cloudsurfer Reviews

The Rocketeer (1991)

"It was the closest I'll ever get to heaven, Mr. Hughes... Well, maybe not."

[7/10 · 20 November 2019]

When racing pilot Cliff Secord discovers a jet-pack hidden in his hangar, he straps it on to become the Rocketeer, a super knight fighting the forces of evil to save the damsel in distress. Since "The Rocketeer" first launched in 1991, it has proved itself to be a timeless adventure that continues to entertain to this day. Yet as high-flying and fun as the story is, it should have taken us much higher.

"The Rocketeer" was meant to be an "Indiana Jones" franchise for Disney. So why didn't it ever take off? It wasn't the acting. Paul Sorvino is the perfect gangster in any film. Alan Arkin makes a great sidekick. Jennifer Connelly is the girl-next-door love interest any guy would want to rescue. And let's not forget Timothy Dalton, who plays the Errol-Flynn-turned-villain with such sinister charm you can't imagine anyone else in the role. (Bonus: Look for a quick appearance by Jan from "The Office" as the singer in the club scene.)

Sometimes the subplots get too much priority, the special effects don't blend well, and the score is definitely not as memorable as Indiana's. But these things can be overlooked if the storytelling is good, and "The Rocketeer" keeps things flying. It's an adventure, it's a caper, it's a romance, it's a period piece, it's patriotic, it's suspenseful -- so much more all packaged in a single film. It just about makes it as a super hero movie, too. The Rocketeer as a character has that unique and iconic look that makes kids want to dress up and fly around the living room. Even if you barely remember the movie, you still recognize the Rocketeer as a standout character all these years later.

So why didn't this film do better than it did? The biggest weakness is the movie's lead. Billy Campbell was not the actor to carry a film like this. It really needed a Harrison-Ford-as-Indiana-Jones swashbuckler type, and Campbell didn't fit the bill. I know that director Joe Johnston fought for Campbell to be his lead, but I don't get what he saw in him. Campbell makes a good side character in "Star Trek" or "Frasier" (shows in which he appeared). God bless him, he's just not a marquee guy.

The Rocketeer just didn't take us to heights it could have. If interest in the character remains high, maybe "The Rocketeer" will become more than a by-gone film of yester-year. He seems like the perfect vehicle (rocket?) for the new Disney Plus platform. Either way, it's still a fun movie to come back to. You won't be disappointed. But you won't be wow'd either.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

An Exceptional Chapter of a Less-Than-Stellar Franchise

[9/10 · 16 December 2017]

Force awakens, what's with all the hate on this film? I thought it was an outstanding movie and I can't wait to see it again. "The Last Jedi" was an improvement on Abrams' hole-filled new chapter, and an exceptional episode to what has been -- less face it -- a less-than-stellar movie franchise.

The story takes off with fantastic action, the right touch of humor, deeper-than-usual characters, a few throw-back references, and a fair share of twists. The sequence of events is confusing, and too many things happen out of convenience to the plot. This is mostly due to lazy writing, and Abrams' episode was guilty of it as well.

Otherwise, I'm not real sure why people are dumping on this movie. Most of the reactions are various colors of "Bad! Awful! What a joke!" But let me venture a guess that's a little more probing. This was a chapter about preservation, not confrontation. It pulled away instead of pushed forward. And maybe that's what has everyone so upset.

Almost the entire plot of "The Last Jedi" doesn't make much of a dent in the current story-arc. Don't get me wrong: all of the action and humor and character elements are there, as I said. But outside of one or two events, you could skip Episode VIII and not lose anything. But that's actually the point. Rey says, "Help me find my place in all this." Her place is in less-than-epic events that still make a difference in people's lives. Those events still touch hearts and frustrate enemies.

The things she discovers in her quest to find answers are not amazing. Her backstory is disappointing, even to her. A vision she had of the future was manipulated by someone else. She has talents and abilities she has no idea what to do with, and the one person that can help her won't. At the end of the movie, this nobody from no where is still nobody from no where.

Nonetheless, she makes the most of what she has. That's not just true for Rey. It's the case with everyone in the movie. It's the case for you and me. One of the best lines in the film is delivered by a new and loveable yet largely forgettable character. More is lost than acquired by the end of this film. No one really gains anything. But that's not because the point was dropped. It was the point to be made.

