Apalerwuss Reviews

Desperate Waters (2019)

Amateur hour at film school

[2/10 · 18 December 2023]

What a weird film. It's like a bunch of amateurs have been given $1m to make some art, and this is the best they could do. Yes, it's scenic and set at sea which makes it vaguely watchable, but OMG what a complete nonsense of a movie.

The character dynamics are bizarre, the script terrible, so much of this is... me thinking I would do no worse if I'd been put in charge of making this. And my job involves cutting trees down.

This should be held aloft as a case study in bad moviemaking. But it's one of those movies that's so bad, it's just about worth watching for that alone.

Hence, two stars (rather than one).

George Clarke's Amazing Spaces (2012– )

Me and the kids love it, but...

[8/10 · 30 August 2023]

There aren't many TV shows me and the kids (9 and 11) can sit down and enjoy together, but this is one of them.

There is something very satisfying about transforming or creating small spaces to work or live in, even if it's just watching someone else do it.

My only criticism, and it is pretty minor I suppose, is that the show seems to be very much to benefit the life of George Clarke himself.

Each series, he'll travel to some far flung place in South America or Europe to showcase some beautiful architecture, and it rarely seems to be all that relevant to the actual theme of the show itself - it feels like George wangling a holiday for himself.

Also, each series seems to involve George Clarke building something for himself, such as a caravan or tree house for his kids, or an underground hidey hole in his garden. All very good, but just seems a bit like "How to create amazing spaces for George Clarke".

Still, enjoyable viewing.

Devil (2010)

Better than expected

[7/10 · 13 June 2022]

Well constructed horror movie that sees a bunch of despicable people thrust together into an elevator which then breaks down. One by one, they're picked off - but who is to blame?

It's the sort of movie that could easily have fallen into "awful" territory, but it was well written and acted, and executed with aplomb. At 90 minutes, it's the perfect length for this type of film - long enough to create a compelling story, but not too long as to overcook things.

The Bob's Burgers Movie (2022)

Funny, but perhaps not for everyone

[7/10 · 30 May 2022]

I'll be honest, I'd never heard of the show before, but given that this was the only kids' movie in the local cinema, I took my two girls to see it.

The humour was really my bag, very daft and irreverent. But I'd imagine that many people might find it a bit stupid - it really just boils down to your sense of humour. Not many other people were laughing in the cinema, which might be a gauge of how popular it will be. My kids quite liked it and chortled a few times, but I think a lot of the jokes were probably aimed more at older kids (teenagers) and adults.

Well worth 100 minutes of your time though, and no regrets about paying to see this.

The Shallows (2016)

Watchable.

[5/10 · 15 May 2022]

Yeah, it was an okay way to while away 85 minutes, but I found there to be too many "you just wouldn't do that in real life" moments. To the point that it got a little annoying.

But not every movie can be a classic, and there is a place for flicks like this that are well filmed, professionally put together, and hold your attention for the duration.

Last Train to Christmas (2021)

Really good

[7/10 · 7 January 2022]

This was much better than I thought it was going to be, based on the other reviews I read here.

Like all time travel movies, there are flaws, but it was a good story about fate and destiny, one that was very well acted. Not Oscar material, sure, but worth 110 minutes of your life.

The Beatles: Get Back (2021)

Brilliant stuff, but one for the purists

[10/10 · 1 December 2021]

Having had a little time now to dwell on this documentary series after watching it over a few days, I think I can now arrive at a balanced opinion.

My initial knee-jerk reaction to the negative or "less-than-positive" reviews on here was to dismiss them as not having a clue what they're talking about. But the more I have put myself in their shoes, the more I kinda get where they're coming from.

Let me explain.

The "problem" with "Get Back" is that it's not really a documentary intended for a general viewership. It really is for Beatles aficionados and purists. I am one of those, and so I found the series compelling from start to finish -- it offers such tremendous insights into the dynamics of the band, how they went about writing and recording songs, and their unparalleled genius. Watching Paul McCartney come in and write the song "Get Back" on his bass guitar, starting out by humming/mumbling random words and noises, and seeing it develop, really blew me away. And when John Lennon just strolls into the room and picks up his guitar and starts playing along -- again, this is the stuff that Beatles' geeks dream about seeing.

