bon and 20 Brian. It's just hours of good hard rock. It was cheap too, I picked it up at Target for 12 bucks. So far, I haven't found it any cheaper.

So yeah, if you like AC/DC buy this. It's great for any super crazy hardcore AC/DC fan, or just someone wanting to get into the band. If you want to buy an album to get you into the band, you should pick up one of the classic albums or AC/DC Live 2 disc edition.

Super Mario Bros. (1985 Video Game)

What did you think I would give it?

[10/10 · 27 January 2007]

It's obvious why this is getting a 10. It's Super Mario Bros. It deserves every ounce of respect it gets. This game changed the world. You know it did. Even if for some strange reason you don't like it, you have to admit that it changed the world. If not for Nintendo, you probably wouldn't be sitting at home playing Halo 2 or some game like that. I hate when people say Nintendo sucks, and I'll admit that I've said it before, but I now have full respect for Nintendo once again after playing the Wii. Anyway, yeah, this game is a classic. This game is like the Beatles' Revolver of the video game industry. Sadly, the sequel, SMB2, is more like the With The Beatles of the SMB series. Good, but not as good. However, SMB3 is like the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band of video games.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Mildly Realistic

[7/10 · 7 January 2007]

Everyone has heard of the Friday the 13th series. Jason comes, Jason kills, Jason gets killed, Jason comes back, repeat the process. The first movie in the series featured Jason's mom killing people, and it was a decent movie, but not that great. In the sequel, Jason kills people! He isn't wearing the hockey mask though, he's wearing a bag over his head. Anyway, it's a good movie. It's actually sort of realistic. In the other Friday the 13th films, Jason is like the Hulk. He can't be stopped. If you kick him, he rips your leg off. If you punch him, he breaks your wrist. In this film, you can kick him, and he actually falls down like a real person. There are some cool killings in this, and overall, it's a fun popcorn horror movie. One of the better films in the Friday the 13th series.

CatDog (1998–2005)

Decent Show

[7/10 · 9 December 2006]

By this time, most of the greatest shows of Nickelodeon had either been cancelled(Ren & Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life) or went kind of downhill(Rugrats). The best thing on at this time was The Angry Beavers. Then, Catdog came along, and lasted 3 years. It was decent show, but it wasn't Rocko's Modern Life. It had some good episodes, and there were laughs and stuff, but the show's just nothing great. I liked it, but not many people do. It's not as crappy as people say. I think that most people don't like it because it's not as good as Rocko. There hasn't been a cartoon for kids better than Rocko in the past 10 years. There have been great shows like Spongebob and all that, but nothing is as good as Rocko. CatDog gets a 7/10.

Saw III (2006)

The worst of the 3

[6/10 · 6 November 2006]

In 2004, Saw was released. It was a good movie, but it wasn't great. A year later, Saw II came out. It was a great movie! Definitely one of the better horror sequels out there. But, it seems like everything goes downhill with 3. Scary Movie 3 was a very funny movie, but not as good as SM1 or 2. Scream 3, Halloween 3, it's the same with a bunch of movies. 3 may be a magic number, but it rarely is with movies. Horror mainly. And that's true with Saw III as well.

Before I get to the good stuff, let's go over the bad stuff. The traps weren't that great. They all did the same stuff. They blew up stuff. One froze some naked chick, and another twisted this guy, and another one drowned people with freakin' pig guts! Another thing is that they went overboard with gore and blood. They showed a full naked body, they showed tons of blood, they even said a certain word that starts with a "c" and means the same thing as a part of the woman anatomy.

Also, the movie was too long. The other Saw films were pretty short. The first was about 100 minutes, and Saw II was 92 minutes. This is 107 minutes. Too long. An ultra gory flick like this only needs to be about as long as, well, Saw II.

That's the bad stuff. Next comes the good stuff.

Oops! Forgot another bad thing: TOO MANY OUT-OF-PLACE FLASHBACKS! Some flashbacks were needed, but others were flashbacks of stuff that happened in THIS MOVIE. They showed each flashback about 100 times.

Right now, I don't feel like naming the good stuff. I just hope they DON'T make a Saw IV. If they do, I'll rent it, but I won't spend 6 bucks on a movie ticket. Besides, Jigsaw's dead. I know they can write him in somehow, but he's dead.

Who knows, though? Maybe Saw IV will be good. Halloween 4 was better than Halloween 3.

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Is it a comedy or an action/horror movie?

[1/10 · 19 September 2006]

Simple. It's a comedy. It wasn't intended to be a comedy, but it is! I rented it a few days ago. I was in the mood for a good laugh and this is what I got. Thank God it was a free rental! This movie sucked.

It begins with a 5 minute scroll of text being narrated by some guy. It's some stuff about ancient Indian tribes and alien portals or something like that.