When you take your Star Wars glasses off, you have to admit: the series has not been great. The prequels were all terrible, Rogue was flat, and Return was a pathetic conclusion to the original trilogy. There's only one exceptional Star Wars film, and that's Empire: an incredible story, effects ahead of its time, contains one of the most iconic moments in cinema history, and quite possibly has the best score ever composed. Nothing will ever beat Empire.

But dare I say it, "The Last Jedi" was up there. "The Force Awakens" was a safe movie, a high-budget fan-film, and I thought it was a little over-applauded. "The Last Jedi" was much more daring. It dared to retreat. And that was perfect.

Castlevania (2017–2021)

Where's that Stellar Castlevania Soundtrack?!

[4/10 · 18 July 2017]

With how well Netflix executed their reboot of Voltron, I could not have been more excited for this show. Castlevania?! YES!! ...And I was severely disappointed within the first, oh, five minutes or so. Dracula, a man of science who just wanted to help people until his wife was burned at the stake for presumably being a witch? Puh-lease. (Not a spoiler -- that's how the show starts.)

Why can't vampires be evil supernatural villains anymore? Why do they have to be tragic misunderstood romantics? It is possible to create a villain who is evil for the sake of being evil, yet still be a compelling villain. Christopher Nolan did it with his iteration of the Joker. Dracula is the Prince of Darkness -- he wants the world to burn! But there is no subtlety, no mystery with this character. His motivation and backstory are laid out for us right from the get-go.

When playing the Castlevania video games, Dracula is not a character given to the players right at the very beginning. You have to work to get to him, and they are painstaking (pun), difficult adventures. This makes Dracula's appearance all the more rewarding. Had the introduction to the show been eliminated, it would have established immediate anticipation. Viewers would have been anxious to see Dracula! The motivation for these writers must have been, "No guts, no gory... er, glory."

Trevor Belmont, the story's protagonist, is even less interesting than Dracula. He just kind of stumbles into the murder and the mayhem and is more drunken-frat-boy than hero (as with Dracula, it is possible to create a hero who is good for the sake of being good). One wonders why Trevor even bothers, or any character for that matter. The direction of the show itself is confusing. The writers start out pushing science, so it doesn't make sense when everything goes all magic and demons.

The most interesting part of the series for me was when Trevor was interviewing villagers, a scene reminiscent of Castlevania II: Simon's Quest from thirty years ago. Players complained when it was discovered that you couldn't trust any of the answers given by villagers in the game. It turned out that in an effort to add realism, the game-makers programmed the villagers to lie. While the show had that feel in the villager scene, it was under-developed. And that's a pretty good summary of the short series (with more episodes to come).

This show could have been much better with plenty of material to draw from (that catchy Castlevania soundtrack is strangely absent, too). Ever played the N64 rendition of Castlevania? Not only a great game, it's a great story, creepy as heck with plenty of monsters and twists. I've heard it argued that TV and movie adaptations of videos games are actually a step backward, and with Castlevania this is definitely the case. In the games you control the outcome of the characters and the story. With this show, we just have to watch as the characters go... no where.

Kung Fury (2015)

Waaaayy Too Much Excitement About This

[3/10 · 30 October 2015]

This was absurd. As another reviewer put it, absurd in a "good way." No. Absurd is absurd. Look, I got it. The humor wasn't lost on me. But there's clever, thought-out, irreverent humor, and then there's this. A few gags were credible. I did laugh. So I have to give it a few stars, at least.

It's the kind of stuff you talk about with your college friends nerding over 80s white-boy entertainment (the Japanese-influenced elements are still white-boy) but never have any way of pulling off. There's a reason for that. Somehow, these guys just managed to find the cash. About a third of it was well-executed. The other parts were it-was-funny-at-the-time or guess-you-had-to-be-there kind of humor.

And maybe that's why there are so many ten-star reviews. I've noticed quite a number of them say, "I supported this on Kickstarter." Yeah, of course you think it's great. Don't read those reviews. They're experiencing cognitive dissonance.