I really wish I could get access to the full 60 or so hours of footage that this series was whittled down from, I don't care how mundane the conversations or activities are, I'd lap that s**t up.

However, putting myself in the shoes of someone who's just vaguely interested in The Beatles, I totally understand why they might not dig "Get Back". It is long and pretty slow-paced, and I can see how people would find it "boring" if they aren't interested in the band.

My mum, girlfriend, next door neighbour -- people who "quite like" The Beatles but would never call themselves huge fans -- would quite happily sit down and watch a 2-hour The Beatles documentary that charts their history and evolution. But "Get Back" isn't that -- it's roughly 8 hours of pretty slow conversations, banter, and instrument noodling.

I imagine an equivalent of Get Back for another band -- say, "The Sex Pistols" or "The Jam" -- and I would struggle to watch anything more than a general 2-hour documentary on them. The reason being, while I like their music and am interested in their status as cultural icons, I am not SO interested in them that I care about the intricate details of their internal dynamics and relationships.

And so that basically sums up "Get Back" -- if you're a huge The Beatles fan, and have a geeky fascination in everything that made them "tick", you will love this. But if you just generally like their music, perhaps have one of their Best Of compilations, I can totally understand why you might think that this is not amazing entertainment.

In summary, "Get Back" is superb, but it really is one for the purists.

Crime (2021– )

Poor. Very poor.

[2/10 · 21 November 2021]

Total amateur hour, from start to finish. If it wasn't for the star names attached to this, it would not have gotten any traction. I watched it cos it had Irvine Welsh and Dougray Scott associated with it. It really feels like an amateur production - the script, the acting, the editing, the lighting, everything.

The ham Edinburgh accent too, ending eveyting line with "eh, " didn't help. Bleh.

Columbo: A Case of Immunity (1975) Season 5, Episode 2

Excellent finale

[9/10 · 23 September 2021]

Was a solid Columbo most of the way through, but the ending really took it to the next level. Definitely one of the better Columbo conclusions, one I really didn't see coming for once.

Gremlins (1984)

Has aged well

[9/10 · 20 September 2021]

Just watched this for the first time in decades, this time with my 9-year-old kid. I thought it might be too scary for her, but risked it anyway - it really wasn't too scary at all, and she laughed hysterically at many parts of it. In fact, she loved it, and so did I. The effects are really great, and nothing quite like this being made in 2021.

She demands that we watch the sequel next weekend.

Columbo: Forgotten Lady (1975) Season 5, Episode 1

Simply superb.

[9/10 · 20 July 2021]

Columbo seems to have this reputation as being some low-grade 70s TV fodder, that's certainly the impression I get when I tell folk I'm watching the entire boxset in order. But there are so many truly great episodes and this is one of them.

Excellent all the way through, and fantastic twist at the end which I really didn't see coming.

Columbo: A Deadly State of Mind (1975) Season 4, Episode 6

Solid

[8/10 · 19 July 2021]

Another solid episode, let down a little by flimsy "evidence" that would never stand up in court.

Columbo: Troubled Waters (1975) Season 4, Episode 4

Closest yet to seeing Columbo's wife

[9/10 · 22 June 2021]

Columbo is on a cruise with his wife, surely we'll finally get to meet her? Close, but not quite.

Oh, and a great episode in a quirky setting, with a decent "gotcha" for once.

Columbo: By Dawn's Early Light (1974) Season 4, Episode 3

Poor evidence

[8/10 · 17 June 2021]

Really good episode, but once again let down by flimsy evidence. There is no chance anyone would get convicted on that, let alone be coerced into admitting guilt. Too many Columbo episodes fail at the final hurdle....

Columbo: Swan Song (1974) Season 3, Episode 7

One of the best Columbos

[10/10 · 7 June 2021]

Really great Columbo, had no idea Johnny Cash was in this til I started watching. Cash gave a stellar performance.

This was one of the best Columbos of the first few seasons, with a "gotcha" moment that actually holds together for once - too many Columbos fail at the last hurdle, this one is great to the end.

