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CJDavis-uk
Reviews
Open Water (2003)
What just happened?
What just happened was: 1. I watched Open Water 2. I lost 1 and a quarter hours of my life, which will never be returned to me. 3. I failed to sympathise with the two annoying characters. 4. I couldn't understand why the headcount passed. 5. I witnessed a film rape the horrific true story of a couple's death. 6. I watched a woman tell her husband she loved him, and then leave his dead body to drift away with the current. 7. I heard some of the worst lines ever to be written. (Well, I wanted to go skiing) 8. I was bored for pretty much the entire film. 9. I looked forward to the moment the sharks attacked. It never came. 10. I wondered who would want to make such a deeply depressing film. 11. I nearly turned it off. 12. I couldn't believe all of the amazing reviews on this site. 13. I found the experience funny. 14. I felt bad for laughing at the end, mostly because of what happened. 15. I couldn't understand why the characters were made to be so horrible, both in general and to each other. 16. I was glad I borrowed the film. 17. I had to watch the beginning again to check it was based on true events. 18. I tried to work out exactly who had related the story. 19. I couldn't believe the final joke that rolled with the credits (along the lines of "see, they eat anything!")
Some of the shots are cool, some of the suspense is cool. But this film is not worthy of anything higher than a 2, simply because of the lack of respect which it gives the couple. The ending is simply too non-committal, which no-one would expect from a shark film. Terrible, truly terrible.
I can't understand how this film has received such a large amount of positive reviews.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Best moment
I won't take this movie apart: one, everyone has already done that. two, it's a little bit too easy.
My favourite moment was the footage of the man who lost his leg. For those of you who have seen Shark in Venice (another classic), you may notice that both the dog playing guy, and the dreaming Steve Baldwin lose the same leg. i.e. it's THE SAME FOOTAGE.
Also, the Megalodon looks suspiciously similar to the great white under Venice. I wouldn't go swimming if I were you.
"well, I'm pretty wired. How 'bout I take you home and" i'll leave it there.
FAN-TASTIC.
Thank you, Danny Lerner.
Shark in Venice (2008)
Truly Awful
Perhaps it was the regurgitation of the same shots over and over again in the short action sequences, perhaps it was the poor acting from all of the cast, perhaps it was the terrible script, or perhaps it was the dire camera work from start to finish which conspired to make this film one of the worst ever made.
It is unsurprising, then, that this film released straight to disc, as it may have caused riots at the premiere.
If you fancy a very good laugh, or want to see what happens when you watch too many films and try to copy all of them, then watch this film. If you want to see a film with sharks in, watch Jaws.