The only reason I lasted the full half-hour was because it was a half-hour, still about 20 minutes too long. Some of the best gags could have been done in a ten minute short, and good fun would have been had by all. Since it was about a third good, I give it a third of the credit. Three-point-three-three stars. But since I have to round it off, just three.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012–2017)

The Best Telling of the Turtles Thus Far

[9/10 · 27 August 2014]

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles probably didn't gain any new fans at the news that Nickelodeon had acquired the franchise -- at least, not from the generation to which the Turtles were born. No doubt there would be a new generation of kids (the 80s children's children) to love the half-shell foursome. But would those who first grew up with the Turtles be able to appreciate the modernization of their beloved ninja heroes?

I'm here to say: YES.

I am a huge fan of the TMNT franchise. How big a fan? Well, in addition to absorbing the cartoons, movies, comic books, and action figures, I have three brothers of my own, and the four of us exemplify the Turtles' personalities (I'm Leonardo). It's almost ingrained in us to love the Ninja Turtles. Now I have children of my own, and I want them to love the Turtles, too!

However, when word came out that Nick had bought the rights to Eastman and Laird's creation, I rolled my eyes with the best of them. Nickelodeon? Really? The idea to me was worse than having heard Disney had acquired Star Wars. But the fantastic creative team behind this computer animated series has established what is, in my opinion, the best rendering of the Turtles to date.

We start the series exactly the way it should be started -- with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (This is where most, if not all, comic book films epically fail. Seriously, our culture knows the origin stories of Spider-Man and Superman better than the story of Moses. Give us the heroes first, back-story later!) April O'Neil, Shredder, and the rest of the supporting cast come into the story as we go, but the Turtles are who we care about, and we're in with the brotherhood from the very start.

The first, real nemesis becomes the Kraang -- not a single brain in a Frankensteinian ogre's stomach like in the 80s cartoon, but a whole alien race from Dimension X who inhabit android bodies. The Kraang are on earth attempting to perfect their own retromutagen, the same ooze that created the Turtles. In the short-term, the ooze is responsible for many of the baddies the Turtles face from one episode to the next, and in the long-term is a major plot-point for the series as a whole.

It's through their battle with the Kraang that the Turtles encounter April O'Neil. She's a teenager in this series, as opposed to the yellow jumpsuit-wearing reporter we're used to, but no one should be put off by that. Whether or not you're aware of it, the first appearance of April in the comics was as a computer programmer for Baxter Stockman. The fact that this series makes her a teenager works quite well, a much better element in her interaction with her teenage turtle friends.

Those who are long-time Turtles fans will appreciate subtle nods throughout the series to the Turtles of old. For example, Michelangelo caught humming the old TMNT theme, Casey Jones encountering Raphael in a scene reminiscent of the 1990 film, or Corey Feldman showing up to voice a character. Sometimes the humor is spot-on hilarious, but other times it gets campy, and the mutagenic aspects of the ooze a little over-the-top, if not downright creepy for a kids show. But if you go back to the 80s cartoon (which hasn't aged well), I think you would agree that the humor there is worse, and plot elements much more MacGuffin-like than seamless.

The fight scenes are fantastic, what you'd expect to find in a show with "ninja" in the title. The cinematography is expertly well-done, especially for a cartoon. You don't have to get fancy with the direction, but the creators have cut no corners. The animation has a feel of the darkness that made "Batman: The Animated Series" so iconic in style, but still lighthearted and fun. There's a touch of anime which you'll just have to see to understand how well it works. The cast is awesome. Sean Astin makes a great Raphael. And Splinter is the most masterful (pun intended) than any version of him thus far.

Some things, I will admit, have taken some getting used to: Rob Paulsen playing the voice of Donatello instead of Raphael, for example. But stuff like that actually indicates that the creators of this series love TMNT, and are respectful of the fans that made it popular. The same cannot be said for the 2014 film, which is a New York sewer style of crap. (That movie, which is also a Nickelodeon production, is exactly why I had my reservations about Viacom taking over the franchise. I've already written a review of that one, so I won't elaborate further.)