Then the actually movie starts. Some dudes are chasing this orphan boy. Boring. The kid is grown-up, and he's some paranormal investigator. He gets in a taxi and out of nowhere there's a big car chase and a big 10 minute battle between the paranormal guy and some other dude. He gets shot several times, but it appears that only a spike through the stomach can kill this guy! Then some more bull-crap goes down, and out of nowhere...A SEX SCENE! Uwe Boll's trademark.

After that retarded sex scene between Tara Reid(as a scientist) and the paranormal guy, there's a big one minute battle scene between a few army guys and some aliens with bad heavy metal music playing in the background.

After another hour of gore and violence, the movie ends. It gets a 1 out of 10 just for being funny.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Best Movie Of The Year

[10/10 · 19 August 2006]

Today I went to the theater and saw Snakes On A Plane. There was only around twelve people in the theater. I was hoping there would be more. Oh well, who cares? This movie was awesome. It was original, it was funny, and it was action-packed. Everyone in the theater was clapping and cheering! The crowd went crazy when Samuel L. Jackson said "I've had it with these mother****ing snakes on this mother****ing plane!" Haters, go watch Million Dollar Baby or something. This movie rocked. It makes Superman Returns look like Superman III! It makes Pirates 2 look like the Americanized Godzilla! 11/10! Best movie of the year! MOTHER****ING SNAKES!

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)

Great

[10/10 · 5 August 2006]

This is one of the greatest movies of all time. How can you hate it? Most of the people who hate it are people who just don't get that this is more than a movie. If not for this movie, would there be a Spaceballs? No. Would there be countless spoofs and parodies in TV shows and cartoons? No. If not for this, what would be every geek's favorite movie? Lord of the Rings movies, but before that! Logan's Run? 2001? Who knows?! Star Wars is THE GREATEST cinematic masterpiece of all time. It's just excellent. I know there are people out there who hate this movie, and usually that person's favorite movie is something like Scary Movie 3. 10/10, this movie rules.

The Benchwarmers (2006)

Why?

[3/10 · 3 August 2006]

I just watched The Benchwarmers on DVD. I was ready for stupidity and fart jokes. I was ready to laugh. Did I laugh? 7 times. Only a few minor giggles, though. The rest was incredibly stupid and boring. Anyway, this movie is about a few guys who see a kid getting farted on, so they start a baseball team and win a few games. Eventually, they become famous with nerds and blah blah blah. The movie sucked. Jon Heder plays Clark, a retarded paperboy. David Spade plays Ritchie, a 39 year-old virgin who works at a video store. Rob Schneider plays Gus, a guy that's a repairman or something like that. It makes me sick that Jon Heder was in this! Napolean Dynamite was a very funny movie, and this makes NP look like Pulp Fiction, which it is not! The funniest character was Howie. And he's not even a main character! 3/10. Watch it, you probably won't laugh though.

Grilled (2006)

Pretty funny movie

[7/10 · 28 July 2006]

I thought it would suck, but I rented it anyway because there was nothing else to rent. I was looking for The Benchwarmers, but they were out, so I grabbed this because the storyline sounded cool. It was actually quite funny. The movie is nice and short. I like short movies sometimes. Some movies need to be long, like Scarface. Would it have been as good if it was 90 minutes? NO! But this movie has the perfect length. There were some really funny parts. These two meat salesman get involved with the mafia, and it's just a really funny story. Go watch it, have some popcorn, and enjoy the movie. You'll laugh. Good movie. 7/10.

Army of Darkness (1992)

Groovy

[9/10 · 15 July 2006]

Army Of Darkness, also known as Evil Dead 3, is a funny and well-made movie. Ash is transported to the year 1300 A.D. after something goes wrong at the end of Evil Dead II. All sorts of crazy and funny things happen. It's a very short movie, but that doesn't stop it from being a great movie. It's simple and too the point. Army of Darkness is just such a great movie. Bruce Campbell does a great job portraying Ash, as usual. The fighting scenes are exciting. The main villain looks like something from Spawn, the Todd McFarlane comic book. It's not as good as Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn, which I gave a 10 out of 10, but Army Of Darkness is still an awesome movie. 9/10

The Mesmerist (2002)

Rented it and liked it

[6/10 · 30 June 2006]

I rented this and watched it today. I expected a decent movie, and that's what I got. It really was funny. The dark humor is very funny and I think anyone who likes dark comedies would like it. No, it's not as good as some dark comedies like Corpse Bride, but it's still an alright movie. There's not much to say about this movie. I've said all I can say now. It's funny, sort of stupid, and short. I like comedies like that. You know, the sweet and short kind? I don't want to watch a comedy if it's 3 hours long! This is short, but short to the point where you wish it could have been at least 10 minutes longer. It's not bad, it's not great, but it's a good, short, and funny movie. A rental.

