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Patton Oswalt: We All Scream (2022)
Anti Comedy?
I love stand up. Dave Chappelle, Louis CK, Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope, Stewart Lee, David Cross, Maria Bamford, the list goes on. But it seems like Netflix will give a stand up special to anyone these days. This particular special was just another low quality netflix show. There is very little humour. Which is kind of a requirement for a comedy special. It was tired and cliched. No originality. No insight. No unique points of view. Just the same old schtick. Patton Oswald is quite well known in the realm of comedy. I dont understand why. Ive seen him in AP Bio, Lady Dynamite, Reno 911, Veep and a few other shows. He's never been funny. That is just my opinion obviously. There are probably people who think he has the ability to be humorous but I dont.
Prey (2022)
Pointless movie.
Okay, so right away at the beginning, the lead character can somehow run just as fast a large deer. Stupid. Then she's got almost super human powers, in that she can throw around an axe tied to a rope with perfect accuracy. The she's throwing around men twice her size. She jumping off twenty foot high trees and landing with ease. Then she defeats the predator. A predator that just killed literally 30 men. I'm not buying it. The dialogue was clunky and full of silly lines. "I'm smarter than a beaver," was my favourite. Along with "why do you want to hunt?" "Because you all think that I can't. Great stuff. The CGI was subpar. It looked like a television show. Like star trek or something. The production value as a whole was a joke. This expensive movie looked like a college film, made by students. My final gripe is that they showed the predator way too early in the film and too often. And they had him make stupid decisions like killing a snake. (why did it's headless, spineless body move?) And walking on the ground so its footprints could be seen. And standing stationary, in full sight of the french men, while they fired hundreds of shots at him. It's a predator! They use stealth to hunt. They don't wander into groups of men and have fist fights. They don't kill insignificant animals. They don't reveal themselves to their prey. Who wrote this garbage? This film will be forgotten about in two weeks. It'll surely be a sign that using a franchise's name and IP to make pointless sequels, prequels, requels and spin offs is a terrible idea. But hollywood will not learn. There'll be more terrible terminators, predators, aliens, star wars, star treks....
Monster Hunter (2020)
Waste of money!!
Don't buy it! Don't even bother watching it. Pointless, with no storyline other than, there's a monster, lets kill it. I can't believe that people would spend such a vast amount of money making garbage like this. The main character is in three, count them, three car wrecks and just walks it off. She takes a bar of chocolate out of her pocket after she's been in a desert for days and its not melted at all. She has fights against tony jaa that include her getting thrown through walls and kicked ionthe head and doesn't get hurt but then a light punch from ron perlman knocks her out in one shot. This is all proof of how poorly thought out this movie is. They don't care about making a good film, they just care about money. I love tony jaa and I'd watch Ong Bak or The Protector a thousand times before I went near this crap fest again.
Crossing Swords (2020)
I tried to like it.
After watching the first two episodes I thought, "I don't think I like this show." Then after watching the third episode I thought, "This show is terrible." The animation is fine but not very interesting. It's like a 90's kids program. The voice acting too was fine. The thing that annoyed me the most was the script. There are so many stupid, pointless and unfunny "jokes" in this show. They revolve around sex, gore and douchery. They sound like things that teenagers would talk about. It gets tiring very quickly. And finally, the characters are so unlikeable that I literally hate all of them. They have no redeeming features. Your main character should be flawed yet funny like Michael Scott in the Office or a quick witted rogue like Black Adder not some whiney, pitiful wannabe knight who shows no interesting chartacteristics at all. Every character is mean and stupid and ultimately so repelant that you end up hating every one of the weird looking peg dolls.
Aliens vs. Titanic (2017)
Its supposed to be bad you nerds!
If you're looking for spectacular graphics and beautiful scenery then go watch Blade Runner 2049. This movie is like a teenage boys fever dream. It's weird, it makes no sense and it has boobs in it. I laughed within the first 30 seconds of the film and it wasn't a snort of derision, it was a real laugh. It's obvious to me, but apparently lost on the other reviewers of this film, that the whole thing was made for fun and stupidity. It probably cost next to nothing to make and it looks like the actors are having a laugh. So don't be an idiot, don't judge this as if it was high art because it so obviously isn't. It's just a hour and twenty minute long joke.
Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)
Not just "annoying babbling"
Somebody called vwebworld said this film was just annoying babbling but that is wrong, what that moron saw as bad writing is actually realism. in real life we don't talk in stanzas, we don't wait for people to finish talking, we talk over each other. I actually liked the way that they talk, its how my friends talk. we don't hold back, that's what having close friends is like. i am in fact not reviewing the film but reviewing a review of the film by some wretch. Now theirs is the only visible review on the site and it portrays the film as a two out of ten calamity, when it isn't. Don't TRUST THE NEY SAYERS THIS MOVIE WAS FUNNY.
Now you may think that a sequel is always going to be worse than the original, that difficult second album. There are too many films to name that have tried to make bank with a second movie and have failed. But just recently my own views have changed on that subject. I was pleasantly surprised by 21 jump street, then very surprised by 22 jump street and how it wasn't terrible. The writers clearly knew about the conventions of sequels and played up on them. Plus the quasi-homo erotic tension between Tatum and Jonah Hill was inspired. So is it possible then that with great writers it's possible to overcome these problems?