When my kids first started watching this show, I sat off to the side and huffed that this was not the Turtles I first loved. But once they got me into it, I found myself enjoying the Turtles more than ever before. In this computer animated television series for a new generation, the creators of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have shown themselves to be excellent story-tellers, and I can't wait to see what's next. Er... I mean, my kids can't wait. But I'll be sitting on the couch with them as they watch.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

A Bad Movie, Not Just a Bad Turtles Movie

[3/10 · 10 August 2014]

Folks, it's no exaggeration when I say this one is bad. And I'm not just reviewing it as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The Ninja Turtles are a lore. Every telling of the story deserves its own version, like Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, or Batman. Adam West, Michael Keaton, Christian Bale, and Ben Affleck all play different versions of Batman in different universes. Though I have a version of the Turtles I like best, I can set aside that prejudice for this review. It's just a very awful film. It's so bad, I don't understand how the current rating stands at 6 stars.

The movie has no real sense of identity, like the filmmakers really had no idea what to do with it. Where are the Turtles going to go? What are they going to do when they get there? Is it going to be spring time or winter? Should it be in the city or in the mountains? Low to the ground in dark settings or high up on roof tops in broad daylight? Are the Turtles stealthy ninjas or mini-Hulks that just needlessly destroy stuff? And are they main characters or secondary plot pieces? Is April O'Neil tech savvy, or does she still conduct interviews with pen and paper? (Through the first half-hour, perhaps even by the end of the film, you'll have a tough time convincing yourself the title shouldn't have been "April O'Neil: The Movie.")

It's very evident that the writers did not know how to work with "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Again, this has nothing to do with a faithfulness to any kind of version of TMNT. Just, really, they had no clue how to make those four elements work. They're not so much teenagers as they are just dumb. The movie lets the Turtles aspect be self-implied. The Mutants part as well, though it does play loosely into the plot (heh, just kidding, there is no plot). The idea of ninjutsu, though, is a complete afterthought. Seriously, it's just sandwiched in there somewhere and plays no relevance to the story whatsoever, nor has an identifying presence for any character, even Splinter or Shredder.

Yeah, Shredder. That's a whole other useless incorporation. The guy is somewhere between a clunky Power Ranger villain (the ones in great big suits that don't move very well) and Bane from "Batman and Robin." He doesn't even fill the main villain role. That "honor" would go to William Fichtner's character, Eric sounds-like-sex Sacks. Shredder's just a tool. His appearance, fighting-style, and overall awkwardness are all loud, awful reminders of how the filmmakers knew nothing about ninjutsu or how to use it. "You know what? Just make 'em fight with ninja weapons, put lots and lots of blades around, and be sure the word 'Japan' gets into someone's origin story somewhere. Close enough."

Yes, the Turtles are kind of funny, but it's completely incidental. There were times when the movie tried to force something humorous, but in the theater I was in, no one laughed. And I was in a packed house. Their personalities are nothing but typecasting: Leo is the serious control-freak, Raphael the brooding B.A., Michelangelo is a goof-ball, and Donatello is the inventive... nerd! Yeah, nerds are inventive, right? Let's make him a snorting, glasses-wearing dork! You know what, just make him Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks. You never feel like you get to be a part of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They're just kind of there. The viewer is more watching from April or Vern's vantage point, never fully involved in the brotherhood.

There's a whole lot more stupid that goes on for the sake of convenience: like Donatello's bo able to flip over an SUV, or the fact that an iron construction beam can't support the weight of Leo and Donnie, but Raph who comes to their rescue can (what, are they as heavy as semi-trucks?). Watch out for the abundance of product-placement. This is a Michael Bay produced film, remember. At one point, Splinter pretty much monologues a Pizza Hut ad.

In closing, I want to leave you with this, because until we get this, these horrible, ridiculous movies will continue to get made. In an interview with an MTV whoever, TMNT producer Michael Bay said that he doesn't care if people think his movies are bad. Speaking specifically about the latest Transformers installation, "They love to hate, and I don't care. Let them hate. They're still going to see the movie!"

This movie is a poo-pile of a film. I'm intentionally avoiding the usual puns like "it was a shell-acking" or "I left the theater shell-shocked" because, again, my affinity for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has nothing to do with how bad this movie is. As long as we keep paying to see what we know is going to be a bad movie, they'll keep getting made. And it doesn't matter that they're bad, because we'll pay for it no matter how bad it is.

Or maybe these movies keep getting manufactured because there is actually a niche of people who like them. After all, it has a rating of 6 out of 10 stars...