Columbo: Mind Over Mayhem (1974) Season 3, Episode 6

Great ending

[9/10 · 25 May 2021]

Never knew Columbo had it in him to play so dirty to glean a confession. But here we are. Enjoyed the ending to this one.

Columbo: Publish or Perish (1974) Season 3, Episode 5

Good, but felt rushed

[7/10 · 25 May 2021]

Another very watchable Columbo, but felt a bit lazy and rushed in parts. Not one of the best, but far from the worst.

Columbo: Double Exposure (1973) Season 3, Episode 4

One of the best

[10/10 · 21 May 2021]

Well written, and a really great gotcha (though I'm really not sure the ploy would have worked in real life).

Columbo was at his annoying best, the culprit's exacerbated expressions at times were priceless - even his teeth had gritted teeth.

Columbo: Candidate for Crime (1973) Season 3, Episode 3

One of the best Columbos

[10/10 · 19 May 2021]

Currently wading through all the old Columbos in order, and of the first 20, this probably shades it as the best.

The main issue I have with most of the episodes up to this one is that the "smoking gun gotcha" moment at the end is usually incredibly weak. Candidate for Crime is the first one that is totally solid, though I did kinda see it coming. There is pretty much no way the perpetrator can explain away the evidence he's presented with, and a jury would likely convict too. I really wish other writers in the Columbo series would've taken as much care with the ending as they did with this one.

Columbo: Any Old Port in a Storm (1973) Season 3, Episode 2

Very good, but poor "evidence"

[9/10 · 17 May 2021]

Another great Columbo episode, ruined by flimsy proof. I really wish the writers would have taken more time to construct a more robust "gotcha", it's a pattern that permeates most episodes.

Columbo: Double Shock (1973) Season 2, Episode 8

Good, but flimsy evidence

[7/10 · 12 May 2021]

I'm revisiting all the Columbos years later, and the one thing that strikes me is the "smoking gun" evidence is nearly always incredibly flimsy conjecture that should not come close to even spurring a confession, let alone convince a jury to convict.

That said, they're mostly all very well written and acted.

Double Shock fits the bill on all counts here. A very entertaining watch, let down by unconvincing ending.

Columbo: The Most Dangerous Match (1973) Season 2, Episode 7

Entertaining, but flawed ending...

[6/10 · 12 May 2021]

I do love Columbo, but way too many episodes have really poor "smoking gun" endings that supposedly prove the murderer's guilt. This was another one, and it took away from what was otherwise a pretty good episode.

The "proof" here would not in a million years get a man convicted, let alone get a devious mastermind to admit (more or less) to his crime on the spot when presented with the pure guesswork that masqueraded as evidence.

Columbo: A Stitch in Crime (1973) Season 2, Episode 6

One of the better Columbos

[9/10 · 11 May 2021]

I'm working my way through all the Columbo episodes in order, and this is the best one so far out of the first 13 episodes.

It deviates from the usual Columbo formula somewhat, which is a good thing. Good writing, good plot. It also has a slightly darker feel compared to others so far, and Columbo is less dopey than usual. Not sure what all that means, just thought I'd mention it.

The Wonderful World of Disney: Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

Fairly criticized

[2/10 · 14 April 2021]

Despite what the reviews said about Home Alone 3, it really wasn't that bad. Nothing to do with the first two movies of course, but perfectly watchable, a few LOL scenes, and the kids loved it. Home Alone 4, on the other hand, is an entirely different kettle of monkeys. Dreadful. The makers try too hard to recreate the magic of the first movie without having any of the skills, also they use all the same character names when clearly they're not, well, the same characters. That is one thing Home Alone 3 got right - sure, it tried to cash in on the Home Alone brand, but ultimately it was a standalone movie. Home Alone 4 tries to make this an actual sequel. Such a pointless endeavour. Even my kids were bored, not a single chortle throughout.

Innerspace (1987)

Decent film, great effects

[7/10 · 11 April 2021]

Just watched this for the first time in about 30 years. Has aged well, I'd forgotten how good the effects are.