I'm Canadian and I didn't read the book, in fact, I never heard of this story before I found it on Amazon Prime. I am also a survivor of childhood and domestic abuse, most of which wasn't physical, but was very damaging. If I had stayed with my abusers, I could have been killed eventually because these situations always have the potential to get out of control.
I have read most of the reviews and I've come to the conclusion that most reviewers don't understand the fundamental dynamics behind domestic violence. It usually happens to women who have been abused (not always physically) by at least one parent or guardian in their family of origin and is the basis for ending up being abused by others (partners/spouses, friends, co-workers, bosses, etc.) throughout their lives. I would never say that it's their fault, but they're usually unaware of how they contribute, involuntarily, to what happens to them, unless they come across the right information, because therapists rarely ever help them to understand it. And the worst thing a therapist can do is blame them, but therapists often do that and, as far as I'm concerned, the ones who do are incompetent and have no business being in the therapy profession because that drives women who need help away and puts them at further risk. These women have been made to feel all their lives that they can never do anything right by anyone and the very last thing they need is more negative judgment from a so-called "expert." It may seem difficult to be patient with victims, but their lives depend on it.
When the adult Alice begins her relationship with Dylan, he is the typical abuser and the way he is portrayed is quite clearly as a classical narcissistic abuser. That part of his character was at least good for learning from. Alice opens up and trusts him too soon, which is also very common. She is too giving, forgives too easily, and believes that he will change and all of this is very typical for a survivor of childhood abuse. Like most abusive men, he is a narcissist and narcissists never change because what they do to hurt their victims works for them, so they don't see their behaviour as a problem and no one can ever make them recognize that. One reviewer said they found it hard to believe that Alice and Dylan's boss would believe that Alice had abused him, but this is actually very common because narcissists are very good at turning things around and convincing others that they are the victims and their victims have abused them. It happens all the time. They never accept responsibility for their behaviour and if they ever apologize, they're being manipulative in order to continue using and abusing their victims. Their victims think everything is their fault because they were brainwashed by an abusive childhood to believe this, so it doesn't take any convincing to make them stay and keep trying to please their abuser. Childhood abusers are mothers just as often as they are fathers and sometimes children are abused by both parents.
The abuse also causes a victim to become "trauma-bonded" with their abuser, which is why they find it so hard to leave. Their childhood abuse has given them such poor self esteem and self worth, so they believe that no one else will ever want them and that they're lucky to have the "love" and interest of the abuser and they have to work hard to keep it, but narcissists are incapable of love and they have absolutely no compassion or empathy for anyone. They can pretend to possess those traits, but all they do is mimic them by observing the behaviour of others. They also believe that they are "entitled" and worthy of special attention and consideration from others and won't tolerate being judged negatively. They can become this way because they were spoiled or mistreated as children, but either way, they become this way during their childhood and/or adolescence.
Another thing narcissists do is lie a great deal, like June did, to hide things about themselves and their past that they're ashamed or embarrassed about. Her character is also narcissistic and this is why when she's found out, it comes as a shock to the others. They expect better of her because she's been helping them, but her overprotectiveness has also been harmful because it hasn't allowed the women to grow. As Candy said, she kept her child-like instead of recognizing that she became an adult over time. June kept her "flowers" stuck, as though they were incapable of overcoming the dysfunctional patterns they learned in childhood. She held them back like an overprotective mother, which didn't help them mature into more capable adults. It also didn't help Alice prepare for adult relationships. June wasn't able to handle her own adult relationships because she never recovered from what happened to her when she was younger, which caused her to be distrustful of her own adult partners. And she lied about and hid what happened for decades because she didn't trust anyone to love her unconditionally. She was therefore, incapable of loving the others unconditionally and helping them recover from their own trauma. When you love someone unconditionally, you don't keep things from them and you don't lie to them. A real relationship is one that is completely open and honest, but it takes time to develop that trust, it doesn't happen overnight and you should never rush into a commitment. Always be wary of someone who wants to rush into a commitment...that is a sign that you are dealing with someone who is abusive.
It was good that June was confronted by the others about lying about Charlie and other things, but they just stood by her regardless and that wasn't okay. In the end, the only one who didn't stand by her, but might have if she had answered the phone, was Alice, and she didn't seem the least bit remorseful when June died without being able to speak to her again. It seemed just a waste of time to even suggest that Alice tried to contact her at all because it served no purpose.
If everyone was paying attention at the beginning, they will recall the foreshadowing of June saying something about Alice being better off if she stayed away from "this family," when Alice was still in the coma, referring to everyone at Thornfield. I found it confusing that June still decided to go and get Alice from the hospital and take her to Thornfield regardless, when she had voiced her concern that her own home wasn't a good place for her granddaughter. She obviously knew that Alice wouldn't do well there but took her in anyway. Ultimately, June proved that, like most narcissists, she only cared about doing what she wanted for herself and not what was in Alice's or anyone else's best interests. And what she left for Alice when she died just caused her more trauma and grief and I found that very off-putting. If I were Alice, that would have sent me running again, rather than causing me to want to take over the work at Thornfield. And in the state she was in at that point, she was in no way prepared to take over that work.
Both narcissistic abusers and their victims fear ending up alone as they age. The abuser is insecure and projects all of their negative feelings and behaviours onto their victims and the victim may feel worthless if they have no one to take care of. It's as though they always need a "project" to avoid facing and working on the problems within themselves. It never occurs to them that the one person they need to take care of the most is themselves because they spent so much time trying to please their narcissistic parent/guardian when they were young, in the hope of winning their approval.
My hope for this series was that it would point these things out and help viewers understand what is really behind abuse because that knowledge is greatly lacking in the world. We see Alice exchanging messages with Dylan after she has returned to where she came from, but we never know what happens later, whether she figures out that she's trauma-bonded and how dangerous that is because if returns to him, she could end up in an endless cycle that could lead to him killing her when she tries to leave again. The fact that this series didn't address this leaves it open-ended and fails to provide essential information about domestic violence and relationships involving coercive control, a type of abuse that can lead to physical violence if a woman doesn't leave during that stage of the relationship.
The most important thing anyone can learn is to have good boundaries and keep them strong. If someone loves you, they will respect your boundaries and never demand that you lower your boundaries or give up time with family and friends to spend more time with them.
Too often people blame women who end up in abusive situations, but it's really not their fault that this happens. It's the fault of those who raise them to feel badly about themselves and to believe that they don't deserve anything better. And this can happen to anyone in any kind of relationship, including LGBTQ relationships. It's unacceptable that any educational system refuses to acknowledge that there are such relationships and that all relationships have potential for abuse and what to do if one is abused. The worst thing that anyone can do is blame the victim and do nothing to help. You can't make an adult leave an abusive relationship, but if you do nothing to save a child from an abusive situation, you're just as harmful as their abuser(s) because you're allowing them to continue being harmed. The sooner a child is removed from a harmful environment, the more likely they are to get the help they need, but it's also crucial for them to be made aware that they aren't to blame and they deserve better. They need to learn how to take care of themselves and how important it is to love themselves first and above all else before they become involved with anyone else.
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