Date Movie (2006)

From the 2 retarded writers of the 6 writers of Scary Movie comes "Crap Movie". You'll die from not laughing!!!

[1/10 · 3 June 2006]

I made it 35 minutes and 22 seconds into this movie. The movie is 85 minutes. That's 50 minutes I missed. Was I mad that I missed those 50 long minutes? No! I was happy. I can't believe Alyson Hannigan or whatever her name is did this crap! She's not a bad actress, so I rented this thinking it might be decent. I wasn't pleased. It wasn't even half-decent. It's so bad, it would be too much to even call it bad. This doesn't deserve to be called a movie! Some girl wants to get married, and she weighs 400 pounds, so she goes to Hitch's apartment and he takes her to a car repairing shop, and they "pimp her out". I Love The 70's is funnier than this! I liked I Love The 70's, but there wasn't anything funny about the jokes the celebs on that show made. This is a boring, disgusting, ugly, horrible, boring movie! The people who wrote this were probably banned from ever writing anything again. 1/10!

Gun (2005 Video Game)

The West Is Fun!

[9/10 · 2 June 2006]

In this game, you play as Colton White, who's getting revenge for all the times he got screwed over. You can do the story missions. This is really fun. This game has one of the best story lines I've saw in a game. This has a better storyline than some movies. The story has many unexpected events, and the cut scenes are great. The story is short, but you don't have to do the missions if you don't want to. Eventually, you'll have to do the story mode missions if you want to advance to another area or unlock more side missions. Side missions are awesome! You can play poker, do bounty hunter missions, go hunting, and more! But you'll eventually run out of side missions that are cool, and be stuck delivering mail for a measly 10 dollars on the Pony Express. Not as exciting as traveling through the west on a random horse looking for a wanted group of men who have prices on their heads worth 30 dollars, is it? With the side missions, weapons, and great storyline, Gun is definitely one to buy. The only downside is that veteran gamers may think it's too easy and short. I'm not a veteran gamer, and I can't beat the final boss, so who cares? I liked this game. Rental for veterans, buy for medium gamers.

Banjo-Kazooie (1998 Video Game)

Banjo Kazooie provides hours of fun!

[7/10 · 25 May 2006]

Banjo Kazooie is a very good plat-form game. Although not as good as Banjo Tooie, the sequel, this game is still good.

Graphics- Since this is an N64 game, the graphics are a bit dated. They're still colorful and fun looking, like some of the stages in Super Mario 64 and Donkey Kong 64.

Sound- The sound is really good, but the music easily gets stuck in your head, and may annoy some people. It doesn't annoy me.

Gameplay- The gameplay is very good, but some moves are very difficult to pull off, and there are tons of them. Sadly, you can't play as Mumbo like in Banjo Tooie.

I give Banjo Kazooie a 7 out of 10.

Banjo-Tooie (2000 Video Game)

Best Banjo Game

[8/10 · 24 May 2006]

This game is really, really, really, really, really, really, good! It's so fun! It's got better graphics than Banjo Kazooie, and a better storyline. Grunty the witch comes back to life and tries to get revenge! It sounds boring, but I just don't want to spoil some of the cool stuff. This game is really funny, too. Banjo Kazooie will always be a great game, but it's awesome sequel is better. Very fun game. I love it. If you've never played it, buy it, because it's better than Banjo Kazooie! You can even play as Mumbo in this, and he goes faster than Banjo. He has a really cool staff, too. 8/10! A must buy game for fans of Banjo Kazooie.

Super Mario 64 (1996 Video Game)

One of the Nintendo 64's best games

[10/10 · 24 May 2006]

Mario is invited to Princess Peach's castle for cake. When Mario gets there, he finds out that Bowser has kidnapped her! Mario must save the day again. Unlike the 2-D games, Mario can explore anything he wants to. He can just roam around, climb trees trying to look for 1-Ups, find secrets in levels, and more. You can spend four hours in one level. No time limits. There are 16 worlds, with a number of stages, and there are star doors, which you need a certain number of stars to get into. Once you get in these star doors, you must go through a stage and fight Bowser at the end of the stage. To get to certain worlds, you need a number of stars to get in. You enter the world by going through a painting. There is so much stuff to do and so many hours of gameplay, I don't see how anyone could dislike this game. It's great. This launch title is the game that insured gamers that the N64 would have a good life. Every 3D plat-form game we know of has something in common with SM64. Banjo Kazooie and Banjo Tooie are examples that are commonly used. Super Mario 64 is one of the greatest games in the history of 3D games. 10 out of 10. If you have an N64, buy this game. It's hard to find used, because no one's selling this baby for 5 bucks at the pawn shop. A perfect 10.